Grudge Match

I have lived a long full life and I give all the credit for my survival to the pure and strong Grace of God. I have attempted to treat people as I want to be treated, knowing of course that I have failed many times even though I have tried to get it right. Nobody’s perfect? But now at this time in my life I find myself in an awkward situation, one that is too hard and too painful for me to even see any sign of comfort. I know that I am strong-willed and very forceful at times to make my point. I am the person that is carted off to jail only because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut…”but judge, if you would just let me tell you what I meant I know you would understand my side”…be silent, judge says…”but judge if you would let me have my say!”….”silent in the court!” says judge to stubborn women….”pleeeaase judge if only…..” ” 5 extra years to the lady who can’t shut up!” This of course is only an example of what might happen if I ever were in that situation, I have never been….so no rumours, please. HA! But I am usually always determined to speak my peace. But, when I find myself in a situation where I have no control and someone else decides to clam up…not talk about it….can live 40 years and never speak of the said incident….well, grrrrrr! I am not built that way…I don’t hold grudges and I am no match for anyone who does. So what to do when I have possibly landed in the No Go Zone….the place between the rock and the hard place? Its dark and scary there and my heart breaks that I have anything between me and another person…but I am unable to fix it. Being a fixer by trade this is a pickle of a mess. All I can conclude is that in my heart of hearts I am one person trying to show love to another and caught in a match of wills. No prob figuring out what I will do, actually. Nothing. I give, I can’t win…don’t really want to; I just want closure. Note to self…stop pushing, leave it alone, don’t pick at it. Wish I had gotten that note before I made a mess of it all. I guess it wouldn’t be a match if I had!

Please leave a comment-good therapy!!

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