I began this trail of tears (and gnashing of teeth) nineteen days ago…..and I swear I thought it had been four full weeks but sadly not yet three. Who knew this would be such an extreme challenge, cut out a few foods here and there, right?Boy oh boywas I wrong! This is real life, controlling the very urge that has been like a warm blankee on a cold night. Discipline is a job in itself.
Is it weird I feel weird about letting go of this ridiculous way of life. It is just a few food choices, not life and death…but it is death, death to a well practiced way of life. My word for this year is FREEDOM with a DISCIPLINE chaser……and the burn comes because one can not be achieved unless the other one is conquered. If my body is actually the Temple of the Holy Ghost? which is what scripture states…scripture for which I live my life by, good or bad…then yeah! I must take note of this fact and live free from what caused me to become corrupt. Not that I am a bad person, just cute for a fat girl…ya know!
Of course I am also a stress eater for which all this denial causes stress “since precious can’t have what precious desires” so say I, being the precious one, all I can think about is French Toast! What a weird thing to crave…I have gotten past so many other craves…..but a few of my husbands homemade french toast and a pile of bacon sure would be good right about now! Which brings me to another bummer of a realization …I “crave” the wrong things…….oh boy! I need to crave the who not the what. It is this war in my head, my mind must be about good not silliness like whats the next food choice. I give way too much credit to this thought pattern. I must be in control….or rather allow myself to realize I am not in control of anything but my own will. And this will of mine must line up with the freedom train!…Am I all aboard?
I have had so much support to “do the right thing” and I am encouraged by it…but nineteen days in…..this could take forever! Although I am weak in my flesh on this day…I will not stop…..I am worth it, my life is not over and if I am hanging around here for “X “ amount of years then I better get my behind in gear and get nineteen more days down the road.
Thanks Lord for the reminder, with your help and the hope of freedom in the future I will choose to discipline myself and forge ahead…….someday there will be french toast again, in small dispensations of course…..and PIE!
SEVEN DAYS IN………please kind sir…a morsel of chocolate? Why all of the sudden I crave sweets….I am dealing with the lack of bread, slowly but sure this tortoise is winning that race. Now this dreaded craving….Maybe a grape jelly sandwich?? Huh, ?huh?……why does it have to be dark and chilly and rainy and ten thirty at night, not exactly good conditions for a junk food run. Not that I haven’t made the run in worse conditions but, I must forge ahead…and be strong.
I can thank my level headed husband for cutting a very tart Apple, it was delightful but being an Apple…it has already metabolized and I am left yearning. Seven days in and I now don’t like cheese anymore, who knew that was ever possible…sad. The turkey roll ups leave me wanting, sad. This is going to take some creativity.
It seems that when one removes all the crackers and bread and pasta and rice and little sneaks of sweets(okay maybe “big” not so sneaky sweets), one is left with healthier vegetables and meat/chicken
McKee Foods – Little Debbie logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
choices which makes one ..well….grossed out…..sad. I see this is gonna be an uphill climb…if I had a backpack with some Little Debbie cakes it might be doable!
Seven days in…..growling stomach, probably should not have skipped breakfast this morning…that was dumb and I will not make that mistake again. Time to go to bed and sleep fast so I can wake up to breakfast…… I wish the cook would forget and make pancakes!…I wish we had a cook….I wish I had a mounds bar!!!
Five days (seems like months-has to be like dog years!)into a war against carbs, the transition of the intake of food without carbs is still going…..slow but sure wins the race. I am determined to succeed; determined, deliberate, dedicated and a little bit delirious!…..my mind is struggling with the depletion of sandwiches and crackers as well as peppermint patties. Time to get out of my head! Freedom!!
As usual, it’s going to be a mind game, that is where the battle is won, a fact that I know..already…since I have a long laundry list of battles fought up there between my ears. It’s no wonder I struggle so much, who knew all that “book learning” would come in handy in the grown up years. Ahhh that’s what those teachers were telling me way back when!
Who knew that critical thinking, discipline and self control were skills that I should have paid attention to. Not to say I haven’t used these skills in my life because of course I have. I have always been a goal oriented person. See where I need to be and Set out for it. I do work best under pressure. The best way to have a really clean house..?Invite company!! I wish I was still a diligent cleaner…daily, when my kids were younger I was more disciplined…I had to be or there would be hoarders episodes! BUT NOW, my pokey puppy gene has more influence than it should these days maybe because of all those carbs, ugh!, my bad.
I am under the gun this time, I am running out of time, age has crept upon me and I feel an urgency to get this right this time. Like a lightbulb—that Ah Hah! Moment Oprah!…….It is that moment when a person see’s the real self, the scary true Hollywood story episode that starts out sweet and happy but takes a painful turn…..the…….and look at what happened next!! Part of the episode.That is the panic, that is the stark revelation, time to take my life back.
I am in a war with myself not food or carbs or my doctor who only advices me to change, not a pill or quick fix, just good old fashioned get off my behind and take charge of myself. I dropped the ball and got inside my head and just quit. So frustrating when it comes down to ME…sure would be nice to blame someone else. I may blame the government..hmm.
This can be done, I have hope and even more I know I have to succeed.My life depends on it. It is crazy how much time is but burned thinking about food and I know why….thinking on things that are not good….. “finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” Philippians 4:8
Organic Gala Apples (Photo credit: Farmanac)
So, as I write, eating a Gala Apple, I commit to forge ahead, thinking about how great it will be to have energy and not think about how sad salsa is without chips……it’s a sickness!
It is with a heavy heart I must say so long to an old friend. It doesn’t come as a surprise…I have known for a long time it would happen. The signs have all been there, I have had the warning and many people, friends and family have attempted to help me understand. HECK even the presidents wife, Michelle Obama has warned me in conjunction to my doctor…if it s White Don’t Bite! These words hang heavy in the air….I know, I know!
Good bye warm bread…with butter, good bye hard rolls, good bye crusty French bread….good bye sliced Bunny brand white bread (tear), Goodbye biscuits, goodbye chicken and dumplings(for which I just learned how to make…more tears), goodbye pasta……mashed potatoes and oh my Lord…crackers! I have to say goodbye to all these beautiful perfectCARBOHYDRATES.I HAVE TO EAT PROPERLY…….I HAVE TO DO AT LEAST A BIT IF EXERCISE, FIFTEEN/THIRTY MINUTES A FEW TIMES A WEEK!
Nothing like a trip to the doctor to see the tell tell signs of a life spent lazy and apparently trying to kill itself. Knowing about my high blood pressure should have been enough, but nope, I have just lived in my special world of it won’t happen to me. Now my heart rate is low and I have to add a new pill and rethink my lifestyle.
As I sat waiting for my prescription the thoughts of having a stroke weighed on my shoulders, not that I want to die, I look forward to heaven…someday, not yet; I guess it’s the thought of being stuck in bed at the mercy of everyone else, wouldn’t I feel stupid knowing I could have prevented it. What an idiot I would know I was and probably the most selfish action of my life.
As I write this, I am not one bit hungry…I made a carb free supper and ate plenty… but I need a peppermint patty……..ugh! Lord help me! I will do it and I will become healthy and stop being ashamed of myself! I have plenty of examples of overcoming overcomers and I will do it too!
Learning to eat correctly is …..to my limited mind…..like learning Math! It just does not work out in my head……does not compute, so to speak. Am I so far gone, that it is a foreign concept?
I am thankful to have a friend who’s passion is real on this subject and is able to clearly explain in a language that I can understand, the concepts of healthful consumption of food. Bless her heart, she gave up some precious hours..(yes, hours…poor thing!) as to help me “get it!” I feel a bit guilty for the over indulgence(story of my life!) on my part in the picking of her brain.
Though gracious beyond words, I figure she was like me when attempting to describe how to “do ART”….some people just don’t get it! The good news I did get it…as a matter of fact, I felt as if I was on the verge of a “salvation” experience for the commitment to change. Who’s hand do I have to shake…sign me up! I am in the pondering stage still….making the commitment in my head only waiting for my heart to follow. Apparently…it is bringing up the rear…most literally!
She was very clear and concise in her delivery, I knew her zeal was out of a loving and tender heart. I am always impressed by the testimony of one who has walked the walk. I am indebted to her and honored for the time spent.
Even more, I felt my heart grow larger for her and I believe….she for me. In humility I begged for help and in humility I received direction and I pray I follow thru in honor of her sacrifice of time. I then kept up the momentum and shopped accordingly and prepared a gluten free (mostly) and fresh vegetables and chicken feast.
It is now four long hours later (we ate at 5:30!) and my longing for carbs (gluten) wains long….but…”early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise!” Soon I will not have it even in the house…..and it will be a mourning period for us all. I will take everything gross out of my pantry and see what shape I am in…I know it will only have a few crumbs left. Barely a morsel for the mice…eeek!
McKee Foods – Little Debbie logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Ridiculous the way I am clinging to my “treats”….and that I never really thought I had to have….I honestly think I need FA…a food anonymous group! For real….Boy! do I have some work to do. With God all things are possible….true words but, right about now it seems he is busy solving the worlds troubles….not that he shouldn’t be but geeeee whizzzz….I am Jones-en for a Little Debbie cake!!!
About the time the time you think…after thirty years of marriage…..after you think that he can’t do anything to shock you anymore…he goes and flips the world around and shows me up! Let me further explain….I know this guy, good, bad(never any bad of course!) and indifferent, we have been up down and all around, in and out, backwards and forwards….needless to say we have a history.
The things I know are many, as well as what he knows of me…let’s say he could ruin me! We are a team, a force to be reckoned with, we have a club and are thick as thieves. One thing about the preacherman is that he can make gravy….he sat at the feet of his grandmother Pearlie, watching and learning. He loves gravy and biscuits…he is a preacherman what’s the big shock, he is a southern white man, and a preacher…gravy and fried chicken are in his DNA! Also, anything wrapped in bacon….he jokes that even his hand wrapped in bacon would be tasty!
So on this usual Saturday morning when I am grumbling under my breath as I go to the potty for the tenth time of the night….that I would like it quiet with not TV, i.e. hunting shows or even Duck Dynasty! which are the bane of my existence! and further more I would even prefer to have the room alone..pillow over my head, peace and quiet, nobody talk to me sleeping late on Saturday morning …morning! Sweet as he is he goes into the dark cold den…alone.
In my defense, he could stay…just sleep!…no TV or light or reading of books or running of the Apple Ipad or Iphone…ALL EYES CLOSED! I am a serious sleeper! But, he cant sleep anymore unlike me who knows no limit, sleep is good, sleep is the best. He goes and waits til about ten-thirty and sneaks in to say,“…honey, could you come make biscuits?”UGH! in my head I am thinking…why didn’t I hide the sausage?…Wamplers, wamplers its good sausage, made on the farm in Tennessee! …lalala…..The song is running through my head. For those who are not from East Tennessee, this is a song commercial on the radio advertising a local home-grown/made sausage and a local big family who we know well. I had once worked for one of the sons, Riley, who was the County Court Clerk for years. A good man and a good family. They know their sausage as well as all the other parts of the pig…from the feet to the snout! God Bless Loudon County, TN!
I then drag myself up…with only eleven hours sleep…ug!!!! and find out I have no Bisquick nor Crisco shortening as to make biscuits. Oh well, biscuits and gravy are a terrible thing to eat anyways….we have been attempting to eat better…anyways…I just went to the doctor and got weighed and please do not make me think of that horrible thought again. So back to bed, so sorry, it is better for us anyways…….but……
I wake up from my first of hopefully many naps I will take today, scoot back into the kitchen and this renaissance man has looked up on that little IPAD a recipe for biscuits made with butter! He made them…all by himself….and a big mess on the counter….but he was so cute sitting there…all covered in flour and proud. He, my preacherman….the guy who can barely lift a finger because he is so busy with preacherman stuff and “….he doesn’t know how, excuse” and ..”honey you are so good at cooking!!” yea right…..! man of mine, took the initiative to figure it out all by himself!!! Don’t tell me the miracles don’t happen!!
Pretty darn good biscuits!
There they are…sitting in there in the oven, beautiful! I wasn’t sure whether to be mad or glad! In actuality…..this is a good thing. I know that when I am dead after my tragic and eventful death, from my painful and sad long battles with whatever made up disease I come up with, my dear beloved can keep himself from crying himself to sleep at night after losing me! ….in the knowledge that he can make himself biscuits to go with his amazingly great sausage gravy! He is the king of sausage gravy and canned biscuits just don’t cut it. And while I am still hanging on in this world….he can still make his own and not wake me up any more!!! I love this MAN!!
This year my family traveled to visit our family for Thanksgiving in East Tennessee. This is never my first choice, to travel I mean, I am a home body as a rule and especially on a big holiday. I like to be the one doing the cooking. This year though, it worked out for us to go so we did.
My side of the family had a reunion a couple of weeks ago instead of the usual Thanksgiving celebration. We were blessed to have our precious Uncle Leon and Aunt Ornella as well as cousins John and Susan, which is always a special treat for us all. They have always lived far away so when they come home it is always a joy. My Aunt and Uncle are getting up in years and I have to catch myself when I hug them to not hug too hard because the thought always crosses my mind that this may be the last time. Morbid I know. Just trying to be prepared and enjoy them as long as I can.
It is not my intent, but I rarely get to see them and I just can’t bear the thought…..I as well feel this way about a lot of people in my life. We never know when this may be the last hug or laugh or words. Since my Mom has spent the last few years becoming less and less capable of knowing all of us, I am ever mindful of just how short life is.
This became even more relevant to me yesterday during our visit to my mother in laws home. I don’t see here as often now and when I do, it is always shocking at the amount of “slowing down” she has done. If you had asked me if it ever would have happened I would have never believed it, she was the Energizer Bunny before the bunny was….she never knew how to rest, take it easy…..always doing something. Even at a time of relaxation, she would be embroidering.
I learned how to cook for the most part from her. When I married the preacherman and moved to his hometown and was thrust amongst all the good cookin’ church ladies and I was enlightened to the world of casseroles and some of the best in Southern cooking. I mastered the Thanksgiving Dinner from my mother in law, this was the first food of hers I had ever eaten….on a trip there with my room-mate(pre-marriage) to see University of Tennessee vs Vanderbilt. Reason number twenty-eight on why I went…got to see boyfriend and check out his hometown. Mission accomplished and some great food for us hungry college kids!
It was evident this week that she is slowing down, she was more frail and smaller…..just like my own Mom, although my Moms mind is failing her, my Mom in law is still pretty sharp. It is just her body that is tuckering out. But I swear if she still wont hardly let me help her….frustrating. What is it about the
English: at 955 Airport Boulevard, near , in . (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
elderly that makes them not stop or rather allow us to help. I hope I will be different, I hope I allow my kids to do all they can……or maybe that is how I feel now, sorry kids!
We had our lunch at a local, very popular restaurant, The Cracker Barrel. I was amazed at the amount of people who ate out for their Traditional Thanksgiving meal. Do people not cook anymore? The over whelming part also was the amount of elderly people. I know this restaurant is a favorite of
the elderly as well as the Hardee’s breakfast, but it seemed there was mostly older folks. It actually made me sad and wonder…..where are all the children that go with these people. Did they choose to not be there with the Moms and Dads or maybe just like us went to the other side of the families dinner. I don’t know, it just seemed like of all the people there, ninety percent of them were older.
Maybe they have just “been there done that”, cooked the big meals, had the big house destroying family get together’s, broke the bank on all the pretty foods and accessories……maybe they are happy going out to eat and just driving home, in peace and quiet. I just don’t know. I think I was the only one who even cared, probably because two of my brood were not with us, I missed them and I missed not cooking for them all. My romantic view of life tends to get the best of me when I miss my kids.
On a side note: …..I also do not even want to obsess over the amount of people who play with those little wooden games with the golf tees that are on every table; the ones that have been scattered on the floor a zillion times and put back on the table and never disinfected. Then, while I watched people over and over touch those germ laced games and then pick up their fresh hot biscuits and jelly and eat them with the same dirty fingers……ugh, STOP! STOP I would think, yelling in my head…..then I notice my own people doing the same thing….just as I had also done before…..ewe, wish I had not remembered that part…….I must have been tired, obsessing about all that. Some days it just doesn’t help to think so much!
So in the end, I chose pork chops for my special holiday meal….seemed to be a good choice, it had to be made fresh and it was good… unlike the big piles of turkey and vats of gravy and pans of mashed potatoes that have been made for hours …there I go obsessing again! I also knew I had a great home cooked meal waiting for me in a few hours when we traveled back home at my own Mom and sisters house. Happy to report is was awesome!
Thanksgiving deems to be getting squished out with all the shopping deals….I have never shopped on this day, truthfully, I have never had a large supply of money to do shopping with and I am also pretty protective of sleep and I have large crows issues…someone always gets trampled…..it ain’t gonna be me, sista! I have great Thanksgiving memories….a day for slowing down, a long weekend, throwing a football. Watching the parades and dreaming of living in New York……oh to be a kid again, the truth is my days are numbered and I know it. Soon I too will be enjoying my meals where everyone knows my name…..not CHEERS!…but my local Cracker Barrel!
This is one of the best fall foods ever been created. I usually only make this desert once or twice a year and only in the fall and I can’t seem to understand why. Maybe because as a rule I am not a baker. I cook all the time, breakfast…supper….food to survive on. But, the fall brings out the cook in me…the YUMMY FOOD cook.
Desserts are not my forte’ either. I would rather waste all my caloric intake on bread, hot, cold, plain, crusty, french, white…any bread. I adore breads. I do not bake bread; I did at one time during my little house on the prairie days while raising 3 kids, the little stair steps. We were a poor preacher family with one car (ouch!) so needless to say, I was at home all the time. Soon I realized that the guilt from the bread starter was too much for me to endure. Always had to feed the darn thing and I had younguns’ and it was all I could do to feed them.
My revelation of this yummy fall dessert was from the days when my little girl was born, twenty-six years ago and a family friend brought me a get well treat. I was a bit weary since I am not a fan of pumpkin pie but the cream cheese icing pulled me in. Boy o’ boy I am glad I did. Yummy for sure. So here is the recipe if anyone would like a taste of fall. The added bonus is your house will spell divine!!
2 cups flour-1 cup sugar-2 cups pumpkin(canned/1 can)-1 cup finely chopped walnuts or pecans-1/2 tsp cinnamon(or pumpkin pie spice)-4 eggs-3/4 cup oil(canola)
Beat eggs, add sugar, pumpkin, oil; blend well. Add slowly flour and cinnamon (add really slow so beaters do not spread whole house!) Pour into greased 9×13 glass pan and bake at 350 degrees for 30 mins. The cake will be very dense and smell like heaven.
Beat softened cream cheese and butter, add milk and vanilla, blend well. Slowly add conf. sugar (seriously slow or there will be a sugar cloud!) Beat until light and fluffy (a few minutes)
When cake cools(good luck waiting!) frost cake. Place in fridge for a while to keep frosting firm. Cut in 2″ squares. ENJOY!!!
Welcome Fall!!
As a side note:
Way back I was the Production Manager/Graphic Artist for our local Newspaper and we did an insert for the holidays and this recipe was one of the deserts!
class=”size-full wp-image alignright” style=”border:.1px solid black;margin:.1px;” src=”https://preacherswifeintheknow.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/cornbread-3.jpg?w=140″ alt=”Image” width=”140″ height=”104″ />They say the first step to recovery is admitting the truth…..so here I go…..I LOVE CORNBREAD!!! The problem is I don’t think I want to be free from my love affair with cornbread……..I just am not sure that it would even help. Some things only happen after prayer and fasting…..um ok….have not prayed about it…check! and I know I haven’t fasted…check! So what’s a girl to do?
The fact that I have been raised on cornbread doesn’t help any….yes Oprah I am blaming it on my Mother….and my Grandmother and all of the Aunts and family friends who have made this delicious addition to the southern feast we call….”family dinner!” Actually I really don’t so much blame them, I more over give them credit. The rich heritage I was raised on in the South is one that I am not ashamed of nor embarrassed by. We have the majestic southern cornbread……don’t be jealous!
Any one can make it….but we southern girls do it best! My raisin’ taught me to use Lard…yikes! Thankfully I do not choose to do that. That is one small step in the right direction but its all downhill after that.
I do feel that you must have the correct equipment starting with the Iron Skillet. Or should I say a “seasoned” Iron Skillet. New ones can be used, but the first few batches may not be as good as the latter ones…..Also the oven has to HOT…not just hot but, REALLY HOTwith a chunk of butter melting while the skillet is getting hot…..the skillet MUST be HOT before the batter goes in. The sizzle is the sound you listen for when you pour in the batter.
The skillet, in my mind is the only way to cook the bread, with one exception and only one. My Mom used to have this cute little IRON pan with six little corn on cob shaped individual…..precious, small cornbread muffin-type muffins. They were very crispy with a soft center and really cute. Gotta love old memories!
The cornbread cooks for about twenty minutes or so…I prefer it to be on the crispy side. There are times that I consider cooking dinners that go especially well with cornbread. I suppose that would be considered an addictive personality when you plan the meal around the bread? I can say honestly the bread is the star….yes I do love good bread. This is why I do not cook bread usually. Imagine if I did….I would be the size of “the broad side of a barn!!”….okay I know I am nearly there….shush!
The once, ever so often batch of cornbread is my guilty pleasure. But if I had to choose between bread and meat, I would choose bread! This is ridiculous considering my body type…proof is in the (puddin’!) or bread, so to speak, goes right to my middle! But on those few occasions when I am at a restaurant that has great bread or I make the occasional skillet of lovely cornbread, I allow myself to enjoy. You only live once, right? Slather on the butter……mmmmmmmmmmm!
class=”size-full wp-image alignright” style=”border:.1px solid black;margin:.1px;” src=”https://preacherswifeintheknow.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/cornbread-3.jpg?w=140″ alt=”Image” width=”140″ height=”104″ />They say the first step to recovery is admitting the truth…..so here I go…..I LOVE CORNBREAD!!! The problem is I don’t think I want to be free from my love affair with cornbread……..I just am not sure that it would even help. Some things only happen after prayer and fasting…..um ok….have not prayed about it…check! and I know I haven’t fasted…check! So what’s a girl to do?
The fact that I have been raised on cornbread doesn’t help any….yes Oprah I am blaming it on my Mother….and my Grandmother and all of the Aunts and family friends who have made this delicious addition to the southern feast we call….”family dinner!” Actually I really don’t so much blame them, I more over give them credit. The rich heritage I was raised on in the South is one that I am not ashamed of nor embarrassed by. We have the majestic southern cornbread……don’t be jealous!
Any one can make it….but we southern girls do it best! My raisin’ taught me to use Lard…yikes! Thankfully I do not choose to do that. That is one small step in the right direction but its all downhill after that.
I do feel that you must have the correct equipment starting with the Iron Skillet. Or should I say a “seasoned” Iron Skillet. New ones can be used, but the first few batches may not be as good as the latter ones…..Also the oven has to HOT…not just hot but, REALLY HOTwith a chunk of butter melting while the skillet is getting hot…..the skillet MUST be HOT before the batter goes in. The sizzle is the sound you listen for when you pour in the batter.
The skillet, in my mind is the only way to cook the bread, with one exception and only one. My Mom used to have this cute little IRON pan with six little corn on cob shaped individual…..precious, small cornbread muffin-type muffins. They were very crispy with a soft center and really cute. Gotta love old memories!
The cornbread cooks for about twenty minutes or so…I prefer it to be on the crispy side. There are times that I consider cooking dinners that go especially well with cornbread. I suppose that would be considered an addictive personality when you plan the meal around the bread? I can say honestly the bread is the star….yes I do love good bread. This is why I do not cook bread usually. Imagine if I did….I would be the size of “the broad side of a barn!!”….okay I know I am nearly there….shush!
The once, ever so often batch of cornbread is my guilty pleasure. But if I had to choose between bread and meat, I would choose bread! This is ridiculous considering my body type…proof is in the (puddin’!) or bread, so to speak, goes right to my middle! But on those few occasions when I am at a restaurant that has great bread or I make the occasional skillet of lovely cornbread, I allow myself to enjoy. You only live once, right? Slather on the butter……mmmmmmmmmmm!
preacherswifeintheknow 
