Tag Archives: Religion and Spirituality

Never have I ever….

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I start this off with the words, never have I ever because it is how I felt all weekend. I do know what the phrase makes one think, the silly party game that people play but for me it is a thought of awe. I have been in awe of my beautiful life I have.

I know how that sounds, purely insipid and fake but it is actually true. They say to take time to smell the flowers but when do you ever, here in this crazy, busy world do we have the time. I suppose it may be because our kids are adults now, I’m not sure, but I know that when they are around it is the best of times.

While raising kids is the most magical time, watching them go through all the hard as well as fun twist and turns of growing up is one of those Olympic like sports that we all pray to get them past, when they are adults it’s so much more fun. This weekend they made the trip to the Burg to visit the old Mom, she turns a year older( hate when that happens!) but they honor me so much. Now that we live in this great house, though in the smack dab of the city it has enough yard to feel like a holiday resort.

My eldest built us a fire pit, the closest I ever come to camping since I have no wish to ever camp. Side bar: I grew up on a farm for the first ten years of my life, I loved my farm and my life as a kid there, barefoot and stringy blonde hair flying in the wind, but until age eight-ish we had NO INDOOR BATHROOM! Yep! A glorious stinky out house, so camping is out of the question for me, I’ve camped! But, a campfire in the back yard is the best invention and now since I got old again, my family went to the Amish and brought me a swing in a stand to sit and swing right by that beautiful fire. The best of both worlds…. With indoor plumbing.

When all the boys got home, we had a fire, they threw the frisbee’s down the hill to the frisbee golf net, they grilled the best chicken, boiled the best shrimp, and enjoyed a homemade banana pudding ( my Moms, recipe made by my oldest son, so she was with us too) this Mom could have ever asked for. How lucky am I? All I did was enjoy it. Taking in the moments and realizing how blessed I am. When they are little you wonder if we will survive!

The next day was a lot of lounging and throwing the football and frisbees around the still smouldering log, it still smelled so good, I sat on the swing and watched with my preacherman, both of us full with love watching these boys laugh and play. There all are still like twelve ten and five right! After, full with anticipation of “the big game!” (Yes, I ordered the chicken wings ahead of time) all so we can be ready to watch the University of Tennessee play Alabama and did we ever. This has to be the best football game I have ever watched… of course not that I on purpose watch football, only when my family does, but this was different. There had been a fifteen year dry spell .. Alabama is and has been a great team and kills us every year. Not this year SATAN!

Whew.. UT sweatshirts, tee shirts, hoodies and orange UT socks as well as baseball caps all in place and it was up and down the whole game, by the end my men were standing nearly the whole last half.. pacing back and forth, the preacherman retreated to his “hole” ( office) to listen and try to bring us luck.. I kept believing, hoping and praying for these kids who are playing their hearts out on that field. We almost had a group heart attack several times, we got quiet…then boom back on top again! It was fun! And just at the time we are fearing the worse… it happened.. they did it!! We won! What a kick, and the crowd goes wild! Fireworks and all, my boys jumped and hugged, preacherman came out of his hole and hugged them they are all screaming!

So, never have I ever had such a great weekend! There are tons of people with the same stories I know, these days of my life I take the time to watch and make note of the goodness of God. He got us here and I know that. My children are alive and thriving, they all love each other and actually love to be with each other, that in itself is an accomplishment. They are each others bff’s and we missed our girls or I know I did. Our daughter has left the pack to create her own pack as she should. But if I could she would live just down the road also, but we had her with us, on the phone, and our hearts and she and Ellie always will be. That was the only glitch in the wonderful weekend wheel but thanks to technology we talked constantly! Not the same but good for now.

These times keep us going, I’m old enough now to feel the feels my Mom did, watching her kids go to and fro, hoping they visit soon. I’m old enough to enjoy the birthday cards I received, knowing that some one thinks I’m special enough to remember. I’m old enough to just sit watch the leaves fall and never want to leave; I can waste away the hours keeping watch of the bird feeders seeing if we get a woodpecker or hopefully a bluebird! I’m old enough to know that I have been blessed to live near my children this long, I see why family’s “clan up“ and live on top of each other, nothing like it.

Never have I ever had so much fun, living my life in appreciation of who I am and who we, me and the preacherman have created. The life in ministry can be a struggle and it is, our kids have endured more than expected, it’s not their fault to be our kids, but I feel like they are the better, they know the real needs and real Jesus. It’s not a show and it’s a life of service. They too are servants, they have kindness and treat people well and to honor. Never have I ever dreamed I would have this life, but I do and I am forever grateful.

A Life Well Lived

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To say that someone got their money’s worth is an understatement when it comes to my mother-in-law. There has never been a woman more motivated or curious in life as her. The whole concept of “let’s chill!” was never in her wheelhouse. She “got her money’s worth” out of the life she lived, and at age ninety-two, she remained vigilant until the end.

We were fortunate to have the last four months with her in our home (not without a battle mind you , it only took us nine years to convince her to come). She knew when she was ready, she would come. And near the end of December 2020, she was finally willing to move in with us. We were blessed to be able to minister to her with love and compassion, as she taught us about life and death, which is still a great mystery to me (the death part, I mean). As I sat there watching her only son cry and pray, sing and worship, even during his loss, and her only granddaughter take such sweet care of her, I ponder this great mystery. It’s just a faint breath between the two – life and death, earth and heaven – but it gives me hope to know we will meet again.

We spoke words of comfort, and thankfulness, appreciative of all the lessons she taught us. I’m reminded of those last moments I was with my own Mom, nothing more precious. Watching my husband’s heart full of sadness is harder. He was a fine son, and he did his best to honor her, which he did. I feel confident when I’m at that point he will love me with as much warmth and kindness as he did his Mom.

I am honored to love a man with so much sweetness in his heart. He treasured his parents so much, and he was the best son. He gave honor to his parents, and to the Lord, for them adopting him. Now for a season, like me, he is parentless. But he is not alone; we have each other and we have Jesus. I’m good with that.

His Mom was a world traveler (seriously, she was), from Paris to Kenya, and all parts inbetween. She was an amazing quilter, embroider, and crafter. She was a good cook. She taught me the whole Thanksgiving meal, which was the first meal I had eaten with her. I was impressed! The best Angel biscuits, Swiss steak, okra and coconut cake. All my favorites! And most of all, she had the gift of hospitality. One of the fruit of the Spirit, by the way, that has been lost in the shuffle these days. She taught me that, too, but way better than me. Never a person who entered the doors of her church that did not get an invitation to her home…that day even… what?! Yes, she had the immeasurable gift to welcome strangers, and maybe even angels unaware? She is known for her commitment for people to be wanted and cared for. Her heart was for world missions, and she worked hard to support missionaries near and far. She had them to her home for meals or to stay over for the night. All guest preachers who passed through, as well as the random people she met along the way, sat around her table. Endurance was her middle name. This, all while raising two children and working as an educator to grammar school-age-kids for forty-two years! (what?) Yes, she was a go getter. She told me that she nearly died as a baby, and only after they removed her tonsils did she even start to gain normal weight. Yet she forged on and never stopped. She knew life was but just a vapor and she wanted to live the best she could.

I write this in honor of her, thanking her for the impact she had on my life. She was one of the first to plant the seed of Jesus in my mind and eventually to my heart. She was a good mother-in-law to me. And she gave a good man to love me. I pray that her influence lives on through her grandchildren and great grandchildren. If you knew her, you can appreciate the remarkably strong, vibrant woman she was – even when it wasn’t cool for us girls to be so independent. She ran that pop stand and told you your job too. She was invincible! But she always honored her husband and her Lord. She was reverent to what deserved to have reverence. Her joy was in people. She was filled with that joy until the end.

Now she is home, with her beloved Jesus, husband and the rest of her people. I’m sure she will have something to add to that big supper we all will have someday. She will at least help get it organized! God Bless her heart.

War of Aggression

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After spending the last week watching our country go up in flames, the bigger cities like war zones, even my own home town hit with painful sights of push and pull, my heart is heavy and my mind is boggled. Have we not learned any lessons from the past? Apparently not! These are troubled times, for great reason. But these outward bouts of aggression are reminiscent of life in the 1960’s, and even farther back to the years of The Civil War, the 1860’s. I was here for the 1960’s, a little child, just like my dear granddaughter, asking “why?” Why can’t the grownups get along? Why are they mean to each other? Why are they beating those men? I remember watching it all on the big box television (black and white, of course) still wondering the same thing as I do now.. why?

I tend to wonder the same thing about the Civil War… How did they (us and them) bear arms against each other? Just walk across a state line and there was a bad guy…why? This was a massive world of hurt, for our own people, not from the outside, but us against us! Why? Of course, there are too many answers to give and I’m no scholar. But I do know what I do know – it’s Sin. Wrong is wrong, and weather you are a believer in God or not, you still know when it’s wrong. For any man/women/child to own another man/women/child is wrong, unjustified and breaks the heart of God. Any man/women/child who assumes they are better than any other man/women/child is wrong, unjustified and breaks the heart of God.

I was not raised that way, and I’m as “southern” as “southern” can get. But my parents were not evil, gave respect to their fellow man and never once impressed on me to live any different. I thank God for them and their legacy. I read about and even see documentaries, as well as major motion pictures about the Civil War, and it’s hard to watch. But it adds to my education and understanding of how people were pulled into this war of aggression. The definition: “A war of aggression, sometimes also war of conquest, is a military conflict waged without the justification of self-defense, usually for territorial gain and subjugation. UGH! Also… as a breach of the law of armed conflict, violates the right to life of every person it kills…” Violates the “right to life”…. we are killing our own. That’s what happened way back then for territorial gain (slaves, as well as land) and to subjugate the very lives of people who are born to live free. In the 1960’s Martin Luther King marched (not killed or stole/burned businesses) in the name of equal rights, because we/us never learned a lesson! People still thought it was ok to oppress others, different races, as well as women. We were all in the same boat. Fast forward to now, with all our so-called smarts, we are still killing each other. And it is still sin. I’m sure there have been times in my life that I have judged or not given respect when I should have. That is also sin! Who am I to point a finger in judgment? But I have grown enough to know when it’s wrong.

Sadly, much of this hurt has been on the reasoning of financial gain or power. God help us all. These wars of aggression are happening all over the world, and countries are divided – north/south or east/west – because of such wars. But in our country, supposedly here to have freedom from British Rule, we did not learn or do much better. When are we gonna get a clue? This is a heart disease that runs rampant. And that’s the issue! It is a hate issue, hate in the heart that builds up and gives us the “justification” to hurt others. Some have even done this in the name of God(God forbid!). And yet, it is Sin. To see people with (I hope) hearts that call for change marching and protesting how people are being treated is our right in this country. But the retaliation of those who only want to steal kill and destroy (demonic) while our police are told to let it happen… well it’s just blasphemy in the face of God and all who’ve stood for justice and have died as martyrs.

Our country is being manipulated before our eyes. But there will come a day when we will see those who stir the pot get their due reward. Being from the south is not a terrible lot in life. It is a way of life that has so much good. There are hardships along the way of course, but it is our history. The beautiful way of life here is not all bad, just like the other areas of the country and their unique histories. I detest the terrible parts of our past history, but I’ve raised my children to love everyone, and to know they are not above any other human being. Hopefully, with wisdom, they will grow to understand from whence they came, and to be people who make the future better for us all.

It is not over, and won’t be, until all people are free and live accordingly with one another, arm-in-arm, willing to love and not judge. The heartbreak is that while man hungers for power, control and financial gain, we may not see this kind of world anytime soon. But, I have a HOPE! And that hope is in the GOD in heaven who knows exactly what is going on. The “god” of this world, Satan, knows its about to be over for him, so he is ramping up his tactics. Good luck old boy….your days are numbered, and this war of aggression that you choose to flourish your hate will be no more.

I would like to say that I hope the world gets it, realizes why we are here, and its not for this kind of life… But patterns prove that people choose their lot in life. They choose to be the master of their own destiny. They choose to take lives, and carelessly throw them about as if nothing. He has given us choice, that’s for sure, and we are left wanting, never enough…..just like a little child who continues to want more, without boundaries or limits. Woe be to We the people!

Mother’s Day me and the preacherman!

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Not on my watch!

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Most of the time, people usually go along through their normal day without even a thought of anything catastrophic happening. Most of us usually have just about enough steam to trudge thru the mundane and the what is expected of us duties, so when it comes to looking up and paying attention to something out of the ordinary we mostly just sigh and go on. I don’t think it is just us busy Americans, I think this is a worldwide normal. Of course, the terrorists have this figured out already!

Some days though, something is out of “wack”…just a little bit off…..out of kilter…or off kilter? which ever one…. it just ain’t right!! There is a weird shift in the world, a strange feeling…somethings up! As a mother, I find this a constant in my daily life and anyone who has more than one perfect child (just kidding all the parents of one child, I know they can be a handful also…all ONE OF THEM!) knows that when somethings up there is a vibe. On the one hand, you have the guilty trying their best to lay low and on the other hand you have the one who is dying to snitch but wants to be asked, questioned even ….and not really…. out right blab it all. (helps with the guilt of snitching!) The key is to entice them both….I have many years of experience as a bird dog mom that I am sure my four can attest to. MY record has proven that I am pretty good at detective work, really it is pretty easy….usually they catch themselves, bless their hearts, they are not very good at getting away with what ever “it” is. We raised them right and that usually is the proof. They still haven’t lost all sense of right and wrong...whew!

So being a pretty good sleuth, if I say so myself, for some crazy reason……I become a total novice when it comes to figuring out God. Many great and mighty men and women have come before me attempting this same feat. I also have many years under my belt in this area….I have been a believer for over thirty years, I have studied and believed like a child, never straying from the most trusted and valued tenants of faith, I believe it ALL from the ….In the beginnings to the maps! I have taught Sunday school, children’s church, adult classes even…I have filled in, helped out and stood in the gap for pete’s sake…..I am a preachers wife!  A lot of good that does me……God is no respecter of persons for which I am glad of but gee whiz, could he not throw me a bone ever now and then? I am out of clues about what HE is up too these days!

I have come to the conclusion, after much prayer and not enough fasting(obviously!) that even though I am steadfastly a student of perception and discernment, it is impossible to get ahead of God. Usually I can get a sense of what may be up, but these are dark days my friend. Where I “pride” myself (oops, this may be a clue) in feeling like I have a handle on things, I now know I do not. I have NO CONTROL on any of it. I would be a fool to think I do. I have been a fool numerous times, apparently! Control is one of those elusive mind games I play….for which I see that it is just an illusion. The best I can do is keep watch over my own heart and mind and thoughts and deeds, even then I am challenged to keep the course. It is not up to me to “watch” and make sure everyone does what is right and expected. The best I can even hope for is what happens in my own kitchen and even that has gotten away from me from time to time. Question for the day: Exactly how high can we fill a trash can before it all falls in the floor?

My only job is to “watch” and pray. Look up for my redemption draweth nigh……there are many snares out there and in my need to be a watchman on the wall I can’t be the commander and chief of everyone I know. There are some pits and some will fall into them and if they ask for help out I will be there to reach out my hand , but we all have our own lives to lead and choose who or what to follow. My heart tells me to follow after God and that will be enough. Even as I right this I have so many BUTS that come to my mind…but I have to just leave them alone. On my watch I must seek the Lord and pray and probably should try some of that fasting stuff…ugh!

 

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Blue Skies……

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Image……I wish this picture could convey the day, the clear pure sky blue straight out of the Crayola 64 crayon box, as well as the spring green of the new tree buds. I am not sure if those are the names Crayola calls the crayons anymore which is aggravating to us old school kids. I want burnt sienna to stay and red-orange, not lollipop red or any other “cute” name. The need to change such trivial things as the names of crayons may seem silly to me but to Crayola it must be BIG!

World-famous Crayola crayons are manufactured ...
World-famous Crayola crayons are manufactured in Easton. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My nostalgia keeps me longing for the past which is the essence of what also can destroy me. I must allow spring to come, making all things new. Fresh oil everyday, fresh thoughts and hope for the future. The now of it all and looking forward to the future joy is what keeps us.

Back to my picture! On this day I was sitting on the deck at my Mothers home, relaxing with the light breeze blowing the wispy clouds, the blue was so poignant, a classic blue and the spring green buds on the huge trees popped against the blue and white. I have told everyone I am with at the time to notice the color of the trees, the new buds of leaves in that bright color. It is a joy to notice. This is why spring is so nice, new fresh colors and smells and HOPE. I am sure it is the artist in me, but spring is as vivid as fall. My Mom has Alzheimer’s and is still with us, she still knows us but her world is now sweet and happy. She seems to not have any worries which is a great joy to me. Even as I say that I am a bit envious….she doesn’t remember all those hurts and wounds she so rehearsed in the past years. While I sat admiring the view and she repeated herself, I could not help but laugh at the quirkiness of life.  All the drama is such a waste……on that porch, looking at this sky was what was real...the here and now.

For me that HOPE couldn’t come at a better time. It has been a long season of darkness. The days became months and then years and the coldness insurmountable. I HATE COLD and coldness. In the midst it appears there will never be an end, yet when the breakthrough comes it is as swift as the wind on the new spring afternoon. The frustration comes when we are not in control….if everyone would just listen to me and do what I say then easy…huh? Poor GOD, I know he wants to smack me and then at the same time he probably feels the same way….silly people!

There are so many tests in this life….so many questions and not enough answers. Like JOB we all are open season for the TEST. I HATE THE TEST…TOO! How will we act or react to a given situation. Will we walk the walk we have talked. What is the first thought? Run like hell usually….if we are honest and I can’t help but be. It takes a bit of re-grouping, re-sizing up the situation, re-minding ourselves of what God says about it, re-alizing that….. but for the grace of God go I, and re-leasing the flow of forgiveness. I know my very life depends on it…even more my soul!

That is the hard one….forgiveness and the releasing of the pain and what pain it is. We have every right to our pain….it wasn’t our fault!!! It is so hard to get past the pain and see the possibility of life without it. The pain has usually been there for a while, during the dark cold, hidden deep in a cave, unable to even look out to see the light. To release the new pain…the band-aide that was pulled off and allow the sore to heal….give it air and salve and dig out the yucky stuff is really the beginning of the healing.

Forgiveness is a gift, a gift to ourselves. Without it we will stay in the pain and never find out it can be better. I tend to look for the happy ending. I always want to know what happened after the book ended and everyone was ok…how did they walk it out? Was it still painful or did it become good again. JOB shows me that God can re-store back to even better.

Once the cave is shut up, let those boulders fall in front of the opening…..the beautiful sky blue can be seen…the spring-green pops out in front of the wispy white clouds. This is the face of forgiveness. Forgetting why it happened (even though that feels impossible for us that have to know the whys!) moving forward to the future.

I have found this forgiveness gift is the gift that heals….a wounded heart needs love and compassion and hugs and kisses and attention and cuddles and more of the same over and over which eventually brings trust and security once again. It must be the groundwork for a huge blessing, going through such struggles…the “going through” part being the key.

Blue skies are all around us…the light wind is blowing…..God is speaking…...be still and know i am GOD! My heart doth safely trust in you Lord…thank you for your freedom to live again and more abundantly.

 

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  This is a new song written and performed by my son…Will. UNPLUGGED!

 

Español: Logo Vectorial de YouTube Español: Logo Vectorial de YouTube (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

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This is LIFE!

Christianity, Faith, GOD, humor, hope, LIFE, Miscellaneous, torture!, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Romantic Heart form Love Seeds
Romantic Heart form Love Seeds (Photo credit: epSos.de)

 

In honor of the…(because February is boring so lets make up a holiday), …..special day called Valentines Day, I must take a minute to say, the heart is a fragile yet quizzical thing. A very needed organ for the body, no doubt but, within all the blood flow and reason we breath in and out, there is a mystery.

 

In our lives there are millions of decisions we make…many little choices which change the future of our paths. We make split second decisions all of which create our lives as a whole but, also bring about good and bad. Why is all this left up to us?

 

Is there really a master plan or even a Master who is directing the orchestra of lives, or are we blowing willie-nillie out here without any sense of whats to happen next? Lately I have been confronted with these questions. I had thought I had it all figured out. What a shock to see I have really blown it.

 

Pix Pix Pick Up Sticks & Pixie Pic Up Stixs
Pix Pix Pick Up Sticks & Pixie Pic Up Stixs (Photo credit: Tinker*Tailor loves Lalka

 

It reminds me  of the pixie sticks that I played daily as a kid. No matter how hard I try to gently drop them down so they will not fall all mangled up….they still do. Then one by one…slowly and gently I begin to pick each one up hoping against hope I will not disturb the others.

 

And so life goes….all mangled up. As hard as I try those sticks just get all twisted up in each other…this is life. No matter how we try to stay clear of trouble, free from all the turmoil from all the other sticks, that red one just will not stay off the blue one…some days are just that way.

 

A thousand little choices we make that can change the outcome of our lives and the lives of others. I wish I could see the future, or maybe not. This continual struggle is more than one heart can endure most days. But endure we must….this sick joke called life.

 

The Bible reads….in Mark 9:24…”I believe help my unbelief” says the father with the boy who had been sick his whole life. Now that is a story I can relate to. Maybe not an “official” sickness but, a life of torment all the same….Jesus had compassion on this child and as every mother and father through the years has prayed for their own kids…we all believe with I am sure an element of unbelief.

 

When a heart is broken it is hard to rebuild…..but even so…Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!

 

What causes this deficit? What choice was made way back before all this? Or did anything….choices, free will….AUGH!!! My mind swirls even trying to understand it all.

 

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Good Advice

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Listen to Jesus and do what he says!

Probably the best plan I have ever heard…thanks preacherman!

(a pure minimalist point of view, of course!)…it works though!

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…it bares repeating…….”Empty”

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An icon of a Christian Cross.

When a person is empty it is not the end…but a beginning. This is the time that one is in need of a filling up. Only then are we ready to let go of all of our own wants and allow our needs to be filled. I say this to encourage my own self as I have been empty before. I know how emptiness feels. Lord hear my lament…..

The only filling up that I know is of any purity is to be filled up with God‘s Spirit. God is able to take a frail frame of a man and breathe life into him once again. He gives us the freedom to run as long as we can….then when we have run ….out…..HE is there to lift us up. Lord hear my lament…….

Emptiness is not the worst, it can be the best and today I have faith that HE sees the emptiness of the heart and pours out HIS spirit and heals the brokenhearted. I lament for comfort and peace for a person who feels desolate and alone. I cry out to the Lord for grace and freedom from the demons who have tried to kill steal and destroy. Lord hear my lament…..

Even now, it is hard to find the strength to see hope, but because my hope is in the Lord I do. I know, even through these tears, I will see the victory…even though at this moment my bones ache for the heart of a person in pain and fear on the journey for his life. I pray legions of Angels to camp around and Holy Spirit courage to stay strong. Lord hear my lament…….

God…it’s time …I need you to grant me that serenity……….
Lord hear my lament………

I am broken……

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