How big is your cross? What a question huh? Who do I think I am asking something like that?

Just thinking out loud here. Is the cross I have to bear anything to whine about in the light of the man who actually did give his life on that real cross? Uh, that would be a big fat NO! Yet it is still mine and with that in mind my question is, when am I going to get past it?

Thinking out loud here but sometimes my cross seems as big as this huge one in the picture — like an albatross around my neck, never seemingly able to shake it. Probably because I am my own worse enemy. I am usually the one who gets myself in a pickle. What is the fear, or the fret that keeps holding me back?

These are the times that cause me to question my decisions from the past, just yesterday I was reminded of a graphics job I turned down (stupid! stupid! stupid!) but in my own defense it was before we moved to Nashville four years ago. I got scared. Lost my nerve. I had a huge family to move, had no place to move to yet, and it seemed too daunting. They were even going to give me time off to move. Grrrrr! What was I thinking?

At the time I felt it would be too much and I also hoped we could survive on one income but considering the cost of living in the big city — WRONG! So now I am second-guessing myself, which is self-destructive of course. But as any good worry wart does, true to form, I am wondering what if?

I suppose the wise thing to say is “silly thang! Ya wanna turn into a pillar of salt?” No!

So okay, I ask God to be in control of my life. So he knew what I needed to do. So what’s all the hub bub about?

Just me needing to remind myself, though my cross looks huge it pales in comparison.