Category Archives: GOD

Soothes MY Soul

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Today I spent some time at my Mom’s. It was later in the afternoon and I was getting a feeling for nap time! Mostly because her house is always warm, well to be honest it is HOT! But that is to be expected, she is elderly. I can’t believe I just called her that. Never in all my born days have I thought of my mom as elderly. She never has been until now. Truth be known, if she knew I called her that she would probably skin me alive!

I wish that she could know. I wish she was the same, quick to set things straight, lady I have always known. She is but a shadow of her former self. Her mind has retreated in so many ways and her momentary memory is all that is left. Thankfully she is in good health otherwise, for which I am so thankful, it would be more sorrowful if not. Even so, she is sweet and kindhearted now, two adjectives I would have thought of her in the past, just not as obvious. She was always a good woman, strong and forthright. But she wasn’t much drama, pretty much just a straight shooter. “Just the facts!” (I must be more like my Dad…all drama!)

The time I spend with her now is hard and taxing. The crazy part is that it has gotten hard for me just in the last few months. Before I was able to take it in stride, dealt with it pretty good before, and I even felt pretty proud of myself and felt the need to help my sisters wrap their heads around this disease. Pretty smug considering now it is a struggle for me. I am not sure why, maybe because the amount of loss we have had lately. Losing my sister-in-law to cancer last year took a toll on me I know.

Daily I miss her. Daily I search my mind for remnants of her. I still have the last four voice mails on my cell phone she sent me. I listen to them often as well as the last stream of texts. She was reminding me to be careful on the cruise we were about to board with all the mishaps, husbands and wives falling overboard and all. I think she had an over and under bet on me and her brother and if you knew her and us that would be believable. We constantly ragged her poor brother about everything — not that he ever knew it! It was our own little world. Her being his OLDER sister made for plenty of wars. He was pretty obnoxious I am sure as any little brother can be. I think their mom would make her take him on dates with her and her boyfriends! Recipe for murder I say!! SO who could blame them for their lack of warm fuzzies about each other! She would describe the little boy and I would defend the grown up man — a never-ending test of wills. I eventually won that battle and she agreed. She loved him despite herself which is the best ending of all.

I often remember the crazy conversations we had. One minute we would be deciding on what to cook our crews for supper and then without skipping a beat go into a story of our many yard sale adventures and my search EVERY TIME for a bathroom. YES, I did ask people to use theirs. She would go hide in the car, humiliated yet laughing her a#& off! (only word that can be used there, it is a Bible word, by the way! Just in case, forgive me Lord!) It would almost be a dare and the funny thing was people would let me. She would say she couldn’t believe I had the nerve to ask and I would say I couldn’t believe they would be so dumb to let me!! Me a stranger, though my only agenda was to potty and not have to leave such a good sale to drive a gazillion miles to a gas station. As a side bonus I did get to see some pretty cool houses! We were also famous for dragging home old furniture from the curbs….good times! The best of times and had I known they would be over so soon….whew makes me tear up again.

So when I go to my Mom’s house I guess I am realizing that the time will come when I will have to say good-bye to her. It is all so “in your face” this slow death. It is a fact of life that is a bitter pill. Not for the one who dies but for those of us left behind. I know where my sister-in-law is and I know she wouldn’t come back if given the choice but, still so very hard. Today her son made a funny (to me) comment on Facebook about a driver in front of him and I belly laughed because it was HER spit out! She, like me, was a verbal driver and had no patience for ignoramuses who pretend to know how to drive and when I read his comment it was hysterical.

Things like that give me comfort…maybe I am the only one, but when I hear or see something that reminds me of someone I love it is soothing to my soul. Her children do arise and call her blessed and every time I see a red bird — Cardinal — I am reminded of my Mom, though she doesn’t remember know that she used to love to see them. I do and it soothes my soul. I too will arise and call her blessed.

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PIE not PI…..!

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FoodFriday #17: Cracker Barrel - Old Country Store
FoodFriday #17: Cracker Barrel - Old Country Store (Photo credit: inju)

In respect of PIE day I wanted to relay my favorite kind… It has to be apple! To be exact I only like the kind that is with pre cooked apples…not the kind that has been sliced fresh and layered in the pie shell with no goopie sugary sauce like stuff, it needs all the mushy flavorful cooked apple part. I am very picky about this fact as if anyone had ever wondered. It is a warm and yummy, cinnamon filled, crusty luscious goodness that is always first on my list of great desserts. I am not a huge dessert girl but if I do indulge it would be pie……I really like pie the best of all dessert! My mom made chocolate and coconut and lemon(3 separate pies!) that were to die for so it is hard to pick. I have the hidden recipes that are a family treasure, our inheritance. I learned to make my husbands dads favorite which was his moms specialty , custard pie. Not a fan but it did smell good! Once again … Cinnamon and nutmeg! A lady who was a family friend made a key lime pie that I shamelessly begged for whenever I could( funerals etc) and then when I delivered my only daughter, 24 years ago mind you, so good i still remember it, a lady from our church made me a Boston Creme Pie, oh my Lord! Not really pie but still as dreamy! LOVED it! My second son loves my fudge pie, not as good as an old restaurant that was in Nashville a ton of years ago, Ireland‘s but pretty dang good! I loved that place, the best little steak n biscuits ever and fudge pie of course. Yep, I would say I love pie, even cobbler will do, as long as I get a lot if crust…. Oh shout out to The Cracker Barrel too, they have a chocolate cobbler that is crazy good, I wouldn’t believe it but my husband made me try it, sold! Why do I doubt him? So in honor of PIE day…..I salute you, the real and only Pie I can understand!

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I wish I had……

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I wish I had hugged my granny and papa more. I wish I had known the last days on our farm were the last days. I wish I had known the days would get so much shorter as I got older. I wish the words my sister would say to me about all those Cokes catching up to me wouldn’t hover in my head as well as my hips.

I wish I would have continued playing tennis after college. I wish I had been a better student. I wish I had the nerve to really be what I was meant to be. I wish I had paid more attention to my feet. I wish I had given much more thought to the clothes I wore during my 20’s.

I wish I had not cared so much about what people thought of me. I wish I were a better woman. I wish I could spare my kids the pain of failures and hard headedness. I wish the gravitational pull wouldn’t concentrate on what seems like only my body all the time. I wish I had a million dollars. (Keeping it real here, everyone wishes for that, I might as well say it out loud!)

I wish spring was the constant season until a month of fall and skip straight through to spring again. I wish I had a zillion Daisies all over my yard to keep me smiling. I wish the politicians would shut up and get something done for once.

I wish Downton Abbey would play everyday on PBS and not end and make us wait so long for new season, as well as Mad Men! Speaking of television shows, I wish Sandra would come back on Property Virgins and Dallas would come back sooner and all my guilty pleasure shows would stay only slightly crazy and not go full on nuts. I wish somethings would never change.

I wish my tooth socket would hurry up and heal for Petes’s sake! I wish I had a maid. I wish I had a maid. (So good I had to wish it twice.) I wish our children would find the best girlfriends/boyfriend for them and live in love the rest of their lives. (A momma can dream big ya know.)

I wish the weight would just drop right off like the ad claims it would. I wish I could travel to NYC and live for about a month in a brownstone in a beautiful part of town like on You’ve Got Mail. I wish my blog would be read by lots of people and eventually be on FRESH PRESSED!

I wish I could watch cool birds in my back yard. I miss the huge Woodpecker that visited us for a season back at our old house as well as the little Blue Bird that is like the one on Snow White. I nearly cried it was so sweet.

I wish I could eat lobster again, and since I am on that subject shrimp and crab legs. I wish they were in abundance and not so expensive and I could eat them all the time along with great salads and vegetables – grilled.

I wish I could see again a few of my old friends from my younger days and it would be the same. I wish I was all shiny and new again. I wish everyone could get the whole GOD thing and I wish I got it better. I wish I could see a butterfly everyday. I wish I had a million dollars. (Bears repeating!)

I wish my hair would not go gray ever and be light blond highlights naturally like it was when I lived outside which brings me to I wish I wasn’t such an indoor person. I wish red-hot jaw breakers weren’t oh so Cinnamon-y — too hot! I wish I could sing really good. I wish I had my own computer that no one else ever uses.

I wish I could go back in time and have some do-overs. I wish I had a cat that never sheds and just cuddled. I wish I had the good sense I have now way back when. I wish I could talk to my daddy and I wish with that one that I will see him in heaven.

I wish I could go to the carnival that came every summer to Cowan TN, it was the best one ever and I wish I could belly laugh again while riding the Himalayan with my sister Jan. I wish I had been in the cool kids group in high school and not so awkward. (I was on the cusp of that crowd, just barely even noticed but just almost there.) I wish my son’s TV didn’t play constantly even when he isn’t home. Ugh! (Gotta’ go up the steps and search for the controller which is impossible.) Which brings me to – I wish I had found a one story home this time!

I wish LOVE was seen as a verb all the time and we spoke it daily. I wish it wasn’t so hard to wake up every day. I wish my sister that was two years older had not died when she was a baby. I bet we are a lot alike! I wish friends weren’t so hard to come by.

I wish I had watched my weight do more than quadruple. (Should a paid more attention to that one!!!) I wish I could wear Levi’s and plain white shirts all the time. I wish stuff didn’t bug me so much with my inner me screaming out all the time in my head just like the episodes of Seinfeld when Elaine is trapped on the subway and the power goes off and the train stops and she is trapped and begins to talk to herself in her head. (I do that all the time, nerve-racking! 0

I wish so many wishes that it will have to be continued.

I wish I had more patience to continue now

‘Til next time – I hope!

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…dear Lindsay Lohan

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I am sitting once again, waiting to feel better and re-watching The Parent Trap, the remake of the old one with Haley Mills. It was one of my favorite Disney movies as a kid and I never would’ve thought it could be remade it so well. But they did!

Lindsay Lohan is precious and funny and perfectly suited for this role. I can remember going to the movies with my then 11-year-old only daughter, the same age as the girl in the movie, and we both laughed and loved it and fell in love with LL. She was spunky and precocious and cute as a bugs ear — just like my own little girl. I had thought then that this girl would do so well in the world of acting. She was a natural and went on to be involved in a few more remakes, i.e.Freaky Friday and Herbie the Love Bug. Once again new classics!

I seem to watch The Parent Trap ever time it’s on, well at least when I am down sick because first it is still cute and funny but mostly because LL is so sweet and I feel a weird sense of attachment to her. Even in “Mean Girls” she was good and we all can relate to that world. I know she has good sense, I can tell. I just wish she had the support to live it!

Not knowing the whole story of her life, only tabloid fodder and the more current news reports but I guess it wouldn’t be wrong to assume she has gone down a wrong path. I can only wonder why? Who’s to blame — Hollywood or her parents, the school system, global warming, or was it too much too young? Maybe all of the above. At any rate, it is such a sad testimony of a young girls life and those who have been a part of it.

Being the mother of four as well as a Sunday school and children’s worker in a church, I know all too well the trials and pitfalls of raising kids. Everything can go perfect — all the stages of life were fun and full of understanding and compassion and love and yet there be problems. The Lord knows my mistakes are many so when I say how it saddens me that LL had been someone who seems to not get a grip on her life, I am not pointing a finger. I say this out of pure compassion for her.

I know how hard it is to live above your press, and even though she will never read this I would love to tell her — get back to that scraggly, scruffy girl. Color your hair back to its normal beautiful color. Stop collagen treatments in your lips. Stay sober and clean. Choose life! You are a really neat person and a good little actress. You are someone who could use your past to help you be an awesome actress. Show everyone up. Be the person God made you to be. Get your voice back and stand above your raising and your parents troubles and be YOU! This is what I say to my daughter and it goes for you too. You are worth far more than rubies. Stand strong, you are loved!

P.S……….This is after the airing of your portrayal of our beloved Elizabeth Taylor….I loved it! Although you were panned by the critics, don’t you listen to them…..Please dear young woman…rise above them all!

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Failure?

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What does it mean to be a failure?

The only answer I can think of is not trying again, giving up. Every day we breathe we have another opportunity to do it over, try again, give it another chance. No person or situation is ever without the option of a do-over. Unless we choose not too. It is called “free will.” God knew we would probably need a few more chances to get it right.

This freedom to choose is usually a hot topic and can be a slippery slope. Sometimes our choices are beyond our control, we have to make lemonade because we made choices that cause an overt reaction to our situation. That’s when we limit our options. But it still was our choices that got us there.

Hmmm, heavy subject I understand but to take a line from my favorite movie, “no man is a failure who has friends!” George Bailey, It’s a Wonderful Life. (By the way, if it was Jimmy Stewart that told me I had twenty-four hours to live I would be okay, I love Jimmy Stewart.)

It is up to us to choose our friends — those who build us up, not bring us down. And for us to be a friend that sticks closer than a brother. I have been blessed with a few of those friends and some of them are even my family. I am keenly aware of who I can lean on for the support I need at any given time but there are days I too feel all alone.

That’s when I know I need to turn my heart toward the Lord, have a little talk with Jesus ya know, and seems like my outlook gets better. I am never a failure because I have friends and the best friend of all, the one who loves me the most. This silly mutt sitting in my lap — buddy!

He never thinks I am a failure and he makes sure I am never alone.

True Love

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For anyone who ever reads my writings, you’ve heard a few times about my best friend, my husband — the preacher-man! I really don’t often drag him into my expose’ world of high drama and espionage. It is not for the faint if heart, not that he’s not tough, he is! But I feel like this world I share is my world and he is part of it but his privacy is his and not mine to share. I’m sure I share more than he would want anyways but he’s survived thirty years of my big mouth and I would assume he gave that fight up long ago.

But TODAY is an important day. A day of great joy. The day that my beloved husband was born — fifty years ago. I make sure I put in the age because it seems like it has taken him forever to get there! I am two years plus older than him, ugh, and that was kinda funny when we were young but now it is not so funny, depressing in fact!

Not that age matters. It’s how you feel and there’s the rub. I feel seventy!

Funny how young we are now. Our parents were this age when we got married and they were old! Really old! I was wondering if they would live long enough for the grandkids to know them! Jeez was I stupid! Of course now I wonder if I will be around for mine, considering our kids have no marriages in sight, praise the Lord!

Now that my dearest is in the club I am sure that this new phase of life will be a good thing. He is already the wisest man I know and he always has been. Aggravating as it is, I need his smarts to get me out of all the pickles I get into. I told my sister the other day that when I met my husband he was the closest man to Robert Redford I have met! That being the scale, blonde hair, blue-eyed, strong nose, chisel chin and pretty smile. I wanted to have pretty blonde blue-eyed babies, too. She mumbled something about natural selection or some silly stuff, of course I just had in my mind what perfect was and I met perfect.

So, I snatched him up before my roommate did! She dared me to ask him out and so I did and it was the best decision I have ever made. We have been together for thirty years — a lifetime — and we have four beautiful kids and a charmed life.

He wasn’t always a preacher-man. It was about five years after we married till he felt the call to full-time ministry. I have never been more proud or more in love with this man than when he is preaching. I have full faith in him and his ability and willingness to listen to the Lord and do what HE says. In this I know for sure, I am confident in his heart toward God.

Does he makes mistakes? Of course and as his wife I am there to point them out! Ha. But when it comes to his heart toward God, I have no worries! My husband has given me a grand life, we have traveled and had experiences that I may never have had. He showed me the pathway to God as well as led me and our babies into the world of worship and favor of God. He has stood strong under great pressures and enemies and protected us when life was too much. He’s given unconditional love and grace and has been a friend.

As a man of God he has fought his demons and allowed Gods grace to keep his heart pure. A good man is hard to find, this I know. And I plan on keeping my man as long as he will stay with me. I have been given a great gift and on this day when he deserves the gifts. Anything I could buy but him would pale in comparison to the gift he has given me — TRUE LOVE!

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My Dog the health mutt!!!

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20120306-202417.jpg< This is Buddy! He is a rescue dog and he likes to eat healthy! I know this because when I eat a Banana, he sits in front of me staring, with those big brown eyes….tapping his paw! Begging for a bite! Yes, he loves banana and will eat as much as you will give him without throwing it up. Now, this dog throws up everything, his dog food, water(toilet water for which he seems to prefer…gross I know but he won't touch the water in his bowl, so we gave up!) don't blame him for puking that one! He eats a bite of steak or chicken or whatever table scraps the people in my house who shall remain nameless…ahahcharles!!!! Bless me! Sneaks him. Everything he eats he will, at any given time, give it back to us on the carpet, of course. But not the banana! Yummy apparently and today yet a new discovery. I have become obsessed with fresh pineapple which is so expensive to buy. Nearly five bucks for a cored batch in a container. Cheap as I am I rarely buy it, only a splurge. One of my BFF 's will sometimes bring a big fruit bowl to our meals at church and I shamelessly go back over and over picking out the pineapple with an occasional strawberry or blueberry to throw them off…. I am very sly! Today though I had to stop in this one store for some veggies, though in pain from my never ending dental pain, which by the way….. now my bite is weird! Driving me crazy plus painful! Anyways this store had whole pineapples uncut in the covers! For a dollar and ninety-nine! Well whoop! I bought two! I knew I could figure out how to cut it and I did only to flounder myself eating fresh pineapple. Thank you God for pineapples, I know you made them look so cute for kicks but they sure are good. So while I was enjoying this "cheap" treat, there sat Buddy begging. I thought there is no way he will like this! But I had to see ….so there you go boy….. Mmmmm ! That crazy mutt loved it and after eating six pieces with no upchucks I realized he can do this all day! Really Buddy? Do you have to give me those puppy eyes… AUGH! So I guess my dog is a health mutt! I mean nut! Well he is leading me by example and if it takes this goofy mutt to do it… Once again God has a good sense of humor and the fact I have to share my fresh pineapple is just wrong! Maybe I can get him onto kiwi, those are really weird! Buddy the health mutt, what's next?…..why did I say that!!

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Chronic Pain

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I have no idea what I would be talking about when it comes to chronic pain.

I’ve only had five days of agonizing hurt all over tooth pain! But it has been plenty to wake me up to the fact that it ain’t no fun! I am sick of it and I realize how much time I have been wasting before this.

And shame on me for all the wasted time I have had. Shame on me for my sloth-like behavior, as if all I had to do was hang from a tree and eat fruit! What went wrong? When did I become that person? When did I give up on my life and give in to a life of laziness?

I would guess when my kids got older and I had no need to run after them. My last one kept me young. At thirty-six, he was a fun gift to us all, a joy and a blessing. Poor kid, born too late to enjoy the special war like camaraderie of being raised with siblings your own age.

I know the feeling because it happened to me too. I grew up the baby, precious to all but nobody ever wanted to play with me! They were always too busy, teenagers that had a big life, much to do! He has felt the same rejection. So recently, he informed me that his dad and I are old and he wished we weren’t because we never want to do anything!

We do stuff. Go out to eat. Go to the movies once in a while. Um, ok, I’m out! Oh boy! Reality! Ouch! I hate to admit it but he is right.

I am tired. Sadly. From what though? From doing nothing! Inactivity! This little episode of chronic pain has been real, and a real wake up call to change my life. I have a list of body parts that have jumped ship on me, why not I’m not using them! Time to get my chronic lazy behind up and get moving. I am on the verge of waiting too late. I would say, if the Lord will help me I will work every day to get active again, but that is a cop-out! He will and is always trying to help me. I just have to do it! My chronic pain will pass.

I know two young ladies that have lived their whole young lives in wheelchairs and walkers, I am humbled by their bravery. They still wait on their healing, faithful every day never stopping and continuing to live a big life. Shame on Me for giving up!

So it may be slowly, but I will do something each day to improve my life, to enrich my son’s life, to be a good example not one of self-destruction.

Chronic health and joy is my new cause, for my future and my own family.

Mercy!

In my safe place

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Today as I still, after five days of nursing my tooth….or actually lack there of, the ultimate fear, a dry socket and the pain that will not stop. Lordy this is annoying and painful and a bit freaky because it is apparently linked to every part of my body. I nearly hurt all over. So back to the point! While in my misery and all there us to do us watch forty year anniversary episodes of The Godfather…not that I mind that, I am a huge fan! And then now on another channel is my 1970’s favorite…”Urban Cowboy”…I mean come on, a classic! Yep, mama’s don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys! I didn’t … Ha ha! Back to the point once again, the weather is going nuts…school let out early, offices are closing early, the weather people are interrupting these classic films with that agonizing sound and these words of warning….”please go to your safe place!!!” this brings me to chuckle sometimes. Not to say that we shouldn’t adhere to these warnings, of course we do. Reminds me of a few years ago, when my daughter was about six or so a huge twister rumbled through our small East Tennessee town and as we literally watched it go down past us over Easter’s Ridge taking up a big barn with it, we then went to the basement! Yes, we watched it go by, we were about a half mile away on a hill and we were somewhat shocked by it, but as we went down the stairs to basement our sweet Bethany said…”daddy do we need to pray!?”… Yes! He said and she stopped then and shut her eyes with her hands in prayer mode and began…”thank you Jesus for our food, AMEN!”…..bless her heart! She knew where the safe place to be was and I know God received that prayer. So when I hear that call I know that my safe place is wherever the Lord is. Sometimes it does feel like he takes a break from watching out for us when we see all the poor towns leveled over and over by storms and tornados, floods and snow, the worse that we have had in centuries… Wow sounds to me like something’s stirring up with him! He told us that there would be these kinds of incidents as the day approaches when he will return. Also wars and all kinds of other catastrophes! Good times! So when I hear from the news weather person… Go to your safe place! I am going along with the Lord and today my aggravating tooth pain! Stay safe everyone, prayers and peace for us all.

Payin’ it forward…

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About the time ya start to think the days of pondering the next dreary moment is going to be the high lite of your day, out of the blue (code for GOD) something happens to reveal how much HE really does love you and has the ability to refresh even the worst of days.

This has been the turn of events for me these past few days when my hopes were dashed in the joyous times of a new appliance. Silly of course for most folks, something breaks, go buy a new one. For me it has never been that simple and not blaming anyone but myself, actually not even blaming myself. I make no apologies for the life choices I have made. I promise when it is all said and done — I won!

There is no replacing the moments and days and years of joys and the sorrows (she says with a grimace!) that I have enjoyed over the past many years. That fancy career I am still waiting for hasn’t shown up yet….hmmm maybe it has?

But anyways, a big item like an appliance is BIG in our house. Only to be compared to the time long ago when our family, I was probably about four or five years old, got a phone in our home (on the farm). Not sure if the cool part was the big black telephone or the South Central Bell worker man who came to install it.

We didn’t have many strangers back then show up at the farm. Interesting for a bunch of kids who hovered around waiting for this link to the outside world or at least the latest party line. Jeez this really dates me….ugh!

So after my current dilemma with the three revolving fridges, I felt comforted by the fact I did end up with a brand new one at the same price as the “open-boxed” (code for used junk) one.

I had to channel my inner Ramona for that one. Ramona is my sis in law who passed a few short months ago at a too young age, but only after many years of teaching me how to get things done — and boy could she! By now she would have already been given stock in that large retail outlet. Relentless was her name and getting satisfaction was her game, or mission in life! When she was ever done wrong by a store. She is my new alter ego in my Sybil-esque life I lead. This was a common joke between us two, our Sybil-esque lives. We had to have a “getaway” in our life of raising kids and husbands!

Back to the point, I now have a new fridge and it is glorious, and given to us by a great friend. A new (used from a new home, way newer than mine, stainless steel) Dishwasher!!! It was installed by another great man and friend and bless his heart it took him a while. The old one wasn’t even grounded, which means, um, I don’t really know except he said we should have been electrocuted by now! Good to know!

So it was a process and he was so sweet and patient and would not take a dime for his labor. People really do stuff like that these days? Wow! BUT — drum roll please — get this news!!! This kind man who installed the beautiful dishwasher, which I love as much as the new fridge, who by the way works for a fancy appliance place in a fancy part of town here in Nashville, who I know he is not wealthy (in financial riches, well I think?) but is very wealthy in godly riches as well as his wife, had a BRAND NEW STAINLESS STEEL OVEN DELIVERED TODAY!!!!!!!!!! O.M.G. Can anyone out give GOD?20120214-140807.jpg

Nope and I am humbled and a little embarrassed about the kindness and generosity of this family to us. This was a random act of kindness on top of the already done kindness and it just blows me away!!! No words are grand enough to express my thankfulness and the crazy part is we got two more words of great news from two of our kids that will totally change the future of one of them which is a direct gift from GOD! Proof, as if I needed it, that HE does take care of his servants. And I can not even fathom the extent of what this miracle will do for my child. Praise the Lord!

Now for all the people who are under the covers afraid to even lift their heads out, I feel the pain, that is me. I have a knee jerk reaction most days to do the same thing. And it wasn’t a week or so ago I was there? I am not a woman of extraordinary faith. I am frail and weak when it comes to that gifting. I am the mother of four kids (that alone can kill you!) and a wife (strike two) and a preacher’s wife (bullseye!) so I should’ve been dead a long time ago. I am as whiny and crybaby as the next guy. I fail myself and God daily and I get as frustrated and bored and defeated and anyone else. BUT I do know from where my redemption comes.At the end of the day, I have a true sense of freedom in the knowledge that I am not the one running this pop stand. That is all I need.

My need to control everything around me falls to the ground in the light of HIS love for me. And sometimes hearing of other people’s blessings can be offensive and hurts even worse, even when I put on my big girl pants and not let it make me envy. Yep, sometimes I do envy — for a minute — I am human to the MAX!

I have to testify to the fact that even when I may not be the best at handling life, HE is the best at handling me and my life and for that I will always be HIS. I thank God for my life, my husband, my kids and for the people who HE has out there to love me back.

You know who you are and I pray blessings back to you. You have paid it forward, as I will continue to also.

 

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