Tag Archives: Alzheimers Disease

…location, location,location!

Miscellaneous, , , , , , , , , , , ,

English: This photograph is of the town square...
English: This photograph is of the town square in Lawrenceburg, TN with a statue of David Crockett in the center. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

At first glance one may presume this post is about real estate…and one would be correct, sorta! I have recently sold a house…a frustrating and futile episode of “…what ya give me for it?” and really, I know I made it harder on myself than it had to be. BUT….the heart wants what the heart wants….and with that being said, I have no excuses or apologies left in me…..It had to be over with, it was hard for me to breathe…enough said. (Feels like a mystery, huh? Not really just a epic “Lucy and Ethel” moment in time…. without the funny parts!) So to further explain my location jabber….we moved! Can I get an AMEN! AMEN,  AMEN!!

Not to look back on the last seven years with regret, I knew the Lord sent us back to Middle TN,  it was fun and we made many awesome friends who I hope will be friends forever. God always knows what is best for us and I am confident that HE knew what we needed and as usual he did and does. The time spent back from wince I came was very special to me, personally. I was able to go home again…it had changed…but so did I! I did many things that restored my fond memories; I went back to see our old home place in Readyville, my beloved farm, it had changed also, re-connected with my extended family, I have great Aunts and Uncles and my cousins whom I spent many a lazy days with growing up, barefoot and free, I love them all, went to a few of their funerals which was painful.. but glad I was there to honor them, visited with an old friend, one of the first girls I met when we moved to “town” from the farm, Judy Dawes (I thought her Mom was mean and she thought my two sisters were mean) was and will always be the girl who makes me laugh, she is a jewel of a friend and we ruled and reigned the Mitchell-Nielson neighborhood for many years (or so we thought), I felt the inspiration to start this blog, preacherswifeintheknow,  which ended up in my hometown newspaper, The Daily News Journal, Murfreesboro, Tn and I was honored……..one of my friends Parents had seen me and sent word they were proud of me…totally worth it!

The most precious times were spent with my Mom, I moved back here just at the beginning of her Alzheimers onset. The two years before I moved I had visited more than I ever had, I was needing to be close to her…to talk to my momma, get advice. Being a grown up is big and scary sometimes and going home to see your Momma is the only fix…and I did and I am forever thankful because I had that time, sweet time to say it all, ask it all, get healed from growing up. I don’t mean any disrespect…she did great, good Mom but circumstances were not always choice as in every family and it was good to talk it out…and looking back one of the greatest blessings the Lord has ever given me, time with her alone before she left us. She is still here, but she has left us…..in a Benjamin Button sort of backwardness, like she never was married or had five kids, just a young girl still at home with her parents…but now not even that…just words not making sense and still that big pretty smile. She is a beautiful woman.

I also reconnected with my two sisters, I needed that……we needed each other…funny how we fit back into our birth order even when you are older….makes life less complicated that way I think, I see that in my own brood and I am happy to watch it play out….It is orderly and yet frightening then  sometimes we see how one kid may jump in to take the lead even though they are the “down the line kid” which reminds me that we all have certain God given gifts and talents that are there waiting to be made use of….pretty cool.

LOCATION? Its all in your perspective…I do have a new physical location and I love it here, Lawrenceburg, TN, a “island” of sorts almost in Alabama…..yikes! pretty close for us UT VOLS! Small towns make me better…who would have thunk it! I still would love the opportunity to be in New York City, NY some day but for now I am very settled. I am not that far away from home, and my family, for a visit and the quaint kind of community here is what I missed. When I was a kid “going to town” meant something. I find it so much more fun to go to town and not live in town….where ya got to go to?…what is there to look forward to?…I had enough of Nashville traffic to do me for my lifetime. So here I am in my sweet (one story, thank the Lord!) house, in this cute small town (it at least has a Kroger! For which I didn’t have a job when I got here!…grrr…thats another story!) with our sweet church family who appears to adore their new Pastor and ME?(we could not be more blessed) and on the upside here…fresh home grown vegetables(yes, I am that carnal, I can be bought with fresh vegetables!) and there are many more benefits of location and the most important one is that we are where God put us. And to that I say thanks Lord and AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!!!

Hands extended

Alzheimers, Faith, Family, GOD, humor, hope, Miscellaneous, Mothers, Old Age, Parents, , , , , , , , , , , ,

My Mom looks at her hands constantly….she touches them, rubs and worries over them, she will even comment that her hands look so bad. I beg to differ with her…I consider them the strong symbols for a life lived, proof of her endurance.

wpid-photo-2.jpgYet she, seems surprised by the look of them….I know why, it is a daily reminder of the days lived, her age can’t  be hidden from her hands. All the beauty products in the world can’t conceal the well worn years, lipstick and blush can paint in our youth but, our hands reveal our true self.

Now that she has been overcome by the perils of Alzheimer’s, her life has shifted, she no longer is …”I am woman, hear me roar!”, a pseudo strength that propelled her to raise kids and work after divorce when not everyone was so understanding of her independence…she is although, still somewhat the master of her domain even within the realm of her small world now, it is baffling and yet touching to see these hardworking hands lend comfort to her new friends.

She extends kind words and a soft touch, holding the hands of those precious souls who have her same disease, maybe a little farther gone but, still in need of a friend. I witness hands that once cooked great food and that held my hands across my life, now helpful in the lives of others. She is showing kindness and love and actually ministering there in this home where she lives. I asked her once about her relationship with God, she quickly set me straight….”……..how do you think I ever got through my life without trusting in God!!!!!!!!” Special emphasis on the exclamation marks….she set me in my place! I will forever have hope that was her testimony and now her hands are His hands extended there in her world.

Although she frets the aged-ness revealed in her hands, I enjoy the touch of her gentle hands, the mother’s love that I long for, for which i felt I didn’t always get as much as I wanted, I am blessed to receive now. I find myself noticing my hands more, a few age spots….dang Sun worship.…now I know why Southern Belles wore those cute white gloves….should have thought that one out…oops. I am learning how important it is to connect with people, be present at the moment, especially now when the few moments I get to sit with her are running low.

Life is a gift…..our parents are gifts…..our children and grandchildren are our joy…..Life goes full circle. (I feel like I am about to break out singing The Lion King …….and no one wants that to happen!!!!)
But, I will say one line from an old song…..”put your hand in the hand of man that stilled the water…” and in the hand of someone who needs it. Thanks Mom for holding mine….still.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Put_Your_Hand_in_the_Hand

Enhanced by Zemanta

AGING, Alzheimer’ s and Angels

Family, GOD, Miscellaneous, , , , , , , , ,

There is a major truth about life and that is, we all die. That being said, the process can be a painful especially when faced with a debilitating disease. This process is a reality to many people and a real life come to Jesus for those of us who are the ones forgotten. Well maybe not forgotten just….not remembered.

Everyday begins a repetitive exercise in futility…..not for the precious soul we have lost but for the caregivers. The chronic disease of Alzheimer s is the dark curse of the aged. It is an overwhelmingly diligent disease that never ceases, but only gains strength as the days pass. Those left to cope are nearly as lost, not knowing how to deal with the new person in front of them.

Aging is a part of life. This is played out before us all in nature as an example. A tree starts out a small sapling and grows into a mighty Oak with high branches and long roots. Trees can survive the passing of time unless lightening strikes or a hurricane wind causes destruction. We marvel at the results from the spectacle of ….…“an act of God!” But what about a disease, there is nothing to marvel at there.

The cruelest of diseases is the slow moving root rot or disease that moves in, undetected for a while. Not until a hollow trunk reveals the bitter truth. All is lost, time to cut down. This is the story of Alzheimer s. It is a sly, sneaky bitter disease that is hard to realize at first, but comes on like gangbusters when it’s revealed. The hollow shell of a person is the real result of this dark curse. This “rabbit hole” is not what it’s cracked up to be.

Why does this happen…..how could it be prevented….what did we do wrong? No answer will suffice. There are no answers….only questions. It is like a  depletion of marrow from the bones and not only the precious soul who has the disease but also for the caregivers. It is one of the hardest days on earth to hug your Mother and her politely smile and say “Welcome!”…as if you are a stranger….because you are.

The hollow eyes of our elderly parent are a somber realization of the frailty of life. It is a first person, in your face ……{dramatic pause}…who’s next? When confronted with that question it becomes more real than any of us want to know. This person who birthed me, raised me, has fought the good fight only to be left clueless. Sometimes I think she is the lucky one, not knowing, selfishly knowing is unsettling…..but this is life and aging.

imageMy Mom was never a overly sweet person. She was kind and pleasant and with a big beautiful smile, very personable, but not sugary sweet. That was ok, she was tough, she had to be. Most people liked her, she worked in the public her whole life, she was beautiful and a force. Since her disease has changed her, she is precious, sweet and kind with a bigger personality than before, but she still has a wit, one-liners that always crack me up. As we have watched her downward spiral into this hollowness I see her more like a Angel. Her hair is a beautiful white now, her eyes are weak but seem to stare straight into my soul.

Not being a big fan of the big Angel pseudo worship world, not loving all the figurines and paraphernalia, I still can’t help but see her in this light, a childlike innocence that enjoys every visit, every hug, every holding of her hand. She wasn’t overtly affectionate either, but now she is. I hug her every chance I get….I hug her and breathe in…. her soul into mine.

I wish she knew me, I wish I could lay my head in her lap and feel comforted, but this AGING process is just that, a process. She has aged, she has Alzheimer’ s and she is a Angel to be with. This road has been long and painful, my prayers are for mercy for her and to be honest for us, her three girls, who look after her now, with the help of a great group of caregivers at a beautiful home, where we are comforted she is getting the best care possible. This is not done without help and no one has sacrificed more than my sister she had lived with for eleven years. We all would have done the same for her, but she will and has been blessed for the time spent caring for this woman who impacted us all so much.

Sweet Marie has three young girls(as she calls us now), and  just today she told me she misses and  loves “them”, then she said “I know they love me!” It was music to my ears and joy for my heart. It is sweet to hear her talk about us in such a way, keeping back the tears is the hard part. She had warm and fuzzy feelings for us back in the day, I know that now, a gift to me, a blessing for this youngest daughter. The answer to a question I have asked God many times, such a sweet gift for which I am thankful.cropped-408838_3013208655831_1430990521_33175807_236533728_n.jpg

Who will be next, will it be me? I don’t know and with my memory I seem to be a good bet, but if it is me, I pray my soft side…..(I really do have one y’all! ….Really!!!) shows up and allows me to age with the dignity of this strong southern woman.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Is this what is has come to?

Alzheimers, children, enjoyment, encouragement, Exercise, Family, Food, LIFE, Miscellaneous, Mothers, Old Age, Parents, pie, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

In my effort to be a good daughter, which by the way, I fail most days…..I went over to my Mom’s this afternoon for a visit. To my joy my sister was there, also and they were in one of their usual Scrabble games. My joy was big because it is easier to be there when she is there too. It is painfully hard to visit with my Mom and it is shameful that I even say this thing. This thing that she would...”jerk a knot in me!” for even saying. My Momma, of before  Alzheimer’s,would have scolded me for such an attitude…but now she is a mere shade of her old self.

It isn’t only the Alzheimer’s to contend with but he is…. hard-a-hearin’ too, as the old folks used to call it. If I am not close by and looking at her straight on she is clueless to what I am saying. This brings up another frustrating subject. About the time my Mom started showing signs of the Alzheimer’s, my sister took her and paid for her a set of hearing aids. Sweetest thing in this world BUT….as I had guessed would happen (because I am younger and smarter!) my Mom would not even wear them! Ugh!

This of course has been a lesson in patience for my dear sister who was doing her best to love our Mom through this act of kindness. But to no avai….l she may have worn them once and no more….the cost was not cheap and at this point down the drain or still in the box, as it were. So during this visit it was me speaking, as loud as I could (and I have a big loud mouth…no comments please!) only to hear HUH????....augh!!!Jesus take the wheel!

The only good part was that every time…I would crack my sister up while saying something funny or smarmy under my breath as to not let my Mom hear me(because somehow she hears that stuff)….my sis would bust up laughing and so would I and our poor Mom siting there saying ……HUH! Bless her heart….in my sick mind it has become a sort of drinking game (without the alcohol!) for me to see how many times I can make my sister laugh after our mom says…HUH!

I am sure there is a special layer of Hell for people like me….and this will come back to haunt me when  I am eighty-three.  The conversation could not get more depressing though…(Mom)…”I have a knot on my head,…(sister) might be a mole?…..(ME)…I can call you Knot-head!…(Mom)……you would have to call me knot-face it’s on my face! Oh geez…the next time she brought it up (ten minutes later) the knot was on the other side of her head/face! Is this what it has come too? Sitting around talking about all the aches and pains we have and to top it off….. also she informed us we need to do sit ups as to lose the weight around our middles and then showed us how!….. for which my response was….”I think sit-ups are out of style now!”

I can honestly say that if what goes around comes around and I know it does (I am living proof) then good luck kids…all four of you can flip a coin to see who is stuck coming to see me on Sunday afternoon! Please know that I don’t blame you a bit….I know how you feel. What is the big deal about getting old? The big deal is we want things to stay the same…some things like our Momma’s. I want chicken and dumplins’ and chocolate pie like she can only make. That I will never get again…..bummer!I want to be able to tell her all my woes and her listen.

So to my crew….I will be with you in my heart…even if you don’t realize it and I have to say I know my Mom would be the first to gripe if this was her Mom…..actually I think she did, less than me of course because I am way more sarcastic than her….like I said, special layer of Hell waiting on me…..ouch!

Enhanced by Zemanta