Tag Archives: God

This is LIFE!


Romantic Heart form Love Seeds
Romantic Heart form Love Seeds (Photo credit: epSos.de)

 

In honor of the…(because February is boring so lets make up a holiday), …..special day called Valentines Day, I must take a minute to say, the heart is a fragile yet quizzical thing. A very needed organ for the body, no doubt but, within all the blood flow and reason we breath in and out, there is a mystery.

 

In our lives there are millions of decisions we make…many little choices which change the future of our paths. We make split second decisions all of which create our lives as a whole but, also bring about good and bad. Why is all this left up to us?

 

Is there really a master plan or even a Master who is directing the orchestra of lives, or are we blowing willie-nillie out here without any sense of whats to happen next? Lately I have been confronted with these questions. I had thought I had it all figured out. What a shock to see I have really blown it.

 

Pix Pix Pick Up Sticks & Pixie Pic Up Stixs
Pix Pix Pick Up Sticks & Pixie Pic Up Stixs (Photo credit: Tinker*Tailor loves Lalka

 

It reminds me  of the pixie sticks that I played daily as a kid. No matter how hard I try to gently drop them down so they will not fall all mangled up….they still do. Then one by one…slowly and gently I begin to pick each one up hoping against hope I will not disturb the others.

 

And so life goes….all mangled up. As hard as I try those sticks just get all twisted up in each other…this is life. No matter how we try to stay clear of trouble, free from all the turmoil from all the other sticks, that red one just will not stay off the blue one…some days are just that way.

 

A thousand little choices we make that can change the outcome of our lives and the lives of others. I wish I could see the future, or maybe not. This continual struggle is more than one heart can endure most days. But endure we must….this sick joke called life.

 

The Bible reads….in Mark 9:24…”I believe help my unbelief” says the father with the boy who had been sick his whole life. Now that is a story I can relate to. Maybe not an “official” sickness but, a life of torment all the same….Jesus had compassion on this child and as every mother and father through the years has prayed for their own kids…we all believe with I am sure an element of unbelief.

 

When a heart is broken it is hard to rebuild…..but even so…Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!

 

What causes this deficit? What choice was made way back before all this? Or did anything….choices, free will….AUGH!!! My mind swirls even trying to understand it all.

 

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…like learning MATH! or eating correctly…all the same!


Learning to eat correctly is …..to my limited mind…..like learning Math! It just does not work out in my head……does not compute, so to speak. Am I so far gone, that it is a foreign concept?

 

I am thankful to have a friend who’s passion is real on this subject and is able to clearly explain in a language that I can understand, the concepts of healthful consumption of food. Bless her heart, she gave up some precious hours..(yes, hours…poor thing!) as to help me “get it!” I feel a bit guilty for the over indulgence(story of my life!) on my part in the picking of her brain.

 

Though gracious beyond words, I figure she was like me when attempting to describe how to “do ART”….some people just don’t get it! The good news I did get it…as a matter of fact, I felt as if I was on the verge of a “salvation” experience for the commitment to change. Who’s hand do I have to shake…sign me up! I am in the pondering stage still….making the commitment in my head only waiting for my heart to follow. Apparently…it is bringing up the rear…most literally!

 

She was very clear and concise in her delivery, I knew her zeal was out of a loving and tender heart. I am always impressed by the testimony of one who has walked the walk. I am indebted to her and honored for the time spent.

 

Even more, I felt my heart grow larger for her and I believe….she for me. In humility I begged for help and in humility I received direction and I pray I follow thru in honor of her sacrifice of time. I then kept up the momentum and shopped accordingly and prepared a gluten free (mostly) and fresh vegetables and  chicken feast.

 

It is now four long hours later (we ate at 5:30!) and my longing for carbs (gluten) wains long….but…”early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise!” Soon I will not have it even in the house…..and it will be a mourning period for us all. I will take everything gross out of my pantry and see what shape I am in…I know it will only have a few crumbs left. Barely a morsel for the mice…eeek!

McKee Foods - Little Debbie logo McKee Foods – Little Debbie logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ridiculous the way I am clinging to my “treats”….and that I never really thought I had to have….I honestly think I need FA…a food anonymous group! For real….Boy! do I have some work to do. With God all things are possible….true words but, right about now it seems he is busy solving the worlds troubles….not that he shouldn’t be but geeeee whizzzz….I am Jones-en for a Little Debbie cake!!!

God grant me the serenity….and so on!!

 

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All choked up…..


Today is the day we honor a leader of our nation, a man who did more for civil rights in our time than any other, though many other men and women paved the way. He lost his own life for the cause of freedom, Martin Luther King, Jr gave all for his beliefs. Not unlike the original Martin Luther who we can thank for many of our God truths, he stood the gap for religious freedoms and truths.

I am a fan of most civil rights leaders, although raised in the south, I was never “taught” to be a racist, my family had its own troubles but, we weren’t idiots. My heart was forever touched after, as a young girl watching the story of Alex Haley unfold in the movie version of his acclaimed book, ROOTS. Later on after I had married, when visiting a mall in Knoxville, my husband, myself and my first-born was noticed while getting out of our car by Alex Haley. We had not seen him but, later while in the mall he walked by and I knew who he was and introduced myself…….he mentioned he had seen us come in the mall and what a nice family we appeared to be, he bragged on my son…..WOW!!!!!…..I was overwhelmed to say the least. Of course I asked him for his autograph (yes, I am shameless, but THIS WAS ALEX HALEY!!!) for which I still have. This man was the voice of all the people who had been through so much. Definitely a high point for me.

Today also is a day of Honor and the swearing-in of the new President elect, Barak H. Obama. This being his second term it is a little less heroic(well, not really!), the first African- American President elected to lead our country. But, great all the same. No one, whether for or against could ever honestly admit that it is a BIG DEAL! Who’d of thunk it……and it is about time and even more true….come on girls, when is it going to be our turn?

I was not in awe of his politics, I wish I could be fully behind him but, no. And that’s okay too, I have my rights to my opinion. But I am fully behind his office and the honor of being the first and I respect the hard time that he has to get anything done. All presidents struggle with this I am sure and for him I am sure it is even more of a struggle. As long as civil rights is an issue and as long there is people, they will be, it will always be a historic day to have a African-American or a woman or a Latino or which ever minority there is.

I watch this whole process and I can not help but be….all choked up! I is a BIG DEAL when any person is given the office of the President. The pomp and circumstance are pretty cool. Just listening to all the words of The Battle Hymn of the Republic (see below) is a spiritual experience. To think, that all the people in our country fuss and feud about our collective freedoms and rights, at this time of celebration the playing field gets even, we all collectively feel the awe and responsibility of the office and the job before us ALL to work this out.

We only have one America and no matter our ethnic origin (by the way, we all came from the same start!) on days like this we are AMERICANS in the GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD! This is why everyone wants to come here. The opportunities are endless and we have the obligation to do our best with our lives. It is such a waste of chances we use up squandering our lives on useless endeavors.

It is time for us all to get about the Fathers business and stop complaining and get on board to change at least our world around us. It starts with ME…..talk about getting all choked up!

The Battle Hymn of the Republic

Mine eyes have seen the glory
of the coming of the lord,
He is trampling out the vintage
where the grapes of wrath are stored,
He hath loosed his fateful lightning
of His terrible swift sword,
His truth is marching on

Glory! Glory ! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah
Glory! Glory ! Hallelujah! His truth is marching on

I have seen Him in the watch fires
of a hundred circling camps,
They have builded Him an altar
in the evening dews and damps,
I can read his righteous sentence
in the dim and daring lamps,
His day is marching on

Glory! Glory ! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah
Glory! Glory ! Hallelujah! His truth is marching on

I have read a fiery Gospel
writ in burnished rows of steel,
“As ye deal with My contemners
so with you My grace shall deal,”
Let the Hero born of woman
crush the serpent with His heel,
Since God is marching on

Glory! Glory ! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah
Glory! Glory ! Hallelujah! His truth is marching on He has sounded forth the trumpet
that shall never call retreat,
He is sitting out the hearts of men
before His judgment seat,
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him!
Be jubilant, my feet,
Our God is marching on

Glory! Glory ! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah
Glory! Glory ! Hallelujah! His truth is marching on

The following stanzas are presented
as sung by The Mormon Tabernacle Choir in 1960

In the beauty of the lilies
Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in his bosom
that transfigures you and me,
As He died to make men holy
let us live to make men free,
His truth is marching on

Glory! Glory ! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah
Glory! Glory ! Hallelujah! His truth is marching on

He is coming like the glory
of the morning on the wave,
He is wisdom to the mighty
He is honor to the brave,
So the world shall be His footstool
and the soul of wrong His slave,
Our God is marching on

Glory! Glory ! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah
Glory! Glory ! Hallelujah! His truth is marching on

 

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I have HOPE


January 7th and the first few days of the new year have passed by….played catch up today on my Bible reading thru the year project……to date we have gotten thru Noah and then the Tower of Babel…(had I been there I probably would have gotten in trouble for that one!), and the Abrams adventures with Lot and the ridiculousness he caused with Hagar and Ishmael. Really? You couldn’t be patient and now we have had 2000 years of turmoil for that one?….MEN! Then, the whole interceding for Sodom and the ultimate destruction with my altar ego, Lot’s wife…(that would be me too!) On a more cheerful note we have gone thru Matthew…all the temptation for Jesus, but he comes out a winner(sorry for the spoiler!) and gives us the beautiful Beatitudes…I love reading that part!…then on to the model prayer….when you don’t know what to pray…just pray that…it will always get the job done..!

He(JESUS) said:

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Matthew 5:3-12

My tendency is to kinda skip ahead a bit, but this year I am really reading….even the parts I feel like I know really well, I am always taken by the uncompromising LOVE God has for us. He continues over and over to be there for us, even in our most stupid moments. I believe this book is truth, I believe it really happened…I am confident in the reality of God and the possibility of kingdom power and LOVE her and now. As much as I look forward to the day when I am there, standing before (or actually laying on my face before..) JESUS, I am sure that this God can be real today, now, here on earth. Everything in me knows this is true.

I do not believe that my life is led by anything else but the Holy Spirit…only when I choose to not listen is when I get in a pickle…HE allows me that though…HIS grace is sufficient for me even when I falter.

SO, this year has started off good, life is still hard at times…I wish the daily woes could be instantly fixed….I pray for freedom and fullness in our church services and hungry and thirsty people to walk thru the doors. I pray for my family, to be hungry and humble before the Lord, asking for HIS grace and peace, I know it is available and possible. I have HOPE….and it is a good thing, the best of things.

“This, then, is how you should pray:

“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,[a]
    but deliver us from the evil one.[b]

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Mathew 6:10-16

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Slam Book?


Like a cat that is hiding under the curtain in the living room are people. Let me explain….as a person who has grown up her whole life with cats…indoor and our door cats, gray striped (my fave) yellow tabby, Siamese, black and white, basically all kinds…I know cats. They are very smart and most days smarter than me. But, sometimes they are not so smart. Sometimes they hide, like under the bottom of the curtains and because their heads are hidden they think everything else is…..although their hind end is hanging out with that long tail just a twitching! We think because the world we see is right (in our own eyes) that everyone else should see it that way too. Time to cover our “behinds” y’all.

Facebook logo Español: Logotipo de Facebook Fr...
Facebook logo Español: Logotipo de Facebook Français : Logo de Facebook Tiếng Việt: Logo Facebook (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

And so is my point…...PEOPLE! We talk and talk…blah, blah, blah expounding all our limited wisdom for all the world to hear or read (Example:Exhibit A-my blog) without any thought of the audience. In my defense I do think about it. Given my chosen calling…I must use restraint and even more as a decent human I am sensible and choose my words. If I ever really typed all this that is swirling around in my head all the time, I promise it would not be pretty. The censors would have to be employed and reg

ulations enforced and lots of fur would fly! The sanctification button is pressed as the words come down the pike….the filters come on and kindness is turned on.

Most days my temper/frustration button is just waiting to be turned on….I am a women of a certain age with a large family…and a dog. I got issues! But, It is not cool if I slam everyone I know….I must have GRACE and live peaceably with my fellow man. It is not that y’all don’t make me mad time to time….that I don’t think that every moron within the sound of my voice doesn’t take a special trip down my street just to aggravate me. They DO! But, it is not my job nor place to BLAST them all!

I know I always go back to one of my favorite TV programs…The King of Queens but, really if you watch this show you have my life. Not totally of course but in a nutshell. The woman, Doug‘s wife is me if I would allow myself…..and if I did not have any kind of GOD spirit which dwells within me. I LOVE HER…Carrie and even more Leah Remini ,the actress. I think she is pretty rough in real life also!? Just last night I actually laughed out loud. I have seen it a 100 times and yet it cracks me up still.

The King of Queens
The King of Queens (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Carrie was eating with Doug and her father, Arthur. Arthur was slurping soup then blew his nose, Doug was eating corn, loudly and then guzzling a Beer then burped and nearly puked….at that point Carrie got up and left the table….Oh my Lord….welcome to my world. Not just my pack of men but, all people. Y’all eat like PIGS! out there people. When did we stop dining..slow down….eat, the world will still be there when you are finished.

Okay that was a rabbit trail, but my point still holds up, keep private things private. We do not have to tell everything we know. I am guilty of telling a lot about ME…but it is ME and no names are given for anyone else. Not that it may be hard to figure ME out…but people who do not know me personally many not be able to. My need to be transparent may not be anyone else’s and if I were to do a SLAM BOOK each time someone disagrees with me then boy I would be busy.

Facebook and Twitter are not the pulpit for us to fuss about people. Even if we are not naming names, the names we are not naming KNOW IT IS THEM! And they will zip right back a rude statement of fact that resembles something like….YOU SUCK! These things should be done in private..there is a private message button and of course people will be offended because yes they know you are talking about them…..think about it…why are we so quick to blast someone? (kinda like I am. …..not?) I am really not, I just feel sad for young and old brains who feel the need to vent against someone else.

Facebook is a great venue for all our pictures and praise reports and football game screams and just general yada-yada! No one wants to watch a battle play out in wide open public. It makes us all feel uncomfortable and makes you look petty and ugly. Keep it simple okay….there is so much scary stuff in the world….let this be a place for happy, happy, joy, joy…please.

So I geuss it is about time for me to do my daily Bible reading….I promise it will be about, judge not lest you be judged! Never fails I get it right back in spades!! I love you all!

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january 2nd…already failed!


Welcome new year...oh how I loathe YOU.…..the guilt has already started…..yep, I am already late on my Bible reading program, remembered it tonight at church ……at prayer service……ugh….I am a failure already! Okay,…… get caught up tonite, yep…..that is the plan….the mornings are for Old Testament….evenings are for the New Testament….Matthew 1 and 2 (…all the genealogy of Jesus -yada yada…….and the Christmas story, etc. which feel redundant right about now!) and catches me up thru today January 2…whew! Now what I have left Genesis 1, 2, 3 and 4, 5, 6 respectively. So the Creation…Adam and Eve being totally ignorant which cuts all of us out of Eden…ugh! Then the first recorded murder….way to go guys! and all the way up to Noah. Really had a big start first people of the earth…way to GO! Screwed it up for the rest of us.

I suppose it is smart to read Old then New since the old makes me want to scream aloud…HEY!!! Knuckleheads…you HAD IT MADE!!!! So when I read the NEW it makes it all go down a little better, GOD intervened and gave us an out…..and this could not be kinder of him. Don’t you know he was screaming too? Like any “parent” he probably felt the struggles……if he can feel pain, he was sorry for us I imagine. It is so hard to wait and watch…..I know this too well.

So, on the second day of the new year I was already behind in more ways then one…along with the most important one that feeds my soul, I am behind on the walking commitment. Once again, I think in my heart...I WILL DO IT.…I even have had a gentle (she lies!) reminder yesterday. I have a family member who is the same age as my daughter that I just adore. She has struggles with walking; she has lived with a frustrating physical impediment since birth. No person has ever blessed so many through her struggles, actually, because of her FAITH in GOD even though she struggles. Her prayers are straight from God, her spirit is strong although her body frail. Her life is a testimony to her faith and the faith of her parents and sister.

I had posted a goofy New Years Resolutions post on Facebook concerning weight loss—-(FBAnyone been thinking about New Year’s Resolutions? Me? Thinking about….. doing something about……considering the options……for my ginormous full figured……let’s just say…….personality! (left myself an out there…did ya catch that?) OK your turn……..go!)…….and my precious cousin privately messaged me  and while I was playing cards with my adult kids and and my husband was in the room also….I began to read aloud her message to me…..YOU COULD HEAR A PIN DROP!!!

AUGH!!!!! Dead men sitting…..she slayed us! The room filled with conviction as she explains how she has worked on being able to walk about 20 minutes a day (she walks in her neighborhood…with a walker…cold/hot weather….everyday!) and she would love to work up to a 5K…!!!!! OH MY LORD! Here I sit…like a slobbbbbb! Too lazy to even walk in the next room to get my other pair of glasses so I ask one of the kids to……I want to stab my eyeballs out….I am un-clean!!!!! We ALL gave an unbearable gasp….then the kids yell…oh great, thanks! They love our precious cousin, they felt the pain I was feeling…we were all guilty…me being the worse(in my mind!). This was in no way her mission…that is not her way, BUT it just happened….I love that young lady and have had God speak to me several times through her.

So to update: Forgot to read my daily Bible verses...check! Avoided taking even a walk to the mailbox…check! and that was just yesterday…January 1st!!! Today I am reminded….although I have had two salads…I still have not cut out the white foods! The doctor said…”if it’s white don’t bite!”…crash and burned…Still eat like a pig?……check! So to bring it all home….on January 2nd…two days into the New Year…..I am already a failure…..

I can do this I tell myself…..I have read the Bible in a year before…actually sooner….I feel confident in that one. I am a preachers wife don’tcha know….perfect and all…PLEASE!!! And a long time ago…like 20 flippin’ years ago (Good Lord, I am so ashamed!) I was a walker…took the kids to school and went to walk at the Baptist Churches Gym with all the “old folks” for which I am one now…I did enjoy walking….. now LAZY though; and then eating right…well….not so confident there. Believe it or not…I have never dieted! Ok I take that back, if you know me it is not hard to believe it….my meaning is I never really had to way back when….B.H. (before Hysterectomy!) I carried a bit too much weight but not in this extreme….I am a reality program! I expect TLC to call any day now!

SO there you have it….I have cut myself open….bleeding and afraid….what to do next? Go to bed, get up in the morning, take my boy to school and try harder. Looking for anyone who struggles also. Feel free to join me in my efforts. Many people have so much to struggle with, I am ridiculous to even compare myself….my precious cousin for one, but she is always smiling. I keep a picture of her on my computer…walking to remind me to get off my BEHIND and make something of myself…..

Tomorrow I get to read about Genesis 7,8,9..the flood, Noah and rainbows and Matthews story of John the Baptist…gotta love that guy! Yes, I peeked ahead…it is so good I can’t wait!!!

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New Year Blessings!


It has been said that Time heals all wounds. I have to agree with this theology since I have had many wounds, of the cuts and scraps variety and yes, the skin eventually begins to scab (gross word) over and the air swoops in to clear up all the messy wet oozy stuff. What a way to start a look back at the year post, huh!

Monty Python & the Quest for the Holy Grail Monty Python & the Quest for the Holy Grail (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Actually it is, because there is no better analogy than a flesh wound(only!) (for all you Monty Python fans…) to describe the healing process.

Only time, with the right amount of air and cleaning and salve and bandages can cure what ails us. Boy, how time flies when you get older!

Looking back is rarely a good thing…I can only give exhibit A. Lot’s wife! For those of us that believe that The Bible is the true, inspired word of God, we must take this story to be truth, a fact. As a woman it gives me pause, heck even as a person it does. I, being not known for listening to other people and minding them, would be just like Lot’s wife...Mrs. Lot! The thought of leaving everything you had ever known and hear the missiles blasting in the background(paraphrasing!)it had to be hard to not look one more time.

So, there she is for all eternity…stuck as a pillar of salt. I wonder what Lot thought? He didn’t look back to see her there or he would have been stuck there too. She was a human cow-lick! Maybe that was God’s way of blessing Lot, maybe she was a bone of contention for the old guy. I would guess he just went on and never looked back, knowing he was spared a horrible destruction. Was he scared, wounded, hurt? Did time heal the loss?

Reflection may be a better way of looking at the past year. Reflection sounds more peaceful with no picking at the cuts and scrapes. Reflection is more of an image of what is real. That sounds better. Why dredge up the past ups and downs, the good and the bad  and all the days of tears as well as joy.

I know why…..because that Bible that I believe is real, tells me to count the costs, and reminds me that even when those times are hard or good, whatever day it is, cloudy or sunny, I can reflect on how good God is. In him I can live and move and worship and cry and laugh. He has it all under control.

This year has been a doozie! Just as each year, it started out with the promise of a better world, a new chapter…the chance to make new choices, better ones. Our lives are so intertwined with each other. My life has so much of a effect on the people I know as well as theirs on mine. We are not islands…we are like peninsulas sprouting out all over the place. It matters what happens to me…us all, collectively.

For me, this year has been one of the hardest. I feel as if I have been doing “ten years to life!” There were days I did not know if it would ever end and days of great joys. God has done great miracles in my life and the lives of my family. I would be amiss if I let this year pass by without giving HIM all the glory for the miracle he has given me.

The funny thing about God is…he is never quite done….he leaves the door open for more. It is our choice or choices to make....choose YOU this DAY WHOM do YOU SERVE!! I know he is smarter than me but this free will business can really be a pain to us Mommas! I wonder sometimes if he is loving all the fretting I do…..I guess he knows it keeps me praying.

This year is about to be one for the record books…good riddance! Just as I know the next year will be full of surprises, twists and turns that I could not even imagine….I still have faith that it will all turn out ok! I have a feeling that by next Christmas one of my peeps(kids) will have a special someone, maybe I am hopeful because I feel a tiny bit of excitement after spending times with my great nephews over Christmas….one day my babies will have babies…a thought that I shudder at but, now I almost look forward to.

DSCN0624 ….too young yet! Nathanael!

We need some fresh faces in our clan, any one brave enough to dare marry one of ours? I will pronounce on this day that I have the prettiest children of anyone I know, yep, I said it…they are and I don’t care if it sounds braggy….it is! They are also funny and smart and well read as well as crazy with a twist of aggravating….I tell the truth about them. But no one loves harder or more fervent than them.

Bethany and Samuel Bethany and Samuel

Look out new year…I release all the blessings of God on my family and pray that the road for them is revealed to them in a God led way. I pray good health and financial prosperity and true love for each one of them as well as strength to fight the good fight and find wholeness in mind and spirit. I expect nothing less for my children as well as for each person I know and love.

Sam and Will Sam and Will

Happy New Year to my family and friends……Blessings and Love and Health and Prosperity to all!

And God Bless our country!

 

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Good Advice


Listen to Jesus and do what he says!

Probably the best plan I have ever heard…thanks preacherman!

(a pure minimalist point of view, of course!)…it works though!

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Our legacy


In a week of so many highs and lows, it is nearly impossible to put into words the joy and grief. My week began with a great high, a personal success, a soon to be finish of a season of awful pain. By mid-week that joy was made complete, a mother’s heart was made whole again.

My joy came to a screeching heart by the next morning at the news of a horrific crime, someone else is catapulted into the depths of pain and fear and loss. The shock, of so many innocents to fall at the hand of a sick person, who himself was lost in his own pain.

My mind can not contend with this kind of sorrow, I do not allow myself to listen…to watch….to be pulled into the hype of the suffering of so many. A nation is in mourning, families at a loss of the precious children who God himself intrusted them with. What more could parents do…we never know when the last hug will be given.

Children are our legacy. Our very soul lives within the hearts of our children…their heartbeats are what keep us in pace. They give our lives meaning. Weather we have children or we are children, each one of us know the pain of loss when something like this event happens. My limited array of vocabulary can not fully express my heart.

I am a mother full of peace today because I have been given a great gift from God, but I feel the loss of so many who are lost in their sorrow, as if it were my own. Never to compare, I can’t even go there to feel that hurt, even my own losses can not stand up to you and your families emptiness.

My prayers are with you all. The Lord keep you in His embrace, Sandy Hook school families and Newtown, CT.

 

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I just want to be happy


How many times have I said …”I just want to be happy”…..in my head? Even though I know this is a futile thought…even silly, it is still there…floating around…like a albatross around my neck. My brain knows that being happy  is a relevant term, one that is a mind-set not a way of life. My spirit knows that it rains on the just and the unjust…(its in the Bible….for pete’s sake!)) as well as living proof all around me.

 

Who do I think I am to ask for happy? I can throw a rock and hit some other soul that would and has given their very lives for a moment with all their legs or hands or even someone they love back with them. The conviction runs rampant through my heart…I know I am behaving badly here. But today I am there….at one of those points of just sadness…..feeling all alone in the middle of a crowd.

 

What a loser….here comes the self-deprecation, I am good at that one…..too good. Wallowing

Iconic screen shot from the movie It's a Wonde... Iconic screen shot from the movie It’s a Wonderful Life. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

is one of my specialties also…along with tears and fear. The tiredness of it all is palatable…groaning inside me, my heart aches. Lord give me that sign….the George Bailey…..the good ole Hail Mary pass. The reminder that no matter how hard life gets….it is still better than the alternative…never being born at all.

 

With Christmas upon me, I am finding it hard to be happy. With the obvious loss

of family members and the absence of others, the attempt to be cheerful is a broken down cliché. But I do know that thankfully I will not always be happy….everyday of my life. Actually that would be frustrating and positively obnoxious to anyone around me. I would hate me!!

 

One thing I do know for sure is that JOY is the goal…along with PEACE and most of all HOPE. I do have HOPE…..and just like George Bailey from “It’s A Wonderful Life, I too am full of hope that I know will get me thru these rough patches in life. Although my heart remains heavy, my spirit can rest in the knowledge that….”with God all things are possible!”..Matthew 19:26 and just like the virgin Mary found out so many years ago, each of our lives are here for a purpose….for such a time as this, Esther 4:14.

 

The LOVE of God is everlasting and the happy follows and flows like a river…sometimes there are rocks and a wood chuck builds a dam or it is a hot year and it nearly dries up…these are the times and seasons for us all to endure and be happy in the wisdom of those who have come before us. Had they been as whinny as me, nothing would have ever gotten finished. So I say with all gratitude, thanks be to GOD for my life and I will attempt to live with more joy…even when I don’t wanna!!!

 

 

 

 

 

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