Tag Archives: Shopping

Lil’ Red Caboose!


On the day the doctor told me I was …once again.…with child, I was excited, for a little while…in public, then when we got into our car on the way home…..I cried! My baby daddy of now FOUR(ugh!) just laughed and said….“this is what you do best…be a Mommy!” At the time it was comforting and made me smile(if I were in my right mind I would have been offended…I am more than a mommy…really?!!!but my women’s lib badge was in the wash right then…I needed the encouragement!) and know that I could do this all over again….after a nine year gap….AGAIN!

After the sweet feeling wore off and reality set in I started down the road of pregnancy…AGAIN! In all honesty, before the Lord I must admit….I was not very surprised. Truth be known, I had been hit or miss with my pill taking and had been sick and taken a run of antibiotics and then on top of that….I was sorta “itchin'” to have another one. Let’s just say a pre mid-life crisis crisis!

I just didn’t feel finished…notice I use the word “I” not WE! Poor husband didn’t know what I had going on in my brain and heart. But the Lord did…..during this time, we had five or so women in our church that had been told they could not have a baby….but the Lord knew the desire of their hearts and they all got pregnant…..and I think it was in those free flowing waters that got all stirred up that I tip toed in and here comes our little caboose!

Honestly though it was great! The other kids were 12, 10 and 9, good ages to have fun with a baby brother and after the initial shock and awe was gone we all were so happy. This caboose as we call him was to be the LAST…..I promised! And to back it up…I tied everything up then with a two year later removal of all ovens and utensils…kitchen was closed. End of trail for the baby train, our lil’ red caboose was here and we were done.

Obviously, this kid was the best one yet….never needed for anything, didnt need his legs because we carried him everywhere…didn’t need his hand because we fed him…all his daily wants and needs were took care of by his band of brothers and one patient sister who played babies like a pro. He did eventually learn to do for himself, they all grew up but he was and still is the baby.

Maybe because he was raised with older siblings, but he has always been easy going and compilable. I think he is like me on that one (joke) I too am the baby in my family and I never got one spanking, like caboose…..we both are pretty perfect!! Just saying! He has been a joy to watch grow up.

He is now in the teenage years, sixteen by a few weeks now, and he made a commitment to work at a video game store in our town, five years ago when we moved here. Moving was hard on our little caboose, leaving his home of ten years, and when we came here, the guys at the local GAMESTOP became his buddies. The manager, who is a younger guy with two small kids, is a great guy and has always been a friend to him. Caboose would go there and hang out while I was shopping at Target every chance he got. They allowed him too because beyond anything else he is so funny and they loved to have him around. He would also tell him that when he was old enough he would hire him.

This was enough to keep my little man going, patiently waiting until he could apply and this week he did apply and today had an interview and was hired!!! Three cheers for our newly fiscally sound son. WooHoo!!! Yes….. I do have ulterior motives….one of these kids has gotta make it big…I am getting older by the second and who the heck’s gonna take care of me?

HIRED!!!!

SO this little tribute to my last kid in a line of great kids is one of great pride and I give praise to a God who always take care of us, gives us what we need as well as our wants and proved this on this day even the desires of our hearts. Work hard young man, I need a lot of taking care of! Only joking, Son……….(she says only to keep up appearances….!)

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Puke and Potato soup…a day in the life.


Sometimes when you wake up in the morning, you never know what will unfold. On this day it began in a rush so common sense tells me to proceed with caution.

After meticulously reminding myself last night, to change my alarm for the next morning, because I was to help a friend with an impending surgery…I was to be her person, in case of emergency person…the one who would take care of her and comfort her and just be there. This is a matter for which I take very seriously, someone trusts me and darn if I am not going to fail them!

But……so goes my best efforts and I set my alarm for an hour later than I needed to be awake!!! AUGH! Really…I did that….I kept tossing and turning this morning, feeling like something was wrong…having the same dream sequence over and over, short little tidbit but the same tidbits of a dream, when I then heard my cell phone “beep” a message!!!! AHHHHH darn it!! Here we go, the “Home Alone” skit…I actually did this. Oh my word what a numb skull!

The moment I heard that beep I knew…..I had actually set my alarm wrong….by a whole hour….can I say too much on my mind at one time? SO I set forth in a mad rush grabbing my jeans and thank the Lord I had a decent shirt to wear…actually ready and brushed my teeth, ran a brush through my hair…out the door! My poor sweet friend was just standing there…smiling sweetly, unlike me who had the roles been reversed I would have been smiling yet mocking her in the worst way. She is such a better person than me..I already knew that though.

The grace for me is that she lives like….next door so no travel time and the hospital is like down the street not far, only a hop, skip and a jump actually so all in all we weren’t too late. (that’s my rationality anyways!) I drop her off at the door and park. She was waiting for me and we went in the waiting room. In not too many minutes they took her back…whew, gave me a few minutes to sit and wake up….and remind myself what a rat-fink I am…..and I try so hard not to be!

So here I go, they take me back to sit with her…as I walk down the hall full of sick people, attempting to over come every bit of nervousness I have in times like these…walking staring straight ahead, then I look to the left and see a little girl waiting for surgery I assume….drats, I looked! broke my own rule…makes me sad to see kids in hospitals….then I see my friend, laying there sweetly beginning to enjoy the chill out from the meds they gave her. Lucky girl!

As time past, watching her go in and out of loopy-ness was amusing, I am above all the most mocking friend anyone could have….I have no mercy but I did refrain from taking a picture, you are welcome! I feel the need to have my sista’s back on that one and also I know that would come back to haunt me one day! As we sat there, me trying to get her mind off of the impending “going under the knife” by babbling on about this and that and her smiling sweetly (she does this even without the good meds!) she is a very nice person, I began to remember the people in my life that have been there for me at these trying times.

One of which is my best friend Cheryl…married to my preacherman’s life-long best friend (I haven’t held that against her…actually made me love her more…he is a pill…as is the preacherman, they were a team apparently!) Cheryl, has selflessly given to me more love and compassion and blood, sweat and tears than any one I know. She has hauled my sick gall bladder to the hospital, after planning me a surprise birthday party, at my preachermans request, because he was out of town with his sick dad (it was an emergency!) Needless to say she had gone above and beyond that day!

And I have to give credit to her husband for gallantly looking after my brood of kids(4) for which my daughter puked all over the house because she was nervous about me being sick! He cleaned it all up, took care of them all, fed them, spent the nite and shared his beloved with me. Dang it….I hate when I have to brag on him! He is a keeper though and a great friend and person. (okay it is in writing now….enjoy it!)

There have been too many occasions when my friend has gotten me out of a jam…been the one who took care of me and been my sole friend at times….she has lived the life of a servant of GOD that most of us never even attempt. Today I tried to pay forward the love and compassion that she has patterned before me and to me and my family.I know that I fall short in comparison (might I remind of the oversleeping incident!) but I saw today what it takes to truly serve as the Lord would have us to.

Spending the whole day at a hospital (because they take their time there…really people can ya walk a bit faster?….sorry, I digress!) reminds one of the health we take for granted and the blessing of family and friends. I did nothing heroic (besides not impatiently tapping my foot whilst the nurse slowwly works her way to us…oops, there I go!) I just did what needed to be done for a precious friend.

We did have our funny times, Lucy and Ethel not withstanding, anytime I am involved there will be drama….but she is a good patient, better than me! All that loopy-ness caught up with her by the time we got her home…and I didn’t even take the curves fast…for real! Pain meds can be an evil twin at times and those two Popsicle‘s for which she loved…well…. lets just say she will want to clean up on isle two…behind that pretty leather couch of hers probably lies a puddle. Bless her heart I was running around like a crazy person…where is a bucket when ya need one?

She felt better afterwards, so it was worth it…nausea goes along with it all and I say get that off your tummy…I must admit puke breeds puke usually in me, but not this time, I was a trooper. Thank the Lord! She was so apologetic….bless her heart this was not needed, I felt so sorry for her. I remember well myself having the same response to that kind of medicine… it ain’t no picnic!

I left her to rest and get a little bit of peace and quiet, went home and made her some comfort food, potato soup, soupy and mushy for her fragile throat (she probably wont be able to stomach that till tomorrow and also some for her men folk. Nothing worse than the Mom sick and having to worry about the helpless men…hungry…starving…..barely able to lift their heads up. Yes I know I am mean but I have four men I have taken care of…..they have all kinds of virtue but they are all still little boys when momma is sick.

So goes a day in the life. I am thankful for my friends that have had my back in my life, they all have served the Lord with love and grace. I hope I pay it forward to the people in my life, if only in a small way. People think sometimes that real ministry is in front of a huge crowd of adoring people…….NOPE. Ministry is unto the least of these and I have been the least of these lots of times. I am well aware of those who have sacrificed for me so it is a blessing to help someone myself.

Thanks Lord for the opportunity!

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Making all things new!


Lately my mind has been free from clutter and I have been able to think on things or projects that I haven’t gotten to but have been meaning to get to…ya know what I mean! So I embarked on re-doing my living room tables.

A bit of back story……My husband went on day to buy a new television for which is awesome and came home with a new TV tables also. This was very sweet but as he drove home with table he called me to tell me of his day of shopping and the capture of one cool skinny television and a table!! I instantly cringed because….another back story….the last time he went on a television hunt he came home with a great TV but the stand was , let me say this as nice as I can…ummmm….HIDEOUS!!

Let’s just say he is a wonder at picking out electronics(must be a boy gene!) but dropped the ball on this one…..although normally he has better taste, actually not bad at all. This TV stand was glass and silver bars with black trim and a half circle…..need I say more? I lived with is for five years and now it is in the bonus room out of my eyesight where it belongs….back to the new table! I attempted to not freak on the phone just asked, “so honey….what does it look like?”….. she said with terror in her voice! Husband responded…“black and like a box with glass doors…it looks really nice!” UGH! I knew a disaster was a brewin”!

BUT TO MY SURPRISE…..he totally redeemed himself!!!! Happy dance all around. It was pretty and nice and very cottage stylish and the black is a matte finish and really pretty! I was in love, with it and him of course!! Then he bought me a huge black framed mirror to hang over the fireplace, it is cottage stye and really pretty…in love again, both again!

This brings me to today, finally! I wanted to paint the top of my tables the same black so this was my DIY project. The best news of all is that I am getting new hardwood floors tomorrow in that room…HAPPY DANCE AGAIN!!!! Yep finally that awful carpet is leaving and I can finally enjoy my nice room with my nice television and my beautiful TV cabinet along with my spiffed up tables……see photos!

Thank you to the local HOME DEPOT paint dude also. I used Behr Paint and a tinted primer.

Enhanced by ZemantaThe best part was I did this on the carpet that is getting ripped out!! woohoo no stress! I hardly even spilled any…typical!

….baby girl


I have written many times about my baby girl so it would be redundant to allow myself to do it again……but who cares if I am redundant? I have been redundant many times, actually over and over again to the point of redundancy!

Today is the eve of my baby girls twenty-sixth birthday, on August 12, 1986 my world became more sunshinny…..(yes it is a word now!) This baby girl of mine was the only child that I actually set out to have….I mean decided one day…”hmmm, I think I want to try again to have a girl this time!”All the trauma from my first child had gone by the wayside already. He was beautiful and healthy and the love of my life (sorry husband, not leaving you out of course!) but, this kid was my lil’ boy and he was rough and tumble just like he was supposed to be.

I had a predestined design for my children…they were to be blond like their daddy (why do you think I married a blonde…because I loved him, of course) my favorite first reason and the second was I wanted blonde babies which worked perfectly until my third one who sneaked in right after baby girl and turned out with brown hair and a lefty! I blame my sister-in-law who was with me in the operating room because I had a C-sections; she had brown-hair back then before she went blonde (like me, must be a mid-life thing..lol) and a lefty! Apparently I am not the boss of me…..I forgot about genes and my side of the family which no one is blonde….oops! okay too much info I am sure but my point is, I had a plan!

As I was saying…..I was ready for another one and I knew in my knower that she was going to be a girl. I planned her nursery with pink tiny flowered wallpaper and white chair rail and a flow y flowery ribbony daisy batch of flowers on the border that I put at chair rail height. (This was back in the ’80’s when wallpaper borders were in!) I told everyone she was a girl before I knew because I knew and of course…as usual I was right. Never wondered for a minute!

So here she came, her skin was pink and like velvet and her hair really blonde. Even more than my little boy! She was a living doll. I was never more happy and I felt like I had completed my family…one boy, one girl, he was named after daddy and she was named after mommy and neat as a pin and we were thrilled. This baby girl was going to be everything I wasn’t. She was going to be totally girlie but could whip a boy if needed while all the time never sweating. She was going to love to wear pink and all the girls would love her and all the boys would want to be her boyfriend.

Big Brother Will and Beth

Well, then I woke up…back to I am not the boss! Wake up call Mom!! They are what they are, not what we want them to be….grrrrr. I hate it when that happens! Actually my baby girl did wear pink until she decided purple was better, then that wore off and I had no say about it ever again and she was totally girlie but tough also and could beat up any boy. All the girls didn’t love her; many were jealous because she is so pretty, naturally and too kind-hearted and all the boys (because boys are stupid at every age! just sayin’!) didn’t want to be her boyfriend…she had her heart-broken, as we all have many times. But what she did become was a friend to the friendless, a defender of the defenseless and a strong and compassionate heart who I would rather spend time with than anyone I know.

Big Brother and Beth

Tomorrow is her birthday. No gift could be enough. Words are not even enough. I know I have put her through all kinds of frustrations and hell (I am the mother, it is my job!) and she has given it back to me as well (just keepin’ it real!) but, when the day comes that she is blessed with a baby girl, I hope she thinks back to me and remembers that I picked her out special, named her special, and I consider her my greatest joy. There is nothing like having a girl, every time I look at her my whole life passes before my eyes and I wish beyond anything I could have kept her from all the troubles of life. I couldn’t though I tried hard to shelter her and the boys….probably never really did that great of job at it but, when you are given such a gift…a treasure…all you want to do is keep it safe.

Happy Birthday………

dear baby girl, Bethany Rose Fritts!

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….baby girl


I have written many times about my baby girl so it would be redundant to allow myself to do it again……but who cares if I am redundant? I have been redundant many times, actually over and over again to the point of redundancy!

Today is the eve of my baby girls twenty-sixth birthday, on August 12, 1986 my world became more sunshinny…..(yes it is a word now!) This baby girl of mine was the only child that I actually set out to have….I mean decided one day…”hmmm, I think I want to try again to have a girl this time!”All the trauma from my first child had gone by the wayside already. He was beautiful and healthy and the love of my life (sorry husband, not leaving you out of course!) but, this kid was my lil’ boy and he was rough and tumble just like he was supposed to be.

I had a predestined design for my children…they were to be blond like their daddy (why do you think I married a blonde…because I loved him, of course) my favorite first reason and the second was I wanted blonde babies which worked perfectly until my third one who sneaked in right after baby girl and turned out with brown hair and a lefty! I blame my sister-in-law who was with me in the operating room because I had a C-sections; she had brown-hair back then before she went blonde (like me, must be a mid-life thing..lol) and a lefty! Apparently I am not the boss of me…..I forgot about genes and my side of the family which no one is blonde….oops! okay too much info I am sure but my point is, I had a plan!

As I was saying…..I was ready for another one and I knew in my knower that she was going to be a girl. I planned her nursery with pink tiny flowered wallpaper and white chair rail and a flow y flowery ribbony daisy batch of flowers on the border that I put at chair rail height. (This was back in the ’80’s when wallpaper borders were in!) I told everyone she was a girl before I knew because I knew and of course…as usual I was right. Never wondered for a minute!

So here she came, her skin was pink and like velvet and her hair really blonde. Even more than my little boy! She was a living doll. I was never more happy and I felt like I had completed my family…one boy, one girl, he was named after daddy and she was named after mommy and neat as a pin and we were thrilled. This baby girl was going to be everything I wasn’t. She was going to be totally girlie but could whip a boy if needed while all the time never sweating. She was going to love to wear pink and all the girls would love her and all the boys would want to be her boyfriend.

Big Brother Will and Beth

Well, then I woke up…back to I am not the boss! Wake up call Mom!! They are what they are, not what we want them to be….grrrrr. I hate it when that happens! Actually my baby girl did wear pink until she decided purple was better, then that wore off and I had no say about it ever again and she was totally girlie but tough also and could beat up any boy. All the girls didn’t love her; many were jealous because she is so pretty, naturally and too kind-hearted and all the boys (because boys are stupid at every age! just sayin’!) didn’t want to be her boyfriend…she had her heart-broken, as we all have many times. But what she did become was a friend to the friendless, a defender of the defenseless and a strong and compassionate heart who I would rather spend time with than anyone I know.

Big Brother and Beth

Tomorrow is her birthday. No gift could be enough. Words are not even enough. I know I have put her through all kinds of frustrations and hell (I am the mother, it is my job!) and she has given it back to me as well (just keepin’ it real!) but, when the day comes that she is blessed with a baby girl, I hope she thinks back to me and remembers that I picked her out special, named her special, and I consider her my greatest joy. There is nothing like having a girl, every time I look at her my whole life passes before my eyes and I wish beyond anything I could have kept her from all the troubles of life. I couldn’t though I tried hard to shelter her and the boys….probably never really did that great of job at it but, when you are given such a gift…a treasure…all you want to do is keep it safe.

Happy Birthday………

dear baby girl, Bethany Rose Fritts!

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June…here we go!


SO the month of June is upon us and for me it is the beginning of real summer. Today is the beginning of all things summer…hot days, flip-flops, old lady shorts (pedal pushers) as well as “happy hour” at SONIC! Gotta love them cherry lime-aides! Yes, it has happened…I am not cool any more.

This does not come to me as a surprise…I felt it coming….creaking joints, pain in the back, and gray hair. I can take it all except the gray hair. I am not willing to give into that one. Gotta keep it colored. Makes since why my mom did it..now! Back in the day I was pushing April to wear flip flops…even if my toes were a bit chilly, I was there. Then cut-off jean shorts and a raggedy tee-shirt and I was good to go. Now days I usually schlep around in corrective looking sandals and pedal pushers with a “big” shirt as to cover that “oh so spacious” acreage around the middle. OH Lordy!!

June is the place of beginnings…schools out and time to have fun…lay by the pool, put SunIn in my hair and listen to top forty on the radio. But that was a long time ago and I am not so sure girls do that anymore….the Sun-In and top forty radio. They have become so sophisticated now….foiled hair and IPods are the choices now! At least June has stayed the same.

June bugs are a cool product of June as well as all the fat yellow and black striped bumble bees. Have there ever been a more cute insect? Considering the word insect I think not. Maybe a Caterpillar because of the fuzzy factor but not really because of the wormy-ness too close to its ancestor the snake. Also, June is the month you start to hear the ice cream truck. Yesterday, probably as a pre-June trial run, I heard the music way in the distance and it made me smile.

June is also a good month for a picnic. The heat is usually not as hot as in July and August so this is the best time for a picnic. Later in the year it will be unbearable. I actually mean the ones that are in the backyard, under a tree with the wind blowing, laying on your back watching the leaves twirl. There is no more peaceful a place than on a quilt laying under the trees. Unless you are fortunate to have a hammock that is. Now that is livin’!

June is also a good time to shop for back to school clothes..shorts that is. They are on sale about now and good to start the hot new year. In Tennessee it is hot right up through Halloween most of the time, so we wear summer clothes till we are sick of them. We can’t wait for that first cool crisp evening and the turning of the leaves. (oops different month!)

So to wrap up this frivolous homage to June, I will end with a hope and a wish. I hope everyone takes the time to picnic under the trees, while the grass is still fresh and green, take your shoes off and let your feet breath and walk in the crispness. Take caution for the June bugs but are brave enough to catch one, tie a thread around its leg and play….I suppose that may be not so PC! Would that go under the heading of endangerment to insects? If so forgive me and do not do it. Just enjoy watching them buzz along with the Bumble Bees….look for Zenia’s they love those!

Now on to a wish….a wish for summer to last as long as it did when I was a kid. It was nearly six months worth or it felt like it. If not that then, for the summer to be FUN! We all need a bit of FUN! I revel in the summer sun and it is a commodity I wish could be bottled up. If only I could, to take away those ugly, sad, cold winter months. No matter how hot it is it is never as bad as the cold…bitter cold of winter.

So June….here we go, oh how I adore thee!

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likes and dislikes


Boy o’ boy!

This has been the laziest of dayz for me…..not sure if I like it so much, not to say I don’t like having time to pile up and watch movies all day, but since I have had some place to be everyday on this first lazy day in a while I sorta miss it. I know I am silly…I go back and forth with my likes and dislikes, silly woman, silly mind! But our likes and dislikes are the road map in our lives.

Just recently I confessed to a new friend of my dislike of huge amounts of mayo and mustard….after her kind husband brought us lunch from Subway with a huge amount of both condiments. Because I am not, as a rule rude I ate the sandwich, thankfully it was only a six-inch sub and I squished and squished the goop farther down the bun…and by the way loaded with dill pickles on the bun (really! I am an on the side girl!) But I did eat joyfully because it was a moment of welcoming me to their family which I felt honored to be accepted. I never would have told him but of course later I did tell my friend, his wife…..only after I was sharing with her of my weird quirks (she might as well get used to them, they are many!) I know she will tell him…I am doomed to get embarrassed! Another like is that I can hold a conversation with also a huge dislike that I talk too much! No winning!

life “on the side”

That is a huge part of my likes and dislikes…stuff “on the side”, but also a part of my charm! At least I am consistent…salad dressing, usually never, but sometimes on the side to dip into, mayo/mustard always never except for a grilled Reuben for which NO DRESSING and only a sliver of mustard, ketchup ALWAYS on the side and yes I like just a bit with a steak…on the side to just mingle with the steak juices. I have been poo pooed by waiters in good steak houses for this one…oh well bring it on!

I like new magazines(the glossiness and the good smell) but will instantly be irritated when someone sits a drink on them, makes a ring! I like new books too, the smell is great but I can’t stand the smell in a clothing store, all the dyes and such. I dislike a lot of smells…. feet, B.O., salmon patties(disgusting food, as well as liver cooking and eating), other people’s kids dirty diapers(one common to all of course but my own babies I could stand, nuts I know), old cigarette smell(I can smell one burning, but the after smell is gross, clothes, house, etc), the musty smell(basements/old books/closed up rooms), puke!(just let a puke smell come along and I am right there with them), a newly opened bag of Lay’s potato chips and Parmesan cheese. I think the dislikes beat the likes!

Many smells I like…. new car, newly painted rooms, clean hair, dial soap, Clorox bleach, lemons/limes, Sunday dinner roast cooking, bacon or anything wrapped in bacon,  fresh-cut grass, fires burning, my husband wearing cologne…mmmm!, my babies feet!

grown-ups

The problem is I like what I like and I have grown old enough to like only what I like…..the days of going along to keep peace are mostly gone unless it is a new friend situation…then I will succumb to any dislike to give it a chance for a new friend. They aren’t that easy to come by.  There are times when I can suck it up and get along, anyone who has ever been in any long relationship is a pro at that. I am sure all those episodes of House Hunters and Property Virgins have not been in my dear husbands LIKE list, but he watches with me and even helps me guess which they will pick. He can be a sport at times.Much better than me I must admit, I am a little spoiled.  But even he has chosen his own likes, that is what couples do I guess, eventually we kinda taper off to our own likes, space isn’t all bad and when I feel sorry for myself and feel left out, I try to remember that all that together time can be hard work! I need to pay him back by enduring the Sports talk shows…ugh! I don’t know if I have evolved that much!

We have too many miles under our belts to be worrying about such nonsense. He is one of my big likes, the biggest and I know I am his so even when we choose to be on the side from time to time it is okay…..makes it all the sweeter. That’s how we maintain in this life we ebb and flow with the times. When I was younger and my tastes were much more plain I never tried any thing new, stuck in a rut of foods that bored me and places and books and all the stuff we do for our life, but now I have lived outside that box and taken hold of new ideas. If I didn’ t have all this junk I would consider a minimalist life!

maybe someday

Someday maybe I will try beef jerky(the smell is the hold back with that one!) or Brussels sprouts(I let a plate of those sit and rot in defiance when I was a kid)or sugar beets(two words-slim-my)or sporting events(too big of crowd) or staying on the Interstate instead of taking a “short cut” on the back roads(probably not shorter but at least not stuck if there is a traffic jam) or video games! A fellow blogger wrote a post once about how she hated video games(I would link it if I could remember who it was, it has been a while)but one day she tried it and she clams it relieves stress( I don’t know about that one).

I suppose I will take my opinionated self on and try something new when the chance arises. I did taste a Caper the other day and found they were okay, nothing too weird so you never know what’s on the horizon in my likes and dislikes list. Oh yes, I like painting with Acrylics but can’t stand Oils……..random thought, sorry!

Feel free to compose your own list and fill me in.

There are plenty that I have left out here.

Give me a shout out!

 

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What I wouldn’t give?


It has been about seven months since I said goodbye to my best com padre….and I know in my heart and mind that I will see her again, but when I let myself think about her (like nearly everyday) it is painful all the same. Though she was a woman of great faith and believed to her last breath in the God of healing, she had to receive that healing on the other side. Today her brother, my husband reminded me of just that, through his tears and pain he made known…. God still heals, maybe not in front of us as we pray for, but he still does do what he promises. What I wouldn’t give to see her healed.

The reality of her death comes at me in waves, sometimes slow like a small ripple across my feet when walking on the shore at the ocean’s edge. Other times, like today  a huge thrust of water, salty and drowning, taking me over. I sit and cry as if it just happened. I think how is it possible, I made peace with this, she is healed not in pain, beautiful and happy she is with the one who she longed to worship. But no, painful shock waves encompass my whole heart and once again I cry. What I wouldn’t give to be in worship service with her now.

Many times during my days as I do whatever needs to be done, it crosses my mind to tell her something, funny or crazy or just chatter. We needed no reason to talk, the incessant break down in laughter along with the chronic rehearsing of how we know so much better than anyone else how things should be. Anyone wonder what the next step should be in any given situation…just ask us, we knew! What I would give to go on a rant with her now.

On days like today, I wish I could ask her what she thinks, is she proud of me for what I am doing these days, she could help me count the costs and dream even bigger. I could tell her my fears and she would encourage me to not stop, keep it up….this is what you have always wanted! What I would give to run it by her and have her tell me I can do it.

The frustrating part is that I thought I was okay, dealing with the loss only to realize I may never be okay. No matter who thinks they had the market on her friendship, I know I did. We were sisters through and through. I know I am having a moment of sorrow now, lots of people have been here, but this is my first time. My first loss of someone so dear to my heart. She would comfort me for a minute…..then tell me to snap out of it and remind me that sorrow is for a night but joy comes in the morning(paraphrased) but now I have to just mourn.

I can not comprehend the depth of loss for her sons and her husband, makes me ashamed for my whinny-ness now. No comparison and I know that, but still the same I mourn also. What I wouldn’t give to talk to her again. She made a difference in my life, her life mattered, she was important to us all. I can only hope to make my life count. She always believed in me. No matter if we were in a time of joy or war, she was there telling me to be strong. What I wouldn’t give to be talking on the phone to her now.

So I will be strong and be encouraged because she would fuss at me if I weren’t, she would call me out and remind me that I am way to cynical for all this cry baby stuff. I will make her proud of me and still think of her everyday. Life is too short and too dang funny to not let it pass by without cracking up one way or another…..and I will continue to talk to her in my heart, apparently she is my alter ego in my head…she infiltrated somehow..maybe that was her plan after all……hmmm!

 

 

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Dirty…Dirty…Dirty


exhibit A: why do we have a ping-pong ball and no table, dog leash #1

Nothing cures a lazy Monday like an episode of Hoarders. Don’t say you have never seen it or even lingered a while enduring the shock and awe of it all. Like a train wreck exploding and stacked up like cord wood, the impossible reality of these poor peoples homes, causes me to ask the question….How did it get this bad and why in H- E- double Hockey sticks are they allowing anyone to film it?

What Dirty little secrets do we all have….laying in wait, that we keep hidden from EVERYONE!!!

How many drawers do you have to open up until you see chaos? Which closet is stacked so high and tight that the very thought of opening can cause a cringe? Guilty, Guilty, Guilty! The good news to me is I know most of us have these issues, hopefully not in the grand scale of these hoarder people but in a small way we all have junk.

Nearly a month ago I went through my ever busting-out closet and thought I had really done well. This was the time,……. even purses and shoes; even that black pair of slip on clog-like ones that I pull out every year for which I hate. I let them all go…joyfully! After several (meaning more than three–lots more!)  black garbage bags (to hide the evidence) taken to the Goodwill drop off station, I swear if it doesn’t appear to still be too full. I have a date with that room and this time I will keep no alliances…I will never fit into those clothes again and if I do its time to be out of the ’90’s!

I actually used to pride myself for keeping a short stash of junk. My sister-in-law would praise me for not having storage rooms full of stuff still boxed up from previous moves. I hate that! I can not stand to have all that stuff not being used or just there. My husband knew when I had a cleaning binge hit me…things came up missing and I am still searching for a set of NASCAR Tickets that he lost. Notice I put all blame on him! I just know I didn’t lose them…..to be honest I think my gut tells me I may have disposed of them on a clean sweep moment. Not that I will ever cop to that for sure..since we have no real evidence.

Exhibit B: another leash, out of date (I am told) adding machine thingy, random crayons….junk!

Before anyone accuses me of being a clean freak….far far far from that. I am momentarily a clean freak. But these television shows give me cause to become one. Given the right timing I can see this happening………”but for the grace of GOD go I!”

I don’t think I am a hoarder so much, I am more of a lazy follow through-er……(they all say that!!!) But I will continue to try. As long as my need to streamline is greater than my slow response mode I will survive.

I think it all breaks down to HOPE. Hope for better,  Hope for one’s life led free from the frustration from it all. I can never get so bummed I just stop….give up.

So I wonder? Anyone else out there with dirty drawers..(dresser drawers NOT britches!..I am southern but, T.M.I) Anyone who has more than one junk drawer? Anyone that keeps too much craft stuff because on the next rainy day you are going to do all those cute crafts you see on Pinterest? Too many house magazines piled up? So much stuff it makes dusting the worst job ever?

Image
Apparently we need to keep the scores of our card games!! hmmm and WoW! real film?

Let me know I am not alone…help a sister out here! I have issues I know, but I vow to continue one day at a time to get it right.

My heart goes out to the ones who can’t help themselves and shame on me for my dirty, dirty little secrets………. hidden!

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Reuse, Recycle, Remove?


World-famous Crayola crayons are manufactured ...
World-famous Crayola crayons are manufactured in Easton. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am a frustrated minimalist. Anyone who knows me would probably laugh at that statement…makes me laugh saying it. The key word is frustrated! In my mind I want to live without so much baggage….all this stuff that needs picking up and put away, stuff that needs cleaned, dusted and repaired…..stuff that fills my head with bothersome chatter.

The flip side is that I tend to love some stuff. I would rather hold a book in my hand, the glossy magazine with house beautiful stuff than the cute little NOOK that my husband bought for me. Sweet as it was, cool as it is, it just isn’t the same. I can’t smell it or should I say it doesn’t smell as good, nothing like the smell of a new book or magazine only comparable to the new car smell. And while I am on smells, another piece of stuff…new box of Crayola crayons that I must periodically buy just because…oh the smell, mmmmmm!

I also love dishes, one thing that I share with my mother-in-law. She has some great ones and I always understand her reason for buying more. I like to pick up eclectic ones, old ones, hipster styles as well as old-fashioned. I can’t ever decide on one certain kind, they are all so beautiful works of art. A beautifully set table is a stellar first impression. I love to see a pretty table set, like buying cut flowers just to enjoy, a waste of money maybe but it is worth it.

I also have a stash of keepsakes, baby quilts and first outfits, school papers, drawings and pictures. All put away for safe keeping only to be looked at during one of those days when rearranging is done…my cleaning out binge hits and I run across the treasures. Is all this stuff useless baggage or treasures? I say treasures and even though it is baggage it is important stuff. It is my memories.

The stuff that is problematic is the daily stuff…mail, dirty clothes, dirty dishes…clean dishes still in the dishwasher yet not put away, the three pair of shoes I keep tripping over, plastic glasses left all over the house by the people who shall remain nameless…grrrr! All the little silly stuff that seems to grow overnight, try as I might to keep things picked up and in order it seems to grow as fast as mushrooms…sprouting up before you know it.

Then I have the hidden stuff in my heart, the hurts and fears; disappointments and discouragements; loss of family and lost friendships…..the stuff I hold against people and the stuff I never said but should have. If I am ever successful in the life of a minimalist I hope it begins with my heart. Some days it gets overwhelming to weed through it all and make sense of the day. Life is so short and if I could wish one thing it would be to be really clear with my decisions to what is in the keep pile and what goes in the discard file.

Reuse, Recycle, Remove?