Category Archives: torture!

This is LIFE!

Romantic Heart form Love Seeds
Romantic Heart form Love Seeds (Photo credit:


In honor of the…(because February is boring so lets make up a holiday), …..special day called Valentines Day, I must take a minute to say, the heart is a fragile yet quizzical thing. A very needed organ for the body, no doubt but, within all the blood flow and reason we breath in and out, there is a mystery.


In our lives there are millions of decisions we make…many little choices which change the future of our paths. We make split second decisions all of which create our lives as a whole but, also bring about good and bad. Why is all this left up to us?


Is there really a master plan or even a Master who is directing the orchestra of lives, or are we blowing willie-nillie out here without any sense of whats to happen next? Lately I have been confronted with these questions. I had thought I had it all figured out. What a shock to see I have really blown it.


Pix Pix Pick Up Sticks & Pixie Pic Up Stixs
Pix Pix Pick Up Sticks & Pixie Pic Up Stixs (Photo credit: Tinker*Tailor loves Lalka


It reminds me  of the pixie sticks that I played daily as a kid. No matter how hard I try to gently drop them down so they will not fall all mangled up….they still do. Then one by one…slowly and gently I begin to pick each one up hoping against hope I will not disturb the others.


And so life goes….all mangled up. As hard as I try those sticks just get all twisted up in each other…this is life. No matter how we try to stay clear of trouble, free from all the turmoil from all the other sticks, that red one just will not stay off the blue one…some days are just that way.


A thousand little choices we make that can change the outcome of our lives and the lives of others. I wish I could see the future, or maybe not. This continual struggle is more than one heart can endure most days. But endure we must….this sick joke called life.


The Bible reads….in Mark 9:24…”I believe help my unbelief” says the father with the boy who had been sick his whole life. Now that is a story I can relate to. Maybe not an “official” sickness but, a life of torment all the same….Jesus had compassion on this child and as every mother and father through the years has prayed for their own kids…we all believe with I am sure an element of unbelief.


When a heart is broken it is hard to rebuild…..but even so…Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!


What causes this deficit? What choice was made way back before all this? Or did anything….choices, free will….AUGH!!! My mind swirls even trying to understand it all.


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I was never worried

While thinking about my life as a Mother…..while the most recent holiday was just upon us, I reminded myself how amusing it is that I turned out as good at it as I am. Not to brag , but I would say I have been fairly successful. What I mean to say is to my knowledge my children don’t hate me…yet. Of course, keep hope alive kids…there is always time!

Cover of "Some Kind of Wonderful (Special...
Cover via Amazon

To Begin With

My future was not always so bright in the area of potential motherhood. As a matter of fact my prospects for a date weren’t all that great! By the time I hit high school all my peers seem to peak in their developmental stride. Me, of course, never even knew there was such a thing as puberty… for me in many ways, but not so much fun when you were as boy crazy as I was. Yes…I was that girl, I had tons of boy-friends! Not BOYFRIENDS! To my dismay, I just wasn’t the kind of girl they wanted….unless it was to hang out and ride around town and laugh and be the go-between in the hunt for babes! I guess you could say I was like ” Watts” in the movie Some Kind of Wonderful and I had several “Keith” characters I was crushing on. I promise I had more fun than the other girls.


By nearly all the way thru my Senior year at seventeen and three-fourths, I finally began to ….let’s just say mature! Just the beginnings though…..finally got a date or two….scared the crap out of me…..was not ready for ALL THAT! Would prefer to stay “Watts.” So I did and had the best time in the world. Apparently my reputation preceded me and I ended up in the annual with a snarky “staff” writer opinion! I went back to re-read what it stated and now I am even more bugged by it. Stupid freaks on the annual staff! They added a lot of snarky comments to the graduating seniors BIO.

See example A.

example A

Notice the last (2) lines….emphasis on last one! Of course maybe when I stated that...” Marriage will be a last resort unless someone comes along to change my mind.” caused the freaks to use this against me. This was only self preservation…a lonely girls cry for help…..sad, poor silly girl, yet to be grown-up! They make sitcoms about girls like me now! Born before my time once again…..story of my life! This still does not give the freaks rights to be judge and jury!

The joke’s on them…by college and about nineteen years old I was on my way….no Farrah Faucet-Majors (that was her name then!) but I could hold my own! In high school my awkwardness gave way to becoming a good person…not like the self involved girls (though I longed to be like them…I wasn’t that good!)

So.….when I was well into college, after I had loved and lost a couple of times, I fell for a good one and as to not give him “the big head” I will not embarrass him with the details. But I fell hard and fast and with him we had four gorgeous children AND I think I was a pretty darn good wife. He is still with me after thirty years and I am confident of thirty more. He did come along to change my mind and I have never looked back.

For all those awkward immature young girls out there who wonder if they were going to ever evolve into a woman…..hang on it will happen and I will tell you just as my Mom told me….when it happens you will be sorry….watch what you ask for! Enjoy the innocence and take time to enjoy the ride. Do like me and prove all those boys wrong…..the ones that peaked early and are bald or balding and have a bit of a belly…working on their second or third wife! It is their loss. And to all the ones who hold all the power in high school…I officially stick my tongue out at you…stupid bunch of freaks!

By the way.

……if there is a “stupid bunch of freaks” society that I have been rude to and UN-Politcally correct to…please forgive. This is my blog…I can gripe if I want to! And I was never worried!!

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Waiting not Wasting-the good old girl saga!

Today I find myself in a waiting room……waiting, with my big sister in an operating room. Not the best way to spend a afternoon for me or her, but I wouldn’t be anywhere else.

At this very moment she is being given a new eye….actually eyesight to be more precise! She has opted for Lasik eye laser surgery to correct her vision, left one today then right one next week.

I thought I was free from the smells, sounds and basic creepiness of a surgical area, they took her back, whew,……! Home free….. Then to my dismay I hear her name yelled…..“follow me ma’am!” Really? Oookkaayy…..I say attempting to be glad about it. Apparently they don’t know of my panic attack capabilities!

As I am taken down the long hall (there is always a long hall with sick people laying all around- eyes strait ahead!) I get to her little curtained area. There she us looking freakishly just like our Mom. They are putting drops in the one eye to dilate….ugh, really I must be here?….so I smile, attempt to be caring..( not that I am not caring, I for sure am but I refer back to the surgical stuff) I sit beside her as she is spaced out. Not even sure if she has officially been spaced out yet, prolly just her goofy self. Like me, because I do too when in this position, she is getting high from the oxygen! “breathe it in sister” I tell her, it’s natural…sorta.

She fades in and out, me talking aimlessly(as usual) telling her how if she dies she will be in heaven lopsided with one good eye and one bad eye! Okay I know in heaven we are all good and totally healed of all ailments….but this was funnier! And then since I have her keys, I will get to her house before her only child, her daughter, which has been my plan all along! I WILL get those cross-stiched pillows and the old albums, Beatles, Harry Nielson(The Point), CCR, and many others. And she doesn’t even know how I will handle those two in-door cats of hers… kitty kitty…look outside!

These possessions of hers are part of MY memories, not the daughters. I was first ya know! My big sister practically raised me along with my other sister. These bits of memorabilia are my childhood; falling to sleep at night listening to albums on the stereo and putting the arm back so they replay. Anyone but me remember real stereos? That music is forever etched on my brain.

The pillows are from the spell when she was into needlepoint and created her own designs….she was one of the original hippies in the ’70’s! In Murfreesboro, TN at Middle TN State University. She was the coolest of the cool, for me a kid of eleven and beyond! Needless to say I loved life back then and I will always be indebted to her for the lessons she taught me.

She must be finished…….They’re they came, yelling her name again, back down the long hall once again, oh Lord tons of sick people this time…..whew getting hot in here already…..I may pass out before I get to her. But no… I survived, she is sitting there looking good. Looking around like she has never seen this world before, totally funny by the way. The nurse rattles on instructions as if we will remember. Oh jeez lady will there be a test? We got it!

Of coarse I took a picture…you kidding!

Being us we are ready to go, they make her wait till I get the car, she grinches about that one, funny. She walks out all bleary eyed. On to our fav Pizza Parlour…family tradition ya know. Its been like sixteen hours plus since she had eaten…starving is the word now! So she survived this episode and we get to do it all over again next week.

Good times, she is doing great and those darn cats of hers will live to see another week. That was the second thing I would do if something bad happened, the cats would be “accidentally” set free! Silly nine lived animals, they are driving her crazy and me too by osmosis!

God is good, big Sis is still cool, all’s well with the world! I am thankful that I can help her in this little way…can never pay her back for all she has done for me. She is a Good Old Girl by the way!!!!

Dear Lord…here we go with the big black glasses….we ARE old ladies!
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Cold cruel blog

These days it has been hard to find the time…to find the time to record my thoughts….to share my most profound reasonings and amuse with my catchy quips. Life had been busy and there just haven’t been enough hours in the day.
Then I return to my love…writing, recording, waxing poetic about the important life traumas, good and bad, only to be slapped ever so brutally by my cold cruel blog!!!
I mean really! A few days without words of pure wisdom and this is what I get? Really blog? Are we broken up? Should I turn to another? Have you not trusted me to return…. Do you not have more faith in me than that?
Fickle, fickle world ….cold cruel little blog. I thought we had more than this. Who am I to think you would wait for me….pitiful as I am. My heart is broken and I am not sure if I can go on this way, living by the stats everyday. I needed to take some time away from the pressure to perform, yet now I am a failure in the midst of successful bloggers. Why do you allow me to live and still write?
I am ready to take my punishment….inform me of my penitence, sack cloth and ashes are too good for me. Cold cruel blog!


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My Dog the health mutt!!!

20120306-202417.jpg< This is Buddy! He is a rescue dog and he likes to eat healthy! I know this because when I eat a Banana, he sits in front of me staring, with those big brown eyes….tapping his paw! Begging for a bite! Yes, he loves banana and will eat as much as you will give him without throwing it up. Now, this dog throws up everything, his dog food, water(toilet water for which he seems to prefer…gross I know but he won't touch the water in his bowl, so we gave up!) don't blame him for puking that one! He eats a bite of steak or chicken or whatever table scraps the people in my house who shall remain nameless…ahahcharles!!!! Bless me! Sneaks him. Everything he eats he will, at any given time, give it back to us on the carpet, of course. But not the banana! Yummy apparently and today yet a new discovery. I have become obsessed with fresh pineapple which is so expensive to buy. Nearly five bucks for a cored batch in a container. Cheap as I am I rarely buy it, only a splurge. One of my BFF 's will sometimes bring a big fruit bowl to our meals at church and I shamelessly go back over and over picking out the pineapple with an occasional strawberry or blueberry to throw them off…. I am very sly! Today though I had to stop in this one store for some veggies, though in pain from my never ending dental pain, which by the way….. now my bite is weird! Driving me crazy plus painful! Anyways this store had whole pineapples uncut in the covers! For a dollar and ninety-nine! Well whoop! I bought two! I knew I could figure out how to cut it and I did only to flounder myself eating fresh pineapple. Thank you God for pineapples, I know you made them look so cute for kicks but they sure are good. So while I was enjoying this "cheap" treat, there sat Buddy begging. I thought there is no way he will like this! But I had to see ….so there you go boy….. Mmmmm ! That crazy mutt loved it and after eating six pieces with no upchucks I realized he can do this all day! Really Buddy? Do you have to give me those puppy eyes… AUGH! So I guess my dog is a health mutt! I mean nut! Well he is leading me by example and if it takes this goofy mutt to do it… Once again God has a good sense of humor and the fact I have to share my fresh pineapple is just wrong! Maybe I can get him onto kiwi, those are really weird! Buddy the health mutt, what's next?…..why did I say that!!


Boo hoo blog!

Are you kidding me!?

What is the deal with the drastic ups and downs of this blog?

It is not a power surge. It is despair and agony that manifests itself with stats (see all the bad stuff in life leads directly back to Math!), as if life couldn’t get more of a bummer!

Actually life is doing okay. I mean, not winning any lotteries here, though we have been crazy blessed lately so I may need to buy a ticket!! Could be a lucky spell. Thankfully i don’t believe in luck. That would just be one more thing I would have to feel left out over.

Kinda like being picked for red rover way back when and I was picked last. I was little and shrimpy and I actually cried over my slight stature. Typical! Would to God I was slight in stature now. “She’s pretty for a fat girl!” I assume they say. This I ponder wishing all my pondering would burn calories!

So I guess that I would rather have a blessed life and a boo hoo blog!

That is if I had to choose . . .

My fridge hates me!

Norma Rae
Norma Rae (Image via

I put buying a new appliance up there in the category with buying a car. The only better thing about it is the dickering of the price part is more simple, it is what it is!

Not much going back to the great and powerful OZ for the salesman to lower the price by a few dollars. The stress level is nearly as bad though, at least to me. Besides the high cost which should be enough anguish it is also the making of the decision. Maybe I am weird …. ( don’t answer that!) but I find it mortally impossible to choose which one….to cypher the price in comparison to the style and quality, AUGH! More than my little brain and heart can deduce!

There I am looking and hoping one will be exactly right, we find an “open box!” translation I now know means….broken and sent back! The one we found was shiny and very modern, in the budget. I didn’t know this particular brand built fridges which gave me a pause… The TV‘s are okay so I felt safe. Considering my frozen foods were home melting as we pondered our future fridge, we needed it today…..”twenty dollars extra ma’am” and here we go… Home to wait. How exciting it is, makes a girl feel special, new appliances and all. (…hey lady, your life called and said it needs you back!) sad times when this is what does it for me! Oh geeeez! It arrived, so nice and just fits… Cool ice maker in the door, I loves it!

Thus was Monday but, zip ahead five days and no more ice… A day of sadness. War in the Middle East, so what! My brand new fridge is broken!!! Back to buying a bag if ice and calling for service. At that point I am hurt, why would such a sleek impressive thing of beauty turn on me that way? “Call the MAN ” as Andy once told Aunt Bee(Andy Griffith episode)sometimes getting a good deal is not always so good….so I did the deed, only to be asked, “why aren’t you returning it?” oh well I didn’t think of that! Embarrassed by a service person, where was that thinking cap? Hello Monday morning, again at the big named electronics store, “find me another one please, just like the broken one!” tick toc, it will be there on Wednesday, I did think about whether I should choose a different brand but nope it’s a fluke! The jokes on me!!!! The second one has yet to make one cube of ice…grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, rrrrrrrrr,rrrrrrrrr!

Here I go again, first thing this morning, after checking four other stores just in case I have a person give me grief and I walk. As I walked in the store and rounded the corner by the washing machines the semi patronizing salesman begins to smile then chuckle… Uh oh! Don’t tell me he said….. For which I reply, ” you don’t make enough to hear what I am about to say!” (totally stole that line from my husband, who says it better than me, much more intimidating!) manager please! Mr manager says pick one out I will see what I can do, he didn’t even fight me… fair I was all geared up for it. They did give me a few to pick from so I found a comparable one in the more known brand and after several calls to said husband who couldn’t be here, since he is out of town, fighting my anxiousness with decision making and this time ALONE, it was done… It will show up tomorrow.

Forgive me Lord for needing to be taught patience or whatever I did to cause such toiling. I had to channel the strength from my dear sis in law who was the best at this Norma Rae-esque standing up for the little guy! I hope she us proud of me…. Time will tell if the new one, brand new still in the box, don’t even think of opening it till I watch you; refrigerator gets to my door. Life’s too short for this kind of drama over an appliance, no matter how good of a new car smell it has! To be continued………….

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