Tag Archives: death

A Life Well Lived


To say that someone got their money’s worth is an understatement when it comes to my mother-in-law. There has never been a woman more motivated or curious in life as her. The whole concept of “let’s chill!” was never in her wheelhouse. She “got her money’s worth” out of the life she lived, and at age ninety-two, she remained vigilant until the end.

We were fortunate to have the last four months with her in our home (not without a battle mind you , it only took us nine years to convince her to come). She knew when she was ready, she would come. And near the end of December 2020, she was finally willing to move in with us. We were blessed to be able to minister to her with love and compassion, as she taught us about life and death, which is still a great mystery to me (the death part, I mean). As I sat there watching her only son cry and pray, sing and worship, even during his loss, and her only granddaughter take such sweet care of her, I ponder this great mystery. It’s just a faint breath between the two – life and death, earth and heaven – but it gives me hope to know we will meet again.

We spoke words of comfort, and thankfulness, appreciative of all the lessons she taught us. I’m reminded of those last moments I was with my own Mom, nothing more precious. Watching my husband’s heart full of sadness is harder. He was a fine son, and he did his best to honor her, which he did. I feel confident when I’m at that point he will love me with as much warmth and kindness as he did his Mom.

I am honored to love a man with so much sweetness in his heart. He treasured his parents so much, and he was the best son. He gave honor to his parents, and to the Lord, for them adopting him. Now for a season, like me, he is parentless. But he is not alone; we have each other and we have Jesus. I’m good with that.

His Mom was a world traveler (seriously, she was), from Paris to Kenya, and all parts inbetween. She was an amazing quilter, embroider, and crafter. She was a good cook. She taught me the whole Thanksgiving meal, which was the first meal I had eaten with her. I was impressed! The best Angel biscuits, Swiss steak, okra and coconut cake. All my favorites! And most of all, she had the gift of hospitality. One of the fruit of the Spirit, by the way, that has been lost in the shuffle these days. She taught me that, too, but way better than me. Never a person who entered the doors of her church that did not get an invitation to her home…that day even… what?! Yes, she had the immeasurable gift to welcome strangers, and maybe even angels unaware? She is known for her commitment for people to be wanted and cared for. Her heart was for world missions, and she worked hard to support missionaries near and far. She had them to her home for meals or to stay over for the night. All guest preachers who passed through, as well as the random people she met along the way, sat around her table. Endurance was her middle name. This, all while raising two children and working as an educator to grammar school-age-kids for forty-two years! (what?) Yes, she was a go getter. She told me that she nearly died as a baby, and only after they removed her tonsils did she even start to gain normal weight. Yet she forged on and never stopped. She knew life was but just a vapor and she wanted to live the best she could.

I write this in honor of her, thanking her for the impact she had on my life. She was one of the first to plant the seed of Jesus in my mind and eventually to my heart. She was a good mother-in-law to me. And she gave a good man to love me. I pray that her influence lives on through her grandchildren and great grandchildren. If you knew her, you can appreciate the remarkably strong, vibrant woman she was – even when it wasn’t cool for us girls to be so independent. She ran that pop stand and told you your job too. She was invincible! But she always honored her husband and her Lord. She was reverent to what deserved to have reverence. Her joy was in people. She was filled with that joy until the end.

Now she is home, with her beloved Jesus, husband and the rest of her people. I’m sure she will have something to add to that big supper we all will have someday. She will at least help get it organized! God Bless her heart.

…location, location,location!


English: This photograph is of the town square...
English: This photograph is of the town square in Lawrenceburg, TN with a statue of David Crockett in the center. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

At first glance one may presume this post is about real estate…and one would be correct, sorta! I have recently sold a house…a frustrating and futile episode of “…what ya give me for it?” and really, I know I made it harder on myself than it had to be. BUT….the heart wants what the heart wants….and with that being said, I have no excuses or apologies left in me…..It had to be over with, it was hard for me to breathe…enough said. (Feels like a mystery, huh? Not really just a epic “Lucy and Ethel” moment in time…. without the funny parts!) So to further explain my location jabber….we moved! Can I get an AMEN! AMEN,  AMEN!!

Not to look back on the last seven years with regret, I knew the Lord sent us back to Middle TN,  it was fun and we made many awesome friends who I hope will be friends forever. God always knows what is best for us and I am confident that HE knew what we needed and as usual he did and does. The time spent back from wince I came was very special to me, personally. I was able to go home again…it had changedbut so did I! I did many things that restored my fond memories; I went back to see our old home place in Readyville, my beloved farm, it had changed also, re-connected with my extended family, I have great Aunts and Uncles and my cousins whom I spent many a lazy days with growing up, barefoot and free, I love them all, went to a few of their funerals which was painful.. but glad I was there to honor them, visited with an old friend, one of the first girls I met when we moved to “town” from the farm, Judy Dawes (I thought her Mom was mean and she thought my two sisters were mean) was and will always be the girl who makes me laugh, she is a jewel of a friend and we ruled and reigned the Mitchell-Nielson neighborhood for many years (or so we thought), I felt the inspiration to start this blog, preacherswifeintheknow,  which ended up in my hometown newspaper, The Daily News Journal, Murfreesboro, Tn and I was honored……..one of my friends Parents had seen me and sent word they were proud of me…totally worth it!

The most precious times were spent with my Mom, I moved back here just at the beginning of her Alzheimers onset. The two years before I moved I had visited more than I ever had, I was needing to be close to her…to talk to my momma, get advice. Being a grown up is big and scary sometimes and going home to see your Momma is the only fix…and I did and I am forever thankful because I had that time, sweet time to say it all, ask it all, get healed from growing up. I don’t mean any disrespect…she did great, good Mom but circumstances were not always choice as in every family and it was good to talk it out…and looking back one of the greatest blessings the Lord has ever given me, time with her alone before she left us. She is still here, but she has left us…..in a Benjamin Button sort of backwardness, like she never was married or had five kids, just a young girl still at home with her parents…but now not even that…just words not making sense and still that big pretty smile. She is a beautiful woman.

I also reconnected with my two sisters, I needed that……we needed each other…funny how we fit back into our birth order even when you are older….makes life less complicated that way I think, I see that in my own brood and I am happy to watch it play out….It is orderly and yet frightening then  sometimes we see how one kid may jump in to take the lead even though they are the “down the line kid” which reminds me that we all have certain God given gifts and talents that are there waiting to be made use of….pretty cool.

LOCATION? Its all in your perspective…I do have a new physical location and I love it here, Lawrenceburg, TN, a “island” of sorts almost in Alabama…..yikes! pretty close for us UT VOLS! Small towns make me better…who would have thunk it! I still would love the opportunity to be in New York City, NY some day but for now I am very settled. I am not that far away from home, and my family, for a visit and the quaint kind of community here is what I missed. When I was a kid “going to town” meant something. I find it so much more fun to go to town and not live in town….where ya got to go to?…what is there to look forward to?…I had enough of Nashville traffic to do me for my lifetime. So here I am in my sweet (one story, thank the Lord!) house, in this cute small town (it at least has a Kroger! For which I didn’t have a job when I got here!…grrr…thats another story!) with our sweet church family who appears to adore their new Pastor and ME?(we could not be more blessed) and on the upside here…fresh home grown vegetables(yes, I am that carnal, I can be bought with fresh vegetables!) and there are many more benefits of location and the most important one is that we are where God put us. And to that I say thanks Lord and AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!!!

ALL of US are dying


To know the day we are going to die would seem to be very ominous, even somewhat frightening. But would it? All of US are dying…..we just don’t know exactly when.

Funny thing about death, it is so allusive. No one knows what is like because it is a trip we don’t comeback from. No postcards home, no suntan(or we hope not, yikes!) no leftover sand creeping in our luggage. NO LUGGAGE even! Death is the end of a time period.

On the other hand it is the beginning of a new one. The whole universe uses death as a marker of time. B.C/A.D. and with this to be true…why then is there such a controversy about the C part and the A.D. Christ is the marker of the time. Before HE died and then after HE died.

I struggle with my devotion and faith, even sometimes daily, but I can never deny HIS existence and I can’t understand why anyone else would or could. Whether the belief if HE is the one and only SON OF GOD or not…HE must have been pretty important to be the “marking of time post”…. so to speak.

HE knew death was his future and sooner than later, better than anyone else. He carried on even though he was doomed from the start. He carried on…about the father’s business. I would guess that he had a bit of fear and questions. He questioned it even the night before. Also, HE was like US….so he felt the same pain and had some scary nights sleeping alone on the ground with a rock for a pillow.

Sometimes it does feel like we are just marking time and I suppose that is because in the natural world we really just are. So when we come to that moment, if we know and have the time to, will we ask for another chance to go to Disneyland or one more movie to watch or NASCAR Race? Will we want to shop ’til we drop or check our #TWITTER or FACEBOOK account one more time? Really…….what is so profound?

What WILL be the one thing we hope we can do again? I hope not one darn thing! I hope we do all the things we long to do while there is still time and I hope it is more like lay beside our husband and talk about nothing or kiss our children’s forehead. I hope our time spent on this earth has been full of these little moments…with no regrets.

Give the flowers to the living……hug the necks and kiss the foreheads. Walk in the new spring grass with bare feet, be surprised, be loved and love back. Allow the days to be filled with just what is important even if it is working our tired jobs. They serve a purpose also, they give us the other hours to be free and serve others, share our hearts and even waste some of that time.

All of US are dying, most of us just don’t know it.

 

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The lonesome year…….in Honor of my friend


In a few short days the one year anniversary of the death of one of my closest friends will be upon me. She was more than a friend, she was my preacher man husbands sister. From the first time I met her I made it my goal to win her over…..since I have two sisters of my own, I know girls and I knew pretty quick she was a contender.

She was a few years older than my preacher man which was fine until I realized she was my age. I am older also than him……which was not a problem…he was taller!(the logic I had back then!!) To him though, she was the dreaded big sister…and that was pretty much their relationship. This was going to be an uphill battle.

But, it turned out that it was pretty smooth. Me being a person who always wanted to be liked and her need to be the boss of him (not really, but she was already the enemy and I was soon becoming a traitor!)I think in his eyes at least I was on treacherous ground. It was understandable since in ALL families the kids are some days on the same side and on other days mortal enemies. Nothing so shocking about that. I am from a family of four kids…and we had four kids…….drama times four!

We did become fast friends and spent the next nearly thirty years, raising our kids, talking on the phone every day(thank you Lord for the invention of call waiting, that was about the death of me)since to get through the day we had long conversations about anything from baby rashes to the world news and everything in-between. Some days we would venture out of the house to tour the local Wal-Mart or fast food kid meals and playgrounds. Yep we had a big life….oh me!

Our families would hang out and we would cook great suppers and play cards and visit and compare our husbands. The rub was that mine was her baby brother….like I said treacherous grounds. But with many good and bad days…fights and fusses….prayers and intercession we were tight. Our lives were inter-twinned. She was my people….. my sister just as much as my two blood sisters and in the adult time of my life I was with her more.

So after one year with out her I can honestly say it has been hard. It wasn’t fair…we didn’t have enough time. There wasn’t enough time for her to spend with her grande babies. No one loved babies more than her. Where I liked only my kids…mostly, she loved to play with all babies(weird!) but sweet of her. Those grand babies were her heart after her two boys who were her pride and joy. She loved her boys and she was such a better sports mother than me….she was at every event, no matter the distance. In my defense…three kids on three different fields…..exhausting!

I could tell funny stories for days about our adventures, we were a cross between Lucy and Ethel and Laverne and Shirley; many stories are too unmentionable(funny as well as gross!) but most of them were silly, just like we were. We have shopped on the curbs of the finest homes(they leave their “junk” out there to be picked up)(we were recyclers before it was cool)and did every craft that was in style. She would call and say…”you up Ethel?…..lets go eat breakfast after the kids go to school” and we would go….pony tails and sweat pants, we didn’t care.

My loss is in no way anything like that of her husband and boys, but it is my pain. I had the best friend for a time…we were brutal on each other as well as full of love. This has been a lonesome year for me. I cherish my friends and I cherish the time I had with her. I am not sad for her, she is healed and beautiful and happy and where she lived her life to go, in heaven worshiping her Savior. I would not want her to come back to the pain she felt before she passed. I know I will see her again.

So in tribute to her, I post her picture as my header for my blog. This is the place I share my heart and I wanted to honor her in some small way, my way. Jesus knows my pain and he has carried me through. We all have lost people in our lives, I am nothing special but this is my friend…my sister….so this is my way to honor her. If she was writing this she would say…don’t weep for me, give your heart to the Lord, follow HIM, He is the Way, Truth and the Life, He brings peace and he loves YOU!

This is what I say also……Jesus is the only way.

John 3:16
John 3:16 (Photo credit: Martin LaBar)

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Listen up!


The Band Perry EP The Band Perry EP (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There is a beautiful song that has been on the charts for a while by a group called, The Band Perry, that is so haunting. I had to listen to it a few times to really get it…then I had to Google the lyrics because there was one line that is stellar! The lines are so good yet sad all at the same time.

No truer statement has been penned and I have included it here(in bold):

The Band Perry

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I’ll sell ’em for a dollar
They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’
Funny when you’re dead how people start listenin’

As a Mother I can relate to this line and even more, as a writer I can really feel it. Day in day out I type and ponder and attempt to bear my soul and share my heart. Maybe I am mistaken to do this, probably am…but this is just how I roll.

I guess I am attempting to record my memories and voice for my children and grandchildren, or at least I like to tell myself that. SO kids, did you know that Daisies are my very favorite flower, above all others? Did you know that my greatest joy is seeing your smiles? Did you know I have had the most fun of anyone you will ever know, in my life?…..as well as great sadness? Did you know that my need to be heard is so overwhelming it occupies too many of my thoughts…every day?.

The happiest flower in the world

Actually, if I were to be real about it….I have a voice and I know how to use it! If I am the only one who reads it..okay! After I started reading other blogs I saw that I am not so profound at all, not that I thought I was but I see that I am no different than most other people.

Most of us don’t actually live up to our gifting and abilities and seem to look forward to what can be…someday. This exercise in telling of my life is one step in doing what feels right for me. I also think it is probably the calm before the storm. I figure one day I will not be able to keep the filter up so well and really tell it like it is!

That will be when they take my computer away from me and I will have to kick it old school again with paper and pen journaling…..at this point it seems like such a daunting way to do it. Can’t believe I ever wrote all those words. Someday they will find them and confirm that I really was crazy!

It would be nice though if people would start listenin’ now!