Tag Archives: God

Mother’s Day me and the preacherman!


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Forever and a day


I have never bragged that I am a patient person, if anything I am bold to say I have NO PATIENCE AT ALL! This is not an exercise in self deprecation, just the cold hard facts …ma’am ……! Since I have never in my whole life (obviously) never…ever attempted to “diet”, this is turning out to be a tiresome exercise in patience.

I have been successful, still losing pounds and inches, but good grief it is a slow process. So, I am thankfull that now nearly two weeks away from ninety days on this journey, I haven’t thrown in the towel, even though I have had a few cheats! (darn you Peppermint Patties!) My dilemma is that I fear I don’t eat enough, as ridiculous as that sounds even to say…I read that your body will shut down and freeze up and not allow any more weight to be lost….wow, really! How do “they” know that? That would be my luck.

I reduce my intake to a ridiculous amount because take out all things white…bread and sugar, there goes all the fun stuff! and I don’t get hungry as much, but then I go without food then WHAM! I am starving all at once, but then I do eat the correct things, so then I am not really hungry for a while. I should be skinny as a rail by now but NOOOOO.not me, still waddling around. So goes my displeasure with the time it takes to move down the scale…FOREVER AND A DAY!…..and don’t even get me started on the fun facts about Menopause. Lord help me!! I am tired of being the chunky slow turtle…I wanna be the fast Jack rabbit!

When did all this happen? How can this be?…..why didn’t I listen to my elders..…they warned me, I ignored them as usual. Stinks to be me today. I know the truth….I am a pathetic whinner……yes I admit it. That’s the first step…but I admit it a lot so time to move on to the next step….I blame no one, I could blame my mamma, but I fear she would have a moment of clarity during her bout with Alzheimer’s and smack me upside my head, Marie would jerk a knot in me for sure! Well probably not, she never hit me once….which could be my problem…hey it may be her fault after all! Hee hee!

Someday I hope to not rant so much, who am I kidding…..I will always rant, it’s my shtick! So I will keep plugging away at this no/low carb way of eating….I need a big five pounds at one time drop in weight, so Lord if you could help a sista out it would be so cool….OR…… you could keep on saving souls, healing the world and all the important stuff. Just ignore the selfish ramblings of this old menopause laden, weight loss losing, trying to find myself again, tired of not sleeping at night, hot flashin’ (not in a good way) driving her husband crazy, wishing I could crawl in a hole and scream……..ooops.…..God praising, spirit led, Jesus loving…...bah humbug….mother of four, and one scruffy dawg, not wanting to clean the house……...oops.….faithful wife and servant of God….AND……apparently NOW BI-Polar (ugh, haha just kidding) whine, whine all the day long…WOMAN…..HEAR ME ROAR!

So goes my day…..good news/bad news is ……..I will survive, only to whine another day….forever and a day, yes! ME!

 

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Home, Home, Home


This blogger recently started to follow my blog, thank you and I found this beautiful poem for which if I were to die, this poem would be a special thought to have for those listening. Just beautiful!

iiThinks

19174-Angel-On-Earth

I was born in this world

But a part of me is still in the sky

Half earth, half spirit

Half seeking, half knowing

I do not belong here

But I’ll smile for as long as I stay

The full moon in all its beauty

Shining light upon your darkest days

But don’t cry for me when I’m gone

I am back where I belong

With my Beloved – home, home, home.

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Finding Balance


As I sit here on the second day of January in contemplation of how to start….the year, month, day…morning! Already saying UGH! Which is not a good sign. The full one day of the new year has already been …UMMMM……needles to say gut wrenching and if this is any sign of the next three hundred and sixty four days…..hang on to your hat…Here we go!

 

I have only one plan in place and that is to count the days and in this counting of the days tally up the ups and downs…..take stock each day of the distance I travel in the right direction. There will be downs and I am prepared. These are roads I have traveled numerous times. My hope is there will be many more ups and to acknowledge them as fuel to move forward even faster.

 

Time is short, I am old…older…..and that ain’t gonna change, but I can get better…back to that HOPE thang again….ugh! This is my challenge and as best as I can I will day by day accomplish the task. It doesn’t really feel like a mountain but more like a level flat line with little tic lines as if like a very long ruler and each day is divided into segments.

 

I have a list of objectives…moderations…….checks and balances. I tend to be a beinge worker. I clean house on days that involve top to bottom tasks…I take side roads; one thing leads to another and I am overwhelmed by the chores so I dread them. I paint in big blocks of time…in the “zone” and hope to be left alone to get what’s in my head out and let what’s in my spirit flow.

 

I am a huge procrastinator which tends to cause me to sit and ponder all the great feats I can do ……if only I had the time! This need for alone time is a family trait…..I come from people who are very self sufficient and that enjoy the peace and quiet. In my brain it’s all or nothing, for some reason I think …”someday I will be done with all these people and have time to do what I want!” BOO HOO!

 

POOR OLD TIRED MOM!…. I am sure my family would like to tell me to zip it! They know it’s not them (always)..usually it is me. My overly dramatic woe is me attitude is what I allow to sneak in…..so putting each day in doable increments may just work. The financial guru, Dave Ramsey preaches that “every dollar has a name” and I believe it so in that vein the minutes of my day will too.

 

Dave Ramsey
Cover of Dave Ramsey

 

Time for this southern girl to get on with it….this year looks as if it will be a whopper and I am on the verge of greatness… I have art to create, books to read, people to meet and relationships to nurture. I am the one that can create change and with the Lord’s help stop settling for the sad and mundane. I was created for greatness and I will walk in it….

 

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Milestones-three hundred and sixty five more chances


tech-trends-2014Here we are again, the dawn of a new year….leaving behind the ups and downs of the last year…looking forward to what’s next. I adore the opportunity for new possibilities, doors to be opened or roads to travel. Each one brings hope, some of them may be not so great but there is always that moment of question…anticipation…the unknown.

Like most Americans, I must acknowledge (..or at least act like I should!)….the need for a better diet as well as an exercise program which for me is…..just parking my car further away from the door; the hope for financial security and good health and my family to prosper. We all have in our minds, resolutions ….that we hold dear, hoping against hope that we make it past January without failure.

These resolutions or “goals” are many and the start of a new year jump-start us in the right direction. God bless our hearts for the effort! I have said for the past six years, in my heart, that I do not want to be in the same shape (in all areas) this time next year and I think this next year may be the winner. I have a hope that is beyond me. Beyond my brain and into my soul, my heart…..hope.

My anticipation is starting…what will it be first? Will it be the loss of five or fifty (it could happen!) Pounds? Will it be a true love for one of my four kids?(oops! Excluding my seventeen year old!)…Will it be the welcoming of many new souls born into to kingdom of God…I hope so!

Whatever “IT” is…..I look forward to the challenge. We got this ….we spunky Americans are stubborn and bold and will not stop till we get what we want. Yes, Hillary Clinton….it does take a village and we will always stand together against anyone who tries to push us around. Our individual families as well as our towns and country will always overcome.

Today I conquered a challenge, silly as it may sound, but I have for the first time ever….wait for it…….made/cooked  dumplings, chicken and dumplings actually. My sister did it first on Christmas day, they were de-lish! I know the secret now ……..so I tried it. It is ALL ABOUT THE BROTH!! This has been my probably twentieth try…..finally successful!

This southern girl needed to do this one….my mom was the pro at them, but sadly she will make no more of them, my granny who taught my mom was a ….card-carrying member of the southern woman’s chicken and dumplings cooking team. It could be an Olympic sport. SHE WAS A MASTER!

I now am proud to say I have done it…EUREAKA!!!!! Superbly I might add and I will brag about it……a Milestone-three hundred and sixty five more chances to do something great…..welcome new year!

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…just keep on walkin’!


I have been questioning in the past few years, months, days…..minutes and seconds, exactly what in the world is going on. If I look to the right or the left (yes, I know we are not suppose to look right and left! busted!) I see destruction all around. Many people are searching also, for the correct route to follow, which door to open and waiting to just catch a break. Needless to say, I am not alone.

Transformation is always hard, sketchy even, and just like a butterfly, we have to go through a lot of slimy, squishy, icky situations to become  or get to where we need to be. That butterfly never knows what is gonna happen until later when he/she is fully developed and flutters around able to then see all those other sad little cocoons hanging about…squirming around, uncomfortable and feeling bound up unable to get free. Oh how we can relate!

I have been guilty of the squirming and complaining; attempting to figure out the plan…is there a back door?…or even a window….some way to escape….NOPE!.…. the only answer that is before me...to just keep on walkin’! AUGH!!! NOT WHAT I WANTED TO KNOW! Where is MacGyver when you need him? Where is the fake door, secret passageway? I know I am God‘s favorite one, He shows me and has shown me that plenty of times, right? If anything I am discerning, right?

Yeah, Yeah, sure, sure and with six you get egg roll! (old movie reference, by the way!) I have gone through the ritual of repeating all the cute refrigerator magnet sayings, the book of promises, all the highlighted scriptures that “really got me!” I have checked myself out against Proverbs..(besides a little bit of sluggard-ness from time to time, I am ok!) and eventually poked around the book of James, and note to self…do not go there again! ugh! I have thought and prayed and talked and counseled the most astute of all my peeps who I trust to know what’s what. From all this searching I have come up with one small solution.

Just keep on walkin’! The consensus is in……keep my eyes focused on the one who is leading me and just keep on walkin”! There is no better way to see this revelation than to be confronted with the enemy of those of us who keep on keepin’ on. Sometimes the exposure of “little foxes” spoiling the vine is all it takes…..it can stir up the fire inside me to just not take it anymore. In my weakness I just want to walk away…it just ain’t worth it,…. ya know? To have every portion of your life turned inside out, the very things that were unshakable…solid and could never be questioned……Well guess what…never say never! My very heart has been cut and spilled out on the floor and trampled on…..BUT NOT ANYMORE! (I have to keep telling myself that!)

Now is the time to STAND….therefore STAND! I will not allow them, whoever them is, to win. I doubt I have anything on JOB, as a matter of fact I know I don’t but he kept the faith so why am I so frail…..I don’t want to shock anyone to be so vocal about my plight, I am the PREACHERS WIFE don’tcha know! WOOHOO! (translation: servant of God). Since God is no respecter of persons I am in the same hole as everyone else which is nice to know on the one hand, on the other hand…really! GOD did you know I AM A PREACHERS WIFE?? Cut me some slack here would ya? Nope….and that’s okay too. Just means I have to try even harder to be a person that could help someone else along the way.

I have been blessed with some women who have been mentors in my life. Some are old friends and some have been new in my life. Some of them are precious prayer saints that no one would even have ever heard of and others are in the popular crowd. Sometimes one of those who you would not expect to hear from lends an ear and an encouraging word; shares personal testimony of how the Lord has made a way by a big miracle or given the where-with-all to figure it out ourselves. We need to hear those stories, it encourages us and to realize that you are  not so “big time” that you open up your life to help the rest of us, is admirable as well as Godly. I notice it and even more God does too, humble servant of God.

I have been given a challenge, let the haters be haters and the ignorant stay ignorant….turning a deaf ear to all the mumbo jumbo of ones who have the spiritual gift of being a pot stir, I just don’t have the time. I must just keep on walkin’ in the power and grace of the one who sent me. We are more than conquerors and it is high time we take our place as the leaders we are called to be. I have been pushed around too long, not mad ….just have a made up mind. I am not going anywhere but where God wants me to go.

I will just keep on walkin’ as long as he is leading me.

 

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Not on my watch!


Most of the time, people usually go along through their normal day without even a thought of anything catastrophic happening. Most of us usually have just about enough steam to trudge thru the mundane and the what is expected of us duties, so when it comes to looking up and paying attention to something out of the ordinary we mostly just sigh and go on. I don’t think it is just us busy Americans, I think this is a worldwide normal. Of course, the terrorists have this figured out already!

Some days though, something is out of “wack”…just a little bit off…..out of kilter…or off kilter? which ever one…. it just ain’t right!! There is a weird shift in the world, a strange feeling…somethings up! As a mother, I find this a constant in my daily life and anyone who has more than one perfect child (just kidding all the parents of one child, I know they can be a handful also…all ONE OF THEM!) knows that when somethings up there is a vibe. On the one hand, you have the guilty trying their best to lay low and on the other hand you have the one who is dying to snitch but wants to be asked, questioned even ….and not really…. out right blab it all. (helps with the guilt of snitching!) The key is to entice them both….I have many years of experience as a bird dog mom that I am sure my four can attest to. MY record has proven that I am pretty good at detective work, really it is pretty easy….usually they catch themselves, bless their hearts, they are not very good at getting away with what ever “it” is. We raised them right and that usually is the proof. They still haven’t lost all sense of right and wrong...whew!

So being a pretty good sleuth, if I say so myself, for some crazy reason……I become a total novice when it comes to figuring out God. Many great and mighty men and women have come before me attempting this same feat. I also have many years under my belt in this area….I have been a believer for over thirty years, I have studied and believed like a child, never straying from the most trusted and valued tenants of faith, I believe it ALL from the ….In the beginnings to the maps! I have taught Sunday school, children’s church, adult classes even…I have filled in, helped out and stood in the gap for pete’s sake…..I am a preachers wife!  A lot of good that does me……God is no respecter of persons for which I am glad of but gee whiz, could he not throw me a bone ever now and then? I am out of clues about what HE is up too these days!

I have come to the conclusion, after much prayer and not enough fasting(obviously!) that even though I am steadfastly a student of perception and discernment, it is impossible to get ahead of God. Usually I can get a sense of what may be up, but these are dark days my friend. Where I “pride” myself (oops, this may be a clue) in feeling like I have a handle on things, I now know I do not. I have NO CONTROL on any of it. I would be a fool to think I do. I have been a fool numerous times, apparently! Control is one of those elusive mind games I play….for which I see that it is just an illusion. The best I can do is keep watch over my own heart and mind and thoughts and deeds, even then I am challenged to keep the course. It is not up to me to “watch” and make sure everyone does what is right and expected. The best I can even hope for is what happens in my own kitchen and even that has gotten away from me from time to time. Question for the day: Exactly how high can we fill a trash can before it all falls in the floor?

My only job is to “watch” and pray. Look up for my redemption draweth nigh……there are many snares out there and in my need to be a watchman on the wall I can’t be the commander and chief of everyone I know. There are some pits and some will fall into them and if they ask for help out I will be there to reach out my hand , but we all have our own lives to lead and choose who or what to follow. My heart tells me to follow after God and that will be enough. Even as I right this I have so many BUTS that come to my mind…but I have to just leave them alone. On my watch I must seek the Lord and pray and probably should try some of that fasting stuff…ugh!

 

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A double ouchie!


This is one of the most special days of my life! Yes….the UT VOLS play Florida and always have for as long as I can remember….or at least on this Saturday in September, but that is not the real reason. And anyone who knows me knows that I could really do not care that much about football to remember the day they usually play Florida…even though we DO NOT LIKE FLORIDA MUCH UP HERE IN VOL COUNTRY...just making that clear!

The real reason is that on this day…while UT played FLorida for that all time rival…TWICE (not once but 2 times!) I was piled

English: Neyland Stadium, Knoxville, Tennessee.
English: Neyland Stadium, Knoxville, Tennessee. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

up at UT Hospital in Knoxville, TN giving birth to my last two children. In case anyone wondered…..yes, my doctor was sure to have them here before the game started! Not only for my VOL FAN husband but for himself of course! It worked out well, they were born and (by C-Section-ugh—-hence the double ouchie!) and I was enjoying the yummy morphine pump…..AHHHHH! SO, the husband had the whole tv remote all to himself!

I will say…he wasn’t ignoring me…I was more ignoring him…I had done my job and now I was resting my laurels! Funny of course because I was now the mother of 4–FOUR KIDS! WOW! Still after all this time getting that strait in my head! Considering the love for UT we have it was only fitting that it happen this way I guess.

My first last child is Samuel and today he is a mere 26 years old. I say mere because from my vantage point he is still so young….to him he is nearly half dead! Samuel was on the heels of our Bethany, only 13 months after her birth and it was brought to my attention early on that...”how dare we have a baby…again…so soon!”People are so stupid…let’s just get that clear on the front end…bless their hearts (…..she says because it is the southern way!)  But God had a better idea….he gave me this beautiful boy to keep me kindhearted. I dont know that I am really that kindhearted, but if I am it is solely because of this little puppy of mine. He was the best baby I had….not one peep out of him, he slept from the git-go for 10 hours in  a stretch…( he gets that honest!- I can still sack out for days!…given the chance) He has these big brown eyes, looks more like me than any of the others and was always tender hearted. I rarely had to raise my voice to him, and if I did (not that I ever yelled at my kids…pishposh!) he would be the most compliant of all. He also had an older brother and sister who kept him up to date on the does and don’ts. Samuel was the best cuddler of all also….he was the sweet heart of my heart and he remains a special person, still caring and loving to me, but …..he has found his own voice (darn it!) and he has a sorta liberal yet compassionate view of life( I am kinda secretly proud of him!), quick to oppose my convictions with his own equally strong opinions, he can argue a point nearly as well as his Dad and is clearly strong in his own notions. He is no push over but his kindness keeps him sweet even when tested. He keeps me kind because his kindness is worthy of respecting, he isn’t a yeller….he is slow to anger but look out when he does. I honor this son of mine, he has always been a joy to have as a son and even more as a friend. I covet his hugs and hang out time he gives me….at this age those are  the best gifts! Happy Birthday Son, no mother had a better one.

The for real last last child or caboose as we like to call him is our one and only NJ. Nathanael Joseph actually and I tagged him with the short version when he was just a baby. Today is his 17th birthday and he is about the most precious of all. I had NJ when I was almost 37 years old…old by some standards at least back then. It wasn’t the style yet to wait so long….as usual, I was ahead of the curve….but he was nine years after the first bunch and when this occurs it is almost as if he is an only child. (see birth order books!) Starting all over again, so to speak but with much more experience and confidence. He was somewhat like a new pet for all of us. Okay ….don’t beat me me up for the analogy, but really he was a family project. Will was 12 and excited but attempted to hide it…he’s cool ya know! But Bethany (10) was over the moon!!! A real live doll baby all her own to Mother….and Sam (9) was not going to be the “baby” anymore so he was elated! NJ was the Blessing of my life that I will always know was a direct response from GOD. He was what I needed at that time and everyday for the past 17 years I had a reason to show up. Not that I didn’t have three other reasons and a husband and tons of other reasons but this kid was the driving force for me at that time. HE came on the scene when I needed him most, and he has always been a blessing. Funny does not even describe him…he is animated….and joyous and never meets a stranger, his personality is the perfect blend of me and his Dad…outgoing and personable, not awkward ever and in our family that is very odd. We invented awkward! He is strong minded and sure of himself and rarely ever finds himself worried or fearful. Where did this youngin’ come from…he is the weird one? He has been my sidekick in my old age and kept me off the ledges. The only time I ever see frailty is catch him when he is tired and DO NOT CROSS HIM! He can have a meltdown better than most people….its best to just let him alone because you will never win that fight. He will go to his death defending his cause. Most days he is the best friend you could ever want, most loyal and forgiving person, a friend that loves at all times. He is my JOY and my HOPE for a world of HAPPY. HE spreads Happy all around and our family is blessed to have him love us.

Happy Birthday my two sons…you are our legacy and our loves and our prayer is you find your own place in this world and live always faithful to the will of God for your lives. He gave us you for a short time and I know He is pleased.

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…”how do you solve a problem like….”


One of my husbands, (yes, I am ratting him out!)… all time favorite movies is The Sound of Music!

The Sound of Music (film)
The Sound of Music (film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For all the years I have known him, he has rallied all the kids around to watch it …ONCE AGAIN! at Easter time, only to be compared to the ritual of watching The Ten Commandments, (“…so let it be written, so let it be done!”). You have to be impressed with his loyalty and dedication! But, in the Sound of Music there are many, many songs to sing with (for which we(HE! DOES MOSTLY)do and lately without the whole family only  because the kids have gotten older and they choose not to endure our festivities….spoil sports!

Movie poster of The Ten Commandments.
Movie poster of The Ten Commandments. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One of my favorite songs is…..How do you solve a problem like Maria…lalala! This brings me to my point in writing today…(ya knew I would get there eventually, right?) And it is a stretch so hang in there….but….this song is one that reminds me of my beautiful Bethany. Tomorrow is her birthday and because I enjoy writing about my kids if only to completely humiliate them…..(paybacks rule!) here I am once again attempting to let her know how important she is to me.

Back to the song…it is about this NUN who is just a little too human for the rest of the NUNS which makes her perfect for God….. if you ask me. She is always getting into a pickle and causing a ruckus….full of opinions and speaking her peace! So goes part of the song…….

…..When I’m with her I’m confused
Out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am
Unpredictable as weather
She’s as flighty as a feather
She’s a darling! She’s a demon! She’s a lamb!

She’d outpester any pest
Drive a hornet from its nest
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl
She is gentle! She is wild!
She’s a riddle! She’s a child!
She’s a headache! She’s an angel!
She’s a girl!

Yep, that about explains it all! My Bethany is all that and more…I prayed earnestly for her, picked her out and described her to GOD. HE picks this one time to answer my prayer…exactly! He is cute like that…..and awesome and she is my only girl and for that she had to be something special!

Her birthdays come every year, like clock work, like us all and she would sell her soul for a white cake and white icing-STORE BOUGHT CAKE….for which is the worst ….I say…wedding cake kind is her fav! I have attempted to make my kids their cakes ,but the love is lost on this girlie….so I will give in and succumb to my loss of tradition…..she is just that worth it! No matter what goofiness or literal pain in the heart she can be, I adore this kid.

And so I have to respond with these lines from the song:

……Many a thing you know you’d like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?(BETHANY)
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

She is the heart of my heart and so much like me I feel sorry for her…..she has grown to side with her daddy WAY TOO MUCH which is disturbing when I am odd man out but never a day goes by that I don’t praise the Lord for her and her spirit. She keeps me praying and I know that her future is HUGE with all kinds of exciting twists and turns.

20120228-193313.jpg
….then (my favorite pic!)
307549_10151190120057592_1745377602_n
…now! (what a doll!)

Happy Birthday my sweet Bethany Rose!….a problem I will never solve because like Maria, even if those strict NUNS acted like they were mad…they loved her and like Maria, my Bethany  is a joy. You are never a problem and without you I would be lost….

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Blue Skies……


Image……I wish this picture could convey the day, the clear pure sky blue straight out of the Crayola 64 crayon box, as well as the spring green of the new tree buds. I am not sure if those are the names Crayola calls the crayons anymore which is aggravating to us old school kids. I want burnt sienna to stay and red-orange, not lollipop red or any other “cute” name. The need to change such trivial things as the names of crayons may seem silly to me but to Crayola it must be BIG!

World-famous Crayola crayons are manufactured ...
World-famous Crayola crayons are manufactured in Easton. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My nostalgia keeps me longing for the past which is the essence of what also can destroy me. I must allow spring to come, making all things new. Fresh oil everyday, fresh thoughts and hope for the future. The now of it all and looking forward to the future joy is what keeps us.

Back to my picture! On this day I was sitting on the deck at my Mothers home, relaxing with the light breeze blowing the wispy clouds, the blue was so poignant, a classic blue and the spring green buds on the huge trees popped against the blue and white. I have told everyone I am with at the time to notice the color of the trees, the new buds of leaves in that bright color. It is a joy to notice. This is why spring is so nice, new fresh colors and smells and HOPE. I am sure it is the artist in me, but spring is as vivid as fall. My Mom has Alzheimer’s and is still with us, she still knows us but her world is now sweet and happy. She seems to not have any worries which is a great joy to me. Even as I say that I am a bit envious….she doesn’t remember all those hurts and wounds she so rehearsed in the past years. While I sat admiring the view and she repeated herself, I could not help but laugh at the quirkiness of life.  All the drama is such a waste……on that porch, looking at this sky was what was real...the here and now.

For me that HOPE couldn’t come at a better time. It has been a long season of darkness. The days became months and then years and the coldness insurmountable. I HATE COLD and coldness. In the midst it appears there will never be an end, yet when the breakthrough comes it is as swift as the wind on the new spring afternoon. The frustration comes when we are not in control….if everyone would just listen to me and do what I say then easy…huh? Poor GOD, I know he wants to smack me and then at the same time he probably feels the same way….silly people!

There are so many tests in this life….so many questions and not enough answers. Like JOB we all are open season for the TEST. I HATE THE TEST…TOO! How will we act or react to a given situation. Will we walk the walk we have talked. What is the first thought? Run like hell usually….if we are honest and I can’t help but be. It takes a bit of re-grouping, re-sizing up the situation, re-minding ourselves of what God says about it, re-alizing that….. but for the grace of God go I, and re-leasing the flow of forgiveness. I know my very life depends on it…even more my soul!

That is the hard one….forgiveness and the releasing of the pain and what pain it is. We have every right to our pain….it wasn’t our fault!!! It is so hard to get past the pain and see the possibility of life without it. The pain has usually been there for a while, during the dark cold, hidden deep in a cave, unable to even look out to see the light. To release the new pain…the band-aide that was pulled off and allow the sore to heal….give it air and salve and dig out the yucky stuff is really the beginning of the healing.

Forgiveness is a gift, a gift to ourselves. Without it we will stay in the pain and never find out it can be better. I tend to look for the happy ending. I always want to know what happened after the book ended and everyone was ok…how did they walk it out? Was it still painful or did it become good again. JOB shows me that God can re-store back to even better.

Once the cave is shut up, let those boulders fall in front of the opening…..the beautiful sky blue can be seen…the spring-green pops out in front of the wispy white clouds. This is the face of forgiveness. Forgetting why it happened (even though that feels impossible for us that have to know the whys!) moving forward to the future.

I have found this forgiveness gift is the gift that heals….a wounded heart needs love and compassion and hugs and kisses and attention and cuddles and more of the same over and over which eventually brings trust and security once again. It must be the groundwork for a huge blessing, going through such struggles…the “going through” part being the key.

Blue skies are all around us…the light wind is blowing…..God is speaking…...be still and know i am GOD! My heart doth safely trust in you Lord…thank you for your freedom to live again and more abundantly.

 

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