Category Archives: LIFE

First One

enjoyment, encouragement, Family, humor, hope, LIFE, music

When you have a son who is a songwriter and singer, the momma inside me can’t help but talk about it! He has struggled to find his voice……to speak or sing out his deepest heart, but he has withstood great adversaries…mostly his own flesh, only to find his heart, still strong with a life to LIVE. No one loves his friends more, will go to battle for them and is more loving. This man son is a tempest to be reckoned with and I wait with anticipation what God has waiting for him. I am blessed to call him my own. http://m.myspace.com/home.wap?bfd=webnext&isredirected=true#friends.list/profile/537634740

WILDEBEEST@ myspace

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Significance

Alzheimers, enjoyment, encouragement, Family, GOD, humor,hope, LIFE, love, Parents, ,

There are many people who seem to fall thru the cracks. They are ones who may or may not have the hope or where with all to feel they can make a difference in the world. Many have been the ones who have carried the burden for the rest of us, the “work horse” that is stedfast to set their face like a flint and keep on keeping on. I have known many people who fall into this category over the years and it has been a great blessing to call them my friends. One such person has been a blessing to me my whole life and is my closest sibling to me, my dear sister Janice. She was born third and as a rule in the birth order theory, the third child tends to be the one who hangs out and easy going, never making a fuss and usually compliant to everyone. Sometimes even when it isn’t the best thing for them, they are humble and quiet in nature. My big sister is all these and more. She has always been the trustworthy one, faithful to always help us out with her time or her extra money. Never did I leave the house without her making sure I had a little bit of ” mad money” or phone call money( this pre-dates cell phones! )She was my nurturer, my teacher and my best friend. She was stuck sharing a double bed with me my first ten years of my life. Bless her heart! I could always count on her to be there for me….. She was a significant part of my life, she still is! Today is her birthday…..she was born in Munich, Germany when our Dad was stationed there in the Korean War. One day I called her a Nazi…..okay I was a little kid, don’t judge, I grew out of that stage especially since she pounded me for it! Ya live and learn! She spent her life following in the shadow of our big brother and sister who were stand outs on their own being first and second, she was quiet and stayed under the radar. Always keeping tabs on her rotten little sister though ……she was my rock. My own third child was a boy and he too has the same personality, he’s as solid as they come and like her he is an avid reader. A regular bookworm…both of them, living the high life vicariously through the books they so love. My sisters love for books is her most memorable trait for me, if the chores were finished you could always find her with her nose in a book. She is the one who encouraged me to love reading and introduced me to the great C.S.Lewis, Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe as well as the stories of The Bible. When I would ask why we had Easter or other Holiday’s it was her who showed me in the Word. My sister was and is my friend and when I needed a level head to council me she was the one. My other sister who was a standout in my world also was the one I turned to when I wanted to get away with my many shenanigan’s, we are way too much alike! Usually partners in crime! It was a balanced life and I have always needed them both. At this time in the Birthday girls life she is the caretaker of our Mom who has been dealt an awful lot….Alzheimer’s. She has loved our Mom with compassion and respect and does her best to give her the best life possible, endures the daily heartbreaks of loss of moms memory and the constant stress of the obligation. Even the literal ” heat wave” she endures because of moms need to stay warm, a common need of the elderly. I honor my sister…JC (Janice Carol) but my favorite nickname for her was , January which our Uncle, Mr Miller ( I don’t think I ever knew his first name, how funny!) named her. She always gave a big smile when he called her that…I think it made her feel special if just for a minute….significant and that is the best thing of all. My sister’s life is significant….she has significance at least to me. I know she is significant to our mom and to her only daughter but most of all she is significant to GOD. He made her special if for no other reason but to be there for me…yes I think I am that special! I love you my sissy.,,.including the times you have had to correct me and those have been many, but more often you gave me courage and strength to go on and get busy. You will always be Lucy…peering into the Wardrobe showing me a whole new land to explore, thank you for that gift. Happy Birthday sweet one!

Self Doubt

Blogs, enjoyment, encouragement, Friends, humor, hope, LIFE

So today, a friend of mine read my very short story… this “award-winning” short, walk down memory lane and he never said a word. Crickets! I was like in my head, going”….uh well, well, give me something here, geeez!” Then when his wife said, “aren’t’ you gonna say something? he replied…”I have complimented her on several different occasions and she always just says something funny or a joke so I have stopped!” WOW! Ya didn’t have to say that! But at the same time, yes! I like people who don’t mince words cuz I like to be that way. I don’t always get to but when I do I am more unmerciful than I should be. So this made me confront something that I deal with all the time. SELF DOUBT. What a lot of pain I have caused myself in my life. Why so hard to be strong? Apparently my need to be the first to admit I am not perfect is my self-preservation tactic…I gotta stop. It is not a very good example of faith. So that is my plan…stop being a bummer and start to fly. From the early years on the farm until I was ten I really did fly and I twirled and danced and romped. I didn’t have a care in the world…oh the joy of summer days and fields full of daisies! Of course then the dam breaks and there goes the dream……in starts the doubt. So full circle time is here, this is my time to fly again…and a little twirling along the way!

Time

Family, Friends, humor, humor, hope, LIFE

I have been thinkin’ a lot lately about how amazing it is to live a long life. I have recently heard through some of my old friends from high school that there are several people who have already passed on and some at a young age. I guess that isn’t very hard to believe but when its some of your own age group and people who you had known that seemed invincible, die…well it’s just odd. One of the girls is someone who I had not known very closely, she was extremely popular and seemed to date all the cute guys. But now she is gone..early in her 30’s. Wow! What a waste if we don’t live our limited time here on earth to the fullest…I am guilty. Oh the time I have wasted. So many thoughts I have yet to think and dreams undreamed.
When I was young I would spend my days at my granny’s house. My brother and sisters would go to school and since I was too young I was blessed to have my granny close so I could stay with her….the best day care if your mom has to work by the way. Or at least it was for me. She loved me the best…..I was her favorite! Some may disagree, but they would be wrong….I promise! She had a great tree in her front yard, a silver leaf maple. I have a thing about trees. I love them. Could there be a better or more efficient use of Gods design. They do so much. On a hot day the temperature drops 10 or 20 degrees, at least! when you get under their shade. Okay anyways, this tree was the bomb in that yard. It was old and huge, it had that sorta peely bark, not as good as a Birch but ok. it was grey, peely and had the smaller roundish leaves that were ruffle-y.So I would lay flat on my back in the grass and spend hours (maybe only minutes, idk) and think and dream and plan and reflect. I had big happenings as a 5-year-old,; a lot to think about. But, the wind would blow through those leaves and they were silvery on the back and it would be so pretty as they flickered in the wind. That kind of time spent is never wasted and when I would look up and see all those branches shoot out from the truck as if it were lots and lots of roads leading to new worlds. Well it was a wonderful playground of adventure and our lives are so full from all the minor events of our life…those minor events are what make the major events tolerable. Sometimes it is comforting to think back to those times and remember how simple life seemed. Of course unless you are 5 and you feel like the whole world is resting on your shoulders…there is a lot of pressure at 5……favorite doll?, hmmmm! Raggedy Ann or Chatty Cathy?

Rain

children, Christianity, enjoyment, encouragement, Family, home, humor, hope, humor,hope, LIFE, Parents

Today it is raining and raining and there is rain in the forecast. We have roads that are flooded and it reminded me of a sad but true story of what could have been tragic but because my mother is a smart person it was only a few can vegetables who lost their life…….I grew up until I was 9 years old on a farm near Murfreesboro, Tn. It was located sorta monkey-in-the-middle between Bradyville Pike and Woodbury Pike. It was on Floration road and it had about a mile lane that took you to the house. When I say lane I am not saying a primrose lane; not to give the mental picture of a beautiful poesy and vine-covered path. This was like a tree-lined, rocky gravel and creepy sort of lane that I am not even sure how our car got down it. In the middle of the journey down this lane there was a creek (of course) and it was pretty wide, maybe twenty-five feet or so. The whole time we lived there up until the last 3 years there was NO BRIDGE. Okay, maybe I should give some back story here: I LOVED MY FARM! I was probably the only one except my daddy. Of course it was his idea to buy it, so it goes without saying. My mother and two sisters had to endure many painful times…as women, and to further explain, we didn’t have an indoor bathroom until the year before we moved. Both sisters were teenagers and I was about eight years old. Yep, the old outhouse was it and it was out behind the pig pen, wonder why? We got very familiar with the Sears and Roebuck catalogue because as with all bathrooms there is often a shortage of paper at any given time. Need I say more. I have one brother and of course he was daddy’s little mule. He did like the farm I think; he hunted and fished and explored and it gave him a hard-working character for which he would later need in the Army and two tours in Viet Nam. My daddy had a lot of hope and dreams for the farm he was just a little slooowwww on bringing them about. As a kid it was high adventure for me; I was on the run all the time, barefoot and long blond braids flying in the wind. It was the best time of my life. For everyone else, not so much! Back to the flood. Well on this certain Saturday we had gone to “town” to do the grocery shopping. Back in the day a family usually only went once a week, after payday and usually on Saturday. So all of us girls went with my mother and while we were there it rained…alot! This creek was usually pretty low, we could drive over it at the point where the road was it didn’t really go much above the tires. But on this day it had rained and the creek was up. It goes along with the old saying when you are expected somewhere and you say “I will see you if the Lord’s willin’ and the creek don’t rise!” Well, that’s where that line comes from because back in the country if the creek rises you ain’t going anywhere! So here we go back home, driving down the lane and we get to the creek and of course the creek it way up, I mean to the top of the front of the car. I want to say the car we had been a Ford Fairlane, I think. It was light bluey green and it had these little round glass objects on the corners in the front. I don’t know what to call them, I just thought they looked like a spy glass or something as amazing. A wide car for sure, we could all fit with room to spare and we got to the creek and there was my mom with a decision to make. Do I try it? Will I make it? I wonder how many times she has told him we needed a bridge and a bathroom. How much she must have wanted to get in that car and drive far far away. I wonder if she ever thought about it, ever planned it in her head and her heart. How hard it must have been for her to live that way. She was and is a stronger women than I will ever be. But on this day there was a decision that had to be made. We had a huge amount of groceries in the trunk and inside the car, a lot of money would be lost. Well, needless to say we couldn’t sit there till the rain stopped and the water receded so she went for it! Actually we started to go for it, drove in just a little only the front of the car and then she realized it was a NO GO. So we all got out, a little wet and a few objects floated out. But all was not lost. But the car was stuck! Oh good grief, no cell phones back then so one of us had to walk all the way home and call my daddy….at work…..my poor mom. So he had to get a tow truck pull the car out and begin the process of freaking out! I don’t know if I don’t blame him a little, but in her defense, she had ice cream melting, and she had to get us all home out of the rain. But what transpired was the worst of the worse. Like most families it only takes even a little tragedy to cause trouble but this was a major faux pau! Little did any of us know that this was only one more nail in the coffin of their marriage; there was finally a bridge built, it is still there now with our names written on it and one day I will figure out a way to sneak back to see that bridge and our names. If only a bridge could have been built to save a family from a flood that would ripple on through years of hardships. I guess in every life a little rain must fall; just be sure there is always a bridge to keep you safe and dry.

And the little children will lead them..

children, Christianity, GOD, humor, hope, humor,hope, LIFE, love

Today I had my socks just blessed off! As I stood before the Lord in worship and praise at my church I happen to catch out of the corner of my eye a motley crew of young people. Not really a surprise except for the fact there was a whole row of them on the very front . And not only that they were there, each one of them were singing and worshiping also. Oh how the Lord must have been pleased! I know I was. I have talked to them several times and just recently again, about not being fearful to come to the Lord. He isn’t scary…He is AWESOME no doubt. We are to be in awe of Him and all His mighty works. But to be scared to approach Him…no that just won’t due.
When I was growing up I didn’t have the blessing of attending a church on a regular basis. My mother would take us from time to time but in no way did I feel apart. As a matter of fact, back in the day…. our teacher ( Mrs. Maude: a very tall, very sweet, amazing teacher whom I loved with all my heart) would ask us each Monday morning, “who went to Sunday school yesterday?” Each one of the children would gladly raise their hand, this of course was before we were to hide the fact we were Christians. Anyway, I would faithfully raise my hand, I mean all the other kids were doing it; until one day I was busted! There was this one girl, the root of all evil and the bane of my existence; piped in and said, ” Rosemary wasn’t at church”..blah blah blah! That little brat
( and I am being kind here, really), she loved that so much. And of course I firmly cowed down in totally embarrassment. Shamed and going to hell probably. So church became another way for me to suffer humiliation. How did she know that I didn’t go somewhere else, visited family at another church. It could have happened. Oops she was my family…grrrrrr! She would bite my ankles through my whole life up until about 5th grade, well it seemed like my whole life. So my church life was not very strong.As a side note: In no way do I blame anyone for my lack of church attendance. My mom did go more often but my father never did and I was a daddy’s girl. I would beg to stay home with him because he was always working on the farm in some way. I loved my farm, it was the most heavenly place on earth. Why would I want to go to a hot, stuffy church where I had to sit still. So I was relentless begging to stay home. And in that day, life was uneasy for my mom and the days were soon to be over for my happy home life so she was slammed with hard choices, no biggies, we survived) As I grew up I would periodically visit with some of my school friends at their church but not really very much. So when later in my life I actually took God for a spin I found out to my amazement that He is really cool. He really does care and he loves me most of all and I made the pledge to myself I would never be scared of Him again. So when I am able to speak into a child’s life and tell them how much God loves them and he is waiting to talk to them I try to help them become comfortable with entering into this friendship with Him. He is waiting and today those precious children, some younger and some older, were reaching up and out to love Him. So at one point the call came out for healing and me being the backward type hesitated to raise my hand for prayer but then I got the boldness from those kids. They were doing just what I said, NO FEAR! How could I back down now? So I asked for prayer and I received prayer….from those sweet babies lips my need was taken to God, with full belief that it will be done. God get ready…I am going for it. I am walking in faith. You are faithful and the lessons I have learned from the time spent with these kids is like marrow to my bones. Thank you for your love and grace. Yep, the little children will lead us, now that is cool!

Comfort Food

Food, humor, hope, humor,hope, LIFE

Today while I was out in the garden or should I say tomato patch, I was reaching to get a few of the nearly ripe ones and my toes squished into the wet ground. We had only a small rain burst but it was enough to make the air steamy and muggy. I love the south! But the garden dirt had become a thick mud and it reminded me of when I was younger and my daddy would plow up the garden; a big one, and the big mounds of dirt were all rolled over and I would run behind him and jump from one mound to the next. There was something about that thick mud that felt so good on my feet. The smell was as rich as the good smell of strong coffee. Things like that were a comfort to me, something you could count on year after year. The same reason I always without fail smell a book, new or old. It is a classic move of mine as well as sniff a new box of crayola crayons. That’s what the thought of fall on its way reminds me of, all the certain-ness. There are just certain things and times of year that are comforting. Like these things are comfort food to my spirit. There are so many times in my life that I have wondered and said out loud, what in the world is going on! Everyone has these times. But I can usually survive if I can get to what is home to me. New school supplies, fresh notebook paper that hasn’t been marked on or bent and erasers that haven’t been blackened and those wonderful crayons, always crayola by the way, that smell sooo good. And the smell of a tomato straight from the vine, that smell is pure and fresh and an amazement to see it comes from that smelly dirt. That God, he sure is smart!

Blogging

Blogs, humor, hope, LIFE

Blogging
Someone asked me the other day why I blog? I had a hard time answering the question…I think because all the answers sounded so silly as they were coming out of my mouth. I even thought I sounded a little crazy, so then it got me thinking …why? Back in the old school days I would journal. This consisted of a real pen and real paper, preferably a nice “nothing book” another old school name for a book with blank pages! So now with blogging it is the same but more public and I am at a place in my life that I feel like I may have a voice, something to say, about life and kids and friends and family and God. Whether or not anyone wants to hear it, now that’s yet to be decided…….if anyone who reads can deal with the fact that I don’t always catch my grammar or punctuation mistakes then they could probably make it through my ramblings . I am not about to write and rewrite…it messes with the flow, edit me if you want! Writing is about getting in touch with that side of myself that needs to be heard. When I was growing up, I felt that I didn’t have anyone to listen to me. Sure I talked…if you know me you know I talk! but, it was hard to find anyone who really listened. As a parent I don’t think I even did this right, I know I did try to but I am sure my kids would say ,”nope, you never listened to us” grrrrrr, little rat finks. They sell you out in a new york minute…haha! But really I did try to because I remembered how hard it was to be noticed as a child. When I teach kids now, I spend the first few minutes or however long it takes, allowing them to share whats on their mind. It is amazing what they talk about and that always reminds me of what I must sound like to God…..and the fact that He likes to listen to me talk is pretty awesome. The day I realized that HE loves to hear my voice was the day I felt free from a childhood of feeling unwelcome even in my family. I know they loved me but I was in the way, it felt like, most of the time. I know it is the baby of the family syndrome…but in our house it was just everyman for himself. So talking and nobody really listening made for a lonely little girl. So I journal ed…and I loved it. I became free to say whatever I wanted to and it was joyous. So why do I blog??? Because I can!

Hearts of my heart

children, enjoyment, encouragement, Family, GOD, humor, hope, LIFE

Today (Sept. 21, 2009) I am reminded of two special events in my life, the birthday of two of my sons. One of them will be twenty-two, he is a very tall, beautiful man. His good looks are striking and he is more like me than all the rest. When he was born he was only thirteen months after my beloved only daughter and he was magnificent. He never gave me a bit of trouble, always very compliant and slept through the night almost immediately. He had large eyes and his coloring was from my side…just like my Daddy’s. I was a proud mother. The first two were all their daddy, beautiful blond hair, blue eyes and rosy skin. But this special little boy was all me; well until he grew up and I realized that personality of his is all my husbands! Not to throw any stones…I am just sayin’! I love them both of course so it is okay. I am putty in their hands though, those big puppy eyes are too much for this mom to endure. He is the most quite one of all my children and it seems hard to break through to his thoughts and heart. But when he was young, how I treasured those times when he would stay close by my side and allow me to pet him and love on him. He was my puppy and I was his best friend; sometimes I wonder if he has struggled with the fact of losing his “baby” of the family status, I hope not since he will always be in my heart as just that! Today he is a year older, on to a grown-up life and some other woman one day will have his heart. (fighting back tears now!) She better like me?
The other son will be thirteen! And life has just begun for him…the clock starts now: three years until he drives!(yikes, fighting back tears, again!) But as I think back to thirteen years ago today and my waiting on the next day(I happened to have four c-sections, by the way) which was planned; both of these sons were also born on the same day as UT vs Florida! Needless to say, I wasn’t the most important person on that day, to my husband nor my Doctor! In actuality, he got me finished before the game started..worked out for everyone; the Doctor was finished so he could watch the game (they were born at UT Hospital also, I was doomed!…and my husband could watch in my room while I was all knocked out on recovery drugs so everyone was happy.
When this little caboose(definite last one!) was born, we all were thrilled. The other kids were excited, he was nine years after the other last one so we all had a little playmate that we could cuddle and love and he was the funnest(it’s a word!) toy they had ever gotten. We all were involved and he was a joy. As for me this was the child that was my last-ditch at being young. I was older of course but he rejuvenated me and I realize now that after the next few years of events in my life, this little boy would be what most likely gave me the energy and will to get out of bed everyday. There were days when I was not sure I could even have a coherent thought; yet when I knew I was who he depended on to be the mom…well that was all I needed. I will thank the Lord everyday for this blessed child. He has been the most amazing person and I can not wait to see what a man he will become. I know that when I turn around he will be grown and I will be left only to cry. But for now I have the luxury of his love and attention and he still thinks I am smart; I actually give him about two to three more years and he too will think of new ways to send me over the edge just like his siblings before him.
So today I am both sad and excited. Sad because my oldest three children are off on their own adventures, a time I thought I looked forward to, but was wrong. I miss the late nite talks and the chaos! But excited at what the days will bring this last young son. The world is wide open for him the Lord has such a plan for his life. I have been the most blessed woman to ever live……I am a wife and the mother of four healthy strong children. The road has not always been smooth but it is the path that God has put before me and He has kept me the whole way. I will never deny His leading in my life. I am in awe of where I have come from to where I am today…I know that He loved me enough to die for me and he loves my children that way too. He has a plan for all of them and I pray daily that they will walk in His love and peace and trust in Him. I trust Him to keep them and all the truths that we have taught them will be what keeps them strong all the days of their lives. All we have is our testimony and if I can ever convey His love and provision for me and His faithfulness then I am a success

Fear vs Faith

Christianity, GOD, humor, hope, LIFE

FEAR…..who was it that said..”all we have to fear is fear itself.” Winston Churchill..I think or FDR. I don’t know at the moment, I hear age does that to you, lose your memory and eyesight. Looks like I am done for since both are evaporating as I speak. So, to this notion of fear. I have actually come to the realization that fear is one of the most annoying of all emotions. Fear is a lack of faith…fear is a self inflicting wound that immobilize us to the point of no ability to move forward. The frustrating thing about it is that I never realized how much fear I have been living with. Something has to be terribly wrong when fear becomes more powerful than anything else. It is as if Mr Freeze (Batman reference) came along and just blasted us with a stiff toxic slime for which we can’t escape. A straight jacket of sorts which keeps us bound up and unable to move even a little finger. I can honestly say that this fear can become a way of life…and if left unchecked it can consume your every thought. Well no more, no more fear! It is fear itself that is the obstacle. Fear is the road block. So how do we combat this tyrant of pain? Stop it! Sometimes you gotta become Nancy Reagan and just say “NO!” No more pain and no more lack of fun and no more bologna! (Inside joke) Fear is the opposite of faith and being opposite of faith is a bummer. I have said before..there must be More…and there is more. Saying No to fear is the first step to more and allowing faith to prevail is the cure. Fear is not the boss of me any more…..I am old (I am gonna wear that one out!)and I have nothing to lose. I might as well go with it, you were right Winston, fear is no biggie. I don’t even have Hitler chasing me…