So today, a friend of mine read my very short story… this “award-winning” short, walk down memory lane and he never said a word. Crickets! I was like in my head, going”….uh well, well, give me something here, geeez!” Then when his wife said, “aren’t’ you gonna say something? he replied…”I have complimented her on several different occasions and she always just says something funny or a joke so I have stopped!” WOW! Ya didn’t have to say that! But at the same time, yes! I like people who don’t mince words cuz I like to be that way. I don’t always get to but when I do I am more unmerciful than I should be. So this made me confront something that I deal with all the time. SELF DOUBT. What a lot of pain I have caused myself in my life. Why so hard to be strong? Apparently my need to be the first to admit I am not perfect is my self-preservation tactic…I gotta stop. It is not a very good example of faith. So that is my plan…stop being a bummer and start to fly. From the early years on the farm until I was ten I really did fly and I twirled and danced and romped. I didn’t have a care in the world…oh the joy of summer days and fields full of daisies! Of course then the dam breaks and there goes the dream……in starts the doubt. So full circle time is here, this is my time to fly again…and a little twirling along the way!
Category Archives: Blogs
Blogging
Blogging
Someone asked me the other day why I blog? I had a hard time answering the question…I think because all the answers sounded so silly as they were coming out of my mouth. I even thought I sounded a little crazy, so then it got me thinking …why? Back in the old school days I would journal. This consisted of a real pen and real paper, preferably a nice “nothing book” another old school name for a book with blank pages! So now with blogging it is the same but more public and I am at a place in my life that I feel like I may have a voice, something to say, about life and kids and friends and family and God. Whether or not anyone wants to hear it, now that’s yet to be decided…….if anyone who reads can deal with the fact that I don’t always catch my grammar or punctuation mistakes then they could probably make it through my ramblings . I am not about to write and rewrite…it messes with the flow, edit me if you want! Writing is about getting in touch with that side of myself that needs to be heard. When I was growing up, I felt that I didn’t have anyone to listen to me. Sure I talked…if you know me you know I talk! but, it was hard to find anyone who really listened. As a parent I don’t think I even did this right, I know I did try to but I am sure my kids would say ,”nope, you never listened to us” grrrrrr, little rat finks. They sell you out in a new york minute…haha! But really I did try to because I remembered how hard it was to be noticed as a child. When I teach kids now, I spend the first few minutes or however long it takes, allowing them to share whats on their mind. It is amazing what they talk about and that always reminds me of what I must sound like to God…..and the fact that He likes to listen to me talk is pretty awesome. The day I realized that HE loves to hear my voice was the day I felt free from a childhood of feeling unwelcome even in my family. I know they loved me but I was in the way, it felt like, most of the time. I know it is the baby of the family syndrome…but in our house it was just everyman for himself. So talking and nobody really listening made for a lonely little girl. So I journal ed…and I loved it. I became free to say whatever I wanted to and it was joyous. So why do I blog??? Because I can!
preacherswifeintheknow 