Hearts of my heart

Today (Sept. 21, 2009) I am reminded of two special events in my life, the birthday of two of my sons. One of them will be twenty-two, he is a very tall, beautiful man. His good looks are striking and he is more like me than all the rest. When he was born he was only thirteen months after my beloved only daughter and he was magnificent. He never gave me a bit of trouble, always very compliant and slept through the night almost immediately. He had large eyes and his coloring was from my side…just like my Daddy’s. I was a proud mother. The first two were all their daddy, beautiful blond hair, blue eyes and rosy skin. But this special little boy was all me; well until he grew up and I realized that personality of his is all my husbands! Not to throw any stones…I am just sayin’! I love them both of course so it is okay. I am putty in their hands though, those big puppy eyes are too much for this mom to endure. He is the most quite one of all my children and it seems hard to break through to his thoughts and heart. But when he was young, how I treasured those times when he would stay close by my side and allow me to pet him and love on him. He was my puppy and I was his best friend; sometimes I wonder if he has struggled with the fact of losing his “baby” of the family status, I hope not since he will always be in my heart as just that! Today he is a year older, on to a grown-up life and some other woman one day will have his heart. (fighting back tears now!) She better like me?
The other son will be thirteen! And life has just begun for him…the clock starts now: three years until he drives!(yikes, fighting back tears, again!) But as I think back to thirteen years ago today and my waiting on the next day(I happened to have four c-sections, by the way) which was planned; both of these sons were also born on the same day as UT vs Florida! Needless to say, I wasn’t the most important person on that day, to my husband nor my Doctor! In actuality, he got me finished before the game started..worked out for everyone; the Doctor was finished so he could watch the game (they were born at UT Hospital also, I was doomed!…and my husband could watch in my room while I was all knocked out on recovery drugs so everyone was happy.
When this little caboose(definite last one!) was born, we all were thrilled. The other kids were excited, he was nine years after the other last one so we all had a little playmate that we could cuddle and love and he was the funnest(it’s a word!) toy they had ever gotten. We all were involved and he was a joy. As for me this was the child that was my last-ditch at being young. I was older of course but he rejuvenated me and I realize now that after the next few years of events in my life, this little boy would be what most likely gave me the energy and will to get out of bed everyday. There were days when I was not sure I could even have a coherent thought; yet when I knew I was who he depended on to be the mom…well that was all I needed. I will thank the Lord everyday for this blessed child. He has been the most amazing person and I can not wait to see what a man he will become. I know that when I turn around he will be grown and I will be left only to cry. But for now I have the luxury of his love and attention and he still thinks I am smart; I actually give him about two to three more years and he too will think of new ways to send me over the edge just like his siblings before him.
So today I am both sad and excited. Sad because my oldest three children are off on their own adventures, a time I thought I looked forward to, but was wrong. I miss the late nite talks and the chaos! But excited at what the days will bring this last young son. The world is wide open for him the Lord has such a plan for his life. I have been the most blessed woman to ever live……I am a wife and the mother of four healthy strong children. The road has not always been smooth but it is the path that God has put before me and He has kept me the whole way. I will never deny His leading in my life. I am in awe of where I have come from to where I am today…I know that He loved me enough to die for me and he loves my children that way too. He has a plan for all of them and I pray daily that they will walk in His love and peace and trust in Him. I trust Him to keep them and all the truths that we have taught them will be what keeps them strong all the days of their lives. All we have is our testimony and if I can ever convey His love and provision for me and His faithfulness then I am a success

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