To say that my life has been changed in the past twenty-eight years would be an understatement….as any woman who gives birth to a child would say, you no longer are your own person. You have given a huge piece of yourself to create another and the first time it happens, the shock and awe of it all is more than any movie maker in Hollywood could create. Needless to say this drama takes place every minute of the day… and night, all over the world. It isn’t anything special I hear, it can even be done in a laboratory! But from the eyes of this first mom…on that day, it was a thrill! The world of the unknown was finally revealed and for the first time in my life I have something….someone who is all mine. How can anyone ever question if there is a GOD after all that…still surprises me after all these years and three more beautiful smiles-that it is even possible, pretty smart I say. This thrill was only enhanced by all the firsts to come in my beautiful boys life… smiles, steps, sweet kisses, flat top haircut!!! First day of school, home run and graduation day….. A life of joy and fun being the big brother to three more little miracles. When he was kicking people in the shins we called him “a pill!” and during his teenage years he was the self proclaimed….”the thrill!” all of which were true and have remained constant in the life of this young survivor….. For the past ten years survival has been the goal and true to form it has come to pass… Still kicking shins and being a pill as well as living in the thrill of freedom and complete honesty, the same way he came into this world. His is a life that changed mine forever and my heart has been lost to him, my blue-eyed boy who still remains the biggest thrill of my life!
Most of the time it isn’t very hard for me to love someone….at least when I hardly know them(duh!); when it becomes difficult is when some time has passed and I have allowed myself to get to know them. This comes as no shock to most people… We are all more alike than we care to believe. But as of late, I have been keenly aware of the opportunity to close the door on people without much thought. It just is easier, less drama. When we get more intimate with them and we become accustomed to having them around….hence a friend, someone who we wish to spend time with we start having expectations. The problem starts when “they” don’t behave or live up to the standards for which I do….or supposedly do!…..they let us down….boohoo! Poor me! I have always prided….(oops, yep I said it, pride, ouch) prided myself in my open-mindedness. I have a history of life experiences to prove such a fact. I could give many examples of my openness to people from all walks of life…..but that would be boastful and It wouldn’t be very honorable of me! To the point….it is never my job, nor right to judge any other person….ever. This is not a new revelation; it is basic Christianity, but rarely practiced. I have found that when you make the conscious effort to not judge, you realize how much you really do. It is frustration in over drive and when you allow yourself to see with Gods eyes….well, let me warn everyone…it can be shocking. Not at what you see, more at what is seemingly “allowed”! Seriously… How is it fair that “they” get away with that….grrrrrr! I am laughing as I am even writing this… Keeping score so to speak is so futile. But we do it, sadly and it is so silly. We all have our own moral rules and regulations, a code, a line we never cross… But as different as we are there are that many different lines. About the time I think I am as loving and open as anyone…WHAM! Smacked right up in the face with another chance to blow it. Grueling as it is, I must change. UGH! Please Lord fix me….ok, ok, I know… Judge not lest ye be judged! You’ve told me already! Now I know why my kids get frustrated with me when they are complaining and I zip off a scripture like I am sooo smart! Smak! Right back at my own self. Lesson to be learned. We are all at different places in our lives and learning about this thing called life and GOD and we are not the judge or even the one that holds the ruler…nor our job! I am not the boss of everyone! Hello, my name is Rosemary and I am a control freak….I will think for you if you let me and point out all the things you do wrong…in my eyes! Sigh!
This is the day I reflect on the last year…not on New Years Eve or New Years Day but today…January 2nd. What is so great about this day? Nothin’ at all but, it is not a typical day that a person would typically make the run of the mill reflections or words of encouragement or wax poetic about the things to come. Since I do not consider myself…”run of the mill” I of course change things up and find myself on this day… pondering. The last year has been a time of many changes, the loss of precious family members, gone but never forgotten, as a matter of fact it seems as if they are only sleeping and soon we will be together again (that’s my two cents on the future…we will be together again soon…see you guys in heaven….Maranatha!!) We have survived another year of twists and turns, rebirths and confinements…healing and becoming the people we thought we had lost…..I am one happy Mom needless to say and I see a bright future for the first time in ten years. The world as we all know it has changed, presidents come and go, wars and rumors of wars stop and start and… the beat goes on. And sometimes lives sorta become frozen in time. The hardest thing about these times are the losses….or even more, the lack knowledge of the loss. There are times in a person’s life when the world becomes very small and somewhat retroactive. I have been plummeted in the middle of a life that has been halted, a season of unknowing the reality of the moment. And even though this time of life for us is demanding and frightening and even down right scary as hell(yes I said it) it has also had some comforting realities. I am living through a time in my mother’s life that has over the past year or so been gone, even though she is physically in the here and now, she is mostly living in her memories and wanting to share those good and bad times of her life with me. It is an education to say the least and even though painful, has opened up a whole world that I had not known…a time before me or at least before I was old enough to understand. It is somewhat fascinating to hear about what the life back then was for her, as well as sad but it gives me comfort in knowing that our memories are what we have, sometimes the only thing we have and they are precious…to be savored…until that day when they have vapor ed away. I do not look forward to that day for her or for that matter, myself. After one particular day of stories…painful…funny and at times disheartening it was time for me to leave and she thanked me for listening…it was sweet and I said I enjoyed it and she is my friend…and her reply was…”you’re my BEST FRIEND!” I was honored to say the least, knowing of course that my sisters are probably hearing the same stories and been given the same title, but for me it was a sweet surprise that I will always cherish. Mostly because she is my momma but also because maybe when the day comes that she may not know me as her little girl anymore…she may remember me as a friend…her best friend and that will be enough. I hope! Later that day as I was telling my precious husband the story of my day and I asked him if he will take care of me if this awful disease befalls on me…he smiled and said..”yes, I will NOTEBOOK you! Boy… what a way with words that man has….I instantly know what he meant.(his reference was to the book/movie THE Notebook by Nicholas Sparks)which is the sweetest story ever of unfailing love. Now there is a best friend and once again I am blessed by this man of mine. So to those people in my life that have given me so much love…I am the one that realizes my joy is in the memories we make and remembering the days..good, precious and even the hard ones and as long as I have my best friends I have a good year ahead. Look out world!
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 2, 2011 Patchwork Days
When I was a little girl I was blessed to stay at my maternal grandmothers home each and everyday. All of the big kids would go to school, my parents worked and I was taken to Granny Maxwell s house. This was during the very best days of my life, before the dreaded divorce of my parents and even more before we left my beloved farm. These were the days of laying in the yard on a breezy day and watching the Silver Leaf Poplar tree leaves blowing in the wind, shiny and glistening, feeding the scary chickens, only scary to me since I had been “flogged” one morning. I now believe I had actually fell down and all the feed fell all over me and they were only eating, it just happened to be pecking me into a scared frenzy. Poor chickens, it really wasn’t their fault, though I am still traumatized! I digress!
These were good days and they were the beginning of many good and bad days. This is what makes up a full life, days filled with ups and downs, twists and turns that take us to places we might not ever expect to be. These are the times of our lives that make us the people we are to be. They are like the squares that are so delicately sewn together by the strong and faithful hands like my granny’s. Many days were spent playing underneath the huge quilt in a frame with four or five elderly women, church women, no less, who worked their magic quilting this work of art which would end up on the beds of its creators.
The Chronicles of Narnia (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The stories that a young girl would hear, not too terribly offensive unless you were the particular church lady that was the subject of conversation or maybe the preacher or even the husbands of these sanctified women. While playing there it was always a special world, not Narnia, but fun even so, the rolled down stockings and the black discreet shoes, no high heels in this group. Printed shirt dresses and everyday work clothes. It was a world of simplicity and a creative vibe that I have carried with me ever since.
Our own lives are like that, we don’t know when we wake up what the day will hold, a patchwork of sorts, stitched together with love and laughter and this makes for an edgy and frightful; fun-filled and possible eye-opening batch of realities that make up the moments of our own lives. My life, so far has been filled with many days that have caused me to pause and take stock of where I have been and where I am going.
How much of the time have I wasted and what portion has been fruitful? Were my decisions the best ones or should I have thought more about the results of my actions? Well…..yes, of course. If I had thought more I may be better off….but then also if a person thinks too much we may never get anywhere. Hence the dilemma that I usually find myself in. Thinking ahead is a good practice and I usually do but to the degree which stops me cold and causes me not to do anything useful… procrastination sets in and another one (day) bites the dust.
So I have to take stock of a life lived the best way I can, I can’t look back, those days are gone, but ahead to what will someday be that completion of the quilt…these patchwork days that are what makes me… Me. My quilt may not be the best but it is mine and if I learned anything from my granny it is to keep on sewing!
MONDAY, MAY 16, 2011
Reflection
When a person gets to a certain age it becomes apparent that the days are shorter and the time that we had which seemed so abundant is now only fleeting memories. My son is so looking forward to summer vacation. The clock couldn’t tick any faster for him..he is so ready to be out of middle school and move on the High School. Okay I must stop there for a minute. WHAT!!! High School already…case in point! He is the age that my oldest son was when he was born….good grief! Geeez….I can’t even talk about it without getting misty eyed. The hard thing for me is that these days of reflection seem to be coming upon me more and more. I can hardly get through one day without reminiscing about the life I have had in the past thirty years…WHAT! 30 years!!! Oh my goodness…I have been with my husband for 30 yrs and well where did the time go? WOW! I mean I can remember so well all those times then…seriously…the beautiful blond hair and blue eyes with cute freckles on his nose that instantly made me take a second look at him. It is a fact that Hubble Gardner had nothing on him…this man of mine. I knew he was the ONE! We were on our way and a few years later we were blessed with a beautiful, blond, blue-eyed baby boy…twenty seven years ago…WHAT!!! 27 years…I am about to give myself a heart attack! Later we had three more to follow, each one just as special as the first, just a beautiful. And then I realize we have four! Yowza! These have been good times, mostly and when it was hard or is hard it is my memories and my reflections back that keep me going. I don’t believe in looking back..turning into a pillar of salt is not my idea of a good time! Reflection is a good thing, it allows me to take stock of where I have been and what I value the most. I am able to adjust and give thanks to the one who has kept us all from harm. He is a good God, He has allowed us to walk this path with Him alongside us. He has given us the strength, He has carried us when we couldn’t go another step. Even so today I feel Him holding me up, encouraging me and standing with me in the gap, as I interceded for my family and my friends. This life can be interesting to say the least. I never know each day what twist or turn will come. All I do know is that I know who to turn to and that it is His comfort that keeps me, His abiding love that catches my tears and surrounds me like a warm blanket. Just the way I do as I mother these babies of mine. I have had a good teacher.
Posted by Rosemary Mcknight Fritts at 10:22 AM
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 2011
HERO How do you measure the life of a man?
Is it by the great wealth that he managed to accumulate or the land or homes or vehicles?
Is it by his position in business or his standing in the community?
The only way any man can be measured is by the fruit of his labor, the life he has lived on this earth and the lives that were changed by his love and the only real definition of success is how he was loved. This world is filled with complaints and negative thoughts that ride on the back of negative people. You can’t throw a rock without hitting someone who is complaining about something, no matter how trivial, we continue to be bothered and letting anyone who may be in our path know of our great plight in life.
I must admit I am the first whiner that I can think of. Honestly, I get sick of my own self, some days. I spend precious moments attempting to figure out why the world seems to pick on little old me! Good grief! Get over it! Come to find out, as I have grown very much older and wiser (well, the jury is still out on that one) It’s not all about me….as hard to believe as that is, I am not the center of the universe. How’d that happen? I never got the memo….was there a meeting, was there a quorum?
Did we vote? Yep they voted and I lost…..shocking how that happens.
Well actually not so much, I humbly say I have always known it wasn’t all about me. I am thankful I wasn’t given that burden to carry by my parents. But I know now that it is all about one person, that was on this earth for only thirty three short years, who gave it all so that we might have life everlasting and I have watched that same sacrifice and humility play out in the life of a man who without any fan fair or parade, lived everyday like it was his last. I have never known anyone that lived so completely complain free, even when he struggled for every breath in his last days on this earth. He would always have a smile and a kind word for anyone he met. He encouraged every person he knew and on those few occasions when I dared to be a complainer in front of him, he would say…..”ahh Rosa (he called me that from the first time I met him!)the Lord will help you, just stay close to him. Augh!
Why did he always have to hit me with that one, seriously!! does it always go back to that? can I not have five minutes of feeling sorry for myself. Does he even remember that I am married to his son and gave him four( I outta get the prize) grandkids and am a preachers wife and and…and….NOPE!
Stopped in my tracks with the harsh reality of Jesus suffering an awful punishment just so I can stand here and whine about, in my overly dramatic fashion, my bad day. This man who never complains about anything…ever… stands there and basically strips me down to myself and reminds me …it’s not the end of the world.
This guy I speak of is probably the sweetest and kindest gentleman anyone who reads this would ever know. Thirty years ago, I met a boy who had a father who from the first time I met him, made me one of his own. Without any question or judgement or hesitation, he welcomed me into his family and gave me a name. I was a part of him and not one time did I ever NOT feel accepted by him. I was never an “in-law”, I was a daughter and isn’t that just like Jesus.
This man is Curtis Fritts and he breathed his last breath holding the hand of his beloved wife and his one and only grand daughter, Bethany….his son and my only precious daughter. I know she will never forget the honor of being there with him, she saw the best man in this world enter into his reward for a life lived fully and without any reservation for where he was going.
As he took that last breath, he left behind all the pain of this world….not that we ever heard him complain about it!
Thank you Dad for loving us all. There is your measuring stick…..they will know HIM by our great love. Amen!
Posted by Rosemary Mcknight Fritts at 2:38 AM
The beginning of a new year is always somewhat daunting …..with that “fresh new page” feeling and at the same time it seems as if the days zip past me and before I know it half the year will be gone. Time is something that we can’t put in a bottle, as the song goes, and the slippery slope of it is that the harder you try, the more fleeting it is to capture.
It was only a few days ago ……..I was riding my bicycle around my home town(Murfreesboro, TN), at ten years old, up around the square down Main Street during the fall, with all the leaves floating around me…. Those were the days! My town was a great place to live, small but growing; beautiful and classic, a college town full of eager scrubbed young people on the verge of entering the Vietnam War. Sadly many went, some kicking and screaming because of the draft, but some chose to go. For some it was a choice of freedom, a way to get away and save themselves.
As crazy as that sounds many kids didn’t grow up in the television show homes…Father didn’t always know best… and leaving was the only way to rise above their raisin’! I can remember those days and it was a time when the whole country was scared and the sadness that we all had come through after the two big wars and loss of presidents and leaders and then we find the world in the ’60’s for heavens sake….that was an example of something’s gotta give….that top was spinning and had to get free and it sure did… Bumping and sliding all over the place, it’s no wonder sometimes the choice was made to run away from the “safety” of home.
How safe was it….we parents are to be responsible citizens of the world yet our own parents dumped their hard raising on us and like a top sent us bouncing off the chart, escaping to anywhere but here. The tragedy of it all is that these lives lost either thru death in the physical sense or emotionally, are lost in time. If only to get those precious years back! But without that possibility, I find myself looking forward with an eagerness to stop wasting time.
Geez….I have been so guilty and I am impatiently waiting for my next post…the option for a new job seems slim, frustration overcomes me daily so I lean on the Lord and remember that HE orders my steps. I do hope he gives me the time to do all that he wants me to do and maybe and this is a huge maybe….I will be able to ride a bike down Main Street one more time during the fall to remember a better time, or at least a time before reality was way to real! There is always hope, at least that our children will get it right, they are smarter than us..of course!
Last night my beautiful husband made me a fire in the fireplace.
Made meaning..lighting the pilot light in our gas logs, though he would have made the “real” kind if we had one…sort of a pyromaniac that one. He loves to build a fire and watch it burn. Must be a family trait!
Sweet one as he is, he noticed that I was all bound up under a blanket while watching and old movie..(“Love Affair“-made before “An Affair To Remember“-Charles Boyerand Irene Dunne..a must see!) and offered to warm me up with a fire and I happily said yes.
An Affair to Remember (Photo credit: saturdave)
It was a sweet gesture for which I will never forget to notice and one that gave me a well needed comfort here at thebeginning of what will surely be many cold nights.
Have I ever stated publicly how much I HATE COLD WEATHER! Let’s just be clear on that. It is so cold…not fair, we live in Tennessee not Michigan!……. Okay, finished with my rant!…. As I sat there looking at the fire even more than the movie, I pondered about the times that I remember… one of our own who LOVED her fireplace. It is an image I will always have. I would tell her…..”you realize it is expensive to run that gas log fireplace……you should only run it when you have a special night of company or Christmas! “And her reply…… “HUSH!….By the way, since when did I become so frugal”…… (busted!) and I would just laugh and we would go on yammering about everyday things.
It’s those everyday things that I miss the most…we could get on a soap box better and faster than anyone..and we were always right…its the people who were wrong!(Sybil movie a.k.a. Sally Field, reference) Way back when, before her swanky, flip a switch fireplace, I remember her standing sprawled out, both legs wide across the grate in the floor of the hallway at her old house, when they had the kind of furnace thingy in the basement. She would stand there getting warm and toastyfor what
Sybil (1976 film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
seemed like forever.
Depending on where you were..in the living room or kitchen, she would flip around and carry on a conversation……no big deal! This was when our babies were small and eventually one of them would step on the grate…..have crisscrosses on their feet but, it would teach the others to stay away. Survival in the kid world I guess. But anyways, as I sat and watched the fire burn I realized how short life is and watching a fire burn IS a fun thing to do, I don’t know why but it is. Even more, it is the cozy factor which is what I think she liked the most. She would say that she runs her fireplace more than the heat and I would guess that was true and good for her! I am glad she did and every time I foolishly use mine I will do it in honor of my dear sister (in law)….she is one of our own who left us way too soon and it is even as I write this, painful to talk about.
No time have I known anyone who believed so fully that she would survive this awful disease and it turns out she was right. She did survive it just not in the way we wanted her too. I am thankful no none has said within my hearing that God needed one of his angels back or another totally non scriptural or even more STUPID thing people who don’t know what to say have said. I am thankful for that…its the small things, ya know. But the truth is God is the only one who knows the reasons why..we can question all we want but still HE knows and it is not required for us to be informed. His grace is sufficient for us all and I put all my faith in Him and His wisdom.
She is One Of Our Own…Our age, Our family, Our friend, Our aunt, Our daughter and Sister; GiGi, Mom and Wife. It hits hard when it is that close and after twenty plus years of ministry with my husband I still know that the words are not there. I had always felt compassion to people in this situation but this time it is one of MY OWN!
There are no words that satisfy the hunger for answers, the longing for her back just to text or talk, endlessly about nothing and about everything….and the days in front of the fire..warming her toes…wasting all that expensive gas!….. OH..go ahead and waste it…it’s not a waste, silly me. Every time I look at my fire at my house it will be a warm remembrance of a time that was fleeting and a friend that was my best.
Take the time….linger by the fire…what is all the fuss about…not a darn thing we can do about any of it and even that gives me Hope…He has it all under control…Amen!
As I settle in to an evening of watching my Christmas tree twinkle, I can’t help but think back to the days as a little girl. As with most children, the excitement that comes with putting up a tree each year is the biggest day of the season…well, the first in a row of biggest days, actually. Not to diminish the start of Christmas vacation from school and the biggest day, Christmas morning to say the least!
That day was special as my dad or brother would go and cut down a big old cedar tree on the farm that we lived. None of those big city trees for us, nope…no way. And boy was I glad…that tree smelled so good, better than the others, literally fresh-cut! The tree was always huge, perfect and ours. My mamma had these beautiful decorations that she got from Germany when my family lived there during the Korean War.
My daddy was in the Army and she went there to live with him. Bless her heart, she traveled on an Army transport airplane with two young children in tow. She recently told me about this trip, (these days she tells me a lot of stories from way back when, she remembers those better than what has happened today, bless her heart) when she went far away from home with these little ones all alone on a big “non luxury” plane that took her to my daddy, which made it all worth it. This was back when they were happy and even had a third child in Germany. Those were the best of times. I can only imagine the life she had there. Those decorations were beautiful glass balls and I had always loved what they stood for, beauty and adventure and a life that seemed so far away from what is was now.
We also had the huge light bulbs all strung up in the primary and secondary colors, stark and bright! Cedar trees aren’t exactly known for their sturdy branches so needless to say it was an effort in fortitude to get those decorations to stay and not droop. We also had the bubble lites which were my favorite…always were a mystery! The tinsel was silver and like aluminum foil all crinkled up on a string and the finishing touch was icicles. At different years(when we were older and could do it ourselves) we would make ribbon chains for garland too and had painted wooden ornaments. Our trees were the prettiest of any ones….no ones ever could compare, I am pretty much a snob about that, unashamed so. I have no apologies to give because rarely do I profess so much surety about something about me.
Even now as an adult, I will tell you if you ask me that I have the prettiest tree of anyone. A few things I know for sure and this is one of them, even though I no longer have a cedar tree, I am a city girl now and loving that fact. My sweetart husband did cut me one for our first christmas together…how cute was that? The second thing I know for sure, that man loves me, after that it is stuff like I know all four of my babies think the world of me, not bragging on me but them, they all have a tender heart and especially toward their mamma ( and dad!( I say they love me more..ha!))but We never doubt that one and I know I make the best potato salad….
bar none!!!
Do I presume too much? I think not! This time of year brings out the brag in me and that is because I have so much to brag about…My GOD is so good to me….He has given me more than I could have ever asked for so I am only telling of HIS great love. This is my testimony of him. I am pretty sure he likes my Christmas trees the best too!
preacherswifeintheknow 