Tag Archives: Sisters

Oh Brother!


ImageGrowing up in a large family can be at best, the most awesome time of ones life and at the worst, the most awesome time of ones life! I can speak of this first hand since I am the youngest child in a family of five kids. Yes the answer is clear now……the reason why I am what I am….I am the youngest child which makes me….the BABY! The last and bottom rung of the ladder….the bottom step in the stair steps of young uns’ in our family. But, someone had to be the first step…the jumping off point, if you will, to the beginnings of our clan which brings me to my thoughts for this day.

This is the special day that my big brother was born…nine years before me…the leader of the pack! I can not even describe the amount of adoration I have always had for my brother. It was borderline sheer worship at different times in my life…..who could blame me? He is the only son, my only brother and as old as he is in reference to me…that nine years was a huge gap. A gap that has always been more like a “grand canyon-esque” hole and I spent most of my teenage years yearning for his attention. Sadly he wasn’t there….at nineteen he volunteered and entered the Vietnam War.

Needless to say It was very hard to see him leave. Timing is everything. This exodus coincided with the season of change our family was in. My father had left us, high and dry, so to speak, they sold my beloved farm and my Mom, Me and two sisters moved “to town”. Since we lived in the country it was a big deal, at least to me. City schools and city kids and a world of adventure as well as fear.It’s tough on those mean streets!

My brother went through all his basic training and ended up becoming an ARMY helicopter pilot which no one was more prouder than me. But he gave up so much, he was in college, left his home and family but to him he probably chose the lesser of the two worlds. Life was hard for the oldest child back then, this beautiful boy who grew up fishing and hunting as well as being made to work like a mine mule. I think he was living the dream on one hand on our beloved farm but still having to “man up” to my father’s demands.

I was always intrigued by his bedroom and always wanted to sneak in there and see what secrets it held. I was reminded of his room many years later when I opened the door of my eldest sons room and there was an undeniable “boy scent!” It took me straight back to those days of standing at my brother’s door daring myself to enter in……chicken as I was I never did, but that scent of sweaty man boy was the same. Funny how things like that stick in your mind or should I say senses, just like the fact I can’t pick up a book without smelling it. Yep, I am weird! His kingdom was one that I had never trod but I desperately wanted in. The next few years were filled with anticipation and fear. I can not even bear to feel the pain our Mom must have felt knowing her baby was so far away in a War. This is one emotion I never want to feel. Breaks my heart for her but he seemed to take it in stride and had a big adventure….in case anyone ever wondered…he was the one who saved so many people as well as single-handed kept the bad guys at bay. He was/is an American HERO and there has never been any question about that.

When he came back from defending the American Way (Superman wasn’t the only one!) he went and met a girl and got married! About the time I thought he was coming back home…to ME! he gets married!!! Who does she think she is….. this hateful girl…I was not happy about this news and I was in a pout for a good while…even when I went to the wedding, I acted okay but I was mad on the inside. I had lost him for ever! I was never going to really get to know him. Probably a good thing because if I had ever learned of his frailties or human-ness I may have been crushed. In my world he is larger than life. Nobody had a greater big brother than me and if they ever tested that fact I would prove them wrong….I had my list of his bravery! I did get a few bonuses…the time he came home in his Shelby Cobra and he picked me up at high school….boy was that a thrill and I had to be the coolest Oakland High School girl ever! I eventually accepted this chick who stole my brother…..truthfully, I LOVED HER! She was kind and very sweet to me, I couldn’t keep from loving her. A few years later they made me an aunt and I was even more enamored with this beautiful little boy. Then they had another boy and these two were precious.

Later on they were transferred to a base closer to home which was great. I was able to go there to visit, stay the weekend and one time I was invited to go on base to a dance with them. Although I was a little disappointed because none of the guys gave me much attention…someone said it was because I was his sister and the word was…steer clear! So in that case, I wasn’t offended….even though I thought I was pretty cute back then…(ha-ha) it was even better that he was being protective. Ahhhh the best feeling ever! Though I think if my memory serves me I ended up figuring out how to bypass his protection….I was in college for Pete’s sake…a gal’s gotta flirt!

I have always been a little sister and have been blessed with great siblings who never really picked on me, they always nurtured me and looked out for me and my love for them all is BIG. My brother was always kind of mystery which probably was a preview to marrying a man…..seems like they all are a mystery to some extent. I always compared every guy I ever dated to my brother. Sadly my father wasn’t my role model, I loved him but he was absent enough to not be first and foremost. My brother was the perfect Man in my world. Oh the mocking I have endured because of my gushing about my brother. I just take it in stride and proudly laugh because I know he is amazing and I don’t care who I tell.

The years have kept us apart but he was there for me to walk me down the aisle on my most important day. The sweetest part was when I stated, as we were nearly walking in that…” I didn’t want to do all this!” meaning walking in and being stared at (the most embarrassing thing on earth) he quickly responded…”if this isn’t what you want we can go right out the back door!” AWEEE how sweet! “NO” I said, “I want to marry him I just don’t want to be stared at!” I really was bashful way back when!! So after I explained, we were good to go. he held my hand and I was so proud to have him by my side. It was just like I was a fairy princess. My favorite man was taking me to my new favorite man….it doesn’t get much sweeter than that. There have been other times in my life since then that he has been there for me…I have called him to pour out my heart, ask for help and counsel and sometimes just to shoot the breeze. Not that he is a big talker…but he is a good listener…not that he could get a word in edge wise with me anyways!

Distance and time has been the enemy of our relationship as it is for most siblings. We grow up and away, create new lives apart from our childhood, but I cant help but feel like the squirt kid sister when I am with them all at one time. I bow to their pecking order, keep my place and enjoy the placement of my step in this stair step world of brothers and sisters. We know each other in a unique way…we know each others history, real or like-real in our own minds. I know my fantasy life I built around my brother is mostly just that. But it is my memory and I can keep it in my heart just the way I want to.

Happy Birthday Big Brother! I love you and am proud to know you. You have enriched my life more than you will ever know.

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I wish I had……


I wish I had hugged my granny and papa more. I wish I had known the last days on our farm were the last days. I wish I had known the days would get so much shorter as I got older. I wish the words my sister would say to me about all those Cokes catching up to me wouldn’t hover in my head as well as my hips.

I wish I would have continued playing tennis after college. I wish I had been a better student. I wish I had the nerve to really be what I was meant to be. I wish I had paid more attention to my feet. I wish I had given much more thought to the clothes I wore during my 20’s.

I wish I had not cared so much about what people thought of me. I wish I were a better woman. I wish I could spare my kids the pain of failures and hard headedness. I wish the gravitational pull wouldn’t concentrate on what seems like only my body all the time. I wish I had a million dollars. (Keeping it real here, everyone wishes for that, I might as well say it out loud!)

I wish spring was the constant season until a month of fall and skip straight through to spring again. I wish I had a zillion Daisies all over my yard to keep me smiling. I wish the politicians would shut up and get something done for once.

I wish Downton Abbey would play everyday on PBS and not end and make us wait so long for new season, as well as Mad Men! Speaking of television shows, I wish Sandra would come back on Property Virgins and Dallas would come back sooner and all my guilty pleasure shows would stay only slightly crazy and not go full on nuts. I wish somethings would never change.

I wish my tooth socket would hurry up and heal for Petes’s sake! I wish I had a maid. I wish I had a maid. (So good I had to wish it twice.) I wish our children would find the best girlfriends/boyfriend for them and live in love the rest of their lives. (A momma can dream big ya know.)

I wish the weight would just drop right off like the ad claims it would. I wish I could travel to NYC and live for about a month in a brownstone in a beautiful part of town like on You’ve Got Mail. I wish my blog would be read by lots of people and eventually be on FRESH PRESSED!

I wish I could watch cool birds in my back yard. I miss the huge Woodpecker that visited us for a season back at our old house as well as the little Blue Bird that is like the one on Snow White. I nearly cried it was so sweet.

I wish I could eat lobster again, and since I am on that subject shrimp and crab legs. I wish they were in abundance and not so expensive and I could eat them all the time along with great salads and vegetables – grilled.

I wish I could see again a few of my old friends from my younger days and it would be the same. I wish I was all shiny and new again. I wish everyone could get the whole GOD thing and I wish I got it better. I wish I could see a butterfly everyday. I wish I had a million dollars. (Bears repeating!)

I wish my hair would not go gray ever and be light blond highlights naturally like it was when I lived outside which brings me to I wish I wasn’t such an indoor person. I wish red-hot jaw breakers weren’t oh so Cinnamon-y — too hot! I wish I could sing really good. I wish I had my own computer that no one else ever uses.

I wish I could go back in time and have some do-overs. I wish I had a cat that never sheds and just cuddled. I wish I had the good sense I have now way back when. I wish I could talk to my daddy and I wish with that one that I will see him in heaven.

I wish I could go to the carnival that came every summer to Cowan TN, it was the best one ever and I wish I could belly laugh again while riding the Himalayan with my sister Jan. I wish I had been in the cool kids group in high school and not so awkward. (I was on the cusp of that crowd, just barely even noticed but just almost there.) I wish my son’s TV didn’t play constantly even when he isn’t home. Ugh! (Gotta’ go up the steps and search for the controller which is impossible.) Which brings me to – I wish I had found a one story home this time!

I wish LOVE was seen as a verb all the time and we spoke it daily. I wish it wasn’t so hard to wake up every day. I wish my sister that was two years older had not died when she was a baby. I bet we are a lot alike! I wish friends weren’t so hard to come by.

I wish I had watched my weight do more than quadruple. (Should a paid more attention to that one!!!) I wish I could wear Levi’s and plain white shirts all the time. I wish stuff didn’t bug me so much with my inner me screaming out all the time in my head just like the episodes of Seinfeld when Elaine is trapped on the subway and the power goes off and the train stops and she is trapped and begins to talk to herself in her head. (I do that all the time, nerve-racking! 0

I wish so many wishes that it will have to be continued.

I wish I had more patience to continue now

‘Til next time – I hope!

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Significance


There are many people who seem to fall thru the cracks. They are ones who may or may not have the hope or where with all to feel they can make a difference in the world. Many have been the ones who have carried the burden for the rest of us, the “work horse” that is stedfast to set their face like a flint and keep on keeping on. I have known many people who fall into this category over the years and it has been a great blessing to call them my friends. One such person has been a blessing to me my whole life and is my closest sibling to me, my dear sister Janice. She was born third and as a rule in the birth order theory, the third child tends to be the one who hangs out and easy going, never making a fuss and usually compliant to everyone. Sometimes even when it isn’t the best thing for them, they are humble and quiet in nature. My big sister is all these and more. She has always been the trustworthy one, faithful to always help us out with her time or her extra money. Never did I leave the house without her making sure I had a little bit of ” mad money” or phone call money( this pre-dates cell phones! )She was my nurturer, my teacher and my best friend. She was stuck sharing a double bed with me my first ten years of my life. Bless her heart! I could always count on her to be there for me….. She was a significant part of my life, she still is! Today is her birthday…..she was born in Munich, Germany when our Dad was stationed there in the Korean War. One day I called her a Nazi…..okay I was a little kid, don’t judge, I grew out of that stage especially since she pounded me for it! Ya live and learn! She spent her life following in the shadow of our big brother and sister who were stand outs on their own being first and second, she was quiet and stayed under the radar. Always keeping tabs on her rotten little sister though ……she was my rock. My own third child was a boy and he too has the same personality, he’s as solid as they come and like her he is an avid reader. A regular bookworm…both of them, living the high life vicariously through the books they so love. My sisters love for books is her most memorable trait for me, if the chores were finished you could always find her with her nose in a book. She is the one who encouraged me to love reading and introduced me to the great C.S.Lewis, Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe as well as the stories of The Bible. When I would ask why we had Easter or other Holiday’s it was her who showed me in the Word. My sister was and is my friend and when I needed a level head to council me she was the one. My other sister who was a standout in my world also was the one I turned to when I wanted to get away with my many shenanigan’s, we are way too much alike! Usually partners in crime! It was a balanced life and I have always needed them both. At this time in the Birthday girls life she is the caretaker of our Mom who has been dealt an awful lot….Alzheimer’s. She has loved our Mom with compassion and respect and does her best to give her the best life possible, endures the daily heartbreaks of loss of moms memory and the constant stress of the obligation. Even the literal ” heat wave” she endures because of moms need to stay warm, a common need of the elderly. I honor my sister…JC (Janice Carol) but my favorite nickname for her was , January which our Uncle, Mr Miller ( I don’t think I ever knew his first name, how funny!) named her. She always gave a big smile when he called her that…I think it made her feel special if just for a minute….significant and that is the best thing of all. My sister’s life is significant….she has significance at least to me. I know she is significant to our mom and to her only daughter but most of all she is significant to GOD. He made her special if for no other reason but to be there for me…yes I think I am that special! I love you my sissy.,,.including the times you have had to correct me and those have been many, but more often you gave me courage and strength to go on and get busy. You will always be Lucy…peering into the Wardrobe showing me a whole new land to explore, thank you for that gift. Happy Birthday sweet one!