My heart

Today is my only daughters birthday, she is 27 years younger than me, I was so young when I had her but not by today’s standards. Back then I felt mature, ready to be a mom for the second time then only to have back to back babies, only 13 months later I had another boy! Such fear and fear, more fear and then joy ….eventually; I then really did have to be mature, adulting became a “smack in the face” daily life of this young couple.

My kind husband worked hard to make my life easier, to allow me to stay home and raise our children, it was more than I could have ever expected. This life we made together was a joy, but not without some struggles, but with our determination to follow God leading the way, we survived it. Nine years later we had the Caboose, a sweet little boy that became the jewel of all our lives. My preacherman is the soul of my life but those 4 lives are my heart.

As I look at them now, all of them adulting just like we did, wiser than us maybe, taking their time choosing mates, but just to realize that all of them are grown up, and so far alive and well(not that each of them haven’t attempted to give us heart attacks!) but so far so good, when I take a minute to look at them, into their beautiful eyes (they get their baby blues from my beautiful man, the hint of green is me)I see lives that are changing and maturing and people that I genuinely like.

I would rather hang out with them than anyone I know and that’s saying something. I adore them, love them and invested my whole adult life in them but some days as the parent I’d just as soon not see their faces… Mamma needs time to breath! Yet on this day, the day of my (little) girls birthday, I have relived the entire event, in my head, and after remembering that I actually lost weight with her, lost 13lbs and gained 14lbs! So 1lb gain for a 6lb 11oz baby I was skinny! Lord help me! That memory I coulda kept lost… but I regress! These times of thoughtful reflection on the magnificent power of God to sustain us through the years, good and bad times are reflected in the eyes of my children. Without them knowing it, I get strength from those eyes, I am encouraged by their eyes, I praise God for those eyes that keep me living a life for the Lord. They have watched me, the good bad and ugly, whatever I had said to them falls short if I haven’t practiced what I preached. And I would like to say I did it all right but I’m not typically a liar so I won’t, besides each one of them could bust me on it, I have had to apologize to all of them too many times for my mistakes! I am literally a super human, flaws and all(not to be mistook for a super hero…way different! But God!

The Lord has told me my children will always be His, I have told them they don’t have a choice about it and between the two of us they are trapped. I trust God at His word and I pray my children can trust me at mine. I have given my heart to them, after Jesus and their Dad, they are my best friends and if I can be in there somewhere in that line up with them I will be happy. They are my heart.

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you. Exodus 20:12

Yeah so there’s that kids!

Please leave a comment-good therapy!!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s