My kingdom for a cracker!


It has been twenty four hours…..only twenty four hours, since my death sentence or should I say, fear of death sentence and gee I am pathetic…..YES, I WOULD TURN STATES EVIDENCE FOR A CRACKER!
If only I had any evidence of anything, what a time to be without “the goods” on anyone.

 

Coca-Cola
Coca-Cola (Photo credit: DeusXFlorida (3,602,616 views) – thanks guys!)

 

I am trying to decide if this headache is a no carb headache, I drink caffeine filled unsweetened tea, I have conquered that battle long ago. Being a southern girl I have gone against my raising…but, it wasn’t so bad and NO “co_colas” (the real name in case there is any question) for a long while also! I think I just have a headache…and I am hungry..again!

 

It feels as if I am eating all the time….but I am not, although I am feeling my hunger zone(Gwen Shamblin would be so proud) and I think that my body is weak and sad or maybe I am just hearing the yelps that couldn’t get through the barrier of starches built up; a forcefield of flour that sticks like baby powder all over the bathroom.

 

This may become the most ridiculous post if I don’t stop……but everything within me struggles with the introduction of meat and cheese and a lot of it….well more than usual for me and the lack of crackers/bread etc. filling me up is weird. But I will forge ahead, dragging my headache head along, looking forward to FREEDOM!

 

In case I do get any “goods” on anyone…someone have the white bread at the ready!

 

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january 2nd…already failed!


Welcome new year...oh how I loathe YOU.…..the guilt has already started…..yep, I am already late on my Bible reading program, remembered it tonight at church ……at prayer service……ugh….I am a failure already! Okay,…… get caught up tonite, yep…..that is the plan….the mornings are for Old Testament….evenings are for the New Testament….Matthew 1 and 2 (…all the genealogy of Jesus -yada yada…….and the Christmas story, etc. which feel redundant right about now!) and catches me up thru today January 2…whew! Now what I have left Genesis 1, 2, 3 and 4, 5, 6 respectively. So the Creation…Adam and Eve being totally ignorant which cuts all of us out of Eden…ugh! Then the first recorded murder….way to go guys! and all the way up to Noah. Really had a big start first people of the earth…way to GO! Screwed it up for the rest of us.

I suppose it is smart to read Old then New since the old makes me want to scream aloud…HEY!!! Knuckleheads…you HAD IT MADE!!!! So when I read the NEW it makes it all go down a little better, GOD intervened and gave us an out…..and this could not be kinder of him. Don’t you know he was screaming too? Like any “parent” he probably felt the struggles……if he can feel pain, he was sorry for us I imagine. It is so hard to wait and watch…..I know this too well.

So, on the second day of the new year I was already behind in more ways then one…along with the most important one that feeds my soul, I am behind on the walking commitment. Once again, I think in my heart...I WILL DO IT.…I even have had a gentle (she lies!) reminder yesterday. I have a family member who is the same age as my daughter that I just adore. She has struggles with walking; she has lived with a frustrating physical impediment since birth. No person has ever blessed so many through her struggles, actually, because of her FAITH in GOD even though she struggles. Her prayers are straight from God, her spirit is strong although her body frail. Her life is a testimony to her faith and the faith of her parents and sister.

I had posted a goofy New Years Resolutions post on Facebook concerning weight loss—-(FBAnyone been thinking about New Year’s Resolutions? Me? Thinking about….. doing something about……considering the options……for my ginormous full figured……let’s just say…….personality! (left myself an out there…did ya catch that?) OK your turn……..go!)…….and my precious cousin privately messaged me  and while I was playing cards with my adult kids and and my husband was in the room also….I began to read aloud her message to me…..YOU COULD HEAR A PIN DROP!!!

AUGH!!!!! Dead men sitting…..she slayed us! The room filled with conviction as she explains how she has worked on being able to walk about 20 minutes a day (she walks in her neighborhood…with a walker…cold/hot weather….everyday!) and she would love to work up to a 5K…!!!!! OH MY LORD! Here I sit…like a slobbbbbb! Too lazy to even walk in the next room to get my other pair of glasses so I ask one of the kids to……I want to stab my eyeballs out….I am un-clean!!!!! We ALL gave an unbearable gasp….then the kids yell…oh great, thanks! They love our precious cousin, they felt the pain I was feeling…we were all guilty…me being the worse(in my mind!). This was in no way her mission…that is not her way, BUT it just happened….I love that young lady and have had God speak to me several times through her.

So to update: Forgot to read my daily Bible verses...check! Avoided taking even a walk to the mailbox…check! and that was just yesterday…January 1st!!! Today I am reminded….although I have had two salads…I still have not cut out the white foods! The doctor said…”if it’s white don’t bite!”…crash and burned…Still eat like a pig?……check! So to bring it all home….on January 2nd…two days into the New Year…..I am already a failure…..

I can do this I tell myself…..I have read the Bible in a year before…actually sooner….I feel confident in that one. I am a preachers wife don’tcha know….perfect and all…PLEASE!!! And a long time ago…like 20 flippin’ years ago (Good Lord, I am so ashamed!) I was a walker…took the kids to school and went to walk at the Baptist Churches Gym with all the “old folks” for which I am one now…I did enjoy walking….. now LAZY though; and then eating right…well….not so confident there. Believe it or not…I have never dieted! Ok I take that back, if you know me it is not hard to believe it….my meaning is I never really had to way back when….B.H. (before Hysterectomy!) I carried a bit too much weight but not in this extreme….I am a reality program! I expect TLC to call any day now!

SO there you have it….I have cut myself open….bleeding and afraid….what to do next? Go to bed, get up in the morning, take my boy to school and try harder. Looking for anyone who struggles also. Feel free to join me in my efforts. Many people have so much to struggle with, I am ridiculous to even compare myself….my precious cousin for one, but she is always smiling. I keep a picture of her on my computer…walking to remind me to get off my BEHIND and make something of myself…..

Tomorrow I get to read about Genesis 7,8,9..the flood, Noah and rainbows and Matthews story of John the Baptist…gotta love that guy! Yes, I peeked ahead…it is so good I can’t wait!!!

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Is this what is has come to?


In my effort to be a good daughter, which by the way, I fail most days…..I went over to my Mom’s this afternoon for a visit. To my joy my sister was there, also and they were in one of their usual Scrabble games. My joy was big because it is easier to be there when she is there too. It is painfully hard to visit with my Mom and it is shameful that I even say this thing. This thing that she would...”jerk a knot in me!” for even saying. My Momma, of before  Alzheimer’s,would have scolded me for such an attitude…but now she is a mere shade of her old self.

It isn’t only the Alzheimer’s to contend with but he is…. hard-a-hearin’ too, as the old folks used to call it. If I am not close by and looking at her straight on she is clueless to what I am saying. This brings up another frustrating subject. About the time my Mom started showing signs of the Alzheimer’s, my sister took her and paid for her a set of hearing aids. Sweetest thing in this world BUT….as I had guessed would happen (because I am younger and smarter!) my Mom would not even wear them! Ugh!

This of course has been a lesson in patience for my dear sister who was doing her best to love our Mom through this act of kindness. But to no avai….l she may have worn them once and no more….the cost was not cheap and at this point down the drain or still in the box, as it were. So during this visit it was me speaking, as loud as I could (and I have a big loud mouth…no comments please!) only to hear HUH????....augh!!!Jesus take the wheel!

The only good part was that every time…I would crack my sister up while saying something funny or smarmy under my breath as to not let my Mom hear me(because somehow she hears that stuff)….my sis would bust up laughing and so would I and our poor Mom siting there saying ……HUH! Bless her heart….in my sick mind it has become a sort of drinking game (without the alcohol!) for me to see how many times I can make my sister laugh after our mom says…HUH!

I am sure there is a special layer of Hell for people like me….and this will come back to haunt me when  I am eighty-three.  The conversation could not get more depressing though…(Mom)…”I have a knot on my head,…(sister) might be a mole?…..(ME)…I can call you Knot-head!…(Mom)……you would have to call me knot-face it’s on my face! Oh geez…the next time she brought it up (ten minutes later) the knot was on the other side of her head/face! Is this what it has come too? Sitting around talking about all the aches and pains we have and to top it off….. also she informed us we need to do sit ups as to lose the weight around our middles and then showed us how!….. for which my response was….”I think sit-ups are out of style now!”

I can honestly say that if what goes around comes around and I know it does (I am living proof) then good luck kids…all four of you can flip a coin to see who is stuck coming to see me on Sunday afternoon! Please know that I don’t blame you a bit….I know how you feel. What is the big deal about getting old? The big deal is we want things to stay the same…some things like our Momma’s. I want chicken and dumplins’ and chocolate pie like she can only make. That I will never get again…..bummer!I want to be able to tell her all my woes and her listen.

So to my crew….I will be with you in my heart…even if you don’t realize it and I have to say I know my Mom would be the first to gripe if this was her Mom…..actually I think she did, less than me of course because I am way more sarcastic than her….like I said, special layer of Hell waiting on me…..ouch!

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Dear Diary


Dear Diary!

20120420-090733.jpgDay two walking around the block with Buddy … oh boy! I was dragging my big feet along only to be shown up by this skippy little friend of mine … ugh, man’s best friend my foot!

He could have cared less that I was in mortal pain and, as much as I want to blame it on my bum foot, I really can’t. It’s my pumpkin shaped, lard filled, jiggle-jiggle body! Dear Diary…..must loose weight!

We actually walked twenty-five minutes this time, went wild and did a random cul-de-sac which Buddy thought would have some interesting smells, but to his disappointment, in the same way Yukon Cornelius from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer responded … th, th, th, nutin’! He literally seemed disgusted. But hey, we got five more minutes on our “walk one hour a day” goal.

20120420-090757.jpgI must say my zeal wasn’t like it was yesterday. It was windy. Yep, that was it, it was the winds fault! That works for me. As I sit here unable to move … ugh!, and I think I am smelly … time for a shower, this leading by example part is a killer. I have committed to taking an active role in my health and well-being.

It is amazing how much thinkin’ you can accomplish out there on the walking trek … which is probably why I like it so much. Sometimes I nearly drive myself crazy thinkin’ so much. The only person I know who seems to be like me is my youngest son and he chatters like me too, we are quite a combo!

Dear Diary, tomorrow is not a school day and I don’t have to be up early. Lord, help me get up and walk!

I guess I do owe it to Buddy! We are gonna have to go a different direction for some new smells and some pretty flower specimens, though. There is always something for both of us!

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Twenty minutes of heaven


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“They” say that to begin on a fitness path it begins with the first step…..but for my scruffy dawg it begins with the first sniff….sniff, sniff! My faithful friend and I made a conscious choice for our collective health and well-being, I have noticed his self loathing and secretive trips to his bowl late at night! Bless his heart. So for twenty minutes this morning he was in heaven!
I have to be his support system, I know what it is like to feel out of control and if I can be an encouragement to him then I must. What kind of friend would I be if not.
So right out of the shute he heads straight for the monkey grass, he ponders there a little too long, think he likes the feathery feeling as he walks over it…then he relieves himself….then to the rose bush…hmmm better just sniff that one!

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Then to the gutter drain for which my son and his cohort lost the frisbee in, for which they used “duct tape” to retrieve it and then proceeded to use tape to cover drain…with no thought mind you of the next big rain and the back up of water when it can’t drain properly or actually maybe just the debris! The logic of teenagers!
So we walked the neighborhood and I have never seen a dog more happy …..he sniffed and tinkled and etc more than I could ever imagine, he’s a little punk dog so I am not sure where he puts it all….not to worry now he’s good for the day!
Somehow it is more enjoyable to walk with this fella, not so lonesome dragging my out of shape(I have a shape, it is just like a big ole’ apple!) body around the block. I did good for my current foot condition, nine days after face planting on the stairs at the Curb Center. My foot is still painful, green and purple… Swelly and ugly but I have had a hanker ( a southern word by the way) to start walking again. At my present size it is the one thing I can do.
Take care of your body people!! I was told that a million times and now I know why….ugh!
The walk was good though, I love to look at the houses and the flowers and this one tree was covered with ivy for which I think is beautiful, although it appears to be a great place to find snakes sooo I will just admire from afar!
It is very relaxing to walk (listen to me waxing poetic about how enjoyable walking is…..see if I do it again in the morning!!! I crack myself up!) the neighborhood and look at all the houses which is the best part. My scruffy friend would probably disagree, he seems to love the smell of every single mailbox and to mock all the other dogs that are trapped behind the fences like he usually is. He appears to walk or strut a little taller when a neighbor dog starts barking…. and I guess it makes me walk a little taller knowing this is one thing that makes my Buddy happy! Not that he asks for much…he’s a very sweet friend and a good frisbee player by the way!
After twenty minutes of walking at a pretty brisk pace we are back home only to come back to the same silly rose bush…..still prickly Buddy! Good walk dude!

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