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…just keep on walkin’!

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I have been questioning in the past few years, months, days…..minutes and seconds, exactly what in the world is going on. If I look to the right or the left (yes, I know we are not suppose to look right and left! busted!) I see destruction all around. Many people are searching also, for the correct route to follow, which door to open and waiting to just catch a break. Needless to say, I am not alone.

Transformation is always hard, sketchy even, and just like a butterfly, we have to go through a lot of slimy, squishy, icky situations to become  or get to where we need to be. That butterfly never knows what is gonna happen until later when he/she is fully developed and flutters around able to then see all those other sad little cocoons hanging about…squirming around, uncomfortable and feeling bound up unable to get free. Oh how we can relate!

I have been guilty of the squirming and complaining; attempting to figure out the plan…is there a back door?…or even a window….some way to escape….NOPE!.…. the only answer that is before me...to just keep on walkin’! AUGH!!! NOT WHAT I WANTED TO KNOW! Where is MacGyver when you need him? Where is the fake door, secret passageway? I know I am God‘s favorite one, He shows me and has shown me that plenty of times, right? If anything I am discerning, right?

Yeah, Yeah, sure, sure and with six you get egg roll! (old movie reference, by the way!) I have gone through the ritual of repeating all the cute refrigerator magnet sayings, the book of promises, all the highlighted scriptures that “really got me!” I have checked myself out against Proverbs..(besides a little bit of sluggard-ness from time to time, I am ok!) and eventually poked around the book of James, and note to self…do not go there again! ugh! I have thought and prayed and talked and counseled the most astute of all my peeps who I trust to know what’s what. From all this searching I have come up with one small solution.

Just keep on walkin’! The consensus is in……keep my eyes focused on the one who is leading me and just keep on walkin”! There is no better way to see this revelation than to be confronted with the enemy of those of us who keep on keepin’ on. Sometimes the exposure of “little foxes” spoiling the vine is all it takes…..it can stir up the fire inside me to just not take it anymore. In my weakness I just want to walk away…it just ain’t worth it,…. ya know? To have every portion of your life turned inside out, the very things that were unshakable…solid and could never be questioned……Well guess what…never say never! My very heart has been cut and spilled out on the floor and trampled on…..BUT NOT ANYMORE! (I have to keep telling myself that!)

Now is the time to STAND….therefore STAND! I will not allow them, whoever them is, to win. I doubt I have anything on JOB, as a matter of fact I know I don’t but he kept the faith so why am I so frail…..I don’t want to shock anyone to be so vocal about my plight, I am the PREACHERS WIFE don’tcha know! WOOHOO! (translation: servant of God). Since God is no respecter of persons I am in the same hole as everyone else which is nice to know on the one hand, on the other hand…really! GOD did you know I AM A PREACHERS WIFE?? Cut me some slack here would ya? Nope….and that’s okay too. Just means I have to try even harder to be a person that could help someone else along the way.

I have been blessed with some women who have been mentors in my life. Some are old friends and some have been new in my life. Some of them are precious prayer saints that no one would even have ever heard of and others are in the popular crowd. Sometimes one of those who you would not expect to hear from lends an ear and an encouraging word; shares personal testimony of how the Lord has made a way by a big miracle or given the where-with-all to figure it out ourselves. We need to hear those stories, it encourages us and to realize that you are  not so “big time” that you open up your life to help the rest of us, is admirable as well as Godly. I notice it and even more God does too, humble servant of God.

I have been given a challenge, let the haters be haters and the ignorant stay ignorant….turning a deaf ear to all the mumbo jumbo of ones who have the spiritual gift of being a pot stir, I just don’t have the time. I must just keep on walkin’ in the power and grace of the one who sent me. We are more than conquerors and it is high time we take our place as the leaders we are called to be. I have been pushed around too long, not mad ….just have a made up mind. I am not going anywhere but where God wants me to go.

I will just keep on walkin’ as long as he is leading me.

 

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Shutdown or Meltdown?

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The times…they are changin’....yes, they sure are! In this country we have always known a time of plenty or at least since the Great Depression. That lasted way too long and it had always made me wonder WHY? What exactly made the climate in this country so abstract that our financial stability is blown to smithereens? Do we not have wise MEN that control it all? Have we not been proven to be the greatest nation of the world? Were President Hoover and President Roosevelt not equipped to handle the workings of our country? Where do we lay the blame…or do we?

So many questions I have always had….now I have one or two of the answers. Today, as I sit and wonder the same exact questions…Day 4 of the Shutdown of the U.S. Government, I see how it happens….the wise and equally able “MEN” and some Women who are “in charge” of us all just can’t get it worked out. For around twenty years our country lived in utter failure and it mostly started with an ACT. (aren’t they blaming the Affordable Health Care Act now for this?)

The Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act passed in June 1930. The act interrupted trade and created an environment of high unemployment (reaching its peak at 25% in 1933). After the crash in October 1929, unemployment peaked at about 9% and returned to about 6% before the tariffs were implemented. While the stock market crash was significant, it was not the beginning of the Great Depression. (Ask.com) This Act hurt foreign trade and after reading about it….I am still lost. As usual most of the mumbo jumbo that comes out of our government is hard to understand for us regular people. (or maybe just ME?)

This leads me to this conclusion: Many smart people “think” they are doing good work by proposing these laws and Acts and assuming they will lead to good for the U.S. but sometimes they backfire. NOT MUCH EVER CHANGES! In 2008 we had a huge housing crash for which we still are muddling through….when is it ever going to stop? Probably never……that is the cold hard facts!

These are the times we ask the hard questions of God….or maybe I am the only one? I have hit a wall, I seem to not be able to get a handle on what is going on these days, world and country wide as well as personally. It feels like the heavens are brass….even though I know they are not. God is ALWAYS working on my behalf, this is what I know for sure. HE has not SHUTDOWN and it seems he is not real upset at my MELTDOWN! I sure do wish he would give me a clue…throw me a bone….send a Dove with a twig in its beak…something to let me know we will survive.

I hope I do not sound as if I have given up, I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP.….but I sure do surrender to HIS WILL. I am unable to assume I have any idea what is going on…with the world as we know it or even my own little life. I can’t even begin to feel the fear the country had back in the 1920’s, my grandparents knew it well and even my parents as children. That seems like a very long time ago and yet it is right here looking down the gun barrel at us. I am not particularly worried, just sober and conscience of what may come. Is this only a shutdown for a short while or will it be a total meltdown for us all? This is not a who’s at fault, we all are. We hired “them” to control what happens to our country.

I am not a super political person, maybe I should be…the lull of apathy has over taken my zeal of civil rights and not take this lying down ……ness! I have learned to allow God be in control and in that know that this shutdown may just turn into a Meltdown. Lord be kind….in your judgement, remember mercy.

Habakkuk 2:3

LORD, I have heard the report about You and I fear. O LORD, revive Your work in the midst of the years, In the midst of the years make it known; In wrath remember mercy.

Maranatha!

 

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Not on my watch!

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Most of the time, people usually go along through their normal day without even a thought of anything catastrophic happening. Most of us usually have just about enough steam to trudge thru the mundane and the what is expected of us duties, so when it comes to looking up and paying attention to something out of the ordinary we mostly just sigh and go on. I don’t think it is just us busy Americans, I think this is a worldwide normal. Of course, the terrorists have this figured out already!

Some days though, something is out of “wack”…just a little bit off…..out of kilter…or off kilter? which ever one…. it just ain’t right!! There is a weird shift in the world, a strange feeling…somethings up! As a mother, I find this a constant in my daily life and anyone who has more than one perfect child (just kidding all the parents of one child, I know they can be a handful also…all ONE OF THEM!) knows that when somethings up there is a vibe. On the one hand, you have the guilty trying their best to lay low and on the other hand you have the one who is dying to snitch but wants to be asked, questioned even ….and not really…. out right blab it all. (helps with the guilt of snitching!) The key is to entice them both….I have many years of experience as a bird dog mom that I am sure my four can attest to. MY record has proven that I am pretty good at detective work, really it is pretty easy….usually they catch themselves, bless their hearts, they are not very good at getting away with what ever “it” is. We raised them right and that usually is the proof. They still haven’t lost all sense of right and wrong...whew!

So being a pretty good sleuth, if I say so myself, for some crazy reason……I become a total novice when it comes to figuring out God. Many great and mighty men and women have come before me attempting this same feat. I also have many years under my belt in this area….I have been a believer for over thirty years, I have studied and believed like a child, never straying from the most trusted and valued tenants of faith, I believe it ALL from the ….In the beginnings to the maps! I have taught Sunday school, children’s church, adult classes even…I have filled in, helped out and stood in the gap for pete’s sake…..I am a preachers wife!  A lot of good that does me……God is no respecter of persons for which I am glad of but gee whiz, could he not throw me a bone ever now and then? I am out of clues about what HE is up too these days!

I have come to the conclusion, after much prayer and not enough fasting(obviously!) that even though I am steadfastly a student of perception and discernment, it is impossible to get ahead of God. Usually I can get a sense of what may be up, but these are dark days my friend. Where I “pride” myself (oops, this may be a clue) in feeling like I have a handle on things, I now know I do not. I have NO CONTROL on any of it. I would be a fool to think I do. I have been a fool numerous times, apparently! Control is one of those elusive mind games I play….for which I see that it is just an illusion. The best I can do is keep watch over my own heart and mind and thoughts and deeds, even then I am challenged to keep the course. It is not up to me to “watch” and make sure everyone does what is right and expected. The best I can even hope for is what happens in my own kitchen and even that has gotten away from me from time to time. Question for the day: Exactly how high can we fill a trash can before it all falls in the floor?

My only job is to “watch” and pray. Look up for my redemption draweth nigh……there are many snares out there and in my need to be a watchman on the wall I can’t be the commander and chief of everyone I know. There are some pits and some will fall into them and if they ask for help out I will be there to reach out my hand , but we all have our own lives to lead and choose who or what to follow. My heart tells me to follow after God and that will be enough. Even as I right this I have so many BUTS that come to my mind…but I have to just leave them alone. On my watch I must seek the Lord and pray and probably should try some of that fasting stuff…ugh!

 

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A double ouchie!

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REMIX–2020!

Unbelievably it has been 7years since I first wrote this post! Two of our sons have a birthday on September 21, 2020 and so much has changed, the boys have grown up, Sam is 33 & NJ is 24, which is unreal to my brain. How did this happen? There was No traditional UT vs Florida football as usual today….as there was on both the Saturdays they were born…..thanks COVID! and our world is now upside down. But, the sentiment is still the same, our last two babies are now grown men in whom we are so proud of, making their way in the world and still loving us all even more. I will always be thankful for these two last baby’s. —–Rose

2013—

This is one of the most special days of my life! Yes….the UT VOLS play Florida and always have for as long as I can remember….or at least on this Saturday in September, but that is not the real reason. And anyone who knows me knows that I could really do not care that much about football to remember the day they usually play Florida…even though we DO NOT LIKE FLORIDA MUCH UP HERE IN VOL COUNTRY...just making that clear!

The real reason is that on this day…while UT played FLorida for that all time rival…TWICE (not once but 2 times!) I was piled

English: Neyland Stadium, Knoxville, Tennessee. English: Neyland Stadium, Knoxville, Tennessee. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

up at UT Hospital in Knoxville, TN giving birth to my last two children. In case anyone wondered…..yes, my doctor was sure to have them here before the game started! Not only for my VOL FAN husband but for himself of course! It worked out well, they were born and (by C-Section-ugh—-hence the double ouchie!) and I was enjoying the yummy morphine pump…..AHHHHH! SO, the husband had the whole tv remote all to himself!

I will say…he wasn’t ignoring me…I was more ignoring him…I had done my job and now I was resting my laurels! Funny of course because I was now the mother of 4–FOUR KIDS! WOW! Still after all this time getting that strait in my head! Considering the love for UT we have it was only fitting that it happen this way I guess.

My first last child is Samuel and today he is a mere 26 years old. I say mere because from my vantage point he is still so young….to him he is nearly half dead! Samuel was on the heels of our Bethany, only 13 months after her birth and it was brought to my attention early on that...”how dare we have a baby…again…so soon!”People are so stupid…let’s just get that clear on the front end…bless their hearts (…..she says because it is the southern way!)  But God had a better idea….he gave me this beautiful boy to keep me kindhearted. I dont know that I am really that kindhearted, but if I am it is solely because of this little puppy of mine. He was the best baby I had….not one peep out of him, he slept from the git-go for 10 hours in  a stretch…( he gets that honest!- I can still sack out for days!…given the chance) He has these big blue/green eyes, looks more like me than any of the others and was always tender hearted. I rarely had to raise my voice to him, and if I did (not that I ever yelled at my kids…pishposh!) he would be the most compliant of all. He also had an older brother and sister who kept him up to date on the does and don’ts. Samuel was the best cuddler of all also….he was the sweet heart of my heart and he remains a special person, still caring and loving to me, but …..he has found his own voice (darn it!) and he has a sorta liberal yet compassionate view of life( I am kinda secretly proud of him!), quick to oppose my convictions with his own equally strong opinions, he can argue a point nearly as well as his Dad and is clearly strong in his own notions. He is no push over but his kindness keeps him sweet even when tested. He keeps me kind because his kindness is worthy of respecting, he isn’t a yeller….he is slow to anger but look out when he does. I honor this son of mine, he has always been a joy to have as a son and even more as a friend. I covet his hugs and hang out time he gives me….at this age those are  the best gifts! Happy Birthday Son, no mother had a better one.

The for real last, last child or “caboose” as we like to call him is our one and only NJ Nathanael Joseph actually and I tagged him with the short version when he was just a baby. Today is his 17th birthday and he is about the most precious of all. I had NJ when I was almost 37 years old…OLD by some standards at least back then. It wasn’t the style yet to wait so long….as usual, I was ahead of the curve….but he was nine years after the first bunch and when this occurs it is almost as if he is an only child. (see birth order books!) Starting all over again, so to speak but with much more experience and confidence. He was somewhat like a new pet for all of us. Okay ….don’t beat me me up for the analogy, but really he was a family project. Will was 12 and excited but attempted to hide it…he’s cool ya know! But Bethany (10) was over the moon!!! A real live doll baby all her own to Mother….and Sam (9) was not going to be the “baby” anymore so he was elated! NJ was the Blessing of my life that I will always know was a direct response from GOD. He was what I needed at that time and everyday for the past 17 years I had a reason to show up. Not that I didn’t have three other reasons and a husband and tons of other reasons but this kid was the driving force for me at that time. HE came on the scene when I needed him most, and he has always been a blessing. Funny does not even describe him…he is animated….and joyous and never meets a stranger, his personality is the perfect blend of me and his Dad…outgoing and personable, not awkward ever and in our family that is very odd. We invented awkward! He is strong minded and sure of himself and rarely ever finds himself worried or fearful. Where did this youngin’ come from…he is the weird one? He has been my sidekick in my old age and kept me off the ledges. The only time I ever see frailty is catch him when he is tired and DO NOT CROSS HIM! He can have a meltdown better than most people….its best to just let him alone because you will never win that fight. He will go to his death defending his cause. Most days he is the best friend you could ever want, most loyal and forgiving person, a friend that loves at all times. He is my JOY and my HOPE for a world of HAPPY. HE spreads Happy all around and our family is blessed to have him love us.

Happy Birthday my two sons…you are our legacy and our loves and our prayer is you find your own place in this world and live always faithful to the will of God for your lives. He gave us you for a short time and I know He is pleased.❤️❤️

…”how do you solve a problem like….”

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One of my husbands, (yes, I am ratting him out!)… all time favorite movies is The Sound of Music!

The Sound of Music (film)
The Sound of Music (film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For all the years I have known him, he has rallied all the kids around to watch it …ONCE AGAIN! at Easter time, only to be compared to the ritual of watching The Ten Commandments, (“…so let it be written, so let it be done!”). You have to be impressed with his loyalty and dedication! But, in the Sound of Music there are many, many songs to sing with (for which we(HE! DOES MOSTLY)do and lately without the whole family only  because the kids have gotten older and they choose not to endure our festivities….spoil sports!

Movie poster of The Ten Commandments.
Movie poster of The Ten Commandments. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One of my favorite songs is…..How do you solve a problem like Maria…lalala! This brings me to my point in writing today…(ya knew I would get there eventually, right?) And it is a stretch so hang in there….but….this song is one that reminds me of my beautiful Bethany. Tomorrow is her birthday and because I enjoy writing about my kids if only to completely humiliate them…..(paybacks rule!) here I am once again attempting to let her know how important she is to me.

Back to the song…it is about this NUN who is just a little too human for the rest of the NUNS which makes her perfect for God….. if you ask me. She is always getting into a pickle and causing a ruckus….full of opinions and speaking her peace! So goes part of the song…….

…..When I’m with her I’m confused
Out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am
Unpredictable as weather
She’s as flighty as a feather
She’s a darling! She’s a demon! She’s a lamb!

She’d outpester any pest
Drive a hornet from its nest
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl
She is gentle! She is wild!
She’s a riddle! She’s a child!
She’s a headache! She’s an angel!
She’s a girl!

Yep, that about explains it all! My Bethany is all that and more…I prayed earnestly for her, picked her out and described her to GOD. HE picks this one time to answer my prayer…exactly! He is cute like that…..and awesome and she is my only girl and for that she had to be something special!

Her birthdays come every year, like clock work, like us all and she would sell her soul for a white cake and white icing-STORE BOUGHT CAKE….for which is the worst ….I say…wedding cake kind is her fav! I have attempted to make my kids their cakes ,but the love is lost on this girlie….so I will give in and succumb to my loss of tradition…..she is just that worth it! No matter what goofiness or literal pain in the heart she can be, I adore this kid.

And so I have to respond with these lines from the song:

……Many a thing you know you’d like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?(BETHANY)
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

She is the heart of my heart and so much like me I feel sorry for her…..she has grown to side with her daddy WAY TOO MUCH which is disturbing when I am odd man out but never a day goes by that I don’t praise the Lord for her and her spirit. She keeps me praying and I know that her future is HUGE with all kinds of exciting twists and turns.

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….then (my favorite pic!)
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…now! (what a doll!)

Happy Birthday my sweet Bethany Rose!….a problem I will never solve because like Maria, even if those strict NUNS acted like they were mad…they loved her and like Maria, my Bethany  is a joy. You are never a problem and without you I would be lost….

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do it right the first time……Ma!

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These days my mind has been set on “fixin’ up” those nagging spaces in my house that in the past 5 years have been starring at me…everyday....as if to say …“really? you said and I quote..”I will get those done even before we move in…just a little paint and stuff!”…BUT NO! after all this time…not done!”

For people who do not listen to the little voices in your head that remind you of the TO DO LIST, this may seem like crazy-town behavior? To those of us that have a seemingly constant string of conversation buzzing by, popping up reminding of the stuff that I am too lazy to do………this may seem very sane. Even Freud would have a time with me!

English: Sigmund Freud
English: Sigmund Freud (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

To my great joy, one of my kids has a LOVE FOR remodeling,….. i.e. taking down the doors to actually paint them..(weird, I say!) just let them hang there…no muss no fuss!….and painting walls, trim work and such. I would rather touch a frog then do this tedious work. I love to artistically paint (duh, I blab about it all the time) but, this kind of work is a killer. BUT, Not for him….he is in his element. He seems to actually enjoy it! Go figure!

The only rub comes from me trying to “cheap-out” and he wanting to buy the good stuff. I will drive all over looking for the best price for tile….and everything else. He will go and buy and be done with it. Typical Male, I say, not to offend the posse of men in my house but it is troubling to watch. How do they do that…walk in a store pick up and walk out…..boggles the mind. They never even check the price…….craziness!

I must say that he does a good job, he has picked out pretty colors and has his finger on the pulse of the IN STYLE stuff. This is his niche’ and he is good at it. My sister, The Good Ole Girl, gave him all her tools…she too is a fixer upper. She would drive three hours on the weekends after working a very stressful job, just to help me rehab an old house we bought. The gal’s got skills and that must be where he gets it?

I am thankful for  this little gift, my sons ability to do this for his Mom and Dad. His patience is off the chart with this work. This is why I can’t do it….I strip screws and tear stuff up where he just takes it is stride. But…let him lose at playing Spades and he will throw his cards and walk off…where I could care less if I mess that up…just a game! Quirky huh!

Image with royal flush.
Image with royal flush. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
English: Logo for The Home Depot. Category:Bra...
English: Logo for The Home Depot. Category:Brands of the World (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Now forever in my head will be the AWESOME MEMORIES of me trying to cypher the cheapest way to buy things at Home Depot and him sigh under his breath saying…”whatever!……if that’s what you want it to look like, junk?…go ahead…..just do it right the first time, Ma!” Wise words from a wise Man….bursting from the seams into these skills he is honing. Bugs the tar outta me though, little punk telling me what to do!! And I do usually cave in and do it his way……ugh!….good times!

So I am taking a Poll….what say ya?    

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maybe i died?

Miscellaneous

…..i hate to start this on a downer but……..has anyone noticed that i haven’t written in FOREVER!!!!? yeah…i know…..me either…..and even now i can’t even use the capital letter button as i write….i am soooo lazy!

…..ever have those times that so much is flying around in your head but for the life of you it is impossible to put anything together that even makes any sense (see current post!).

…so just to show some sign of life…i am not dead and i am not gone and i hope not forgotten…..but my life has been rushing by me with changes everyday….oh too much to say.

…i’ll be back….soon….love to all who read…….and just a side note, it is sooo hot in the south these days…just saying!