It has been a few months now since my Mom passed away and today is her birthday. She has been on my mind all day….as would be logical, the first birthday since her pass from her life trapped by Alzheimer’s to her eternal life. I am comforted by the knowledge she is no longer hostage to the thief that so brutally took my Mom, yet on this day I long to talk to her.
Although, I have had that longing for a while now, what is worse, talking to her and she not able to respond while held captive or talking to her knowing I am talking to the wind now. Yes is the answer…they are both worse. It’s not fair…but life ain’t fair kids… best we get that learned! I do feel blessed that I did get to hear from her one last time and today on her birthday I feel like honoring her and her memory.
The morning she passed I was not there. I was at work. I am sad by that fact but it is just that, a fact that I can’t change. I went as quickly as possible only to arrive to find her gone in both ways…her spirit as well as her body. I missed her…I was too late…I cried. I sat in my car and cried…..until I looked up only to notice a tiny scraggly dogwood tree with a jumpy redbird…starring right at me….jumping….flapping its wings….a lot…I rolled down my window, watching this crazy bird. It continued to heckle me…I blew my horn…I hollered out, HUSH! Then all of the sudden it hit me…this crazy bird was heckling me for a reason….okay, stop right here, am I saying what you think I am saying? Yep, I am…this bird was talking to me!
I know this seems silly but at that moment I knew that this bird had something to tell me so I listened…to the still small voice….in my heart and I knew my Mom was telling me its ok, she knew I was there…I wasn’t late at all and it was ok….I would be okay and even more, she was okay! That was all I needed, I was hurt, I felt left out, but she waited for me and I knew it. Call me crazy, yada yada yada…I know it is crazy but I knew in my knower that this was the Lord, if anyone knew I needed this He did and He gave me this and I laughed…laughed and laughed because my Mom was if anything whimsical. Not outwardly so much but only to those she was close to, the girl could laugh!
She had the biggest smile, she really did and the thought of her letting me know, me her baby, that she waited for me, well I was overwhelmed. I could let her go, I had a few years before, I had to, it would have hurt too much had I waited, but now on this day I knew she was at peace. Mind you I was thinking how silly this story would sound, people have crazy death stories, but I just felt sure that this is the way it was suppose to be. After I returned home and went back to work, my friends told me that there is a “tale” or saying about a redbird visiting after a death that was real. Who knew? Hello GOOGLE, lets look that puppy up…well wow, it sure is true, “a cardinal messenger” especially during times of depression or grief! Well that about hits the nail on the head!
All I do know it I was comforted, I do believe the Lord was sending me comfort at this low point, I was alone and sad and I do know that it gave me courage. Just like my Mom, she always gave me courage, she was a real roll model for me in many areas of my life and I am thankful for the time I had with her. A few days earlier I spent time with her, laying beside her, holding her hands, praying for her, loving her, I knew it would be my last mother-daughter time, just me and her so I took in every minute. She was a fine woman of great fortitude and character. She raised four fine kids and with very few harsh words (to me at least, I was her favorite! and I was super sweet and easy!) and she made a difference in this world; beloved by her family and especially her Daddy whom she loved dearly.
The Redbird was important also because, she told me when I was little that it was her favorite bird, hence I tended to give her gifts with redbirds…china etc. All this a coincidence? I say no…..the God I know means good for me so you’ll never get me to think otherwise. So in honor of my Momma, the woman who was born on this day, December 12th, Happy Birthday! I am sure it is way more fun where you are than here. Enjoy your rest and know that I love you and I’ll try to make you proud.