Recently, I was reminded by my dear friend from college of a time when I had thought my life was a great as it could be. She posted some pictures of us laughing and having a blast like we always did. It made me pause with nostalgia remembering a girl I had seemed to forget about. An ordinary girl with big dreams and places to go.
The future looked bright; I had it all ahead of me.
Growing up on a my beloved farm and then having life take an awful turn when I was ten, created a feeling of loneliness and abandonment. There was only one thing that I had on my side, I thought….but it was the best thing, Hope. Somehow during this time of unknowing and fear I had this tangible feeling, a sense of freedom that told me, “you can do this, you can have Hope!” I thought I could do anything I wanted, accomplish anything. I felt that deep down in my soul even though I had no real understanding of what I felt. I wasn’t raised with a strong christian background. My maternal grandmother whom I adored did attend church regularly.
But, I have not many memories of being taught any strong spiritual strengths from that time except for my sister who made me read the Bible when ever I asked a question that could be answered by the Word.
For some reason I have always had ….the look on bright side personality which is ironic because I spend most of my thoughts about myself assuming I will end up walking in a hole or tripping up steps and splitting may pants or something equally embarrassing. Not normal I know but I have a constant movie reel running in my head and when I appears the worst thing could happen I fear it will. On the flip side I have crazy feeling of “Hope” and I just believe that life will turn out okay.
What I do know is that I was raised with a strong work ethic, my father and mother always were hard workers, none of that laying around watching television for them, there was always something to be done. I know that if you want to eat you must work, if you want new shoes…work to earn them. They were not special, that is how they were raised, children of the Great Depression. They had little or nothing. They were just ordinary people living their ordinary lives raising ordinary kids day in and day out. And I was an ordinary girl but I always had my sights on an un-ordinary life.
What I saw for my life was fantastic and fearless, full of excitement and mystery and an unabashed determination to get where I wanted to be. I am here to say today that to this point I feel like I have made it, maybe not what I had first expected my life to be, but what I got was so much better. It has been a road less traveled and a road that has been splattered with rocks and dirt and puddles and blockades.
But when I total it all up I have been given a great gift, the gift of a belief that there is always room for more, the day can always bring better and I have the ability to make it a better day for someone else. I still believe I will become all the things that my little girl mind had hoped for. I have had some pretty exciting times in my life and I have been loved by some very fantastic people.
The mysterious meanings of life have been revealed to me (well, some of them) and I have raised some fearless children and I still have an unabashed determination to get where I am going with a pretty special mate to go there with me. I am still hopeful…hope filled actually; and for an ordinary girl who could ask for more.