Tag Archives: New year

Midnight

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I am not sure why BABIES pick the most awkward time to be born….. Probably to prepare us for life with a baby. Of course my first experience was just this way…at the stroke of midnight just after I had lay down to rest my swollen feet(whole body!)… HERE COMES THE BOOM!

After dragging his feet a solid month, yep a month late, he….the blessed boy child decides to show up. Not that I am complaining mind you, I began to think he would just stay there until first grade! Being my first one it took some time, hurry up and wait we did, hospital nurse replied……..“just rest a bit and come in around five…a.m.!!! Seriously, wait five hours.…I might explode, I could burst…..I mean I already had the worst thing ever..ya know the water breaking trauma…..nothing prepares one for this!

Wait we did, starring at each other, my husband of almost two years and I ..truth be known probably thinking…….what have we gotten ourselves into? Too excited to really think about it, we jumped in the car, his awesome Trans Am( do they make those anymore?) until you have to cram a carseat in it!!!!……Which we soon sold for, I am sad to say…a older Buick. Growing up has its downside!…….On this day we were off to get a baby, one way or the other.

By 9:00 am the doctor exploded into my room exclaiming we had to “get this baby out!”... geez, he scared us to death, we were both snoozing, I had NO PAIN, NO CONTRACTIONS, NO FUTURE HOPES OF DELIVERY….this was easy, couldn’t figure why I heard so much fuss about it! Little did I know we were in for some drama, gonna have a C-section..oops, that was not planned on.

By 1:15 pm I hear my baby screaming, and I felt like t h e Scarecrow from the WIZARD OF OZ, in the scene where they are re-stuffing him with hay! Clanking and whooshing and people scurrying around and ..“what a big baby!” He didn’t look so bad, nearly grown! A month late does a boy good.

Five whole days in the hospital(this was before the days of new insurance regulations), feeling very special and pampered, periodically (they stayed in the nursery a lot back then) cuddling my newborn… heart of my heart, my very own opportunity to do it right, to love him and protect him and keep all things that could hurt him at bay. I would be different from my own parents.

Thirty years later, now I know, my parents did the best they knew how…and so did I. He grew up, my pride and joy, king of the hill, no one had a more beautiful son, just ask me I would have told you! Then I had the next three, all were equally perfect and adored and beautiful…..I did the best I knew how. GOD knows every parents heart is  to do the best we can by our kids, he helps us along the way.

I know HIS HAND is and has always been on all of them, this young son was the first one, he suffered all the trials and errors of first-time parents and has come out still strong and maybe stronger. I believe our kids are the best and worst of us and I find this to be true still. I can only hope that he will rise above his raising and be bolder and stronger than his daddy and me.

me and will Happy Birthday beautiful boy, man child, first always, never forget where you came from and who loves you.

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Taking a breath

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Like most people, I live in a world of “to do” lists. Being a world class procrastinator, my list is very long and wordy…..woe is me! There is one true fact in my life and it is that ……”housework isn’t hard it is just constant”, I quote my recently bachelored cousin, a man of few words but quite wise. This is true of many mundane parts of our lives and if it were possible to skip them I would….but nope, as it is allotted every man to die and it is our fate also to “do!”

The doing of the mundane is only tolerable because of the momentary freedoms. Creating is just that. …….freedom. Writing and painting are my two vices that help me take a breath. They are my escape. The crazy part is that I even procrastinate in them. The very thing that gives me life I still avoid. I can only wonder what kind of psychology that is…..skitso-pathetic!!

It is the fourth day of the new year and I have yet to paint…I have gotten shiney new paint and brushes and canvas; I have cleaned my studio…..organized my area, yet still NO. So I suffocate here taking only gasps of air, puffing a bit from writing which gives me strength to get on with my day. This I find is another way to escape….procrastination.

Monday the sixth day of the new year I will set out to give myself life, to step back and settle in for some much needed R and R. Rejuvenate and reward myself, take the time to get alone and breathe in the familiar side of my brain that keeps me going. If only and hour or two…and by the way, why does that time fly by but waiting in traffic takes twice as long? So goes life.

This life of mine is getting way to real and this maybe the only way to muddle through. I have hope, not in myself but in the power of one greater than me. He gave me all that I have…even taking a breath!

 

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Finding Balance

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As I sit here on the second day of January in contemplation of how to start….the year, month, day…morning! Already saying UGH! Which is not a good sign. The full one day of the new year has already been …UMMMM……needles to say gut wrenching and if this is any sign of the next three hundred and sixty four days…..hang on to your hat…Here we go!

 

I have only one plan in place and that is to count the days and in this counting of the days tally up the ups and downs…..take stock each day of the distance I travel in the right direction. There will be downs and I am prepared. These are roads I have traveled numerous times. My hope is there will be many more ups and to acknowledge them as fuel to move forward even faster.

 

Time is short, I am old…older…..and that ain’t gonna change, but I can get better…back to that HOPE thang again….ugh! This is my challenge and as best as I can I will day by day accomplish the task. It doesn’t really feel like a mountain but more like a level flat line with little tic lines as if like a very long ruler and each day is divided into segments.

 

I have a list of objectives…moderations…….checks and balances. I tend to be a beinge worker. I clean house on days that involve top to bottom tasks…I take side roads; one thing leads to another and I am overwhelmed by the chores so I dread them. I paint in big blocks of time…in the “zone” and hope to be left alone to get what’s in my head out and let what’s in my spirit flow.

 

I am a huge procrastinator which tends to cause me to sit and ponder all the great feats I can do ……if only I had the time! This need for alone time is a family trait…..I come from people who are very self sufficient and that enjoy the peace and quiet. In my brain it’s all or nothing, for some reason I think …”someday I will be done with all these people and have time to do what I want!” BOO HOO!

 

POOR OLD TIRED MOM!…. I am sure my family would like to tell me to zip it! They know it’s not them (always)..usually it is me. My overly dramatic woe is me attitude is what I allow to sneak in…..so putting each day in doable increments may just work. The financial guru, Dave Ramsey preaches that “every dollar has a name” and I believe it so in that vein the minutes of my day will too.

 

Dave Ramsey
Cover of Dave Ramsey

 

Time for this southern girl to get on with it….this year looks as if it will be a whopper and I am on the verge of greatness… I have art to create, books to read, people to meet and relationships to nurture. I am the one that can create change and with the Lord’s help stop settling for the sad and mundane. I was created for greatness and I will walk in it….

 

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Milestones-three hundred and sixty five more chances

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tech-trends-2014Here we are again, the dawn of a new year….leaving behind the ups and downs of the last year…looking forward to what’s next. I adore the opportunity for new possibilities, doors to be opened or roads to travel. Each one brings hope, some of them may be not so great but there is always that moment of question…anticipation…the unknown.

Like most Americans, I must acknowledge (..or at least act like I should!)….the need for a better diet as well as an exercise program which for me is…..just parking my car further away from the door; the hope for financial security and good health and my family to prosper. We all have in our minds, resolutions ….that we hold dear, hoping against hope that we make it past January without failure.

These resolutions or “goals” are many and the start of a new year jump-start us in the right direction. God bless our hearts for the effort! I have said for the past six years, in my heart, that I do not want to be in the same shape (in all areas) this time next year and I think this next year may be the winner. I have a hope that is beyond me. Beyond my brain and into my soul, my heart…..hope.

My anticipation is starting…what will it be first? Will it be the loss of five or fifty (it could happen!) Pounds? Will it be a true love for one of my four kids?(oops! Excluding my seventeen year old!)…Will it be the welcoming of many new souls born into to kingdom of God…I hope so!

Whatever “IT” is…..I look forward to the challenge. We got this ….we spunky Americans are stubborn and bold and will not stop till we get what we want. Yes, Hillary Clinton….it does take a village and we will always stand together against anyone who tries to push us around. Our individual families as well as our towns and country will always overcome.

Today I conquered a challenge, silly as it may sound, but I have for the first time ever….wait for it…….made/cooked  dumplings, chicken and dumplings actually. My sister did it first on Christmas day, they were de-lish! I know the secret now ……..so I tried it. It is ALL ABOUT THE BROTH!! This has been my probably twentieth try…..finally successful!

This southern girl needed to do this one….my mom was the pro at them, but sadly she will make no more of them, my granny who taught my mom was a ….card-carrying member of the southern woman’s chicken and dumplings cooking team. It could be an Olympic sport. SHE WAS A MASTER!

I now am proud to say I have done it…EUREAKA!!!!! Superbly I might add and I will brag about it……a Milestone-three hundred and sixty five more chances to do something great…..welcome new year!

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january 2nd…already failed!

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Welcome new year...oh how I loathe YOU.…..the guilt has already started…..yep, I am already late on my Bible reading program, remembered it tonight at church ……at prayer service……ugh….I am a failure already! Okay,…… get caught up tonite, yep…..that is the plan….the mornings are for Old Testament….evenings are for the New Testament….Matthew 1 and 2 (…all the genealogy of Jesus -yada yada…….and the Christmas story, etc. which feel redundant right about now!) and catches me up thru today January 2…whew! Now what I have left Genesis 1, 2, 3 and 4, 5, 6 respectively. So the Creation…Adam and Eve being totally ignorant which cuts all of us out of Eden…ugh! Then the first recorded murder….way to go guys! and all the way up to Noah. Really had a big start first people of the earth…way to GO! Screwed it up for the rest of us.

I suppose it is smart to read Old then New since the old makes me want to scream aloud…HEY!!! Knuckleheads…you HAD IT MADE!!!! So when I read the NEW it makes it all go down a little better, GOD intervened and gave us an out…..and this could not be kinder of him. Don’t you know he was screaming too? Like any “parent” he probably felt the struggles……if he can feel pain, he was sorry for us I imagine. It is so hard to wait and watch…..I know this too well.

So, on the second day of the new year I was already behind in more ways then one…along with the most important one that feeds my soul, I am behind on the walking commitment. Once again, I think in my heart...I WILL DO IT.…I even have had a gentle (she lies!) reminder yesterday. I have a family member who is the same age as my daughter that I just adore. She has struggles with walking; she has lived with a frustrating physical impediment since birth. No person has ever blessed so many through her struggles, actually, because of her FAITH in GOD even though she struggles. Her prayers are straight from God, her spirit is strong although her body frail. Her life is a testimony to her faith and the faith of her parents and sister.

I had posted a goofy New Years Resolutions post on Facebook concerning weight loss—-(FB— Anyone been thinking about New Year’s Resolutions? Me? Thinking about….. doing something about……considering the options……for my ginormous full figured……let’s just say…….personality! (left myself an out there…did ya catch that?) OK your turn……..go!)…….and my precious cousin privately messaged me  and while I was playing cards with my adult kids and and my husband was in the room also….I began to read aloud her message to me…..YOU COULD HEAR A PIN DROP!!!

AUGH!!!!! Dead men sitting…..she slayed us! The room filled with conviction as she explains how she has worked on being able to walk about 20 minutes a day (she walks in her neighborhood…with a walker…cold/hot weather….everyday!) and she would love to work up to a 5K…!!!!! OH MY LORD! Here I sit…like a slobbbbbb! Too lazy to even walk in the next room to get my other pair of glasses so I ask one of the kids to……I want to stab my eyeballs out….I am un-clean!!!!! We ALL gave an unbearable gasp….then the kids yell…oh great, thanks! They love our precious cousin, they felt the pain I was feeling…we were all guilty…me being the worse(in my mind!). This was in no way her mission…that is not her way, BUT it just happened….I love that young lady and have had God speak to me several times through her.

So to update: Forgot to read my daily Bible verses...check! Avoided taking even a walk to the mailbox…check! and that was just yesterday…January 1st!!! Today I am reminded….although I have had two salads…I still have not cut out the white foods! The doctor said…”if it’s white don’t bite!”…crash and burned…Still eat like a pig?……check! So to bring it all home….on January 2nd…two days into the New Year…..I am already a failure…..

I can do this I tell myself…..I have read the Bible in a year before…actually sooner….I feel confident in that one. I am a preachers wife don’tcha know….perfect and all…PLEASE!!! And a long time ago…like 20 flippin’ years ago (Good Lord, I am so ashamed!) I was a walker…took the kids to school and went to walk at the Baptist Churches Gym with all the “old folks” for which I am one now…I did enjoy walking….. now LAZY though; and then eating right…well….not so confident there. Believe it or not…I have never dieted! Ok I take that back, if you know me it is not hard to believe it….my meaning is I never really had to way back when….B.H. (before Hysterectomy!) I carried a bit too much weight but not in this extreme….I am a reality program! I expect TLC to call any day now!

SO there you have it….I have cut myself open….bleeding and afraid….what to do next? Go to bed, get up in the morning, take my boy to school and try harder. Looking for anyone who struggles also. Feel free to join me in my efforts. Many people have so much to struggle with, I am ridiculous to even compare myself….my precious cousin for one, but she is always smiling. I keep a picture of her on my computer…walking to remind me to get off my BEHIND and make something of myself…..

Tomorrow I get to read about Genesis 7,8,9..the flood, Noah and rainbows and Matthews story of John the Baptist…gotta love that guy! Yes, I peeked ahead…it is so good I can’t wait!!!

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The time is NOW

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The beginning of a new year is always somewhat daunting …..with that “fresh new page” feeling and at the same time it seems as if the days zip past me and before I know it half the year will be gone. Time is something that we can’t put in a bottle, as the song goes, and the slippery slope of it is that the harder you try, the more fleeting it is to capture.

It was only a few days ago ……..I was riding my bicycle around my home town(Murfreesboro, TN), at ten years old, up around the square down Main Street during the fall, with all the leaves floating around me…. Those were the days! My town was a great place to live, small but growing; beautiful and classic, a college town full of eager scrubbed young people on the verge of entering the Vietnam War. Sadly many went, some kicking and screaming because of the draft, but some chose to go. For some it was a choice of freedom, a way to get away and save themselves.

As crazy as that sounds many kids didn’t grow up in the television show homes…Father didn’t always know best… and leaving was the only way to rise above their raisin’! I can remember those days and it was a time when the whole country was scared and the sadness that we all had come through after the two big wars and loss of presidents and leaders and then we find the world in the ’60’s for heavens sake….that was an example of something’s gotta give….that top was spinning and had to get free and it sure did… Bumping and sliding all over the place, it’s no wonder sometimes the choice was made to run away from the “safety” of home.

How safe was it….we parents are to be responsible citizens of the world yet our own parents dumped their hard raising on us and like a top sent us bouncing off the chart, escaping to anywhere but here. The tragedy of it all is that these lives lost either thru death in the physical sense or emotionally, are lost in time. If only to get those precious years back! But without that possibility, I find myself looking forward with an eagerness to stop wasting time.

Geez….I have been so guilty and I am impatiently waiting for my next post…the option for a new job seems slim, frustration overcomes me daily so I lean on the Lord and remember that HE orders my steps. I do hope he gives me the time to do all that he wants me to do and maybe and this is a huge maybe….I will be able to ride a bike down Main Street one more time during the fall to remember a better time, or at least a time before reality was way to real! There is always hope, at least that our children will get it right, they are smarter than us..of course!

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New Year…New Blog added!

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As I was pondering the do’s and don’ts of writing a blog I considered what it would mean to write two (2) blogs. Redundant? Yes, but it would enable me to reach a larger audience, which let’s just be real, is the point!

I would rather not assume anyone would expect me to have the non flattering “awe shucks, I just write for myself” attitude, though I do and I also write to be heard — whatever form that takes and I am not bashful of that fact.

To say the least, I am and always have been a “ham” no matter how humbly I do go about it. I am a person who likes the attention when I do something good. Being overlooked was never one of my strong goals in life. When you are last in a line of kids, fighting for the top wrung is a way of life — get up there or get left out!

So, this brings me to this point, anyone listening out there in the blogosphere????

Just checking!