Romantic Heart form Love Seeds (Photo credit: epSos.de)
In honor of the…(because February is boring so lets make up a holiday), …..special day called Valentines Day, I must take a minute to say, the heart is a fragile yet quizzical thing. A very needed organ for the body, no doubt but, within all the blood flow and reason we breath in and out, there is a mystery.
In our lives there are millions of decisions we make…many little choices which change the future of our paths. We make split second decisions all of which create our lives as a whole but, also bring about good and bad. Why is all this left up to us?
Is there really a master plan or even a Master who is directing the orchestra of lives, or are we blowing willie-nillie out here without any sense of whats to happen next? Lately I have been confronted with these questions. I had thought I had it all figured out. What a shock to see I have really blown it.
Pix Pix Pick Up Sticks & Pixie Pic Up Stixs (Photo credit: Tinker*Tailor loves Lalka
It reminds me of the pixie sticks that I played daily as a kid. No matter how hard I try to gently drop them down so they will not fall all mangled up….they still do. Then one by one…slowly and gently I begin to pick each one up hoping against hope I will not disturb the others.
And so life goes….all mangled up. As hard as I try those sticks just get all twisted up in each other…this is life.No matter how we try to stay clear of trouble, free from all the turmoil from all the other sticks, that red one just will not stay off the blue one…some days are just that way.
A thousand little choices we make that can change the outcome of our lives and the lives of others. I wish I could see the future, or maybe not. This continual struggle is more than one heart can endure most days. But endure we must….this sick joke called life.
The Bible reads….in Mark 9:24…”I believe help my unbelief” says the father with the boy who had been sick his whole life. Now that is a story I can relate to. Maybe not an “official” sickness but, a life of torment all the same….Jesus had compassion on this child and as every mother and father through the years has prayed for their own kids…we all believe with I am sure an element of unbelief.
When a heart is broken it is hard to rebuild…..but even so…Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!
What causes this deficit? What choice was made way back before all this? Or did anything….choices, free will….AUGH!!! My mind swirls even trying to understand it all.
January 7th and the first few days of the new year have passed by….played catch up today on my Bible reading thru the year project……to date we have gotten thru Noah and then the Tower of Babel…(had I been there I probably would have gotten in trouble for that one!), and the Abrams adventures with Lot and the ridiculousness he caused with Hagar and Ishmael. Really? You couldn’t be patient and now we have had 2000 years of turmoil for that one?….MEN! Then, the whole interceding for Sodom and the ultimate destruction with my altar ego, Lot’s wife…(that would be me too!) On a more cheerful note we have gone thru Matthew…all the temptation for Jesus, but he comes out a winner(sorry for the spoiler!) and gives us the beautiful Beatitudes…I love reading that part!…then on to the model prayer….when you don’t know what to pray…just pray that…it will always get the job done..!
He(JESUS) said:
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. 6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Matthew 5:3-12
My tendency is to kinda skip ahead a bit, but this year I am really reading….even the parts I feel like I know really well, I am always taken by the uncompromising LOVE God has for us. He continues over and over to be there for us, even in our most stupid moments. I believe this book is truth, I believe it really happened…I am confident in the reality of God and the possibility of kingdom power and LOVE her and now. As much as I look forward to the day when I am there, standing before (or actually laying on my face before..) JESUS, I am sure that this God can be real today, now, here on earth. Everything in me knows this is true.
I do not believe that my life is led by anything else but the Holy Spirit…only when I choose to not listen is when I get in a pickle…HE allows me that though…HIS grace is sufficient for me even when I falter.
SO, this year has started off good, life is still hard at times…I wish the daily woes could be instantly fixed….I pray for freedom and fullness in our church services and hungry and thirsty people to walk thru the doors. I pray for my family, to be hungry and humble before the Lord, asking for HIS grace and peace, I know it is available and possible. I have HOPE….and it is a good thing, the best of things.
“This, then, is how you should pray:
“‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, 10 your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. 11 Give us today our daily bread. 12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation,[a] but deliver us from the evil one.[b]’
14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Mathew 6:10-16
It has been said that Time heals all wounds. I have to agree with this theology since I have had many wounds, of the cuts and scraps variety and yes, the skin eventually begins to scab (gross word) over and the air swoops in to clear up all the messy wet oozy stuff. What a way to start a look back at the year post, huh!
Monty Python & the Quest for the Holy Grail (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Actually it is, because there is no better analogy than a flesh wound(only!) (for all you Monty Python fans…) to describe the healing process.
Only time, with the right amount of air and cleaning and salve and bandages can cure what ails us. Boy, how time flies when you get older!
Looking back is rarely a good thing…I can only give exhibit A.Lot’s wife! For those of us that believe that The Bible is the true, inspired word of God, we must take this story to be truth, a fact. As a woman it gives me pause, heck even as a person it does. I, being not known for listening to other people and minding them, would be just like Lot’s wife...Mrs. Lot! The thought of leaving everything you had ever known and hear the missiles blasting in the background(paraphrasing!)it had to be hard to not look one more time.
So, there she is for all eternity…stuck as a pillar of salt. I wonder what Lot thought? He didn’t look back to see her there or he would have been stuck there too. She was a human cow-lick! Maybe that was God’s way of blessing Lot, maybe she was a bone of contention for the old guy. I would guess he just went on and never looked back, knowing he was spared a horrible destruction. Was he scared, wounded, hurt? Did time heal the loss?
Reflection may be a better way of looking at the past year. Reflection sounds more peaceful with no picking at the cuts and scrapes. Reflection is more of an image of what is real. That sounds better. Why dredge up the past ups and downs, the good and the bad and all the days of tears as well as joy.
I know why…..because that Bible that I believe is real, tells me to count the costs, and reminds me that even when those times are hard or good, whatever day it is, cloudy or sunny, I can reflect on how good God is. In him I can live and move and worship and cry and laugh. He has it all under control.
This year has been a doozie! Just as each year, it started out with the promise of a better world, a new chapter…the chance to make new choices, better ones. Our lives are so intertwined with each other. My life has so much of a effect on the people I know as well as theirs on mine. We are not islands…we are like peninsulas sprouting out all over the place. It matters what happens to me…us all, collectively.
For me, this year has been one of the hardest. I feel as if I have been doing “ten years to life!” There were days I did not know if it would ever end and days of great joys. God has done great miracles in my life and the lives of my family. I would be amiss if I let this year pass by without giving HIM all the glory for the miracle he has given me.
The funny thing about God is…he is never quite done….he leaves the door open for more. It is our choice or choices to make....choose YOU this DAY WHOM do YOU SERVE!! I know he is smarter than me but this free will business can really be a pain to us Mommas! I wonder sometimes if he is loving all the fretting I do…..I guess he knows it keeps me praying.
This year is about to be one for the record books…good riddance! Just as I know the next year will be full of surprises, twists and turns that I could not even imagine….I still have faith that it will all turn out ok! I have a feeling that by next Christmas one of my peeps(kids) will have a special someone, maybe I am hopeful because I feel a tiny bit of excitement after spending times with my great nephews over Christmas….one day my babies will have babies…a thought that I shudder at but, now I almost look forward to.
….too young yet! Nathanael!
We need some fresh faces in our clan, any one brave enough to dare marry one of ours? I will pronounce on this day that I have the prettiest children of anyone I know, yep, I said it…they are and I don’t care if it sounds braggy….it is! They are also funny and smart and well read as well as crazy with a twist of aggravating….I tell the truth about them. But no one loves harder or more fervent than them.
Bethany and Samuel
Look out new year…I release all the blessings of God on my family and pray that the road for them is revealed to them in a God led way. I pray good health and financial prosperity and true love for each one of them as well as strength to fight the good fight and find wholeness in mind and spirit. I expect nothing less for my children as well as for each person I know and love.
Sam and Will
Happy New Year to my family and friends……Blessings and Love and Health and Prosperity to all!
In a few short days the one year anniversary of the death of one of my closest friends will be upon me. She was more than a friend, she was my preacher man husbands sister. From the first time I met her I made it my goal to win her over…..since I have two sisters of my own, I know girls and I knew pretty quick she was a contender.
She was a few years older than my preacher man which was fine until I realized she was my age. I am older also than him……which was not a problem…he was taller!(the logic I had back then!!) To him though, she was the dreaded big sister…and that was pretty much their relationship. This was going to be an uphill battle.
But, it turned out that it was pretty smooth. Me being a person who always wanted to be liked and her need to be the boss of him (not really, but she was already the enemy and I was soon becoming a traitor!)I think in his eyes at least I was on treacherous ground. It was understandable since in ALL families the kids are some days on the same side and on other days mortal enemies. Nothing so shocking about that. I am from a family of four kids…and we had four kids…….drama times four!
We did become fast friends and spent the next nearly thirty years, raising our kids, talking on the phone every day(thank you Lord for the invention of call waiting, that was about the death of me)since to get through the day we had long conversations about anything from baby rashes to the world news and everything in-between. Some days we would venture out of the house to tour the local Wal-Mart or fast food kid meals and playgrounds. Yep we had a big life….oh me!
Our families would hang out and we would cook great suppers and play cards and visit and compare our husbands. The rub was that mine was her baby brother….like I said treacherous grounds. But with many good and bad days…fights and fusses….prayers and intercession we were tight. Our lives were inter-twinned. She was my people….. my sister just as much as my two blood sisters and in the adult time of my life I was with her more.
So after one year with out her I can honestly say it has been hard. It wasn’t fair…we didn’t have enough time. There wasn’t enough time for her to spend with her grande babies. No one loved babies more than her. Where I liked only my kids…mostly, she loved to play with all babies(weird!) but sweet of her. Those grand babies were her heart after her two boys who were her pride and joy. She loved her boys and she was such a better sports mother than me….she was at every event, no matter the distance. In my defense…three kids on three different fields…..exhausting!
I could tell funny stories for days about our adventures, we were a cross between Lucy and Ethel and Laverne and Shirley; many stories are too unmentionable(funny as well as gross!) but most of them were silly, just like we were. We have shopped on the curbs of the finest homes(they leave their “junk” out there to be picked up)(we were recyclers before it was cool)and did every craft that was in style. She would call and say…”you up Ethel?…..lets go eat breakfast after the kids go to school” and we would go….pony tails and sweat pants, we didn’t care.
My loss is in no way anything like that of her husband and boys, but it is my pain. I had the best friend for a time…we were brutal on each other as well as full of love. This has been a lonesome year for me. I cherish my friends and I cherish the time I had with her. I am not sad for her, she is healed and beautiful and happy and where she lived her life to go, in heaven worshiping her Savior. I would not want her to come back to the pain she felt before she passed. I know I will see her again.
So in tribute to her, I post her picture as my header for my blog. This is the place I share my heart and I wanted to honor her in some small way, my way. Jesus knows my pain and he has carried me through. We all have lost people in our lives, I am nothing special but this is my friend…my sister….so this is my way to honor her. If she was writing this she would say…don’t weep for me, give your heart to the Lord, follow HIM, He is the Way, Truth and the Life, He brings peace and he loves YOU!
When a person is empty it is not the end…but a beginning. This is the time that one is in need of a filling up. Only then are we ready to let go of all of our own wants and allow our needs to be filled. I say this to encourage my own self as I have been empty before. I know how emptiness feels. Lord hear my lament…..
The only filling up that I know is of any purity is to be filled up with God‘s Spirit. God is able to take a frail frame of a man and breathe life into him once again. He gives us the freedom to run as long as we can….then when we have run ….out…..HE is there to lift us up. Lord hear my lament…….
Emptiness is not the worst, it can be the best and today I have faith that HE sees the emptiness of the heart and pours out HIS spirit and heals the brokenhearted. I lament for comfort and peace for a person who feels desolate and alone. I cry out to the Lord for grace and freedom from the demons who have tried to kill steal and destroy. Lord hear my lament…..
Even now, it is hard to find the strength to see hope, but because my hope is in the Lord I do. I know, even through these tears, I will see the victory…even though at this moment my bones ache for the heart of a person in pain and fear on the journey for his life. I pray legions of Angels to camp around and Holy Spirit courage to stay strong. Lord hear my lament…….
God…it’s time …I need you to grant me that serenity……….
Lord hear my lament………
Rarely do I find myself in a situation that shakes me to the core. I say rarely but, these days it feels as if it happens often. Today day has been a especially good day considering it is the day I dodged a BIG bullet...praise the Lord!
I am compelled to explain myself with the above phrase because I will never be able to give the Lord enough praise for the giving me this great gift…a pass of sorts…one that I do not take lightly. I, like most women, am keenly aware of the wonderful mysteries that our bodies hold within all our loveliness. The plain fact is…we got a lot of stuff that can go wrong!
I have spent the last week wondering if mine had failed me…..I say wondering, but it has been more like giving up, hiding under the covers, planning the hearfelt words I was going to give my children so they could live their lives in peace knowing they are loved……. Just like the immortal Fred Sanford….I knew this was it....I was preparing for the worst…..I had been too lucky so far....oh the drama of it all!
Without becoming to medical (since I know so much from watching Dr. Welby way back when…) and even more, too creepy and awkward….I feared that the one peculiar ping pong ball-like lump in a very tricky place in the northern region of my northern parts turned out to be actually triplets (3 pongs!) for which are all benign and they don’t seem to be of the deadly type.
How was that for delicately describing it! Once again….I dodged a bullet and PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!! I am forever grateful and always mindful that they are there looming in all their benign-ness. I will be keeping my eye on them too, little aggravating bubbles in there hurting like crazy only to scare the holy crap out of me! How dare they!!!
Although I hoped for the best I kinda had moments of …Oh Man! NOOOOOO….this would be too weird. After telling my beloved that this maybe the end of me…..his encouraging words were…… that if I check out he is throwing himself in front of a bus!! In his own sweet way the translation was…he couldn’t and wouldn’t live without ME! Sweet Man! That seemed to be the consensus from all my people. Yeah sure I am just that awesome…..please.
This brings up a world wide question, that I believe all women of the universe would like answered….since I am so valuable and awesome with all my awesomeness……..”Then why the heck am I the only one cleaning up after everyone!!!!” BUT whose counting right? At this point I am only thankful that I am gonna be around a while to slush through the dirtiness right along with ya’ll. Hey I can take it if ya’ll can!
For all the other women who have had to hear the other news…the gut wrenching news that I so dreaded hearing…I give you honor and prayers and will buy me some pink shirts to support you and all the moments you stand strong in the face of pain and loss. I am humbled by the joy I have and by your strength to fight the good fight. In my own family there has been loss, my Mother has been through it, her mother and her Aunts. I have a history…..but I call it a heritage of strong women who endured pain and suffering so now there is more help for me. Dr. Welby sure has got some smarts now…thank you Lord for medical science and all the smart people who are called.
My heart is full for you all and I won’t soon forget the fear and fear!
Rarely do I find myself in a situation that shakes me to the core. I say rarely but, these days it feels as if it happens often. Today day has been a especially good day considering it is the day I dodged a BIG bullet...praise the Lord!
I am compelled to explain myself with the above phrase because I will never be able to give the Lord enough praise for the giving me this great gift…a pass of sorts…one that I do not take lightly. I, like most women, am keenly aware of the wonderful mysteries that our bodies hold within all our loveliness. The plain fact is…we got a lot of stuff that can go wrong!
I have spent the last week wondering if mine had failed me…..I say wondering, but it has been more like giving up, hiding under the covers, planning the hearfelt words I was going to give my children so they could live their lives in peace knowing they are loved……. Just like the immortal Fred Sanford….I knew this was it....I was preparing for the worst…..I had been too lucky so far....oh the drama of it all!
Without becoming to medical (since I know so much from watching Dr. Welby way back when…) and even more, too creepy and awkward….I feared that the one peculiar ping pong ball-like lump in a very tricky place in the northern region of my northern parts turned out to be actually triplets (3 pongs!) for which are all benign and they don’t seem to be of the deadly type.
How was that for delicately describing it! Once again….I dodged a bullet and PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!! I am forever grateful and always mindful that they are there looming in all their benign-ness. I will be keeping my eye on them too, little aggravating bubbles in there hurting like crazy only to scare the holy crap out of me! How dare they!!!
Although I hoped for the best I kinda had moments of …Oh Man! NOOOOOO….this would be too weird. After telling my beloved that this maybe the end of me…..his encouraging words were…… that if I check out he is throwing himself in front of a bus!! In his own sweet way the translation was…he couldn’t and wouldn’t live without ME! Sweet Man! That seemed to be the consensus from all my people. Yeah sure I am just that awesome…..please.
This brings up a world wide question, that I believe all women of the universe would like answered….since I am so valuable and awesome with all my awesomeness……..”Then why the heck am I the only one cleaning up after everyone!!!!” BUT whose counting right? At this point I am only thankful that I am gonna be around a while to slush through the dirtiness right along with ya’ll. Hey I can take it if ya’ll can!
For all the other women who have had to hear the other news…the gut wrenching news that I so dreaded hearing…I give you honor and prayers and will buy me some pink shirts to support you and all the moments you stand strong in the face of pain and loss. I am humbled by the joy I have and by your strength to fight the good fight. In my own family there has been loss, my Mother has been through it, her mother and her Aunts. I have a history…..but I call it a heritage of strong women who endured pain and suffering so now there is more help for me. Dr. Welby sure has got some smarts now…thank you Lord for medical science and all the smart people who are called.
My heart is full for you all and I won’t soon forget the fear and fear!
As I write my thoughts today, I am reminded of the most memorable day of my life with the exception of my Wedding Day, which was of course the day that changed my destiny forever.
But the memories that I have today are of the most amazing event that could ever happen. At the time I had only known about God for a few short months, I had only snip its of the awe inducing world of God and they weren’t much. I do attribute any knowledge of Biblical matters to my sister who is right above me in the birth order. There would be times when I would have questions, I would hear about it in school; this was back when it was normal to hear about God and the baby JESUS at school, and I would ask my sister. She being an avid reader, to the point of that’s all she did when she had the time after farm and house chores, she would ALWAYS find the event in the BIBLE and make me read about it. NEVER would she just cut to the chase and tell me, I would have to work for it and of course this would full fill her need to make me read more, for which I now thank her, I finally like to read, it is a delicacy in the world of four kids.
But back then I really only knew the high points, Christmas, Easter blah, blah, blah! At the time of my first pregnancy I had only given my heart to this God I speak of about a year earlier and being a new christian I was in the baby steps myself. I did have a good teacher thou, my new husband was raised in the “way” of the Lord. He had not always been all fired up about it but as the scripture states (paraphrased a lot) teach them and when they are old they will always return to it! It worked…He came back to it or should I say the Lord and he did it in a big way, all in that one was.. I was glad but he really got sold out and here I am twenty eight years later a preachers wife…..geez!
This brings me to this amazing event that was about to happen, how can after all the new events that had happened to me in the past nearly two years, married to my best friend (love of my life, funniest guy I ever met and loves me more than I deserve), salvation (getting to live in heaven someday and dodging the impending doom I was headed for) and now this…..the greatest miracle ever done. People say that it is a great thing but even a dog can do it and a lot more at one time ( I assume a man said that not that I am male bashing but really?) This momentous event is the birth of my first child. This is even more of a miracle than the obvious and anyone who ever knew me could attest to that fact. I was reminded recently that I had written in my High School Annual(Go Patriots ’77) that I thought then I would probably become a teacher and at a last resort get married. My hopes were not high at that time, I was a scrawny high school senior who had not yet crossed over to the maturity level of my peers at least physically.
Needless to say I didn’t get asked out much, I had lots of big brothers though which was actually more fun! The idea of marriage and kids were ridiculous and I am not exactly sure how it happened, maybe I was sold into white slavery, ambushed by a masked man who kidnapped me and brainwashed me? HaHa Nope, just saw a boy who was scary……..(Robert Redford-like) beautiful and blonde….that’s all she wrote…I was bitten..the love bug won…yeah for love bugs! This brings me to the birth…that event that made time stand still, on this day I became a mommie, I fell in love in a way that is only understood by those that have had the same event happen to them…wow it is amazing, the amazing love! How could this squishy little punk have such an impact on a reasonably smart woman. First of all, how in this world did all that happen inside of ME! Seriously, who thought that up? And how did he figure all that out? Never did I ever realize the existence of GOD as I did at that moment…wowza! did that really happen? I was awake, although I had a C-section….surprise! scary and totally foreign….I had never been in the hospital before and it was freaky and a bit unexpected, I was secretly happy, the thought of screaming my guts out and pushing that almost ten pounder through that Holy of Holies….well, that was an awful part of the event, Gods little gotcha….stupid apple, Eve what in the heck were you thinkin’, thanks for causing all of eternity to suffer well, the girls, typical! Not me sista..I got a pass, and boy o’ boy was I happy…five days of bed rest and pampering by my scared to death husband. He was as flipped out by the rush into surgery as I was. Worked in my favor though so cool. I never looked back, that’s the way to go, I say.
So I was alert and I still say…how did that all happen, God is so smart, he is God for pete’s sake. This is an undeniable fact….HE really does know what he is doing, that is awesome, building a whole person inside one young girls body. Totally terrific and amazing, that is the only word for it….AMAZING!
God gave me a little boy, we named him after his daddy, a junior, and it was the incredible thing that made me know how tender and precious life is. It all went well, he was strong and perfect and I was in love..immediately. How could God allow this to happen within Mary’s womb and allow his only son to be slaughtered by his own people, the chosen ones. Why would HE go through the pain He must have had and give up the only real and precious person he created only to know he would suffer?
Amazing love, that is why. I get it…He loves me that much, we are all His children and He loves us all that much. I can’t see it and it must be why He is God. I know I couldn’t do it but HE did..thank you my sweet Lord. And now on the eve of my own first borns birth, twenty seven years ago, I am still in awe of the miracle of birth. I am thankful for that child of mine and the three others that followed but, I must say the first time is amazing…Happy Birthday to my first born.
The amazing love that I have for you, is pale in comparison to how much the Lord loves you. You have blessed my life and I am comforted in the fact that HE loves you even more than me and HE will always keep his hand on your life, choose Him everyday, HE picked you out especially for me and I am honored to be your mom. Even if you are a “pill” most days!
preacherswifeintheknow 