Four weeks ago today, my life was shaken, I had a ” come to Jesus” event that truly brought me to my knees…but because I am freakishly weird I have committed to myself that until this episode….the test of faith is over and all parties involved are safe at home I will not write about it. Call me crazy or assume I am a party to superstition, its no worries to me…I said it in my heart…let it be written, let it be done!
I will tell another tale surrounding the event I speak of, a event so Scary I should warn anyone who reads…these are the cold hard facts, just the way it happened. Four weeks ago I took a two week vacation …of sorts, not the fun kind but…. it was away from home. Let’s imagine I traveled to Europe and the only place to rest my weary head was a “hostel”… But without the exciting trip to Europe! The “hostel” part was pretty spot on though, no bathroom to speak of without walking many …many steps away (where was that pedometer when I need it) and without a proper bed or any comforts of home. It was hot usually but in the wee hours of the morning it became weirdly chilly, there were constant interruptions and no food in sight and all I really wanted was to wash my face and cry in my pillow.
But there would be no time for such luxuries, every moment was busy, waiting, wishing, hoping and praying. When on the battlefield the pace is fast as well as lonely and you find yourself thinking of better times, making promises and praying that what you had believed all these years was really real. Trying to figure out which magic words would conjure up total freedom from fear….and hoping that we really do serve a great big God, knowing that really faith is is the courage I needed.
The first night was spent making deals, the next night was spent being brave, the third night was spent crying into a thin blanket and by the fourth night I was walking around the halls wondering how people do this, waiting, wondering, searching the faces of anyone who looks official…. hoping for a good sign. By the fifth day with no shower, only a splash of cold water on my eyes…while wearing the same clothes I had had on since the beginning of this test of faith…all I could think of was how I wanted to walk up to perfect strangers and plead for them to believe me as I shrieked…..”I have better HAIR!!!!!”
IT FELT AS IF EACH PERSON I PASSED LOOKED AT ME WITH SAD EYES WONDERING IF I WAS HOMELESS OR ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO NOBODY LOVED! Granted I was a mess, my hair was totally molded on my head, the old hairspray had kept it surely coiffed, stuck in place and I was mortified. My vanity is not so strong, I’ve made peace with my age and the apparent perfect body size that my body seems to gravitate to but I tend to be picky about my hair and this was pushing me to my limits. I needed to make a sign to tell passers by that I can do better, I know I looked awful but I couldn’t help it, I was in the fight of my life and sometimes its just the way it is….and I would do it again but I pray I won’t have to.
Fourteen days and counting and I will be able to put my voyage behind me, all will be right with the world again and back to normal or maybe a new normal, a stronger and faithful normal, I can live with that. Jesus loves me this I know…even with my scary hair!