There is an older movie that is the sweetest saddest story ever told right behind Old Yeller… and the little boy in the movie told the little girl, actually asked her a question… “ Will you think of me?” Then she asked him what he means..! He further explained that when she gets older would she consider loving him, because they were best friends and he was hoping for more!
As the story goes.. it ends so sadly and in case whoever reads this has not seen it ( you must live under a rock!) I won’t ruin the great cry you will have.. just think Bees! I told you it’s horrible and heartbreaking and all the feels, but I get the message. We live our whole lives in hopes that we are someday special to someone other than our Mom! Of coarse today I miss my mom extra.. I always do on my birthday.. the day it was just me and her as if i remember birth! But I know that day she loved me lots! When we get older it gets harder to feel the special-ness of birthdays, I deal with the awkwardness of the day.. such pressures for family to prove their love and awkwardness for us to receive humbly the praise and attention of others.. yet if it didn’t happen it would be sad.
My first party was at ten years old.. it was a big surprise for me. Plenty awkward but so fun and special since family disruptions were heavy on our hearts.. then zip ahead a bunch of years until the preacherman ( before his preacherman-ness) would give me a special day.. flowers( such a waste but oh so wonderful!) I love them!! Many following years he has given me great surprise parties only to bring on the awesome awkwardness in spades. But what would I have done without him!
We have a pack of beautiful kids, yet I still am honored and realize that I am one lucky girl. I never planned my life and most of it has taken me by surprise which is just the way things like it. How boring to know what’s next although a little heads up every now and then would be handy! Our kids have at different times gifted me with sweet thoughtful things, but the best are words they write or say that feed my soul. Each one of them know how to get me and I swear they take great joy in making me cry. They think of me… fullness of joy!
That’s all most of us ever want, to be thought of in all the best ways, to be loved, thought of when there are so many people and to be chosen.. to be thought of well…my preacherman chose me.. and continues to think of me and my four loves choose me and think of me, my granddaughter thinks of me, tells me how her life is with me in it, I may as well just hand her my wallet! I have different childhood friends that think of me, when my mom passed a few came to see me in honor of her, they will never know what that meant to me. I have cousins who think of me and my memories are full and rich of these sibling-likes and speaking of that, my sisters nearly raised me.. they constantly thought of me and still do.
Most of my memories are what made me this overly dramatic cry baby, I had many stages of life where there are people who are family friends that spoke into my life and made an impact all ya’ll are important and I think of you often. You all are what made me and still today I am overwhelmed by the attention of others. Every one who thought of me today I appreciate it so much.. to be loved, wow!
Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so, my husband my three boys and only daughter love me; my only granddaughter loves me. My sisters, brother nieces and nephews love me, my oldest friends love me as well as my newest love me! I am humbled and thankful that I ended up with a full and rich life and never really alone. My greatest fear to be left, abandoned or just not wanted. ( anyone see the PTSD in that sentence) well yeah! But the Lord has seen me through and along with everyone I know. I was young and now I am old(er) and I’m about to stop caring about old age! I’m waiting for that switch in my head to tell me to go for it! (That just made me anxious saying that) I’m not sure I’m ready to be that brave but little steps! Maybe I’ll buy a crazy hat!
Thank you world for thinking of me!
