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…just keep on walkin’!

I have been questioning in the past few years, months, days…..minutes and seconds, exactly what in the world is going on. If I look to the right or the left (yes, I know we are not suppose to look right and left! busted!) I see destruction all around. Many people are searching also, for the correct route to follow, which door to open and waiting to just catch a break. Needless to say, I am not alone.

Transformation is always hard, sketchy even, and just like a butterfly, we have to go through a lot of slimy, squishy, icky situations to become  or get to where we need to be. That butterfly never knows what is gonna happen until later when he/she is fully developed and flutters around able to then see all those other sad little cocoons hanging about…squirming around, uncomfortable and feeling bound up unable to get free. Oh how we can relate!

I have been guilty of the squirming and complaining; attempting to figure out the plan…is there a back door?…or even a window….some way to escape….NOPE!.…. the only answer that is before me...to just keep on walkin’! AUGH!!! NOT WHAT I WANTED TO KNOW! Where is MacGyver when you need him? Where is the fake door, secret passageway? I know I am God‘s favorite one, He shows me and has shown me that plenty of times, right? If anything I am discerning, right?

Yeah, Yeah, sure, sure and with six you get egg roll! (old movie reference, by the way!) I have gone through the ritual of repeating all the cute refrigerator magnet sayings, the book of promises, all the highlighted scriptures that “really got me!” I have checked myself out against Proverbs..(besides a little bit of sluggard-ness from time to time, I am ok!) and eventually poked around the book of James, and note to self…do not go there again! ugh! I have thought and prayed and talked and counseled the most astute of all my peeps who I trust to know what’s what. From all this searching I have come up with one small solution.

Just keep on walkin’! The consensus is in……keep my eyes focused on the one who is leading me and just keep on walkin”! There is no better way to see this revelation than to be confronted with the enemy of those of us who keep on keepin’ on. Sometimes the exposure of “little foxes” spoiling the vine is all it takes…..it can stir up the fire inside me to just not take it anymore. In my weakness I just want to walk away…it just ain’t worth it,…. ya know? To have every portion of your life turned inside out, the very things that were unshakable…solid and could never be questioned……Well guess what…never say never! My very heart has been cut and spilled out on the floor and trampled on…..BUT NOT ANYMORE! (I have to keep telling myself that!)

Now is the time to STAND….therefore STAND! I will not allow them, whoever them is, to win. I doubt I have anything on JOB, as a matter of fact I know I don’t but he kept the faith so why am I so frail…..I don’t want to shock anyone to be so vocal about my plight, I am the PREACHERS WIFE don’tcha know! WOOHOO! (translation: servant of God). Since God is no respecter of persons I am in the same hole as everyone else which is nice to know on the one hand, on the other hand…really! GOD did you know I AM A PREACHERS WIFE?? Cut me some slack here would ya? Nope….and that’s okay too. Just means I have to try even harder to be a person that could help someone else along the way.

I have been blessed with some women who have been mentors in my life. Some are old friends and some have been new in my life. Some of them are precious prayer saints that no one would even have ever heard of and others are in the popular crowd. Sometimes one of those who you would not expect to hear from lends an ear and an encouraging word; shares personal testimony of how the Lord has made a way by a big miracle or given the where-with-all to figure it out ourselves. We need to hear those stories, it encourages us and to realize that you are  not so “big time” that you open up your life to help the rest of us, is admirable as well as Godly. I notice it and even more God does too, humble servant of God.

I have been given a challenge, let the haters be haters and the ignorant stay ignorant….turning a deaf ear to all the mumbo jumbo of ones who have the spiritual gift of being a pot stir, I just don’t have the time. I must just keep on walkin’ in the power and grace of the one who sent me. We are more than conquerors and it is high time we take our place as the leaders we are called to be. I have been pushed around too long, not mad ….just have a made up mind. I am not going anywhere but where God wants me to go.

I will just keep on walkin’ as long as he is leading me.


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Who Done It?

I can’t leave the past holiday time without a reflection on one of the prettiest signs of the season…the majestic Poinsettia plant/flower. Just as the first signs of springs, the Crocus and Daffodils, poke their little htn-1ead’s thru the hard earth, to reveal hope for the coming spring….so goes it with the Poinsettia. These plants scream…..MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

This year, someone very special sent me one, very dramatically I might add, from a real florist…all festive and decorated up, huge and fancy. I was taken aback…..I LOVE TO RECEIVE FLOWERS!!! It is my guilty pleasure….(well…. one of them) and I know it is a waste of good money ..blah blah blah….but, if something causes this much joy then WHY NOT? The drama was…. it is still a mystery who…. it came from….WHO DONE IT? I guess I could have called the florist and begged to know…but, why take all the fun out of it?

Many people took credit for the gift, once I thanked the secret flower sender on FACEBOOK …everyone chimed in, it was them….and that is okay too. It made the love feel even more huge. I have a sneaky suspicion who may have sent it….but, If they had wanted me to know they would have signed the card with more than...LOVE YA! But that is enough and what I needed to hear and feel so it was great. Sometimes this is the difference between hanging on or giving up…..I will take all the LOVE YA’S I can get!

So to my friend, whom ever you may be…THANK YOU for making my day and I hope that you get back just as good a friend as I have in you…whoever you may be…..and I hope I am that to you too……

tnGood bye sweet Poinsettia…you were on your way out and this cold icy frost did you in but it sure looks pretty on you!

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Slam Book?

Like a cat that is hiding under the curtain in the living room are people. Let me explain….as a person who has grown up her whole life with cats…indoor and our door cats, gray striped (my fave) yellow tabby, Siamese, black and white, basically all kinds…I know cats. They are very smart and most days smarter than me. But, sometimes they are not so smart. Sometimes they hide, like under the bottom of the curtains and because their heads are hidden they think everything else is…..although their hind end is hanging out with that long tail just a twitching! We think because the world we see is right (in our own eyes) that everyone else should see it that way too. Time to cover our “behinds” y’all.

Facebook logo Español: Logotipo de Facebook Fr...
Facebook logo Español: Logotipo de Facebook Français : Logo de Facebook Tiếng Việt: Logo Facebook (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

And so is my point…...PEOPLE! We talk and talk…blah, blah, blah expounding all our limited wisdom for all the world to hear or read (Example:Exhibit A-my blog) without any thought of the audience. In my defense I do think about it. Given my chosen calling…I must use restraint and even more as a decent human I am sensible and choose my words. If I ever really typed all this that is swirling around in my head all the time, I promise it would not be pretty. The censors would have to be employed and reg

ulations enforced and lots of fur would fly! The sanctification button is pressed as the words come down the pike….the filters come on and kindness is turned on.

Most days my temper/frustration button is just waiting to be turned on….I am a women of a certain age with a large family…and a dog. I got issues! But, It is not cool if I slam everyone I know….I must have GRACE and live peaceably with my fellow man. It is not that y’all don’t make me mad time to time….that I don’t think that every moron within the sound of my voice doesn’t take a special trip down my street just to aggravate me. They DO! But, it is not my job nor place to BLAST them all!

I know I always go back to one of my favorite TV programs…The King of Queens but, really if you watch this show you have my life. Not totally of course but in a nutshell. The woman, Doug‘s wife is me if I would allow myself…..and if I did not have any kind of GOD spirit which dwells within me. I LOVE HER…Carrie and even more Leah Remini ,the actress. I think she is pretty rough in real life also!? Just last night I actually laughed out loud. I have seen it a 100 times and yet it cracks me up still.

The King of Queens
The King of Queens (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Carrie was eating with Doug and her father, Arthur. Arthur was slurping soup then blew his nose, Doug was eating corn, loudly and then guzzling a Beer then burped and nearly puked….at that point Carrie got up and left the table….Oh my Lord….welcome to my world. Not just my pack of men but, all people. Y’all eat like PIGS! out there people. When did we stop dining..slow down….eat, the world will still be there when you are finished.

Okay that was a rabbit trail, but my point still holds up, keep private things private. We do not have to tell everything we know. I am guilty of telling a lot about ME…but it is ME and no names are given for anyone else. Not that it may be hard to figure ME out…but people who do not know me personally many not be able to. My need to be transparent may not be anyone else’s and if I were to do a SLAM BOOK each time someone disagrees with me then boy I would be busy.

Facebook and Twitter are not the pulpit for us to fuss about people. Even if we are not naming names, the names we are not naming KNOW IT IS THEM! And they will zip right back a rude statement of fact that resembles something like….YOU SUCK! These things should be done in private..there is a private message button and of course people will be offended because yes they know you are talking about them…..think about it…why are we so quick to blast someone? (kinda like I am. …..not?) I am really not, I just feel sad for young and old brains who feel the need to vent against someone else.

Facebook is a great venue for all our pictures and praise reports and football game screams and just general yada-yada! No one wants to watch a battle play out in wide open public. It makes us all feel uncomfortable and makes you look petty and ugly. Keep it simple okay….there is so much scary stuff in the world….let this be a place for happy, happy, joy, joy…please.

So I geuss it is about time for me to do my daily Bible reading….I promise it will be about, judge not lest you be judged! Never fails I get it right back in spades!! I love you all!

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january 2nd…already failed!

Welcome new year...oh how I loathe YOU.…..the guilt has already started…..yep, I am already late on my Bible reading program, remembered it tonight at church ……at prayer service……ugh….I am a failure already! Okay,…… get caught up tonite, yep…..that is the plan….the mornings are for Old Testament….evenings are for the New Testament….Matthew 1 and 2 (…all the genealogy of Jesus -yada yada…….and the Christmas story, etc. which feel redundant right about now!) and catches me up thru today January 2…whew! Now what I have left Genesis 1, 2, 3 and 4, 5, 6 respectively. So the Creation…Adam and Eve being totally ignorant which cuts all of us out of Eden…ugh! Then the first recorded murder….way to go guys! and all the way up to Noah. Really had a big start first people of the earth…way to GO! Screwed it up for the rest of us.

I suppose it is smart to read Old then New since the old makes me want to scream aloud…HEY!!! Knuckleheads…you HAD IT MADE!!!! So when I read the NEW it makes it all go down a little better, GOD intervened and gave us an out…..and this could not be kinder of him. Don’t you know he was screaming too? Like any “parent” he probably felt the struggles……if he can feel pain, he was sorry for us I imagine. It is so hard to wait and watch…..I know this too well.

So, on the second day of the new year I was already behind in more ways then one…along with the most important one that feeds my soul, I am behind on the walking commitment. Once again, I think in my heart...I WILL DO IT.…I even have had a gentle (she lies!) reminder yesterday. I have a family member who is the same age as my daughter that I just adore. She has struggles with walking; she has lived with a frustrating physical impediment since birth. No person has ever blessed so many through her struggles, actually, because of her FAITH in GOD even though she struggles. Her prayers are straight from God, her spirit is strong although her body frail. Her life is a testimony to her faith and the faith of her parents and sister.

I had posted a goofy New Years Resolutions post on Facebook concerning weight loss—-(FBAnyone been thinking about New Year’s Resolutions? Me? Thinking about….. doing something about……considering the options……for my ginormous full figured……let’s just say…….personality! (left myself an out there…did ya catch that?) OK your turn……..go!)…….and my precious cousin privately messaged me  and while I was playing cards with my adult kids and and my husband was in the room also….I began to read aloud her message to me…..YOU COULD HEAR A PIN DROP!!!

AUGH!!!!! Dead men sitting…..she slayed us! The room filled with conviction as she explains how she has worked on being able to walk about 20 minutes a day (she walks in her neighborhood…with a walker…cold/hot weather….everyday!) and she would love to work up to a 5K…!!!!! OH MY LORD! Here I sit…like a slobbbbbb! Too lazy to even walk in the next room to get my other pair of glasses so I ask one of the kids to……I want to stab my eyeballs out….I am un-clean!!!!! We ALL gave an unbearable gasp….then the kids yell…oh great, thanks! They love our precious cousin, they felt the pain I was feeling…we were all guilty…me being the worse(in my mind!). This was in no way her mission…that is not her way, BUT it just happened….I love that young lady and have had God speak to me several times through her.

So to update: Forgot to read my daily Bible verses...check! Avoided taking even a walk to the mailbox…check! and that was just yesterday…January 1st!!! Today I am reminded….although I have had two salads…I still have not cut out the white foods! The doctor said…”if it’s white don’t bite!”…crash and burned…Still eat like a pig?……check! So to bring it all home….on January 2nd…two days into the New Year…..I am already a failure…..

I can do this I tell myself…..I have read the Bible in a year before…actually sooner….I feel confident in that one. I am a preachers wife don’tcha know….perfect and all…PLEASE!!! And a long time ago…like 20 flippin’ years ago (Good Lord, I am so ashamed!) I was a walker…took the kids to school and went to walk at the Baptist Churches Gym with all the “old folks” for which I am one now…I did enjoy walking….. now LAZY though; and then eating right…well….not so confident there. Believe it or not…I have never dieted! Ok I take that back, if you know me it is not hard to believe it….my meaning is I never really had to way back when….B.H. (before Hysterectomy!) I carried a bit too much weight but not in this extreme….I am a reality program! I expect TLC to call any day now!

SO there you have it….I have cut myself open….bleeding and afraid….what to do next? Go to bed, get up in the morning, take my boy to school and try harder. Looking for anyone who struggles also. Feel free to join me in my efforts. Many people have so much to struggle with, I am ridiculous to even compare myself….my precious cousin for one, but she is always smiling. I keep a picture of her on my computer…walking to remind me to get off my BEHIND and make something of myself…..

Tomorrow I get to read about Genesis 7,8,9..the flood, Noah and rainbows and Matthews story of John the Baptist…gotta love that guy! Yes, I peeked ahead…it is so good I can’t wait!!!

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Peyton ….who needs ya!!

Not that I am any big sports fan and anyone that knows me can attest to that but, really Peyton? You have to know that all of Tennessee or at least the die-hard University of TN (GO VOLS!!!) fans were praying and fasting (which is ridiculous, btw)for their boy to come back home. Really, would you be surprised?

I lived in the Knoxville area for more than twenty-six years, I married an East TN boy, a die-hard UT fan, tried and true. I was there when you splashed on the scene to bring the VOLS home with victories….there was nobody like you. You were everywhere. We couldn’t turn on the television without enduring those sweet St. Mary’s Hospital commercials with you and the Nuns. Very quaint and endearing. You were the face of Knoxville at that time with the exception of Pat Head Summit, the VOLS Women’s BBall coach, the best one ever no less! And might I point out…hasn’t left us! Two words…LOY-AL!

So when you leave the Colts and go shopping around for a new team and you actually come on over and tease us this way….well that was just mean. Nashville, which is where we live now….and was my hometown area, was all giddy over the prospect of our Tennessee VOL hometown hero coming back to finish out here. Literally the place was all a Twitter! and Facebook, TV news reports, news papers and etcetera! etcetera! etcetera! as Willy Wonka would say! Once again, PEYTON FEVER! UGH!

My own dear saintly husband…the dyed in the wool UT fan, the man who made me denounce Vanderbilt before he would marry me because, I was a VOLS fan NOW……….this poor man who works hard and has few carnal things he asks for, walks in the door today…his head hung low, barely able to take one more step……crushed in defeat!

“Honey what’s wrong” …I say in my sweet loving wife voice. He being a preacher I thought…… maybe he lost his favorite Bible or one our church folks were sick, or at least ……he lost his golf match (and I was sooo glad he went, good exercise and vitamin D) that he just came home from for which is the first time he has played in months and months. A big fat NO!

NO Peyton it’s all your fault! You in one single decision, selfishly and without any concern for all the fans who loyally have followed you “Through the Years”…….(picture in your head if you will…Kenny Rogers singing song by same name, for drama), Peyton you had the option to pay us all back in one fail swoop but NO! Selfishness is so ugly and I hope when it snows so deep where you are going you remember our nice mild winters here in the great State ofTennessee.

Sure Peyton, life will go on, my precious husband of thirty years will live to love another player, and as I comfort him in the sweet caring loving way that all who know me will be assured I will just repeat these words…….

Peyton…who needs ya!


I don’t think our uniform looks very good on you anyways!


This was written in fun….I really could care less….just saying!

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Soothes MY Soul

Today I spent some time at my Mom’s. It was later in the afternoon and I was getting a feeling for nap time! Mostly because her house is always warm, well to be honest it is HOT! But that is to be expected, she is elderly. I can’t believe I just called her that. Never in all my born days have I thought of my mom as elderly. She never has been until now. Truth be known, if she knew I called her that she would probably skin me alive!

I wish that she could know. I wish she was the same, quick to set things straight, lady I have always known. She is but a shadow of her former self. Her mind has retreated in so many ways and her momentary memory is all that is left. Thankfully she is in good health otherwise, for which I am so thankful, it would be more sorrowful if not. Even so, she is sweet and kindhearted now, two adjectives I would have thought of her in the past, just not as obvious. She was always a good woman, strong and forthright. But she wasn’t much drama, pretty much just a straight shooter. “Just the facts!” (I must be more like my Dad…all drama!)

The time I spend with her now is hard and taxing. The crazy part is that it has gotten hard for me just in the last few months. Before I was able to take it in stride, dealt with it pretty good before, and I even felt pretty proud of myself and felt the need to help my sisters wrap their heads around this disease. Pretty smug considering now it is a struggle for me. I am not sure why, maybe because the amount of loss we have had lately. Losing my sister-in-law to cancer last year took a toll on me I know.

Daily I miss her. Daily I search my mind for remnants of her. I still have the last four voice mails on my cell phone she sent me. I listen to them often as well as the last stream of texts. She was reminding me to be careful on the cruise we were about to board with all the mishaps, husbands and wives falling overboard and all. I think she had an over and under bet on me and her brother and if you knew her and us that would be believable. We constantly ragged her poor brother about everything — not that he ever knew it! It was our own little world. Her being his OLDER sister made for plenty of wars. He was pretty obnoxious I am sure as any little brother can be. I think their mom would make her take him on dates with her and her boyfriends! Recipe for murder I say!! SO who could blame them for their lack of warm fuzzies about each other! She would describe the little boy and I would defend the grown up man — a never-ending test of wills. I eventually won that battle and she agreed. She loved him despite herself which is the best ending of all.

I often remember the crazy conversations we had. One minute we would be deciding on what to cook our crews for supper and then without skipping a beat go into a story of our many yard sale adventures and my search EVERY TIME for a bathroom. YES, I did ask people to use theirs. She would go hide in the car, humiliated yet laughing her a#& off! (only word that can be used there, it is a Bible word, by the way! Just in case, forgive me Lord!) It would almost be a dare and the funny thing was people would let me. She would say she couldn’t believe I had the nerve to ask and I would say I couldn’t believe they would be so dumb to let me!! Me a stranger, though my only agenda was to potty and not have to leave such a good sale to drive a gazillion miles to a gas station. As a side bonus I did get to see some pretty cool houses! We were also famous for dragging home old furniture from the curbs….good times! The best of times and had I known they would be over so soon….whew makes me tear up again.

So when I go to my Mom’s house I guess I am realizing that the time will come when I will have to say good-bye to her. It is all so “in your face” this slow death. It is a fact of life that is a bitter pill. Not for the one who dies but for those of us left behind. I know where my sister-in-law is and I know she wouldn’t come back if given the choice but, still so very hard. Today her son made a funny (to me) comment on Facebook about a driver in front of him and I belly laughed because it was HER spit out! She, like me, was a verbal driver and had no patience for ignoramuses who pretend to know how to drive and when I read his comment it was hysterical.

Things like that give me comfort…maybe I am the only one, but when I hear or see something that reminds me of someone I love it is soothing to my soul. Her children do arise and call her blessed and every time I see a red bird — Cardinal — I am reminded of my Mom, though she doesn’t remember know that she used to love to see them. I do and it soothes my soul. I too will arise and call her blessed.

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