Here we are again, awaiting the arrival of spring….the solace of winter is a resounding timbrel in my ear that lingers on, harsh and deafening. I am not sure what the real dread is, maybe the dreary scenery, dead lifeless grass and trees or the threat of snow that hovers just above the atmosphere…or all of the passive lull that just is.
The one positive is the quiet. The quiet pause that seems to overflow in my daily life. This pause breeds a lazy spark….Its even painful to have a “get up and go” when the sun doesn’t even Dane to shine, it has one job…shine! Immediately I am reminded it is shining but those dastardly clouds are the problem which are what bring the moisture for which brings me right back to the dread of SNOW! It never ends…this up and down of sunny or dreary. But it does bring the quiet which is nice in its self. I must remind myself to use the quiet like a salve to cure what ails me. God is in the quiet at times, I must join in and take solace in the season instead of complain against what will be, that I can’t change.
The solace of winter is the only way to get to spring, it is the forbidden forest we must pass through to enter the refuge of glory. Maybe I haven’t given winter a half a chance, I did not grow up hating winter, winter brought snow days which meant staying home from school with my sisters eating rice crisppies and milk in the living room, staying in our pajamas all day playing blind mans bluff (no derogatory statement on the visually impaired just a old game we played with a person who is wearing a blind-fold who tried to find the others). A day filled with laughter and comfort, there used to be comfort on snow days but I grew up and had to trudge in the snow to work and then be fearful of people I love getting in a car wreck in the snow…..Geez this rabbit trail can go on for days, maybe the root of this is i am a fatalist?
I know this already…my mind worked like a “movie of the week” which was always tragic (this was before cable when we only had three channels and we had one movie of the week to look forward to) and suspenseful. They usually turned out fine, some may have died but the star was usually fine..I always thought I was the star, and all of mine would be fine which in actuality turned out to be true which makes me wonder why I am so maudlin. I blame winter!
Okay winter, I am going to give you a chance to surprise me, be all you can be, give me the best you got….I do appreciate the days are starting to get longer, its not pitch dark at 4:00 o’clock now, thank you…it hasn’t snowed where I live here in the burg yet, that’s a plus, I have heat and food and a nice home as well as family and friends. I’m doing good, no reason to complain really….whats all the fuss about, why am I so whinny?
I will not be defeated by winter! I will take solace in the quiet and revel in the peaceful days without the hustle and bustle…I can do this….but it makes me hungry for comfort food….ugh I cant win! Oh well, spring is just around the corner…I will survive as long as I stay away form the junk food…..Jesus help!