Funny how things work out… You spend half a day looking for a car title that you know for sure you have in your possession only to still not find… Lose the sale of the vehicle because of the “lost” title only to get a call later in the night from a family member whose transmission just spilled out all over the road. He needs transportation, gotta be at work in the morning this guy can’t seem to catch a break and keep it for very long! But, thank the Lord we still had a vehicle he could use. Funny how that happened! Well, not being a mechanic…we know all the fluid is gone…spraying everywhere, is it a hose or the whole shootin’ match? I have no idea, this vehicle, Big Blue… Has been on it’s last leg and in the realm of grace on the best day….. it comes as no surprise. And of course he just put his last thirty bucks of gas in! Oh boy! The obvious part is that I didn’t sell the car because he needed us to still have it, tonite! Wow Lord, what are you up too? Are you listening to this family members prayers and not ours? Nope, I know the answer.. You provided for us and now we are able to provide because of you, to him. Elementary my dear Watson! I could do without so much late night drama though! So goes another day in the life of this preacherswife….the more I know the less I know, sometimes I think this life is one big serendipity day with a splash of kowinkie dink! Geeeez!
Boo hoo blog!
Are you kidding me!?
What is the deal with the drastic ups and downs of this blog?
It is not a power surge. It is despair and agony that manifests itself with stats (see all the bad stuff in life leads directly back to Math!), as if life couldn’t get more of a bummer!
Actually life is doing okay. I mean, not winning any lotteries here, though we have been crazy blessed lately so I may need to buy a ticket!! Could be a lucky spell. Thankfully i don’t believe in luck. That would just be one more thing I would have to feel left out over.
Kinda like being picked for red rover way back when and I was picked last. I was little and shrimpy and I actually cried over my slight stature. Typical! Would to God I was slight in stature now. “She’s pretty for a fat girl!” I assume they say. This I ponder wishing all my pondering would burn calories!
So I guess that I would rather have a blessed life and a boo hoo blog!
That is if I had to choose . . .
Big cross
How big is your cross? What a question huh? Who do I think I am asking something like that?
Just thinking out loud here. Is the cross I have to bear anything to whine about in the light of the man who actually did give his life on that real cross? Uh, that would be a big fat NO! Yet it is still mine and with that in mind my question is, when am I going to get past it?
Thinking out loud here but sometimes my cross seems as big as this huge one in the picture — like an albatross around my neck, never seemingly able to shake it. Probably because I am my own worse enemy. I am usually the one who gets myself in a pickle. What is the fear, or the fret that keeps holding me back?
These are the times that cause me to question my decisions from the past, just yesterday I was reminded of a graphics job I turned down (stupid! stupid! stupid!) but in my own defense it was before we moved to Nashville four years ago. I got scared. Lost my nerve. I had a huge family to move, had no place to move to yet, and it seemed too daunting. They were even going to give me time off to move. Grrrrr! What was I thinking?
At the time I felt it would be too much and I also hoped we could survive on one income but considering the cost of living in the big city — WRONG! So now I am second-guessing myself, which is self-destructive of course. But as any good worry wart does, true to form, I am wondering what if?
I suppose the wise thing to say is “silly thang! Ya wanna turn into a pillar of salt?” No!
So okay, I ask God to be in control of my life. So he knew what I needed to do. So what’s all the hub bub about?
Just me needing to remind myself, though my cross looks huge it pales in comparison.
New girl
Today I was honored to be a witness to a miracle in the making. One that a year ago was only a pipe dream. The system works and I would have been the last one who would have been a believer.
A young girl on a road of self-destruction found her way to a life, not a new life but finally, A life. Up to this point she seemed to be traveling at the speed of sound in the wrong direction — mostly because of people who were themselves sick. Thankfully, the walls came crashing down and some amazing people came to her rescue, to help her build a bridge towards a life of freedom. A new girl she truly has become.
Congrats to those servants who heed the call to give their time and heart to all the weak in spirit. Your mercy endures and gives strength to the fallin’ ones. Thank you for all you do.
Payin’ it forward…
About the time ya start to think the days of pondering the next dreary moment is going to be the high lite of your day, out of the blue (code for GOD) something happens to reveal how much HE really does love you and has the ability to refresh even the worst of days.
This has been the turn of events for me these past few days when my hopes were dashed in the joyous times of a new appliance. Silly of course for most folks, something breaks, go buy a new one. For me it has never been that simple and not blaming anyone but myself, actually not even blaming myself. I make no apologies for the life choices I have made. I promise when it is all said and done — I won!
There is no replacing the moments and days and years of joys and the sorrows (she says with a grimace!) that I have enjoyed over the past many years. That fancy career I am still waiting for hasn’t shown up yet….hmmm maybe it has?
But anyways, a big item like an appliance is BIG in our house. Only to be compared to the time long ago when our family, I was probably about four or five years old, got a phone in our home (on the farm). Not sure if the cool part was the big black telephone or the South Central Bell worker man who came to install it.
We didn’t have many strangers back then show up at the farm. Interesting for a bunch of kids who hovered around waiting for this link to the outside world or at least the latest party line. Jeez this really dates me….ugh!
So after my current dilemma with the three revolving fridges, I felt comforted by the fact I did end up with a brand new one at the same price as the “open-boxed” (code for used junk) one.
I had to channel my inner Ramona for that one. Ramona is my sis in law who passed a few short months ago at a too young age, but only after many years of teaching me how to get things done — and boy could she! By now she would have already been given stock in that large retail outlet. Relentless was her name and getting satisfaction was her game, or mission in life! When she was ever done wrong by a store. She is my new alter ego in my Sybil-esque life I lead. This was a common joke between us two, our Sybil-esque lives. We had to have a “getaway” in our life of raising kids and husbands!
Back to the point, I now have a new fridge and it is glorious, and given to us by a great friend. A new (used from a new home, way newer than mine, stainless steel) Dishwasher!!! It was installed by another great man and friend and bless his heart it took him a while. The old one wasn’t even grounded, which means, um, I don’t really know except he said we should have been electrocuted by now! Good to know!
So it was a process and he was so sweet and patient and would not take a dime for his labor. People really do stuff like that these days? Wow! BUT — drum roll please — get this news!!! This kind man who installed the beautiful dishwasher, which I love as much as the new fridge, who by the way works for a fancy appliance place in a fancy part of town here in Nashville, who I know he is not wealthy (in financial riches, well I think?) but is very wealthy in godly riches as well as his wife, had a BRAND NEW STAINLESS STEEL OVEN DELIVERED TODAY!!!!!!!!!! O.M.G. Can anyone out give GOD?
Nope and I am humbled and a little embarrassed about the kindness and generosity of this family to us. This was a random act of kindness on top of the already done kindness and it just blows me away!!! No words are grand enough to express my thankfulness and the crazy part is we got two more words of great news from two of our kids that will totally change the future of one of them which is a direct gift from GOD! Proof, as if I needed it, that HE does take care of his servants. And I can not even fathom the extent of what this miracle will do for my child. Praise the Lord!
Now for all the people who are under the covers afraid to even lift their heads out, I feel the pain, that is me. I have a knee jerk reaction most days to do the same thing. And it wasn’t a week or so ago I was there? I am not a woman of extraordinary faith. I am frail and weak when it comes to that gifting. I am the mother of four kids (that alone can kill you!) and a wife (strike two) and a preacher’s wife (bullseye!) so I should’ve been dead a long time ago. I am as whiny and crybaby as the next guy. I fail myself and God daily and I get as frustrated and bored and defeated and anyone else. BUT I do know from where my redemption comes.At the end of the day, I have a true sense of freedom in the knowledge that I am not the one running this pop stand. That is all I need.
My need to control everything around me falls to the ground in the light of HIS love for me. And sometimes hearing of other people’s blessings can be offensive and hurts even worse, even when I put on my big girl pants and not let it make me envy. Yep, sometimes I do envy — for a minute — I am human to the MAX!
I have to testify to the fact that even when I may not be the best at handling life, HE is the best at handling me and my life and for that I will always be HIS. I thank God for my life, my husband, my kids and for the people who HE has out there to love me back.
You know who you are and I pray blessings back to you. You have paid it forward, as I will continue to also.
Power Surge
So who is feeding my blog??
Apparently you have to give it a new post nearly everyday. Geez blog, I go from 58 reads to zilch within days of each other…meanie!
I have an odd need to write but only in spurts. Good days, bad days there is no rhyme or reason to it. At least it cured me from being a stats junkie! Which I had become. Self promotion, what it takes, is what caused the power surge on that one day. Of course, I am not big on self promotion. This could be a problem.
So, I am back to writing just because I do. Love it or leave it, this is how I roll!
Poor blog, I will try not to leave you hanging out to dry so often.
My fridge hates me!
…..my new fridge loves me!
… since we spoke, I now have a third fridge in fourteen days. But it’s new — made them bring it in the box, all taped up styrofoam and cardboard and straps and binding and everything! The other two were “open box” fridges.
Note to self — always buy “NEW” appliances!
I have ice to beat the band and I am back in the groove in the refrigeration department. I vow to take my own advice on buying new but the only technicality is when it is free! This brings me to my “new” dishwasher — FREE I say! And newer and nicer considering mine wasn’t working.
I could live kicking it old school hand washin’ though I hated it. But when our friend called and said his boss was getting an upgrade (he is well off and just changing because he can) and did I want his old one — YES please! Another friend installed it for us today, bless his heart it was a pain to install, on his one day off.
I am blessed!
So at this point, I have all stainless steel except for my stove. No worries. I am not a stickler for matchy matchy.
Good to know that even practical stuff like this is important to the Lord — he takes care of me pretty good.
Ahhhh!
My fridge hates me!
I put buying a new appliance up there in the category with buying a car. The only better thing about it is the dickering of the price part is more simple, it is what it is!
Not much going back to the great and powerful OZ for the salesman to lower the price by a few dollars. The stress level is nearly as bad though, at least to me. Besides the high cost which should be enough anguish it is also the making of the decision. Maybe I am weird …. ( don’t answer that!) but I find it mortally impossible to choose which one….to cypher the price in comparison to the style and quality, AUGH! More than my little brain and heart can deduce!
There I am looking and hoping one will be exactly right, we find an “open box!” translation I now know means….broken and sent back! The one we found was shiny and very modern, in the budget. I didn’t know this particular brand built fridges which gave me a pause… The TV‘s are okay so I felt safe. Considering my frozen foods were home melting as we pondered our future fridge, we needed it today…..”twenty dollars extra ma’am” and here we go… Home to wait. How exciting it is, makes a girl feel special, new appliances and all. (…hey lady, your life called and said it needs you back!) sad times when this is what does it for me! Oh geeeez! It arrived, so nice and just fits… Cool ice maker in the door, I loves it!
Thus was Monday but, zip ahead five days and no more ice… A day of sadness. War in the Middle East, so what! My brand new fridge is broken!!! Back to buying a bag if ice and calling for service. At that point I am hurt, why would such a sleek impressive thing of beauty turn on me that way? “Call the MAN ” as Andy once told Aunt Bee(Andy Griffith episode)sometimes getting a good deal is not always so good….so I did the deed, only to be asked, “why aren’t you returning it?” oh well I didn’t think of that! Embarrassed by a service person, where was that thinking cap? Hello Monday morning, again at the big named electronics store, “find me another one please, just like the broken one!” tick toc, it will be there on Wednesday, I did think about whether I should choose a different brand but nope it’s a fluke! The jokes on me!!!! The second one has yet to make one cube of ice…grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, rrrrrrrrr,rrrrrrrrr!
Here I go again, first thing this morning, after checking four other stores just in case I have a person give me grief and I walk. As I walked in the store and rounded the corner by the washing machines the semi patronizing salesman begins to smile then chuckle… Uh oh! Don’t tell me he said….. For which I reply, ” you don’t make enough to hear what I am about to say!” (totally stole that line from my husband, who says it better than me, much more intimidating!) manager please! Mr manager says pick one out I will see what I can do, he didn’t even fight me…..no fair I was all geared up for it. They did give me a few to pick from so I found a comparable one in the more known brand and after several calls to said husband who couldn’t be here, since he is out of town, fighting my anxiousness with decision making and this time ALONE, it was done… It will show up tomorrow.
Forgive me Lord for needing to be taught patience or whatever I did to cause such toiling. I had to channel the strength from my dear sis in law who was the best at this Norma Rae-esque standing up for the little guy! I hope she us proud of me…. Time will tell if the new one, brand new still in the box, don’t even think of opening it till I watch you; refrigerator gets to my door. Life’s too short for this kind of drama over an appliance, no matter how good of a new car smell it has! To be continued………….
Big Fat Fake
It has been a turmoil within my head and heart — this life I have, attempting to live pure of heart in the eyes of God as well as live pure in my own eyes. Purity being a relative word, not attempting to be free from all sin or failure. I am a realist for heaven’s sake so the ability to remain that kind of pure would be a failure looking for a place. The purity that I have so desired is a purity of heart — to live without regret or untruths; to be real, if to no one else at least to myself.
I tend to think I am a rule follower. What a ridiculous assumption for me to make — only to find myself following the rules that I myself create. Standards and practices of my own making, not out of any malice but mostly out of necessity. There are things you do and decisions you make sometimes just to get along. We all make life changes and moment by moment judgments that tend to stick, then become a way of life. These are the things which are causing pain and bring me to a place of questions and second guessing.
I was a girl who was lost, wandering without a sense of purpose and not knowing what to do next. Now I am old, not a girl anymore with childish wishes upon stars far away, still hoping against hope there will be a purpose to my life once more. I have become lost in my life, assuming I was living but only to find out I am dying. The very things I hold dear, the people who I have given my heart and trust can’t even be alone with me anymore. Have I changed that much? Am I the shrew I have been made out to be?
I have a bad habit of expecting the best out of people….not judging them but cheering them on to be who they can be. Is this wrong or is it unrealistic? When did the game plan change? Who moved, me or God? What happened to what we had? Life happened.
Life comes and goes, an ebb and flow of rights and wrongs challenging me what will I choose. What kind of excuses do I make to fit, to be like all the other kids. When did the merry-go-round stop and tell me to get off? This must be why I have the reoccurring dream about being lost, left back from my group, wandering around trying to see something I recognize. Being abandoned is probably my greatest fear, a knee jerk reaction from growing up with a family split apart, something I have never been able to stomach. This would be my ultimate failure and yet I wake up each day feeling like a big fat fake. Could this be my thorn in the flesh, the fakeness of my life? The need to be pure in spirit and heart is a need that I feel I have to satisfy.
How long do I go on with the constant pain of lost love and a loss of hope? My big fat fake life is one that is killing my heart and my prayer now is to have the courage to do something about it — help me Lord.
preacherswifeintheknow 