I began this trail of tears (and gnashing of teeth) nineteen days ago…..and I swear I thought it had been four full weeks but sadly not yet three. Who knew this would be such an extreme challenge, cut out a few foods here and there, right? Boy oh boy was I wrong! This is real life, controlling the very urge that has been like a warm blankee on a cold night. Discipline is a job in itself.
Is it weird I feel weird about letting go of this ridiculous way of life. It is just a few food choices, not life and death…but it is death, death to a well practiced way of life. My word for this year is FREEDOM with a DISCIPLINE chaser……and the burn comes because one can not be achieved unless the other one is conquered. If my body is actually the Temple of the Holy Ghost? which is what scripture states…scripture for which I live my life by, good or bad…then yeah! I must take note of this fact and live free from what caused me to become corrupt. Not that I am a bad person, just cute for a fat girl…ya know!
Of course I am also a stress eater for which all this denial causes stress “since precious can’t have what precious desires” so say I, being the precious one, all I can think about is French Toast! What a weird thing to crave…I have gotten past so many other craves…..but a few of my husbands homemade french toast and a pile of bacon sure would be good right about now! Which brings me to another bummer of a realization …I “crave” the wrong things…….oh boy! I need to crave the who not the what. It is this war in my head, my mind must be about good not silliness like whats the next food choice. I give way too much credit to this thought pattern. I must be in control….or rather allow myself to realize I am not in control of anything but my own will. And this will of mine must line up with the freedom train!…Am I all aboard?
I have had so much support to “do the right thing” and I am encouraged by it…but nineteen days in…..this could take forever! Although I am weak in my flesh on this day…I will not stop…..I am worth it, my life is not over and if I am hanging around here for “X “ amount of years then I better get my behind in gear and get nineteen more days down the road.
Thanks Lord for the reminder, with your help and the hope of freedom in the future I will choose to discipline myself and forge ahead…….someday there will be french toast again, in small dispensations of course…..and PIE!