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“kickin it old school…..”

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Just yesterday I was thrilled to make the connections and locate a dear friend from the old days. Gotta love that social media…no really I do love it for just this reason. Awful as it is, the bitter reality is that we grow up and grow on, on to new adventures and lives to be led. I have contemplated often, how sad this harsh reality is, harsh to me because I have a loyal streak and once I am your friend….I am. Not everyone feels that way. I was once told by a person who I adored that …”out of sight out of mind!” It crushed me and forever I have mourned the loss of that friend even though she was a bit of a snip and I still know her but I thought we had more than that. Friends come and go and I am a big girl now but still is an ouchy!

I am not going to go on a limb here and appear to say I am the best at the friend thing. I do try but just with everyone else I get bogged down with daily life. But people rarely leave my heart and this is the sweetness that comes along with re-connecting. That person who for no good reason except LIFE becomes a memory of days past. But in that rare moment when the rock is turned over and shazzam! you find them again….ahhh how sweet it is. It happened last year also when I found my friend Kim. She was the best of the best and it was a blessing to talk to her.

This friend was not one I grew up with from childhood but, I did grow up with him. During those crazy mystery years in college when it is all you can do to make it to classes and study between all the socializing, awful how the school part gets in the way ya know? The college scene is fun and scary all at the same time and this friend of mine made that time easier.

I can not even for the life of me remember how we even met…maybe the MTSU yearbook staff job I had….sad but true the memory is slipping. Once we became friends though that was that. He was the kind of guy that any girl would love to have as a friend. Never a dull moment and I always had a “date” although he was never a date…..not that there was anything wrong with that! but we were not each others type….in that arena that is!

On the friend subject, none were better. We spent so much time dreaming of going to New York and imagining loosing track of each other and then one day eating in a restaurant and seeing each other….He was a waiter of course and an aspiring writer and I was a starving artist living in a shabby apartment in “the village!” It would be old home week for sure. As usual our vivid imaginations were at work…..Then there were the times practicing our stand-up routine, yeah we were funny, two white southern kids talking about growing up in the south…white bread and all….. trying to crack each other up….lame for sure but we had a blast. He also taught me how to make the best chicken salad on earth….for which my husband and kids appreciate! now……yep we were a mess.

It is always a hoot to run across someone from your past..that is why it is good not to leave a bad trail. When the past comes knocking it is sweet and not sorrowful. This is a sweet past friend and I would be honored if he felt the same way about me. Kickin’ it old school is fun and scary again and not always fun but it is sweet to find out your friends are alive and well. That is the important part considering I tend to live in my Pollyanna world of wanting everything to work out good and happy. If you wish it it will happen!

So to any of my dear friends from my distant past, I haven’t forgotten you….I might have forgotten some of the particulars but not your hearts. And this dear friend of mine I am happy we have touched base. You made my life richer for knowing you and I am the one blessed. You are writing for Broadway…kinda! and I am still a starving artist, so besides my huge batch of kids and the body to prove it…..not much has changed except I have yet to make it to New York yet…..maybe someday!!

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NO run of the mill!

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What is it about change that drives us crazy? Is it actually the changing part or the not knowing part? I say I would have to pick the not knowing part. Change is always good and without it life would be so boring. The days ahead can be so fun and crazy and frightening; enlightening as well as mysterious. As long as they are never run of the mill!

Many times I am the first one to whine about change….as if I am the only one in the world who is uncomfortable….well, it is all about ME right!(no one answer that!)There has been a change lately that I have not complained about one time…to GOD or anyone else. When I gave up the fight and stopped being mad my life changed for the better. Funny because I knew better! Especially dramatic is when the change pops up when you least expect it without any warning….as if a meteorite just slams you smack in the head. WOW that left a mark!

I consider myself fairly self aware…so much so I tend to actually care what people think of me. A painful way to live but it is the way it is. Hopefully it makes me a person who is not rude and has her filter on. I would rather be that way than blowing up all over the place. But, sometimes I have allowed that little bit of hurt to grow and eventually I end up with a whole field full of a bumper crop of mad. When change happens it is always new (hence the definition of the word!) and new is what I think is so great about it…..I like new.

The not knowing what is coming down the pike is the hard part but,it does makes for a lively life. Even with all that, it is better to change than stay stagnate like a pond. The ponds are usually a creepy shade of green and it makes it hard for life to swim through it. I never want to be that creepy shade of green so when life changes…I want to say bring it on, Lord.

Beats the tar outta run of the mill!

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What is a Father?

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Of course since father’s day is upon us it is logical that I write concerning the  fathers in my life and how I can’t even imagine life without them. For me is is a little different…I have a father, although he hasn’t been in my life for nearly forty plus years. The time I was able to spend with him was good. He worked hard and played hard and so the time was short. He died at a pretty young age. I have only tiny bits of memory of him, tidbits of fleeting moments that when you add them up not even a year or so it makes. I was very young and I have dealt with that, though when I was ten he chose to leave his family, for what ever the reason, so I was not physically with him very much. Just a few times to visit then later after I began to drive around seventeen I would have brief visits. They were not so fun…mostly sad. Never could I understand the reasons for his departure. I have since then realized where the mystery lies, blame enough for everyone involved, but we move on. Then four months after I married he passed away so the end of any future for us. I love him even though and thankful for his blood in me.

My father-in-law was my blessing then. He was a man of few words but plenty of hugs and kindness. He was a man who was to be admired and led a life of humility and grace. Gods hand was upon him and he always tried to be that hand extended to anyone he met. He gave me unconditional love, always and was a sweet example of a godly father. He left this world for the next only a few short months ago and I know he has found his reward in heaven. He is missed everyday by his son, I see the loss in his eyes as he attempts to honor his father even now while he takes care of his Mom. I honor my father-in-law for which I called Dad because he became that to me after I lost my own father.

My husband is the father of  our four which in itself is a heavy calling. He has been a strong tower for me to lean on and he has led our children in the ways of the Lord. He was the one who wrestled and played with them as toddlers, taught them to fish and hunt and to eat the nasty fish, fowl and deer that they caught. I am blessed that he was the one for this and that the kids loved it as much as he. They are all weird that way! We all have our place! HE has always been quick to admit his humanity as well as pattern love and forgiveness to them all. I can’t thank God enough for giving me him to father my children, he is the Daddy I never had which was what I had prayed for when we had our first born. Words can not be written to adequately describe my children’s father, we have all been blessed by his love.

But, I can not leave out the one who took me in when I was lost, my heavenly father. When described to me way back when more than thirty years ago as a father to the fatherless, I was IN! That totally described how I felt and if HE was going to be there for me…no matter what….. I was signed up. He has never let me down. No matter when I call upon him HE has been there to comfort me and bring me peace.

So, on this father’s day 2012 I am thankful for the men in my life who have influenced me for the good. My brother, brother-in-law and uncle’s who loved me and lived the life before me and continue to impact my life. i will forever be thankful for you! My heart will be full from the memories and love they have given. Thank you guys…..and HAPPY FATHER’S DAY YA’LL!!!

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likes and dislikes

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Boy o’ boy!

This has been the laziest of dayz for me…..not sure if I like it so much, not to say I don’t like having time to pile up and watch movies all day, but since I have had some place to be everyday on this first lazy day in a while I sorta miss it. I know I am silly…I go back and forth with my likes and dislikes, silly woman, silly mind! But our likes and dislikes are the road map in our lives.

Just recently I confessed to a new friend of my dislike of huge amounts of mayo and mustard….after her kind husband brought us lunch from Subway with a huge amount of both condiments. Because I am not, as a rule rude I ate the sandwich, thankfully it was only a six-inch sub and I squished and squished the goop farther down the bun…and by the way loaded with dill pickles on the bun (really! I am an on the side girl!) But I did eat joyfully because it was a moment of welcoming me to their family which I felt honored to be accepted. I never would have told him but of course later I did tell my friend, his wife…..only after I was sharing with her of my weird quirks (she might as well get used to them, they are many!) I know she will tell him…I am doomed to get embarrassed! Another like is that I can hold a conversation with also a huge dislike that I talk too much! No winning!

life “on the side”

That is a huge part of my likes and dislikes…stuff “on the side”, but also a part of my charm! At least I am consistent…salad dressing, usually never, but sometimes on the side to dip into, mayo/mustard always never except for a grilled Reuben for which NO DRESSING and only a sliver of mustard, ketchup ALWAYS on the side and yes I like just a bit with a steak…on the side to just mingle with the steak juices. I have been poo pooed by waiters in good steak houses for this one…oh well bring it on!

I like new magazines(the glossiness and the good smell) but will instantly be irritated when someone sits a drink on them, makes a ring! I like new books too, the smell is great but I can’t stand the smell in a clothing store, all the dyes and such. I dislike a lot of smells…. feet, B.O., salmon patties(disgusting food, as well as liver cooking and eating), other people’s kids dirty diapers(one common to all of course but my own babies I could stand, nuts I know), old cigarette smell(I can smell one burning, but the after smell is gross, clothes, house, etc), the musty smell(basements/old books/closed up rooms), puke!(just let a puke smell come along and I am right there with them), a newly opened bag of Lay’s potato chips and Parmesan cheese. I think the dislikes beat the likes!

Many smells I like…. new car, newly painted rooms, clean hair, dial soap, Clorox bleach, lemons/limes, Sunday dinner roast cooking, bacon or anything wrapped in bacon,  fresh-cut grass, fires burning, my husband wearing cologne…mmmm!, my babies feet!

grown-ups

The problem is I like what I like and I have grown old enough to like only what I like…..the days of going along to keep peace are mostly gone unless it is a new friend situation…then I will succumb to any dislike to give it a chance for a new friend. They aren’t that easy to come by.  There are times when I can suck it up and get along, anyone who has ever been in any long relationship is a pro at that. I am sure all those episodes of House Hunters and Property Virgins have not been in my dear husbands LIKE list, but he watches with me and even helps me guess which they will pick. He can be a sport at times.Much better than me I must admit, I am a little spoiled.  But even he has chosen his own likes, that is what couples do I guess, eventually we kinda taper off to our own likes, space isn’t all bad and when I feel sorry for myself and feel left out, I try to remember that all that together time can be hard work! I need to pay him back by enduring the Sports talk shows…ugh! I don’t know if I have evolved that much!

We have too many miles under our belts to be worrying about such nonsense. He is one of my big likes, the biggest and I know I am his so even when we choose to be on the side from time to time it is okay…..makes it all the sweeter. That’s how we maintain in this life we ebb and flow with the times. When I was younger and my tastes were much more plain I never tried any thing new, stuck in a rut of foods that bored me and places and books and all the stuff we do for our life, but now I have lived outside that box and taken hold of new ideas. If I didn’ t have all this junk I would consider a minimalist life!

maybe someday

Someday maybe I will try beef jerky(the smell is the hold back with that one!) or Brussels sprouts(I let a plate of those sit and rot in defiance when I was a kid)or sugar beets(two words-slim-my)or sporting events(too big of crowd) or staying on the Interstate instead of taking a “short cut” on the back roads(probably not shorter but at least not stuck if there is a traffic jam) or video games! A fellow blogger wrote a post once about how she hated video games(I would link it if I could remember who it was, it has been a while)but one day she tried it and she clams it relieves stress( I don’t know about that one).

I suppose I will take my opinionated self on and try something new when the chance arises. I did taste a Caper the other day and found they were okay, nothing too weird so you never know what’s on the horizon in my likes and dislikes list. Oh yes, I like painting with Acrylics but can’t stand Oils……..random thought, sorry!

Feel free to compose your own list and fill me in.

There are plenty that I have left out here.

Give me a shout out!

 

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Girls are smarter!

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I LOVE MY NEW HAIR-DO!

Image
Daisies are our favorite flower….and the happiest one!

Girls are always smarter and when you have a daughter that is smart it feels like you as the Mom are smarter too.

Of course it works on the flip side of that too…but that is not the point today! My girl purchased  me a new hair-do for Mother’s Day and I must say it was my favorite gift! Sorry to my three sons but let’s just be real….

Girls are always SMARTER!

No more just a fact…..thank you daughter dear! I love you BIG!

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Good old girl complete!

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Honor our Elders

Though I start with the heading of Honor our Elders knowing that I am putting my life in jeopardy … considering I am speaking in reference to my sister … my OLDER sister (she says in a whisper!). I still have to say that to do this act of grace is a pure pleasure. What may seem to her as a chore for me is in all actuality an honor. This is a girl who carried me around on her hip when I was a baby … endlessly. This is a girl who looked after me day in and day out because that’s what the oldest girl did back then. This is the girl who took my turns at chore time, played with me, and became my best friend.

Best Friends

It seems reasonable that sisters would turn out to be best friends but in families it is a toss-up. It is Russian Roulette whether or not the siblings will even speak to one another after all the growing up is over. The family dynamic is a petri dish of emotions and added dramas that sometimes do not make for friends when all is said and done. I am fortunate that I am the youngest of three girls and both my sisters have been a strong influence in my life. They taught me how to survive as well as flourish. I have never known them to do one thing to harm me or keep me from success. I am very lucky.

Gift of Grace

Although I am lucky and I know it, I also know that this is a gift of grace. It ain’t easy being related. Look around, dysfunction abounds. We have our own measure of that dysfunction but my sister(s) have been a calming effect in the life of a latch key kid. This of course dates me since the 1970’s was the time when this phrase was coined. This was the era when everyone realized that the mothers were back at work and staying there and many, like my Mom, had to work three jobs. Women of divorce were everywhere and so when these older siblings gave of their lives to take care of us snot nosed brats it only can be a work of grace.

Still a girl

Ked’s!

The cute thing about this sister ‘o mine is she is yet still a girl … down to her love of KED’S … the sneaker! She LOVES THEM! Always when she is in casual dress she will be wearing them.

Today was the last time for her, this good old girl (self-proclaimed name and great blog title www.goodoldgirl.wordpress.com) to be taken by me to get her last eye poked! She had eye surgery (ouch!) on both eyes to correct cataracts (I told you she was old! hee-hee) and it corrected her vision also. She now has bionic eye balls! (Insert bionic sounds — boingggg!) (Once again, ’70’s trivia … ugh!)

The second one took a bit longer than the first one and I did send a text to my preacherman husband to pray all was well. I got a little psyched out for a minute! When I was allowed to go in to see her, there she sat … totally messed up! (Sooo funny by the way.) Spacey and quizzical … with her ankles crossed, bee-bopping her KED’s like a little girl.

Home Free

Dr Pepper
Dr Pepper (Photo credit: Wikipedia

Time to take her home, safe and sound but because of her lack of food and Dr. Pepper we ventured to our favorite spot. This place has been here in our home town for forever … at least since late sixties I would guess. Sir Pizza on Main Street was the quintessential hole in the)wall. In the ’70’s it was rehabbed into a lush garden, lattice and greenery with fake flowers stuck all around;  porch swings at tables (two of those, good place to get carsick) and ugly carpet. If there is a Hippie in the area he has worked at Sir Pizza!

We all have our forbidden stories about the place, things we don’t tell or we would have to kill you. My first date with my husband was there, in the back booth. He wasn’t from here so I had to break him in right!  My sister and I always sit in the same booth, order the same pizza every time, drink out of the BALL Mason jars and enjoy the memories. Today, I realized that if we had come there for the first time today, we wouldn’t have stayed. It is a bit grimy and disgusting but it is our place and it is Home.

Thank you sister, you are a good old girl! I am always honored to be there for you as you have always for me! Especially when pizza is involved!

What’s for Dinner?-redux

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my three sons

Lately on Sunday afternoons, we have been blessed to have a convergence of our boys back at home. This is an especially sweet time since two of them live away. The closeness of them to be able to drive back has been a blessing and as boys will be boys….their time is well spent…in battle….once again. Kickin’ it old school today on the Nintendo 64!

 

Later they ventured off to see the new movie, The Avengers, which is GREAT! I went to see opening day with my hubby, not exactly happy, but in a few minutes I was thrilled I went. Hilarious and exciting and really good. Who knew I would like it? Mindless fun!So the boys left, house was empty…I was all alone……pure heaven! But instead of taking a good ole nap for which I am sorry for now, I got a notion to cook PIE!

My favorite of all desserts and not just PIE but Chocolate PIE….two of them….homemade crust(kinda!) and the PIE my Momma always

secret recipe!

made. Actually her recipe is a secret one. So secret it even has a warning from my sister written on card!   SO in the name of keeping it secret ….I can’t divulge!

Just a few hints to encourage the making of PIE!

I must apologize for my meringue though. As I was standing in front of oven….talking on the phone (first mistake) to my sister (the other one) about not burning the meringue!……I nearly BURNT THE

some of the secret ingredients

MERINGUE!!!  So very frustrating…throw the phone down, burn my fingers…fog my glasses and get them out of oven. The good news is they weren’t actually scorched, just looks a bit brown and tastes great, very light actually. My husband won’t care…he always slings it off and calls it “calf slobber!” He hates it. He got that gem from his grandfather…who was the funniest man alive.

MMMMMMMMM!!

SO enjoy the pics and this was what’s for dinner at our house! Okay, we actually did have great deli sandwiches for which we made with homemade buns (from the Deli), Turkey/Roast Beef/Ham/lettuce/tomatoes. mayo/mustard/Swiss and cheddar cheese and a splash of Italian dressing and a shake of Parmesan Cheese then S&P to taste. Add Kosher Dill strips and chips on the side. It was awesome but

when there is PIE….it can’t hold a candle!

note—important you use Argo Cornstarch, Hershey’s Cocoa, real butter and vanilla! Pie Crust…well, I take a short cut there but just as good!

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Ice Cream makes me nervous!

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Maybe I am the only one that seems to have problems when eating an ice cream cone!?!

The dilemma is when you ask the soft serve ice cream server to only give you about half the size he usually does and he stares at you like just asked for it free! What is so weird? Why would it matter to him? Saves money for the store. I only want a smaller amount of ice cream and NO I don’t want to reduce the price! I don’t mind paying the full amount. I’m just incapable of eating that much ice cream! Silly as it sounds but, I can’t!

Even though I am so happy to be back in East TN and, even more, the beautiful Cades Cove Park which is a “loop” that’s very scenic. 20120323-182638.jpgAlso fun to do on a hay wagon but, on this day we were in a car. After our drive we go into the park store with all the sweet souvenirs, Smokey Bear and all, and buy the best one of all — soft-serve Mayfield brand ice cream. Only the best, I must say and the cones were HUGE. More than I could eat (believe it or not!) and I just wanted less, no tricks Sir, just can not eat it all.

After the funny looks, he was kind enough to back off a bit though it was still too much, we go outside to bird watch and to my joy — a red-headed woodpecker, one of my favorite birds. They could not be cuter! I do have a history with these birds. We had one that lived in the trees for a season at our home and I enjoyed watching him so much.

So the trouble of keeping my cone from melting all over my hand while attempting to watch the cool bird was more than I could stand! Ugh!! Silly Ice cream! Makes me so nervous trying to eat fast enough to keep up with the incessant melting.

Geeez we can send a man to the moon and we can’t make ice cream give us a break! Drip, drip, slurp!

And the eventual squishing of the excess ice cream out of the cone — wasting good ice cream, which was my goal to avoid to begin with! Let’s just be real. The cone was my goal in the first place. The ice cream was only the means to an end. So after several brain freezes and nervous moments of OCD fears of the chocolate drips ending up on the front of my shirt (bad thing while away from home (a limited amount of clothing packed!) the woodpecker left us. My shirt was still clean and I finally got to eat the cone.

Onward for more fun on our vacation weekend! And more opportunity for nervousness!20120324-185504.jpg

What-a-ya-gonna-do.com! Ha ha!

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You can count on me!

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After watching a movie today with son number two, one of his choosing, I was taken aback by the sensitiveness of my son. He is a man now and it is a gift to my soul to be his mom. I am overwhelmed by his great love for me and everyone else, with his awkward peace, patience and wisdom he is a calming influence on us all.

This movie was one about a family situation, a brother and sister and it was very sweet. Many parts of it reminded me of my brood and I would guess he had the same feeling. It’s funny how so many families go through common difficulties. The family dynamic is one that I believe a room full the best brains on earth couldn’t deduce. It is a cosmic cocktail of blood, sweat and tears that only can be sorted out after each person makes peace with the life they have been given.

As parents we try to do it all right yet we leave an unbearable trail of failures ….even the best parents, or so they think, are sure to scar their kids in some way. On the flip side these very kids seem to be taken over by aliens most days too. It’s like a puppy…….the coat isn’t the amount you pay  to first get one, it is in the raising! We do a lot of paying or should I say praying to get them out alive! Our babies are beautiful and about the time you think …..“I am blessed by God to be a parent and it turns out I am really gifted at it, I am so joyful and  now fulfilled…” WHAMO, right in the kisser! These once little princes and princesses have been taken over by demonic forces to the likes no one has ever seen before.

Now where did my precious angels go?

Nowhere! They are still there,  trudging along trying to get it all figured out too. Poor kids, life ain’t easy and as the lady in this movie stated…”he(her eight year old son) is going to figure out people suck soon enough! I don’t need you (her brother) around to enlighten him! ……That is the truth. We all have to figure it out as it comes…the kids do and we parents do and as hard as it is to not protect them, we have to let go and let God, as corny as that is.

He loves them more than we do.

As I think about my own princes and princess I am reminded of all the stupid decisions I have made,  that no doubt they wanted to climb under the bed and hide about. Kids are people too and it is just as hard for them to get their minds wrapped around life. This is why grace is so important, it is the glue that keeps families together and it is the most powerful ingredient in the faith, hope and love mixture…it is the glue! No matter what kids….you can count on me! Ahhhh Grace!

p.s.

this movie does have too much bad language…just saying!

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Moms Angst!

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One of several versions of the painting "...
One of several versions of the painting "The Scream". The National Gallery, Oslo, Norway. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Just now, I was given the best description for what I have been feeling — mom angst! This is why God gives us sisters to give us good ideas. I believe that perfectly says it all.

I read a fellow blogger this afternoon and was saddened by her story of the horrible loss of her baby within just a few short days of life and I commented to her to forgive my rants about my children. I would never want to be thought of as not being appreciative of my healthy children. I know how blessed I am and I could not ever know the heartbreak of such a loss. What I do experience is just that — angst!

See definition!

angst/aNG(k)st/ Noun. A feeling of deep anxiety or dread, typically an unfocused one about the human condition or the state of the world in general. A feeling of persistent worry about something trivial.

Boy oh boy does that have me pegged!

Funny how when you look up the definition of a word you become more aware of how silly you are. A feeling of persistent worry about something trivial!!!!!

Hello I am a mother and I have angst!

I think there should be a support group for this one. Can’t call it AA , that one has already taken, so maybe MAA-Mothers Angst Anonymous!! The only problem is the anonymous part Cripes!

I am positive my younguns’ would prefer me to leave them be and I blame them because they need to use the good sense they have and they blame me for protecting them to much. An endless circle of angst! But angst it is!

Makes you realize why God tells us not to worry and it is actually a sin. I am painting myself in a corner here once again. Yep, one more thing to fuel my angst addiction!

Ahhhh grace!

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